Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 4: Deal With Emotions
• Method 2 of 4: Talk to your spouse
• Method 3 of 4: Work on forgiveness
• Method 4 of 4: Get Support

If you are faced with a betrayal of your spouse and the thought of forgiveness seems impossible to you, do not lose hope. Work on your emotions and take some time away from your husband. When you feel ready, have a meaningful conversation with him. Although forgiveness may not come right away, take positive steps towards it and create a new relationship with your partner.

Steps

Method 1 of 4: Deal With Emotions

1. 1 Acknowledge your emotions. Don't ignore your feelings as if they don't exist, but face them. Recognize your emotions in a way that works for you, such as writing them down or talking to a friend. Focus on what you are feeling and what is going on in your body.
   • Don't be surprised if you feel betrayed, hurt, angry, frustrated, frustrated, confused, and distrustful. It's okay to have a lot of emotions.
   • Emotions can bring clarity. For example, you may be aware of how much your marriage means to you or how much you have been hurt by your spouse's actions.
2. 2 Release your emotions in a healthy way. Especially if you are feeling angry, immediately give it free rein. Despite the temptation to take revenge on your husband or hurt him in return, it will not help you feel better or move closer to forgiveness. Find a way to work through your emotions yourself without taking them out on your spouse.
   • If you're feeling angry, don't hold your emotions to yourself - hit your pillow or go for a walk.
   • Journaling can also be a great way to sort out your emotions and understand them better.Use this option to reflect on the experience and document your feelings.
   • You can express emotions through drawing, writing, music and dancing.
   • Remember, drugs and alcohol will not help you deal with your emotions.
   • Try not to project anger onto your husband, friends, children, and other family members. Do not make snide remarks or passive-aggressive statements towards them.
3. 3 Chill out if you are very upset. If you act on your emotions, you may end up doing something that you will later regret. If you find yourself starting to get angry or upset, step back from the situation and focus on finding peace of mind. Go to another room or take a walk outside. Avoid the temptation to lash out on your spouse or do something that will permanently harm him, you, or your relationship.
   • Take a few deep breaths in and out to calm your body and mind.
   • Use your senses to deal with difficult emotions. Focus on one sensation at a time and find ways to connect with it in the moment. For example, pay attention to all the sounds around you, from nature sounds to footsteps in the next room.
4. 4 Take a break from the relationship if necessary. It is quite understandable if you need to be away from your husband for a while, especially if you have just received some unpleasant news. It may be difficult for you to be in the same house with him, so you can temporarily stay with a friend or family member. If you do not want to leave, but you are uncomfortable sleeping in one bed, temporarily sleep in another room.
   • The situation can be complicated if you have children. You can tell them that you are leaving for the weekend or want to sleep in another room for a while. It is not necessary to let them know what happened.
   • Let your husband know this is temporary. If possible, provide a date for your return so you can both prepare for the reunion.
5. 5 Don't blame yourself. It will not do anything good, and it will only hurt your self-esteem even more. Even if it seems to you that your actions contributed to or led to your husband's affair, do not dwell on it. If you feel partially responsible for what happened, then acknowledge that responsibility, but leave the blame aside.
   • Instead of blaming, show yourself compassion. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Learn to love yourself by maintaining your health and well-being and expressing love for yourself and those around you.

Method 2 of 4: Talk to your spouse

1. 1 Ask questions that are important for you to get answers to. Some people prefer not to hear the details of a partner's romance on the side, but if this knowledge helps you forgive your spouse and heal your emotional wounds, do not be silent. Try to focus on emotional rather than logistical aspects. For example, instead of asking which hotel they met at, ask your husband why he decided to cheat on you. This is a healthier way to move towards forgiveness.
   • Ask questions that you need to know the answers to. For example, ask your husband if he got tested or wants to get tested for STIs (also known as STDs - sexually transmitted diseases (infections)).
   • Ask your spouse if he is going to leave you or if he wants to stay and improve the relationship. Clear this issue as soon as possible to prepare for the future and move on.
2. 2 Discuss how you feel about the affair. This probably stirred up a lot of feelings, fears and insecurities in your soul. For example, if you're worried that your husband will cheat on you again, that he doesn't love you, or that you can't come to terms with how unfair the situation is to you, let them know. It is important that your spouse knows how this romance affects you and what difficulties you face in trying to move on.
   • When talking about your feelings, keep the focus on yourself using first-person statements. This will allow you to express your emotions without blaming or shaming your husband. For example, say, "I am so hurt and disappointed."
3. 3 Listen to how your spouse is feeling. Perhaps he has excuses, or he is deeply sorry, suffering, and hates himself. Perhaps you will calm down a little when you hear that he takes responsibility for his actions and really empathizes with you.
   • It may take a while to accept his words as meaningful and truthful.
   • If both of you want to keep the marriage together, it is very important that the spouse repent of their actions. While it’s worth supporting his needs in marriage, don’t take the blame for his betrayal.
4. 4 Create boundaries for conversations about an affair. Ideally, you shouldn't make her the center of the relationship. You should not completely ignore what happened, but you should not make it the only topic for discussion. Boundaries will help you lead discussions in a healthy and productive way. For example, if one of you wants to bring up the issue, make sure you have enough time to have a meaningful conversation.
   • If the discussion of the affair has crowded out all other topics, take a few steps back and set boundaries together, such as talking about it only once a day or once a week.
   • If you and your husband have children, agree not to discuss the topic with them.
5. 5 Determine the outcome of the relationship. If you decide to forgive your spouse and move on together, make sure that he wants it too. He must make it clear that he wants to rebuild the relationship and strive to make it work. If he is unsure if he wants to move on together, or seems to be more inclined towards divorce, then discuss further. If you are determined that you want to get a divorce, make it clear.
   • If you and your spouse want to maintain your marriage and strengthen your relationship, you must make new commitments to each other. When you're ready, you can return to physical intimacy.

Method 3 of 4: Work on forgiveness

1. 1 Remember that you forgive for your own sake. Even if your spouse is relieved by your forgiveness, keep in mind that you need forgiveness more than they do. Holding on to anger and resentment is more likely to hurt yourself than your husband. Forgiving means letting go of pain and resentment and being ready to move on.
   • Whether you keep the marriage or divorce, it is in your best interest to let go and forgive your husband.
   • Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to stay married if you don't want to. However, if you choose to stay in the relationship, forgiveness can help you heal and move on.
2. 2 Let go of this affair. Recognize that if you stay with your partner, both of you will need to build a new relationship, not try to rebuild the old. Be prepared to move in a different direction and create something new. Letting go of an affair means putting the desire to create something new above the desire to be offended by your husband or dwell on the past.
   • Let go of resentment, injustice, and guilt. And while this is easier said than done, you still need to move on in your relationship.
   • Have a let go of your spouse. Both write on pieces of paper what you want to let go, and then burn these pieces of paper. Thus, you symbolically put an end to the past, as well as open the way for new relationships to flourish.
3. 3 Make an appointment with a psychologist. If you decide to keep the relationship, then the family counseling sessions will play a big role in the reunion. Therapy will help create new roles in relationships and build a different future from the past. Even if you decide to break up, therapy can help you both do it on a pleasant note and in each other's best interests.
   • Find a therapist who specializes in couples, or better yet, adultery.
   • Look for a psychologist online or contact your insurance company if you have an extended health insurance policy. You can also call your local mental health center or get a recommendation from a friend or your PCP.
4. 4 Deliberately rebuild trust. Checking your husband's phone or email will not help restore trust. In fact, this habit is more likely to negatively affect trust on both sides. To rebuild trust, start communicating openly and honestly. Try to believe what your spouse says instead of doubting or questioning your husband. While trust may take time to rebuild, move on hopefully.
   • Cynicism and doubt are obstacles to rebuilding trust. If you find it difficult to start trusting your spouse again, talk to a counselor.
5. 5 Strengthen your relationship. As you and your husband re-establish the relationship, find new ways to connect and become partners. If you've had communication problems in the past, try to improve this aspect through frank conversations. If the problem was sex, look together for methods and techniques that can help you both have fun. Be close to each other in new and meaningful relationships.
   • For example, keep a journal together and share your thoughts, hopes, and dreams. Write in it in turn and support each other.
   • If you are unsure of how to improve your relationship, see a psychologist. He will point you in the right direction and support you along the way.

Method 4 of 4: Get Support

1. 1 Talk to close friends and family members. Getting through this experience on your own can be challenging. Reach out to close friends or family members with whom you can discuss your emotions. If you know someone who has experienced something similar, it might be a good idea to talk to them. Make it clear if you want to be heard and / or advised. This will help the other person understand how best to respond to your needs.
   • If you want this information to remain confidential, make it clear that you do not want it to be disclosed to other people.
   • While you should give free rein to your feelings, do not waste time criticizing or insulting your spouse. Not only will this make the healing process more difficult, but it will also put your friends in a difficult position if they maintain a good relationship with your spouse. Instead, focus on asking friends for help and support.
2. 2 Join a support group. You are not alone in your experience. If you want to meet other people who have been through similar experiences, look for a support group that is appropriate. It can be helpful to talk about your experiences with someone who has been in your shoes and understands you. At these meetings, you can also get advice and share resources with each other, as well as learn how other girls have forgiven their husbands.
   • Search online for support groups or call your local mental health center. You may be able to find support groups in your city. If not, search the internet for them.
3. 3 Seek support from church or community groups. Reach out to your community for support. Whether you are attending a church or a spiritual center, or feeling support from your sports teammates, it is normal to seek help in these places. If you are uncomfortable with disclosing your situation, make it clear that you are going through difficult times and need friends.
   • Tell about what happened or keep silent - it's up to you. Whichever you choose, clearly define boundaries to protect your privacy.
4. 4 Help the children feel supported. Most couples choose not to tell their children about a parent's affair.Even if you don't, children are more likely to feel tension in the family or between parents. Reassure them of your love and support. Try to keep their lives virtually unchanged, and focus on the important things.
   • Don't answer questions that don't have to be answered. For example, if the children notice that you are quarreling and ask: "Are you and your dad going to get divorced?" - answer: “We are going through difficult times, and I know that it is difficult for you too. We both love you and we don't want you to worry. "
   • Family therapy can be a good way to relieve stress in children. Family therapy can help you determine how the event affected your children and how you can support them.