Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 5: How to melt the ice
• Method 2 of 5: How to distract a guy from his inner worries
• Method 3 of 5: Telling Yourself to Create an Emotional Connection
• Method 4 of 5: How to Move to Online Conversations
• Method 5 of 5: Understanding Introversion
• Tips
• Warnings

Shy people are very reserved in social situations. They tend to avoid social interactions and are reluctant to share personal information. This state of affairs can be very frustrating for friends and family who want to forge a deeper connection, as well as potential new friends who want to get to know the person better and find a common language with him.

Steps

Method 1 of 5: How to melt the ice

1. 1 Take the first step. Shy people want to communicate, but they often feel anxious or fearful. Consequently, they rarely start a conversation, so you need to take the initiative in your own hands.
   • Act as if by the way. A formal address can make a person very upset and embarrassed.
   • If you are in an unfamiliar place, walk up to the person and tell them that you are happy to meet a familiar face.
   • If before that you practically did not communicate, then explain how you know the person.
2. 2 Ask a question about your surroundings, seek help, or report an observation about the current situation. Focus on thoughts and actions, not feelings. This will make it easier for the person to join the conversation.
   • Ask open-ended questions to avoid repetitive monosyllabic answers and to be able to formulate clarifying questions. This will make it easier for you to keep the conversation going.
     • For example, you might ask, "Which history project did you choose?" When they give you the answer, ask for an explanation of the topic and ask clarifying questions.
3. 3 Adapt to the person's energy level and adopt a similar posture. This behavior will show your interest and will not be perceived as aggression. Repeat the person's gestures to strengthen the bond between you and find common ground faster.
   • In addition to movement and body language, try to mimic moods and subtle actions. Direct copying can be viewed negatively.
   • For example, if the person leans forward, repeat this action, but do not copy every noticeable movement.
4. 4 Observe the body language of the other person. If a guy is very shy, he may be embarrassed to say that he is embarrassed to keep up a conversation. Pay attention to body language and appreciate how calm and relaxed the person is, or how excited and tense the person is.
   • If he crosses his arms in front of him or hides in his pockets, then the guy is probably embarrassed. If his arms are relaxed and along his body, he is most likely calm.
   • If the person leans slightly away from you, then you can assume that he is trying to end the conversation. If he is facing you with his whole body (including feet), most likely, the person is interested in staying.
   • Convulsive and tense movements can indicate that a person is experiencing discomfort. Smooth and free movements will tell you that everything is in order.
   • If the person maintains eye contact, they are almost certainly interested in continuing the conversation. If the gaze wanders around, the person is probably very uncomfortable.
5. 5 Gradually move on to more personal topics. Start the conversation with superficial questions and slowly move on to more personal details so that the other person has time to relax and pull themselves together. Ask how the person relates to the topic of the conversation to get more personal, without overstepping the line.
   • Ask: "What interested you in this topic?" or “Why did you choose this assignment?” to quietly move on to personal questions.

Method 2 of 5: How to distract a guy from his inner worries

1. 1 Focus on the outside. Shy people tend to focus on inner feelings and feelings of inadequacy. If you distract a person's attention to external factors, then he can become more open.
   • Feelings of shame increase shyness. If you discuss events or topics that relate to the world around you, the likelihood of accidental shame is reduced.
2. 2 Continue to pay attention to the external aspects until the conversation becomes more natural and lively. Shy people are very self-absorbed and often avoid large gestures or expressive facial expressions in uncomfortable conversations. Increased use of facial expressions and gestures may indicate that the person has become less self-absorbed.
   • Moving too quickly to personal topics can overwhelm the person, leaving them emotionally distant from you.
3. 3 Get the person involved with the activity. This is very useful if the conversation does not flow naturally. A joint activity will allow you to establish orderly communication and reduce tension, since you no longer have to think about when and what to say.
   • The game is a great way to focus on the outside.
     • For example, you can ask: "Can we play together so as not to get bored?" The guy will probably ask what kind of game you are proposing, so prepare your answer in advance. If he offers you another game, then don't worry about the rules. While the interlocutor is explaining the rules to you, a comfortable mutual understanding will arise between you.
4. 4 Move on to personal aspects. Move to this step only when the conversation is relaxed and you don't need to put in too much effort to keep the conversation going. If you have been communicating calmly for several minutes and are not thinking about how to keep the conversation going, then the right moment has come.
   • Ask, “How do you spend your free time?” To encourage the person to talk about themselves. Next, you can ask clarifying questions about entertainment and activities.
     • If the guy is unwilling to answer, return to the external discussion and try again to return to personal questions when he relaxes again.
     • If several attempts failed, then thank the guy for the game and offer to arrange a new meeting. This will give him time to prepare and pull himself together.

Method 3 of 5: Telling Yourself to Create an Emotional Connection

1. 1 Give more information about yourself gradually. Show that you trust the guy and are willing to open up so he is comfortable with the conversation. Tell him about your interests and thoughts.
   • First, you can talk about how you like to spend your free time.
   • After the facts, move on to talking about emotions to establish an emotional connection between you.
   • Do not hurry. If your boyfriend continues to be worried and nervous, there is no need to rush to talk about your emotions. Start small and say in a positive way like, "I saw a great movie last week and I felt happy for several days."
2. 2 Tell us about your experiences in this situation. In addition to the emotional aspects, such information will show the guy that he is not the only one experiencing social anxiety, which means he will worry less about it. In addition, the conversation will go on a more intimate level as you share your feelings.
   • For example, you can say, "I was very embarrassed to talk to you." The guy will probably ask about the reasons. If you think the compliment might embarrass him, explain that sometimes you are anxious before the first conversation with the person.
   • Do not rush to admit your sympathy. It's too early yet. The guy can close up from shyness and awkwardness.
3. 3 Ask how comfortable the guy is in having this conversation. Always respect other people's boundaries and don't expect too much. Your goal is to convince the guy to open up to you.It is unlikely that he will be ready to share his secrets with you on the very first day, but such a question will help you get closer.
   • Ask how the guy is feeling now. This is a less serious question than questions about attitudes or friendships.
   • Ask, “How comfortable are you with me now?” To motivate the guy to share his feelings without discouraging him.
   • Continue asking open-ended questions. For example, ask: "What makes you feel now ...?" If the guy refuses to answer, return to more superficial questions.

Method 4 of 5: How to Move to Online Conversations

1. 1 Communicate via email and social media. Shy people often find it easier to communicate online. The ability to edit messages and make the desired impression allows you to feel in control of the situation and reduces anxiety.
   • Social media helps shy people communicate: in such a situation, there is no need to respond immediately, as is usually the case in face-to-face conversations.
   • When discussing personal matters, it is better to use private messages. A guy may be embarrassed to talk about personal things in open spaces like the comment section.
2. 2 Find a common interest to start a conversation. This will help you break the ice and become a topic for external discussion. It is very convenient to share videos, games, photos and general information on the Internet.
   • Don't start a conversation (even on the Internet) with deeply personal information or questions. A person can even close online if they feel very uncomfortable.
3. 3 Introduce yourself to move on to discussing personal information. Your obvious openness will encourage the guy to open up to you in return. Invite him to tell about himself, too, if he does not take the initiative back.
   • It is perfectly appropriate to ask the person for reciprocity, but do not follow the usual criteria. Consider the person's personal boundaries. What seems like a minor acknowledgment to you can go far beyond the comfort zone of the interlocutor.
   • Consider your own level of vulnerability. If you think that the guy will not reciprocate you, then it is not necessary to open your soul wide open.

Method 5 of 5: Understanding Introversion

1. 1 Learn to distinguish between shyness and introversion. People are often called "shy" when they are actually introverts. Shyness and introversion have similar characteristics, but are not synonymous.
   • Shyness occurs when a person is afraid or afraid to communicate with others. Such fear or apprehension can lead a person to avoid social situations, even when they actually crave companionship. In such a situation, behavioral changes and changes in the way of thinking often come to the rescue.
   • Introversion is a personal characteristic. This quality hardly changes over time. Usually, introverts rarely interact with others because they don't feel the same need for communication as extroverts. They do not walk away from communication out of fear or apprehension. It's all about the absence of necessity.
   • Research shows that shyness and introversion do not have a strong relationship. You can be shy but want to connect with people, or be introverted but want to hang out with close friends.
   • You can find shyness scales and shyness tests on the internet.
2. 2 Watch for signs of introversion. Most people have traits of both introversion and extraversion. The situation can change depending on the circumstances. If you think a shy guy might be an introvert, consider the following:
   • He loves to be alone. Most introverts loves pass the time without strangers. They do not suffer from loneliness alone with themselves and even feel the need for loneliness in order to gain strength. Introverts are not antisocial, they just have less need for communication.
   • The person easily becomes overly irritated.This goes for social and physical irritants! Introverts may experience more acute biological reactions to noise, bright lights, or large crowds than extroverts. It is for this reason that they usually bypass places with a lot of irritants, such as nightclubs or fairs.
   • He hates group projects. Often, introverts prefer to do the work on their own or with one or two colleagues. They prefer to find solutions without outside help.
   • The guy loves calm communication. Introverts often enjoy company, but even fun activities can tire them out, resulting in the need to “gain strength” alone. They usually prefer quiet communication with a couple of close friends, rather than a noisy party.
   • He loves a routine. Extroverts want a sense of newness, while introverts have the opposite desire. They value predictability and stability, plan ahead, do the same things calmly every day, and spend a lot of time thinking before taking action.
3. 3 Realize that some personality traits are “programmed” from birth. If a guy is an introvert, you might be tempted to ask him to change. An introvert may become more outgoing, but researchers have found physiological differences between the brains of an introvert and an extrovert. From this we can conclude that some personality traits cannot be changed.
   • For example, extroverts are more sensitive to dopamine (a chemical "reward" that is produced in the brain) than introverts.
   • The amygdala in the extrovert brain, which is responsible for processing emotions, reacts to stimuli differently than this area of ​​the introverted brain.
4. 4 Take the test with a shy guy. Learn a little more about your personality in a playful way. The Myers-Briggs list of questions is one of the most popular tests that explore the characteristics of introverts and extroverts. In Russia, a version of the Myers-Briggs questionnaire adapted by Yu. B. Gippenreiter is used. You can also find other options for adapting this diagnostic tool on the Internet. You do not need to rely on the most accurate result, but you can get a general idea of ​​your personality type.
   • Find one of the test options on the Internet to learn more about yourself and your own personality type.

Tips

• Always carry a deck of cards or road games with you to keep the guy entertained on the go.
• Since the guy does not like to communicate with people too much, you will often have to be around in order to periodically start conversations. After a few days, start saying hello with the usual “Hello”. Gradually increase the number of your interactions and conversations. When he can relax in your presence, try making friends. A relationship with a shy person is unlikely to develop rapidly.

Warnings

• Joking and mimicking can often facilitate communication between close friends, but this behavior can cause an extremely shy person to feel ashamed. Refuse such actions until a relationship of trust develops between you.