Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 2: Think Well Before Forgiving
• Method 2 of 2: Forgive your partner
• Tips
• Warnings

If your spouse or someone you care about has cheated on you, then you must be feeling pain, overwhelmed, and not sure what to do next. If you want to continue the relationship, then now is the time to sort out your feelings, the relationship between you and your partner, and work on moving forward. Forgiving a cheater is never easy, but the next few steps will help you get through it.

Steps

Method 1 of 2: Think Well Before Forgiving

1. 1 Decide if you should forgive the cheater. This is the most important step. Before doing this, you must decide if it is worth it. No matter how much you love your significant other, you should know that forgiving cheating can be one of the most difficult and emotionally challenging things you will ever do. But if you really want to, here are some good reasons why you can forgive the cheater:
   • If it was a momentary recklessness. Maybe there was a big fight between you, maybe it wasn't without alcohol exposure, or maybe he met someone who, in his opinion, was very special ... at that moment. Therefore, there is no important reason for cheating, if it really happened once. Think maybe you can just forget it.
   • If your partner really regrets what they did, think about it. It is very important. If your partner is feeling guilty, upset, emotionally depressed, and does their best to show you how discouraged about their behavior and promises that this will never happen again, pay attention to this.
   • If you feel like giving up or if nothing is working out. If you see that your relationship is doomed, end it, it will be the best option for both of you.
   • If you have had a long, healthy, intimate incredible relationship. Although your relationship may not seem so great after you found out about the betrayal of your partner, if there was no betrayal throughout the relationship, then it may be worth keeping it.
   • Don't forgive the habit of changing. If your partner has cheated on you before, then it's time to say goodbye. Even if you have a home, kids, and a life together, it's not worth it. But what if this is only the only time you've learned about cheating, but suspect that you have been cheated on several times before? Then, most likely you are right.
   • Don't forgive cheating at the beginning of a relationship.If you have just started dating and are already cheating on you, then the basis of your relationship is too rocky to continue. Feel the relief from the thought that this happened at the very beginning of your relationship, when the separation is not yet so painful.
   • Do not forgive the cheater if cheating is a sign that the relationship is over. If you think cheating happened because you no longer have anything in common, that you have ceased to attract each other and nothing will save your relationship, then look at this. as an excuse to let go of each other.
   SPECIALIST'S ADVICE

   

   Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

   
   
   Family therapist Moshe Ratson is the executive director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a psychotherapy and counseling clinic in New York City. He is a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) certified by the International Federation of Coaching. Received a Master's Degree in Psychotherapy in Family and Marriage from Iona College. He is a clinical member of the American Association for Family Therapy (AAMFT) and a member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF).

   Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
   Family psychotherapist

   Empathy makes forgiveness easier. Family Therapist Moshe Ratson says: “If someone has betrayed you, it can be very difficult to forgive him. Try to remember that forgiveness is about compassion and humility, and slowly move on. "

   
   
2. 2 Take a break to cool down. It doesn't matter if you want to talk about it, yell at the abuser, or even hurt him in return - don't do it as soon as you find out about the cheating. If you can't deal with your emotions after learning about cheating, then it's time to take a break. If you already know about cheating, and your partner does not know that you are aware of it, then you should consider how to tell him how you learned about it.
   • This is a very difficult step. It may seem to you that the sooner you talk about it, the sooner you will be able to decide on your decision, but this is not so. If you start a conversation too early, you can make the situation worse.
   • Spend some time walking, working, or just crying in your room. Do whatever it takes to blow off steam and help yourself think clearly.
   • It may even take a few weeks away from your partner. If you live together, then this is difficult, try to spend time with friends, family, or even live in a hotel if necessary.
3. 3 Don't blame yourself. It must be tricky and perhaps one of the most difficult parts of the process. Do not feel that your loved one has cheated on you because you are not attractive enough, not sociable enough, too busy with work or children, and therefore cannot pay enough attention to your relationship.
   • Your partner cheated on you, and it's his fault. You could not do anything to prevent this act (unless you first changed, but this is a completely different case.)
   • You should never blame yourself for cheating on your partner, but you can consider actions that could lead to a chill in your relationship. Reflect on your relationship as a whole.
   • Also, never let your partner blame you. If this happens, leave immediately.
4. 4 Summarize your relationship. When you feel empowered, you should think about your relationship with the person who cheated on you. How do you feel about this person? Can you imagine your future without him? Is this a serious relationship or are you just afraid to break up? Here are a few more questions to ask yourself:
   • What is special about your relationship? Do you really want to forgive the person who cheated on you because you want to maintain a great relationship with him or simply because you are afraid to be alone? If you can't find a reason why your relationship is special, then you should end the relationship.
   • How would you describe the development of your relationship? Was everything good for a long time and then suddenly deteriorated, or did everything slowly degrade over time? Try to think about the reasons that led to this development of the relationship.
   • Can you think about what in your relationship led to your partner being unfaithful? Remember that this is different than blaming yourself. Think about what in your relationship might have caused your partner to cheat on you. Perhaps he was jealous because you are more experienced, or you have been together since school and have already passed 10 years after graduation, and thoughts come to him that he settled down too early.
5. 5 Make sure your partner is looking to mend the relationship. If you have decided that you want to forgive this person for certain reasons and your relationship is worth keeping, then make sure your partner feels the same way before embarking on months or even years of hard work on the relationship.
   • Make sure your partner really regrets what they did. There is a huge difference between talking about it and really feeling it.
   • Make sure your partner is not just sorry, but also willing to move on with you.

Method 2 of 2: Forgive your partner

1. 1 Check your senses. It is important that your loved one acknowledges your feelings. He or she may regret what he or she did, but that is different from understanding the pain in your heart and the confusion you have to experience. Tell your partner how you really feel and make sure that he or she is really aware of what is going on in your head.
   • Your partner needs to be fully aware that she has put you in a terrible position before moving forward. He may be in dire straits too, especially if he has had to end another relationship, but he needs to understand your feelings before starting to work on your relationship.
2. 2 Have a heart-to-heart talk. Talking candidly about what happened is the only way to move forward. You should plan the day and time early enough to talk about what happened. You may have already discussed and argued on this topic, but this conversation should be different from the previous ones, because you need to come to the right decision. Here's what you need to do:
   • Ask your partner about what happened. You should not find out in great detail what exactly happened between him and the other woman. Just find out the facts. How many times have they met and when it happened.
   • Find out how he feels about the other woman. The best answer is, "I don't feel anything for her." The worst answer is "I don't know." Your partner should not only say that he connects him with another woman, but he really should not have feelings for her. You should pay special attention to how he really feels.
   • Ask him if this has happened before. While there is some discussion about stirring up past intrigues or minor mistakes in a long-term relationship with your partner, when you know everything and have all the information, you can make the right decision.
   • Ask how he feels about your relationship. Find out why he changed and what he thinks about being together.
   • Tell him again how you feel. Although you have discussed and confirmed your feelings, you need to be sure how you feel before he tells you his version of the story.
   • Discuss what you can do to improve your relationship. You can approach this matter in a businesslike manner and even take notes. What will you do to make sure that your relationship is strong and that cheating will not happen again in the future? Will you spend more time together, will you be more honest with each other, or will you find a completely different approach to relationships? Will you visit a family counselor or discuss this problem with friends, or will you try to figure it out on your own?
   • Establish rules. If you are a colleague, should your partner quit? Many family psychologists will tell you yes. Does he have to chat with you every hour when you are not together? This may be humiliating to him, but remind him that the only one humiliated is you!
3. 3 Work on open communication. You once had an honest conversation about what happened, so work to make honest conversation a part of your daily life. You must be open and honest with each other and take the time to listen to what each of you have to say. Here are some ways to create open communication:
   • Take time to talk every week. Be open about what kind of relationship you've had this week and what you can do to make it better. This should not be perceived as a great effort, but as a necessary step.
   • Tell each other how you feel. Although you may become distant after learning about cheating, you should work to talk about your positive and negative emotions when you are ready.
   • You don't have to be passive aggressive. If you are angry about something, then you need to mention it at the right time.
4. 4 Work to improve your relationship. Despite the fact that cheating in your relationship was an anomaly and everything is perfect between you now, you need to work on your relationship. There are many things that can help you build a deep connection between you and try to start over. Here are some to try:
   • Pick a new hobby with you. Each of you should try something new that you have never done before, even if it's rock climbing or pottery.
   • Try to share your interests. You may have moved away because you felt that you have nothing in common and you have nothing to talk about. Agree to read the same book each month or watch a new TV show together. Even sharing a few small interests can affect your relationship.
   • Learn to compromise. Do not let everything always be the way your partner wants, and know that it should not always be the way you think, despite the fact that you have been cheated on.
   • Go on vacation together. By doing something totally new together, you can breathe new life into your relationship. Vacation may not be a good long-term solution, but it can help you feel far from being cheated. You should only do this after you have thought about it and feel that you want to spend a lot of time alone with your partner.
   • Stop blaming your partner. It may seem impossible, but if you really want to improve your relationship, then you shouldn't mention your partner's cheating every two seconds. You can mention this when talking about your feelings, but talking about cheating every day will only make your relationship worse.
   • Limit your partner's praise. While you may enjoy constant compliments, flowers, and hugs, try to be as equals as possible. While your partner is truly sorry, he or she cannot consistently compliment you and reassure you of his or her love. It's exhausting.
5. 5 Don't dwell on another man or woman. This is the easiest way to drive yourself crazy and destroy your relationship. If you know who this man or woman is, do your best to avoid contact with this person. Tell yourself that you should focus on your own relationship and not on your relationship with the other person.
   • Don't compare yourself to another woman. Don't let her make you feel bad or unworthy of love. You don't know what happened. Perhaps she fell in love with your partner or did not know that he has you. Don't even think about it ..
   • Don't stalk the person your partner cheated on you with on Facebook or any other social network. Do not look for his (her) profile, trying to find what is in this person that is not in you.
   • Do not stalk this person in real life.
   • Don't talk about the other person with your partner.Focus on your relationship instead of digging into the past.
   • If you are really obsessed with the other person, then you can talk about it with a friend, but not let it go too far.
6. 6 If you cannot forgive your partner, then it is better to leave. If you have already tried everything, but you feel that you are still full of anger and resentment, and cannot find a way to move on, then it's time to put an end to it. If you can't communicate with your partner, let alone touch him, or if you constantly feel that your partner is in the circle of the opposite sex all the time, then it's time to end the relationship.
   • It is much better to end a relationship than to force yourself to find a reason why they are not working out. Your feelings of resentment can only grow and this can lead to the fact that you hurt another person by cheating on him, or become so emotionally distant that communication becomes impossible.
   • Remember that even if the person has gone to great lengths to get better after cheating, it may just be too late. Just because a person is now trying very hard, you should not hold on to him if you understand that this is not necessary.
   • You may feel proud that you tried to go through something incredibly difficult, even if it did not end with success. Either way, it takes a lot of courage.

Tips

• Don't let financial dependence force you to stay with your partner. If you’re confident that you’ll never be happy with your cheating partner, no amount of money is worth staying in a soul-poisoning relationship.
• Forgiving cheating is much more difficult if you have children. You need to think about what is best for the children and for you; Will you stay in a more or less good relationship because it’s better for the children, or do you think that what’s best for you will be good for your children in the future?

Warnings

• Remember, a cheater can change again. If this happens again, it is probably best to break up or divorce.