Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 6: Sorrow
• Method 2 of 6: Trust in Time
• Method 3 of 6: Memories of Relationships
• Method 4 of 6: Connect with Others
• Method 5 of 6: Expressing Yourself
• Method 6 of 6: Move on with your life

Love is one of the most exciting, rewarding, and enjoyable human experiences. Whether it's the love of family, friends, children, or romantic love, it's still a common human adventure. You can climb to the very top of love, but falls can be much more painful, especially when it's time to let go of your loved one. Whether it's the moment you have to let go of it because it's time to move on, or it's time to move on to a different relationship, the pain is inevitable. You have to go through the sadness of what was lost, but time heals everything. Realize your emotional boundaries, but don't isolate yourself to allow someone to come and heal you of the loss.

Steps

Method 1 of 6: Sorrow

1. 1 Accept the five stages of grieving. These stages can rather be characterized as cycles. Perhaps some of the stages will pass you, and some can absorb you. At the same time, there is a possibility that you will go through these stages more than once. It's about the following:
   • Denial and isolation. This stage includes the denial of reality. It is a natural response to suppress pain caused by the pain of loss.
   • Anger. This stage occurs after you become aware of your rejection. Anger can be directed at inanimate objects, strangers, family, or friends. You may be angry with a person who has died or left, but then feel guilty for being angry.
   • Bargain. At this stage, you may feel like it's time to take back control of your life and come out of a state of helplessness. You may worry that you should be a better person than you are, or that you should have been helped, and so on.
   • Depression.This stage will bring only sadness and regret, which comes with the knowledge that the loved one really left. You may feel depressed, cry, and so on.
   • Adoption. This stage can be described as achieving a state of calmness and humility. Some people never get to this stage of grief.
2. 2 Admit your grief. This relationship, in fact, perished. So it's okay to feel like the most important person in your life has died. You have a right to feel loss. Let the waves of sorrow sweep over you, but not so much that they overwhelm you. Don't fight them. Take it for granted that these are just waves of emotions that will shock you for a while, while you will become lighter and easier. Grief is part of the healing process.
   • Even if no one in your life knows how you feel, you can still only admit your pain to yourself. When you feel overwhelmed, take a moment and say to yourself, “I'm sad and that's okay. It makes it better. "
   SPECIALIST'S ADVICE

   

   Elvina Lui, MFT

   
   
   Family Therapist Alvin Louis is a licensed family and marriage therapist based in San Francisco. Specializes in relationship consulting. She received her Master's Degree in Counseling Psychology from Western Seminary in 2007 and trained at Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of experience in psychological counseling and has been trained in a harm reduction model.

   Elvina Lui, MFT
   Family psychotherapist

   Pain is a sign that your feelings were true. Alvina Louis, a licensed family and marriage therapist, says: “Who would really want to be in a relationship so meaningless and shallow that it doesn't even cause the pain of loss when it ends? This is absurd, and people with this type of thinking are driven by the desire to avoid pain. "

   
   
3. 3 Share your grief with others. The people around you may not understand the depth of what you are experiencing, but do not be afraid to share your pain with those you trust.
4. 4 Seek professional help if needed. If you are worried that your pain is developing into something not entirely healthy, or that you have developed depression, seek help from a specialist. A therapist can help you recognize your loss and determine if you have depression.
   • For more information, read our article "How to Get Rid of Depression".
   • Talking to a therapist can be helpful even if you don't have depression. A professional can help you understand how to deal with the pain of loss.

Method 2 of 6: Trust in Time

1. 1 Promise yourself not to rush. The old saying goes that time heals all wounds, and it's true, but healing is directly related to being aware of your emotions and being able to give yourself time. We want to deal with this as quickly as possible, but in the end, a quick cure is powerless where love has been. Take time to heal and take your time. SPECIALIST'S ADVICE

   

   Elvina Lui, MFT

   
   
   Family Therapist Alvin Louis is a Licensed Family and Marriage Psychotherapist based in San Francisco. Specializes in relationship consulting. She received her Master's Degree in Counseling Psychology from Western Seminary in 2007 and interned at the Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of experience in psychological counseling and has been trained in a harm reduction model.

   Elvina Lui, MFT
   Family psychotherapist

   The pain of loss doesn't go away overnight. Alvin Louis, therapist in the field of family and marriage, adds: “In a hurry to forget everything, because you feel weak? Abnormal or even intrusive? People who know how to love deeply are more courageous than those who shut themselves off from such feelings.They are cowards, obsessed with the fear of pain, they miss a lot. When you open your heart and love, it always hurts to lose a partner. This is what makes love so beautiful. "

2. 2 Live for today. Conquer the top of time in small steps. You can pause all of your long-term goals. Commit yourself today to what needs to be done only today.
3. 3 Celebrate small victories. You may still be in pain, but you will soon feel that it is subsiding. And this will be a major step on the path to healing. It will only get better.
4. 4 Allow yourself to think of something positive. Find a balance between allowing yourself to be sad and experiencing joy. When the wave of sadness has passed, give yourself a moment (maybe just a moment) to hear your feelings. Then, direct your thoughts to something more positive.
   • For your information, laughing when sad is completely normal. This is how emotions are reassessed. Believe it or not, your emotions do exactly what they should. Nevertheless, sometimes this process is delayed and turns into depression, and in this case it is no longer possible to do without professional help.

Method 3 of 6: Memories of Relationships

1. 1 Evaluate your feelings on a sober head. Once the initial pain of loss wears off, look back at the relationship you had. Start by being aware of what happened. If you have lost love due to death and are trying to move on, you may find that you idealized your relationship with your loved one. Look back, and perhaps you will see that everything was not as perfect as it seemed to you during the period when you were together. Memories of imperfect moments will not tarnish the memory of the person. On the contrary, you will remember a real and real person. If there was love between you, then part of what made your love so special was the moments you spent together and how you bridged the differences between you.
   • Don't put a dead person on a pedestal. By raising your partner, you will not love him anymore and you will not be able to move on, and this is certainly not what he would like you to do.
   • This also applies if the loss is relative, that is, the person has not died. Your relationship was not perfect. Otherwise, you wouldn't be trying to move on. Even if the decision to leave was not made by you, but by your partner, it still indicates weakness in the relationship, and this is normal.
2. 2 Be honest about the quality of your relationship. Your relationship, like most, has likely been full of ups and downs. If you were not the initiator of the breakup, you may feel that you are idealizing your other half. It's okay to look back and remember good things. But it's important to be realistic. Surely there were not the best times in your relationship.
   • Appreciate the positive aspects of the relationship and how the other person made you who you are.
3. 3 Become aware of the aspects that may have depressed you. It is important to acknowledge what brought out the worst in you. This does not mean that the other person was bad. But perhaps this way you can understand that not everything was so smooth in your relationship.
   • Once you identify the toxic elements in your relationship, you will appreciate the chance to "cleanse". This will give you the opportunity to work on yourself and learn how to avoid the same mistakes in future relationships. This will help you put things in order in your thoughts and move on calmly.
4. 4 Don't get hung up on bad things. It's important to be honest with your past relationship and the other person in order to let go and move on. But it's also important to avoid denigrating the other person, even if they've treated you badly. It is dangerous to dwell on the past.
   • If you allow yourself to think about negative moments or dwell on bad things, the emotional connection with that person can be strengthened, and then it will be more difficult to let go.In fact, your love can turn into resentment. It won't free your heart from that person. It will only rid him of your kindness. You deserve to be completely free, so be careful about giving him even a small corner of your heart, even for resentment.

Method 4 of 6: Connect with Others

1. 1 Build relationships with those close to you. Isolation is normal for a short period of time. But the main thing is not to distance yourself from the immediate environment for a longer period. They love you and need to be sure that you are okay. They know you better than even you sometimes know yourself. They can help you get back your best qualities.
   • These people know how to shut up with you and know when to nudge you and have fun. They know how to make you laugh, and they can lend a shoulder when you need to cry. You don't have to trust everyone, but open up to your loved ones.
   • They can also help you deal with your feelings if they escalate into depression and need professional help.
2. 2 Set boundaries in conversation. Your friends and family may bring up a topic about that person without understanding what you are trying to fight. Letting your friends know that you want to change the subject is perfectly fine. Just be honest and let them know you still need time. Be specific about what hurts you and what you would like to avoid for a while.
3. 3 Set boundaries for communication. It is important to feel your pain threshold and protect yourself. You may agree to remain friends with your ex, but friendly calls are painful. Be honest about how you feel. You need to pull back for a while until your wounds heal.
4. 4 Accept invitations from people you know. Chances are, you have coworkers, classmates, or even friends and family members who are simply not among those closest to you. They may not be among those with whom you are ready to share intimate, but they all also play a role in your life. Did a colleague invite you to dinner? Do not refuse, let him be carefree and friendly, distract from worldly worries with him.
   • Such support usually takes place within the established framework. Try to avoid personal conversations and have a fun, superficial chat. And yes, your friend is unlikely to like it if you start spreading all your worries during your 30-minute lunch break.
5. 5 Let new people into your life. It is not a substitute for a person who has passed away. Rather moving forward. As you notice that your pain becomes less and less palpable, you will feel that you think less about the person who passed away from your life. It's time to open up to new people. New acquaintances are always interesting.
   • You are under no obligation or under any obligation to date to move on. Even the thought of it probably scares you at the moment. So let's stop for a moment and think about this. Instead of diving headlong into new relationships, try making new friends. Friendship can develop in the most amazing ways. Sometimes friendship grows into something more and goes to the stage of romantic relationship. Meet new people, build relationships, and who knows, maybe a friend will soon become your new partner.

Method 5 of 6: Expressing Yourself

1. 1 Don't be silent about your emotions. Sometimes emotions are suppressive and lead to the fact that a person becomes silent. Do not be silent about what is eating you. Discuss your concerns with a family member, friend, therapist, or minister.
   • Sharing personal things can be tricky. In this case, you can contact a psychotherapist or spiritual mentor. Sometimes what we feel can be difficult to make out.In this case, an outsider can help you by objectively assessing the situation and asking the right questions to untangle your thoughts, while not expressing their own opinion.
   • It's important to just start talking and not get stuck in your thoughts. Until thoughts take the form of words, it is not possible to support or correct them.
2. 2 Write a letter to that person. Write a letter to your loved one. Then throw it away to prove to yourself that you are letting it go. It helps some people experience the catharsis that marks the end of everything. Think about what might help you release this person. The letter method is more suitable for those who have been abandoned.
   • You may prefer to write a message on a balloon and release it into the sky.
   • Another option would be to launch sky lanterns with words of love. Let them go for the one you loved.
3. 3 Write your feelings in a journal. Unleash those feelings that are boiling inside you in order to get rid of them. Keeping a journal will allow you to be completely honest with yourself, since only you will see what you say.
   • This practice will also help you find patterns in your thoughts, actions, and attitudes.
4. 4 Change for yourself. Changing even the smallest part of your life will help you refresh it and remind you that life is still interesting. Rearrange furniture. Get a new haircut. Get to work in different ways. Eat dessert first. Whatever you change in your life, no matter how insignificant it may be, you will feel good about it. Yes, it may take a little while to get the mood up, but that’s all it takes to remind yourself that you can still smile and enjoy. life.

Method 6 of 6: Move on with your life

1. 1 Live your own life. You have experienced the pain of loss and you have used enough time to get through this relationship. You learned how to set your emotional boundaries as well as manage them. You began to let people into your life and found yourself. Now is the time to move on. Honor the memory of your loved one by living your life. His love had an impact on you when he was alive, but not when he is dead. Continue to remember his love, but do not deny yourself this feeling and the life that awaits you.
   • Too often, people let their grief take away the best they had with the person they were with. But this is wrong - let that love take pride of place in your memories. Learn to smile and laugh again when you remember that person. He can continue to give you joy while in your mind. Humor heals.
2. 2 Determine if you are still depressed. Yes, it is important to give yourself time to heal the wounds from a broken relationship, but after a while you will feel ready to let a new person into your life. However, it is important not to enter new relationships - friendships or romances - with old burdens. Consider if you are free from thoughts of a love that has passed away. If you still think about him even a couple of times a day, then you are still feeling overwhelmed by past relationships. Even a friendship with a person aimed at forgetting an old relationship can be a challenge, as you experience a temporary gap in emotional needs and will only burden someone by trying to fill a hole in their heart with it. Such a relationship is unlikely to end in something good.
3. 3 Determine how often you think about this person. Can you visit the places where you went together and not immediately think about him? If everything and everywhere reminds you of him, then most likely you need more time.
4. 4 Free up memories for new experiences. Until you're ready, it's okay to avoid places that remind you of him. But keep in mind that pain is multi-layered. It's okay to avoid everything and everything at first, but ultimately you need to challenge yourself to heal completely.Try visiting old places with a new friend. You will then be able to form new memories and associations. Start in the places where you feel comfortable and slowly move on to those memories and stories about which you would like to change. These places can still be special.
   • When that same song is played on the radio, do you still think of that person? If so, it may be too early to move on. You should cover those memories with new experiences associated with this song. Try to share it with your friends and ask them to give it new meanings. Make it a joke. Remember, humor heals.
   • If you like the view from a certain restaurant, then meet up with a few of your friends there. Laugh, have fun and meet again in the same place. Tidy up layer by layer and give the memories new and positive meanings in your life.
5. 5 Watch your reaction when someone says your lover's name. When you hear someone say your lover's name, do you still feel the sharp pain? When a hint of pain creeps into your soul, remind yourself that you want the best for him. It may sound silly, but this is how you reprogram your thoughts about that person.
6. 6 Assess your emotional reaction when meeting your ex. If you come across your former crush and his new lover, what will be your reaction? Does it hurt to see him happy? Can you be happy for him? Did you let him go?
   • Mild pain (as in the case of a physical injury, after the healing of which the body fully recovers) is quite acceptable. The main thing is that it does not interfere with you moving on.