Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 3: Forget the past and worry about the future
• Method 2 of 3: Dealing with past trauma
• Method 3 of 3: Be aware of the present

Staying on the past or focusing on the future can cause you to lose control of your current life. This allows your life to pass quickly without enjoying the present. If you find that your focus is too much on past (traumatic) events or worries about the future, there are a few methods that can help you live in the now.

To step

Method 1 of 3: Forget the past and worry about the future

1. Express your feelings about the past. Whatever past events you are focused on, you may need to express the feelings you have associated with that event, good or bad, before you can move on. There may be painful experiences in your past, but they could also be good memories. Venting your pent up emotions, good or bad, can help you let go of the past and focus more on the present.
   • Talk to a friend, family member, or counselor about your feelings.
   • Write down your feelings about your past. You can keep a journal or write a letter to someone who hurt you (but don't send it!).
   • Even sticking to good memories can cause you to lose connection with the present. Maybe you are romanticizing the past or longing for things to be the way they used to be, instead of focusing on improving your current life.
2. Forgive and forget. Keeping yourself busy with who is to blame for your past hurts can spoil the present. Instead of dwelling on the source of your pain, forgive them. Focus on the now and let go of any guilt or pain you are feeling. If there is someone in your past who has hurt you, choose to forgive and forget. Festering emotional pain is only harmful to you, not the person who hurt you, and will leave you stuck in the past.
   • If you would like this, write a letter to the person or talk to the person about their past actions. You don't have to send the letter, but it will help you stop blaming the other person for the past and make it easier for you to be more concerned with the present and your own happiness.
3. Focus on good things. If expressing your feelings about the past hasn't helped, focus on the good things. You can't change the past or your worries about the future, so don't dwell on it. Think of the fun things that are happening now.
   • If you find this difficult, create a touchstone for yourself. For example, create a happy place to think about that is related to your current life, such as your favorite reading spot in the backyard. If you find yourself musing too much about the past or worrying too much about the future, think about the happy time you spent there, or visualize yourself in that comforting place.
4. Block your memories. If all attempts haven't worked, try blocking or pushing your memories aside. This can help get rid of bad memories over time. In addition, pushing the bad memories far enough to the back of your mind will help you feel less troubled. Visualize pushing worries behind a door and locking it. A mental image will help you, especially if the memories or concerns are powerful.
   • Studies show that pushing aside is a possible and learnable skill that can help keep memories far from you or break with your past. The more you do this, the better you will get at it. Every time the bad memories come up, you deliberately move them to the back of your mind. Train yourself to forget the event (s) and make a conscious effort to guide your mind through it.
5. Work on your concerns about the future. When you are concerned about the future, remind yourself that you can only change the present and focus on that. Make a list of things you can focus on instead that are rooted in the present. Think about the book you're in the middle of, what it would be like in Hawaii at this time of year, or any other scenario to pull your mind away from the future. Focus on what's possible now, instead of things you can't change.
   • When you are going through a rough time, create physical memories for yourself of the things in the present that you love and can focus on. Keep the book you are reading with you. Make a printout of the photo of where you prefer to spend your time and look at it when you need to ground yourself.
   • It may take a little practice to come up with ideas and situations that don't spark your concerns about future events. Keep trying and you'll get it done in the end.
6. Ask for help. If these methods don't work, enlist help to let go of your past, worry less about the future, and focus on the present. Find a professional psychologist in your area. You can ask for a referral from your doctor or ask your family and friends for advice. You can choose from a variety of mental health professionals, such as counselors, therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists. They are trained to teach coping skills to make people more productive or constructive in everyday life by focusing on the present.
   • Never be ashamed to ask someone for help. Your mental health is very important and don't feel burdened to ask for help. It's very common, and these professionals are there to help.

Method 2 of 3: Dealing with past trauma

1. Know that trauma is different from painful memories. Trauma produces psychological and physiological effects similar to fear and intense fear in the present - as if the trauma never ended. Bad memories bring painful emotions, such as grief and guilt, but they do not change your perceptions as they do with acute trauma.
   • Trauma will have to be dealt with in its own way and usually requires professional help.
   • It can sometimes take years for the symptoms of trauma to surface. You may have nightmares, troubling thoughts, depression, phobias, anxiety, or flashbacks due to a traumatic event.
   • Recovering from past trauma can be a slow process, and it may be difficult not to think about it at first. Just trust that if you keep going it will get better.
2. Enlist the help of a support group or professional psychotherapist. Look for a counselor or therapy specializing in trauma counseling. You are responsible for your recovery and how and when this will take place. Whatever treatment you seek, the therapy will need to provide the following essentials:
   • Empowerment: Your recovery is an opportunity for you to regain control of yourself. Guidance may be important, but you are responsible for your own healing. If your therapist suggests something that feels wrong or you just aren't ready, then you don't have to do it.
   • Validation: Your experiences may have been minimized or downplayed over the years. Your group or therapist can validate what happened to you and how the trauma shaped your life.
   • Connection: Experiencing a trauma can be very insulating. It can help you feel connected again by talking to others and sharing your story with people who understand.
3. Confide in someone you trust. Talking to someone about what happened to you is an important part of the healing process. Choose a patient and kind person who knows that what happened to you is serious. Someone who responds with comments like "Just don't think about it anymore", "Forgive and forget" or "That's okay," is not a suitable person to talk to.
   • You may have to talk about your trauma over and over again - make sure the person you are talking to understands this is important. Venture out is good for once, but you'll have to keep doing it and talking about it.
   • If there is no one in your life that you have a close relationship with or trust in, find someone in your life that you really like. Then ask them to do something fun and if it feels right, invite them to do something else together in the future. Spending time with this person can be the start of a closer relationship.
   • Keep in mind that talking about a trauma to someone can cause vicarious trauma in them where traumatic symptoms can arise by listening to your story. Don't be offended if your friend can't listen to your story every day. Family and friends are a good place to start, but if you need more support, a trauma counselor is trained to prevent vicarious trauma.
4. List ways to take care of yourself. It can be difficult to think of ways to comfort yourself when you're going through a rough time. Make a list of things that make you feel better and stick it in a prominent place for easy reference. Some examples are:
   • Do something creative, such as painting, drawing, woodworking, embroidery, or any other craft.
   • Get some exercise. This doesn't have to be intensive - you can just take a walk around the neighborhood. Or run, swim, exercise, dance, take a walk, or anything else that gets your body moving.
   • Play with the kids in your family or a pet. This can have a very calming effect, making you feel better.
   • Sing softly or out loud. Fill your lungs with fresh air and sing your favorite songs out loud.
   • Wear something that makes you feel good. Put on your favorite shirt or wear jewelry that you like to wear.

Method 3 of 3: Be aware of the present

1. Become aware of your surroundings. Stop rushing through life and getting stuck with your thoughts in the past. Instead, you absorb everything around you, be it the exploits of nature or man-made creations. Make a conscious effort to pay attention to every aspect of your current life.
   • For example, take a walk and see everything around you. When you are outside, look at the trees, the ground and the landscape around you. Feel the air on your skin. When you are indoors, pay attention to the color of the walls, what sounds of other people around you are heard, or how the ground feels under your feet. This helps in staying focused on the present and awareness of your current environment.
2. Slow down. People often rush through life, racing from one moment to the next. Put the brakes on yourself and enjoy everything you do, even if it's boring. For example, pay attention to your actions when you have a snack. Grab a handful of grapes and look at them consciously. Pay attention to their shape and size. Eat one and pay attention to the different flavors. Enjoy the bursting of the sweetness on your tongue and the nourishment the fruit gives you.
   • It's okay not to be happy with everything you go through every day. If you're working on a project at work that you don't like or have an obligation that you don't enjoy doing, that's okay. Think about what you do every day and experience it, instead of rushing through it.
3. Change your routine. One way you can get stuck in the past without realizing it is to get stuck in a routine. Maybe you do the same thing the same way every day, or at the same time of the week. While routine can be comforting, you can get stuck in it and make you forget about the present altogether. Instead, just change your routine every now and then. Walk to the bus stop in a different way or drive to work in a different way.
   • Even subtle changes can help you break the rut. Change what you eat every day. Expand your vocabulary with new words every day. Anything that can make you notice what you are doing every day will help you live in the now rather than the past or the future.
   • If you are unable or unwilling to change your routine, be more aware of your actions during your routine. Take note of what the oatmeal you eat every morning tastes like, or what the trees look like when you look out the window on your way to work.
4. Keep your eyes open for the quiet moments. Almost every day has times when you have to wait for something. This could be while you are waiting in line at the till or waiting in your car at a red traffic light. During these moments, resist the urge to look at your cell phone and focus your attention on the things around you. Become aware of your surroundings, instead of wasting time grumbling about how long that line is or that the traffic light should finally go green.
   • These are great times to take in the simple little things in your current life. Avoid using your phone to pass the time. Instead, look around you at other people in line or at the cars around you. Smile at someone or start a conversation with the person behind you in line.
   • Keep trying until you find the best way for you to be present in the present moment.
5. Leave a memory for yourself. To stay present in the here and now, especially when you are just starting out, you may need a reminder. Tie a string around your wrist, paint one nail a bright pink color, or wear your watch upside down. Let the object serve as a reminder.
   • Every time you see the memory object, take a few seconds to focus on the sounds, smells, and sights around you. Observe how you feel and what you are doing. This will help you to stay focused on your current situation and not dwell on the past or the future.
6. Focus on the task in front of you. Instead of doing something thoughtlessly, take the time to do something right. Get carried away in a writing assignment for school, a project at work, or your chores around the house. Immerse yourself in it to the point where thoughts of the past and future fall away.
   • This is easier if you are not going to multitask. Multitasking can cause you to lose track of what you are doing and start thinking about other things, such as completing tasks or moving on to another task.
   • Slow things down. This will help you focus your attention on what you are doing right now.
7. Meditate. One of the best ways to focus on the here and now is to meditate. The purpose of meditation is to push everything aside, including past and future fears, and focus on the exact moment of meditation.
   • Start with a deep breath in and out, focusing on the action of breathing. Push everything out of your mind and focus on the sound of your breath. Ultimately, everything will disappear.
   • Full meditation takes time and practice. Don't give up if you don't experience that "zen" moment immediately, or even after a few months. Keep practicing and you will eventually start to reap the (great) benefits of meditation.