Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Protect Yourself
• Method 2 of 3: Save The Violence
• Method 3 of 3: Get Support

Marrying an abuser can create feelings of hopelessness and loneliness. But you are not alone - many people have found themselves in the same situation. Protect yourself from the abusive wife by learning to voice your boundaries and recognize triggers. If you're looking to end your marriage, figure out how to access resources and plan your escape. However, whether you want to stay or leave, be sure to use various forms of support to take care of yourself.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Protect Yourself

1. 1 State your boundaries. Chances are, your wife does not consider her behavior to be violent. Let her know that her attitude towards you is uncomfortable for you. Raise this topic and report the consequences if this behavior continues.
   • For example, if your wife insults you, you might say, “Don't call me names. If you continue, I'll leave. "
   • To avoid confusion, try to voice the boundaries at the moment when she behaves inappropriately.
2. 2 Recognize what provokes your wife and avoid it. Most abusive spouses show signs of upcoming aggression. In addition, certain provoking factors are often associated with abusive behavior. For example, a wife may be more likely to hit you after consuming alcohol.
   • If you know something might provoke your wife, or notice signs of aggression coming, leave as soon as possible. Leave home and go to safety.
   • If you can't leave the house, head to a room with a lockable door where you can stay safe until your wife leaves or calms down.
3. 3 Keep calm. If your wife is abusive towards you, try to remain calm. One way to release tension and calm yourself is to practice deep breathing. This exercise can be done on the spot to help you pull yourself together during aggression.
   • Inhale deeply through your nose, hold your breath for a while, and then exhale through your mouth. Repeat this cycle several times to gain control of yourself.
4. 4 Resist the urge to fight back. It's not easy to be the target of abusive behavior, but try your best not to violently retaliate. Responding will not help in your case.
   • If you are a man who raises a hand to his wife, then your chances of proving her aggression are reduced to zero. Authorities will already be biased simply because women are more likely to be victims of violence.
   • Whether you are a man or a woman, if the man is trying to get you into a fight, leave. If you hurt him, you are probably the one who will be behind bars.
5. 5 Find a safe place to go. Find a place to hide while your wife is in a state of aggression. This could be the home of a friend, relative, neighbor, or a public place such as a park or library.
   • If you have children, it is probably worth taking them with you, especially if you think they are in danger. Letting them listen to incessant arguments will not do them any good either.
6. 6 Call the emergency number 112 if you are in danger. If an aggressive wife is threatening your life / the lives of your children or brandishing a weapon, you need to seek help. Do not assume that these threats are empty, and do not refuse to call the authorities because you are afraid that they will not believe you. Contact the police immediately.
   • It is important to take action - reporting the abuse will show your wife that you are prepared to face criminal charges. It will also help you gather evidence because the police officer is required to draw up a formal offense report.
   • Feel free to report that you are being bullied by your wife. Not only women are subjected to violence, but also men.

Method 2 of 3: Save The Violence

1. 1 Record violent behavior. It is important to obtain evidence of the ongoing violence. This will help build a case against your wife and make sure she is not accused of the aggression.
   • Write down the dates and times of the abuse. Take a photo of your injury and go to the emergency room so that the doctor can record the fact of injury.
   • If another adult witnessed the abuse, ask them to testify to your notes.
   • If your wife sends you abusive SMS or emails, please save them.
   • If the abuse is emotional, try to describe your wife's actions in as much detail as possible.
2. 2 Check out community resources. Contact your local domestic violence organizations to see if they can help you get away from your abusive wife. Their programs are usually targeted at women. However, if you are also a victim of domestic violence, you may be able to find several community organizations that help men.
   • These organizations can help you plan your escape, offer support, and provide legal assistance so that you can get a restraining order to restrict certain activities of your wife. If you have children, you may be helped to get temporary custody (provided the abuse is well documented).
   • In Russia, call the emergency psychological hotline of the Ministry of Emergency Situations at 8 (495) 989-50-50, 8 (499) 216-50-50 or 051 (for residents of Moscow).You can also call the free crisis helpline at 8 495 988-44-34 (free in Moscow), 8 800 333-44-34 (free in Russia) - here psychologists provide round-the-clock emergency consultations in the field of life problems. If you live in another country, call your local mental health emergency hotline.
3. 3 Prepare your grooming bag. In a fit of emotion, you will not be able to collect the useful things that are necessary to leave your wife. It is better to pack your bags in advance and put everything that you and your children will need there.
   • It may contain clothing, cash, and important documents such as passports and birth certificates.
   • If you plan to take your children with you, discuss the care plan with them in advance. Consider their age when explaining the purpose of the plan to them.
4. 4 Identify an emergency contact. Think about where you will go and who you will call when you decide to leave your abusive wife. Prepare a list of emergency phone numbers and contact information for your close friends and family.
   • Tell the people you trust about your care plan. If you don't have a car, you may need someone to pick you up. Then you will need to decide where you will go - to a shelter or to a relative's home.
5. 5 Don't tell your wife where you are. After you decide to leave the aggressive woman, do not tell her your location, as this could be dangerous for you and your children. To keep your whereabouts a secret, it may be better to go to a shelter or the home of a relative with whom your spouse does not know. This way, she is less likely to find you.
   • Don't mess with her after you leave. Leave further discussion to the police or your lawyer.
6. 6 Apply for divorceif you suspect that your wife will not stop the abuse. Abusive partners rarely change. However, if your wife admits she misbehaved and agrees to get professional help, your marriage may have a chance. If your spouse denies aggression or refuses to change, the best option for you is to file for divorce.
   • If you are looking to end your marriage with an abusive wife, talk to a lawyer to find out your legal rights. Depending on your location, you may have to live separately from your wife for a while until the divorce is approved.
   • Having evidence and witnesses to the abuse will help your case because you are not limited to verbal accusations against your wife.
   • Don't rush back into the relationship by relying on her promises to change. It may take a temporary separation for the spouse to begin to change.

Method 3 of 3: Get Support

1. 1 Connect with friends and family members. Talk to your loved ones about what's going on in your home. Ask them for financial help, shelter, or support.
   • If you are a male victim of domestic violence, you may be embarrassed about it. Not worth it. Keeping silent about the aggression will only lead to further isolation and lack of support.
2. 2 See a psychologist. Professional counseling is a smart option for victims of domestic violence. It doesn't matter if you decide to stay or leave, you may find it difficult to deal with the situation and not sure how to move on. The psychologist will offer practical advice and support.
   • Ask your doctor for advice or talk to staff at a domestic violence shelter.
3. 3 Join a support group. You may feel less isolated in this situation if you reach out to other people who understand this. Look for support groups for victims of domestic violence, local or online.
   • Group members may help you come to terms with abusive behavior and offer practical advice, such as how to be a single parent or find lawyers for divorce.
4. 4 Create a graph by personal careto recover. While physical injuries heal, emotional ones always leave scars. You can recover from domestic violence by adopting healthy practices that will help you nourish your body and mind and express yourself.
   • Add invigorating exercise to your daily routine, such as yoga, dancing, or boxing. Practice relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or mindfulness meditation. Or you can enjoy creative pursuits such as writing, drawing, coloring pictures, solving online puzzles, or playing games.