Author:
Joan Hall
Date Of Creation:
4 July 2021
Update Date:
23 June 2024
Content
There are an infinite number of reasons that can force you to refuse a request from your relatives, friends and colleagues. Some people find it very difficult to say the word "No". Compared to men, rejection is usually more difficult for women. It doesn't matter what gender you are, polite refusal is essential in all types of relationships. There are various ways to make this task easier and still maintain your peace of mind. Learn to ask for time to think, avoid open confrontation if possible, and be as honest as possible.
Steps
Method 1 of 2: Rejection in Daily Life
1 Why is it so hard to refuse. From an early age, we all recognized the fact that consent is easier and helps to gain approval. This develops into a deep need to always indulge parents, which is associated with love and fear of renunciation. We may also be afraid of distance and loss of our spouses or loved ones. If a friend's request is denied, there may be a quarrel or the risk of hurting feelings. At work, rejection can make you look like an unfriendly colleague or hinder your career. - In theory, agreement is great, but in practice we can say “Yes” so many times that we will not cope with the responsibility we have taken on.
2 Why is it so important to be able to refuse. Refusing politely is a good way to establish and maintain healthy boundaries. If you take pride in caring and sacrificing yourself for others, you will feel uncomfortable when rejected. You may find that you agree too often and become irritated or tired because you are taking on too much. - Refusal reinforces healthy boundaries that allow you to help others, but also not to forget about yourself.
3 Time to think. Experts agree that the time to think before giving up is extremely important. When thinking about how to refuse an invitation or request, remember that you do not have to respond immediately. Take some time to avoid resentment or hurt your loved one’s feelings. But do not pull the rubber too long, as making a person wait longer than expected is also ugly. It's important to avoid situations where you immediately respond positively and then change your mind. This behavior will undermine your credibility. - For example, your mom asks you in February: "Are you coming to us for the holidays this year?" You can answer like this: “I haven't even thought about it yet. I don't know yet how things will go at work. Let's discuss this closer to September? "
4 Stick to principles. If you are asked to do something contrary to your principles, it is best to refuse in such a way as to avoid open confrontation. Ask for time by saying that you need to think it over carefully. Think twice before agreeing to something that runs counter to your ideas. - For example, a friend asks you to write a testimonial for her relative.You can answer her as follows: "I hardly know him, so it will be difficult for me to pretend that it is not so."
5 Try not to say no. Don't say yes, but understand that you don't have to say that word to refuse. Instead, share your concerns and reasons for rejection. - For example, if your boss asks you to take on another job, you don’t need to say that you are already busy to the eyeballs. Answer differently: “I am currently working on case X, which needs to be completed by next week, and the deadline for case Y is next month. How much time can you give me to implement this project? "
6 Be honest. Sometimes you are tempted to lie or make up a fable to justify your refusal. But this will only undermine self-confidence and destroy personal or work relationships, because sooner or later the truth will be revealed anyway. Politeness is impossible without honesty. - For example, when refusing to accept an invitation, you might say, “This is a great opportunity / project for someone else, but it doesn't work for me. Have a good time / find a more suitable person. "
7 Stand your ground. You may find it difficult to repeat your refusal several times if the person constantly begs you to do something. People may have become accustomed to the fact that you always agree, so they may simply be testing the limits of your agreement. Stand your ground and confidently repeat your refusal. - You can immediately refuse and explain your refusal: "I know that you really want to meet this weekend, but I already have plans that cannot be changed." If the person continues to bother you, then answer him briefly but firmly.
Method 2 of 2: Denying specific requests
1 Refusing a request to borrow money. Lending money to friends can jeopardize friendships. If your friend will delay the return for a long time, then you may hesitate to remind about it, and the person may think that it was a gift, not a favor. If you think that your friendship or wallet will not withstand the non-return of money, then try to refuse your friend as politely as possible. In doing so, try to be as honest as possible. - For example, you might say, “I know your finances are tight right now. Our friendship is very dear to me, but friends and money loans are incompatible. Maybe I can help you in some other way? " or “I don’t have free money right now. I would be happy to help, but I have nothing to do. "
2 Refusal to request a donation. If you know that you will not be able to satisfy the request, then talk about its importance, refuse, and offer another option for help. For example: “This is a good deed, but now I just have nothing to give. This month I have already exhausted all available funds. You can try doing X or remind me of that next month. " - You don't have to support every endeavor. A person is usually focused on their own time, business and financial situation. Support what is really important or interesting to you.
3 Refusal of the child's request. Children usually do not like very much when they are not allowed to do something. If the child asks for something that you are not going to buy or allow him, then firmly refuse him and immediately explain the reasons for your refusal. It is very important that the child understands your reasoning and then offer him an alternative. - For example, you might say, “No, I don’t allow you to stay overnight with a friend on a weekday. The next day you will be sleepy and tired during your lessons. I know that you are upset, but you can always stay with a friend on the day off. "
4 Refusal on a big request. You do not have to agree to a very large request. In the end, the person may simply have no idea how tired you are at work right now. You have the right to refuse even a personal request.A good friend will always understand you and will not consider rejection as a personal insult. - For example, say, "I'm sorry I can't sit with your child this week, but my project deadline at work is approaching, and household chores have piled up." Be clear and honest. Do not lie, otherwise you will definitely offend your friend and ruin your relationship.
5 Refusal of a date. Speak directly and bluntly so that the meaning of your words reaches the person. When it comes to romantic relationships, ambiguity can be perceived as a chance or a false hope, and this is best avoided. Better to say right away, politely but bluntly, "You're a good friend / great guy, but I can't give you more" or "We're too different." - If you do go on a date and are invited to the next one, then say politely but honestly: "We had a great time, but I think we are not suitable for each other."
- You should not continue the conversation for a long time after refusal. It will probably be best for both of you not to see each other for a while.
6 Refusal to have sex. If your boyfriend insists that it's time for you to move on to intimacy, and you are not yet ready for this, then refuse directly: "No." If you deem it necessary, you can explain the reasons for your refusal: the likelihood of getting pregnant, your moral principles, or the fact that you are simply not ready yet. It is important to explain that this is your personal decision and is not dictated in any way by your partner's appearance. - Don't expect your partner to jump right in and stop trying. Be very clear.
7 Strong requests. If you are constantly pestering you with an invitation to a date, or that it’s time for you to get into sex, then it’s time to show some extra firmness. If the person does not hear your polite refusals, then firmly say "No" again. Here are possible examples of responses and behaviors: - Say, "You put me in an uncomfortable position with constant requests, so I just have to refuse you."
- Tell your friend or partner that their behavior is very upsetting to you.
- Refuse meeting requests.
- Don't be upset about the opinion of a stranger or just a friend. Try to avoid meeting the person if possible.
8 Refusal to offer a hand and heart. First of all, you need to thank the person for the honor. Let them know that you cannot accept the offer and explain that it is you. You can explain in detail the reasons for the refusal so that there are no omissions and misunderstandings between you. - This advice applies to situations when you have been in a relationship for a long time. If you've just started dating, just say, "This is very nice, but it's too early for such decisions."
- If you have been proposed in public, then in order to avoid embarrassment, do not prolong the situation. "I love you and would like to discuss it in private." Don't play drama.
