Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Assess Your Emotional Needs
• Method 2 of 3: Analyze your interactions with others
• Method 3 of 3: Learn to control jealousy

Reasonably, jealousy is a normal part of life and relationships. Everyone experiences fears that can lead to feelings of jealousy. At times, jealousy crosses the line of normalcy and becomes unhealthy, there is a need to control others. Are you worried about excessive feelings of jealousy? Analyze your own condition. Think about the emotional needs that fuel jealousy. Evaluate how these needs can be manifested in relation to others. If you find that you have unhealthy jealousy, then seek help from a therapist to deal with the root causes of the problem.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Assess Your Emotional Needs

1. 1 The need for communication and attention. If you are overly jealous, it can manifest as a strong need for communication and attention. Perhaps you are jealous of your romantic partner, worried about what he does without you. Also, jealousy can arise in relation to friends and relatives.A person begins to think that no one needs him or that they do not want to communicate with him. If you constantly need the comfort and attention of loved ones, then your jealousy is excessive.
   • Do you often text or call your loved ones if they are not around? If your partner spends time with friends, then you have the need to constantly call him? Are you angry if friends don't reply to your messages?
   • If you can't reach them quickly, do you start to panic or get angry?
   • Healthy people can feel jealous or insecure if they don't get the attention they want. Excessive jealousy is overwhelming. If a person is panicking or easily irritated due to lack of attention, then their jealousy can become unhealthy.
2. 2 Rate how much you are consumed by thoughts of jealousy. Most people who rarely feel jealous or lonely are quickly distracted by other activities. Thoughts of jealousy go away and the person relaxes. If you can't shift your focus, jealousy can be unhealthy.
   • Try to calculate how much time you spend thinking about jealousy. If such thoughts take so long that you do not have time to complete things on time, then your feeling of jealousy is excessive.
3. 3 Determine your self-esteem. Unhealthy jealousy is often called jealousy in a perfectly healthy relationship. The reasons can be rooted in personal problems. Think about your own self-esteem.
   • Have you had feelings of failure in the past? How many days a week are you completely satisfied with yourself?
   • With severe self-doubt, a tendency towards unhealthy jealousy is often manifested. Build your self-esteem to deal with negative feelings.
4. 4 Analyze your childhood. If in childhood a person was surrounded by love and care, then in adult relationships he feels self-confidence. If a child is deprived of attention and care, then in the future he may become jealous.
   • What was the atmosphere in which you spent your childhood? If you have often been on your own, then the risk of unhealthy jealousy increases.

Method 2 of 3: Analyze your interactions with others

1. 1 Explore abstract ideas that provoke jealousy. If abstract thoughts are the cause, then such jealousy is almost always unhealthy. For example, a person is jealous of a partner's aspirations, even if the latter has not yet achieved his goals. There is a feeling that the partner will abandon you or leave for another, if his plans come true. If a feeling of jealousy arises in relation to other people's ambitions or abstract ideas, then such jealousy is unhealthy.
2. 2 Striving for premature commitments. With unhealthy jealousy, a person demands quick commitments from others. This allows you to cope with your own insecurity. There is a need to lock up a friendship or relationship, otherwise jealousy simply does not recede from the person.
   • In a romantic relationship, are you in a rush to make commitments? Do you want to quickly move to new stages? Forcing a romantic partner to live with you or make plans together at the very beginning of the relationship?
   • For acquaintances, are you trying to immediately become the best friend? Offer to see each other every day and constantly exchange messages, despite the fact that you just met? Sometimes it is difficult for a person to understand that it takes time for a close bond to develop.
3. 3 Situations that cause jealousy. Sometimes jealousy is natural. For example, almost all people feel jealous if they find out that a friend has not invited them to his party. Unhealthy jealousy occurs in harmless situations that do not imply such a reaction.
   • Jealousy can show up after a hard day as difficulties affect self-esteem.Jealousy also occurs when a friend or romantic partner leaves for a business trip or trip without you. Feelings of jealousy are common at events when a friend or partner strikes up a conversation with other people.
   • Due to excessive jealousy, a person begins to tirelessly follow other people. So there is a need to control the behavior of loved ones in order to make sure that they have not forgotten about you. For example, a girl might keep track of who her partner is talking to during a party. Instead of having a good time, she goes after the guy and makes sure that he does not flirt with anyone.
4. 4 Rate how jealousy ruins the relationship. Jealousy can permanently harm a relationship. If many friends and romantic partners are distant from you, then the reason may lie in jealousy. It is possible that in the past she became the culprit of conflicts.
5. 5 Analyze expectations. If you are overly jealous, you may have extremely high expectations from the relationship. Usually these expectations are based on insecurity, which feeds the feeling of jealousy. The person begins to feel that the relationship will be strong if it meets certain expectations.
   • In a romantic relationship, you may want your partner not to attract the attention of others. It may also feel like you have nothing to offer your partner, so he may dump you at any time. It is not uncommon for a jealous partner to experience intense fear about their significant other's previous relationship. He fears that former partners may return to the life of a loved one again, prohibits communicating with them.
   • It may feel like you can get your partner to behave the way you want them to. When a person feels unnecessary, they pout their lips or become emotionally withdrawn. It's not very reasonable to expect your partner to immediately pity you and calm you down. This behavior is manipulative and repulsive to the partner.

Method 3 of 3: Learn to control jealousy

1. 1 Try to let go of the situation. If you want to get rid of the feeling of jealousy, then learn to consciously let go of such thoughts. It will be very difficult at first, as unhealthy jealousy is often overwhelming. It poisons relationships. Learn to control your emotions.
   • In moments of jealousy, think the following: "I need to let go of the situation." Stop before you overreact or break off.
   • Take a deep breath instead. Also try to imagine jealousy running through you and dissolving into thin air.
2. 2 Find healthy ways to control your emotions. People with unhealthy jealousy often struggle to control their emotions. Spurred on by jealousy, they immediately react to feelings of fear or anger. Practice being aware of and experiencing your emotions without further negative reactions.
   • Practice mindfulness. Tune in to the same wavelength with your body and get restless thoughts out of your head. In moments of anger or sadness, concentrate on your breathing and how you feel. If bad thoughts come to mind, accept them as fact and let go.
   • It's okay to discuss feelings of jealousy. In a healthy relationship, partners share their feelings with each other. First of all, you need to calm down. Consider how to politely communicate your feelings. Instead of saying "Why didn't you reply to my last message?" say, "I was a little embarrassed by the fact that you didn't reply to the message." It is also important to clarify the hidden reasons for your jealousy. For example, if in childhood your parents did not pay enough attention to you, then in the present this can cause jealousy. The more your partner knows about you, the more patience he will be able to show.
3. 3 See a psychotherapist. If you are experiencing unhealthy jealousy, then it is important to see a therapist to take control of the situation. Jealousy gradually destroys relationships, so there is no place for uncontrollable impulses in a healthy and happy life. Together with an experienced professional, you can understand the causes of jealousy and learn how to control your emotions in a healthy way.
   • Get a referral to a psychotherapist from your local doctor. You can also use the list of specialists who work with your insurance company.
   • Free consulting services are available to students at some universities.
4. 4 Identify your deepest fears. What causes jealousy? Sometimes it is important to understand the cause of irrational thoughts in order to deal with them.
   • In moments of jealousy, think about the reason. Are you afraid that your partner will leave you? Was there a problem of infidelity in a past relationship? These are the things that are often the real cause of jealousy. Such thoughts are not rational, and your current relationship has nothing to do with past experiences.
   • Identify situations that cause jealousy. For example, your jealousy may escalate in social situations. If so, try to prepare ahead of time. Remind yourself of the root cause of jealousy to understand its irrational nature.
5. 5 Don't give in to feelings of jealousy. A person cannot completely control his emotions, but he is completely in control of his actions. There is no need to overreact in moments of jealousy. So, it may turn out that the partner is busy with business at the event and cannot respond to the message right now. No need to call or send a dozen more messages. Instead, it’s better to be distracted.
   • It is very difficult to control your actions at first, especially in the case of constant jealousy. Try to see a therapist. It will help you take control of your emotions so that they don't affect your actions.