Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Analyze Your Relationship
• Method 2 of 3: Communicating with Others
• Method 3 of 3: Achieving balance
• Tips

The realization that a loved one is using you can be very painful. To detect this, pay attention to certain signals. If it seems to you that your relationship is one-sided, you should not close your eyes to it or put up with this situation. To cope with relationship problems, you first need to want to understand exactly what those problems are.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Analyze Your Relationship

1. 1 Think about your role in this situation. A person can only use you if you allow him to do so. Ask yourself if this is true in your case.If you have low self-esteem, you may be trying too hard to be good to people and easily agree to do what they want. This can make you feel like people are taking advantage of you.
   • Don't reproach yourself for letting people use you. Better try to avoid this in the future.
2. 2 Ask for clarification about the status of the relationship. Sometimes you cannot say for sure at what stage your relationship is, because the other participant does not want to designate them or is not able to separate his feelings for you from others. This happens when a man or woman does not want to call the soul mate his girlfriend or his boyfriend in the presence of other people. In this case, you are most likely being used. A similar situation: Your best friend calls several other people his best friends, which makes you wonder about the true nature of your relationship.
   • Most often, this happens because the person is happy with the current situation, is not in a hurry to make a decision, or wants to remain special for you.
   • If you find yourself in a similar situation, find out how the other person defines your relationship and, if possible, how he or she wishes to see it in the future.
   • If their answer doesn't match your vision, then consider ending the relationship or changing your expectations about the other person and relationship.
3. 3 Watch the relationship while hanging out. You have the right to doubt the motives of another person if you find out that: a) you usually spend time together when the other person is bored, wants or needs something (for example, to listen to your mother-in-law's tirades about how little she sees your husband) ; b) at such a time, people usually spend alone (for example, late at night); c) This is the time spent as a substitute (as a couple at an event or a surprise bowling partner).
   • Thus, the desires and needs of the other person not only ignore yours, but also dictate one of the main aspects of any relationship - spending time together.
   • If so, then you must decide whether the benefits of the relationship outweigh your grief or not. You also need to decide whether to discuss your feelings and / or decision with another person.
4. 4 Pay attention to your relationship when you are not spending time together. You should also pay attention to your relationship when you are not together. For example, does your prospective friend rarely invite you to parties at home? A work colleague constantly stops at your desk after office meetings to take copies of notes, but keeps forgetting to invite you to dinner with the "girls"? Do you need something, but you can't find another person in any way? Although occasional missteps do happen, if you are regularly avoided or not invited, your relationship is clearly not reciprocal.
   • Thus, this person not only dictates when to spend time together, but also when not to spend it.
   • Along the way, you also need to decide, talk to the other person and see if things change or emotionally detach yourself from a relationship that you may have wished for but didn't have.
5. 5 Don't indulge in idle talk. You may find it annoying when a person promises to do something but doesn't do it, especially if it's already become a habit. This ultimately leads to distrust in the relationship. Quite often, people make a commitment by asking the other person for something in return. Therefore, pay attention to those moments when something is asked of you (or asked to do), they make a promise, but do not fulfill it.
   • If so, refuse to do what is asked of you or discuss the problem directly with another person.
6. 6 Don't forgive broken promises. People constantly break promises, while putting something or someone above you. Usually, the fault lies with them.This is a clear sign that you are not taken seriously, that you are not particularly important, or that you are considered a weak-willed person who can be used without any consequences.
   • If you find yourself in this situation, share your feelings with the other person.
   • If nothing changes, consider ending the relationship. The desire for friends, relatives, colleagues and soulmates to keep promises is not an empty dream, but a very real relationship.
7. 7 Ponder conflicting messages. Determine if what you said is different from what you said about you. Does your sister shower you with love and tell you how important you are, and then complains to your mother that when she needs you, you are nowhere? A coworker praised you for your excellent work on a joint project, and then cried to other employees about how awful you are with computers, and complained that it would be better if he did all the work himself?
   • If a person tells you one thing and does the exact opposite, he is showing disrespect to you. Remember, deeds speak louder than words.
   • If the person is gossiping about you or behaving differently around other people, alarm bells should ring in your head, warning you of ulterior motives and / or envy.
   • Think about who this person is to you, and decide how best to break up (not everyone should be friends) or settle (you will still have to work with some people) with a person you do not trust.

Method 2 of 3: Communicating with Others

1. 1 Take the conversation aside. Only four words: we are always talking about them. They talk about their families, jobs, problems, triumphs, and what they want and need from you. Basically, they don't care much if they take up your time or meddle in your business so that they can chat about themselves for hours on end.
   • In this case, you need to change the topic to one that can interest them, but would not be associated with them, or simply interrupt the conversation in the hope that they will eventually understand everything.
2. 2 Take a closer look at how little they listen to you. Pay attention to how little the other person knows about you. Does your "boyfriend" know why you hated living in the country? Have you noticed that your neighbor, who is constantly asking for something, rushes to the door as soon as you bring up a topic of concern to you about work or children? It's all about four words - we are always talking about them. If a person has no interest in you or in your life, they need something else from you that will not do you any good.
   • Discuss this issue with another person and point them to specific cases.
3. 3 Insist on consistent communication. A person who uses others will often not pick up the phone, answer SMS and letters until he himself wants to. When your communication is at the discretion of the other person, and it makes you feel secondary, it is a sign that it is. Either that, or they need you for something, for example, as a driver for a bachelor party of one of their acquaintances.
   • If this is the case, explain to them that his or her behavior is rude and ask them to communicate with each other. If that doesn't work, refuse to do what is asked of you when he or she finally takes the time to contact you.
4. 4 Make it clear that your opinion must be taken into account. Does this person consider your needs and desires before making decisions or before making a decision for you? For example, does your roommate decide what you’re going to get everyone around without giving a damn about your needs, like saving money on gas and increasing your car's mileage? If your wants, needs and opinions are not taken into account in a relationship, you are being treated unfairly.
   • Tell the other person that you feel like you're not being appreciated and just being used. Insist on discussing your relationship before taking action.
5. 5 Don't let them get away with the answer. You ask questions, but you don't get answers, or you get vague answers. In any situation, you slowly try to understand what is happening and where this is leading. It's time to get it straight. Ask your significant other why he always has a reason why he never invites you to his weekly Friday night feast with friends and their significant other. Invite your business partner to dinner and talk to them about your concerns about a project that is starting to collapse because it does not respond to some emails.
6. 6 Do not allow comparisons and attempts to assert yourself. Some people feel insecure and tend to dominate others in an effort to assert themselves in themselves and their lives. They will always have the best version, brand, method, experience, and so on. These types of people usually enter into romantic or platonic (for example, to teach you how to properly fold things and bedding) relationships in order to increase their self-esteem. They use others for emotional benefit and gain.
   • If this happens often, try to ask the other person why he or she wants to be with you, if they clearly do not like you, your things and actions.
7. 7 Take betrayal seriously. True friendship, in which people sincerely wish each other the best, depends on trust. “Everything that we say will remain between us” is either there or not in the vocabulary of another person. If you can't trust someone with complete confidence, be on your guard. If, under pain of judgment, you cannot trust someone with complete confidence, do not say anything at all. Unfortunately, you will have to learn this lesson the hard way when your trust is betrayed.
   • Regardless, you can make sure it doesn't happen again by remembering who you can trust and who you can't and without sharing important information with these people.

Method 3 of 3: Achieving balance

1. 1 Reduce assistance provided. Have you found that you carry out a bunch of orders from your boss that are not indicated in the job description, constantly nursing your cousin's children, pulling your son out of trouble, as soon as you turn away, doing work for your classmate, only to then start your own? Are you canceling plans because the other person is having a tough day and needs to talk to someone? If you do all this on a regular basis, and completely free of charge, we regret to inform you that you are being brazenly used.
   • It is very important to set boundaries when dealing with someone who solves his problems at your expense. These boundaries should limit the impact of this person's behavior on your life. For example, say that you will not return phone calls after 9:00 pm, no matter how “urgent” the matter is. If a person tries to violate the designated boundaries, do not allow him to do so.
   • Try to limit the help you get (unless the person is helping you in some way in return). You will most likely meet resistance, so please explain your reasons. From now on, everything will depend on them.
2. 2 Make sure to return any borrowed property. Three days later, you need to pay the rent, and your friend has not yet returned the 15,000 rubles that you lent him three weeks ago. A colleague "borrowed" an idea from you, and now he is bathed in glory while others celebrate his or her genius. If someone constantly borrows your things, but does not return them, then he, in fact, steals under your nose. Robbing and using you is the same thing, and it won't do you any good.
   • In the case of borrowing things, before you lend something else to that person, first ask them to return what you have already lent them.If he doesn't return anything, don't give him anything else.
   • In the case of borrowing ideas, determine if confrontation will cause further problems. If not, discuss your grievances and be careful in the future with what you say and to whom.
3. 3 Don't spend more time on the other person than you can afford. Get out a calculator and calculate how much this person is costing you. Does your partner live with you for free or does he only pay utility bills? When you are on vacation with your family, do you have to pay the bill at the restaurant all the time? If your final settlement showed a large amount, your relationship is at least out of balance (like your checkbook). And as a maximum, you are simply used, both financially and emotionally. And now you have to decide what you can afford and whether you want to continue helping the other person.
   • In the case of large waste, such as living expenses, inform the other person about your decision, about the reasons for making that decision, and how you are going to implement the changes.
   • For small expenses like paying a bar bill, just pay your share. If it turns out that your friend has "forgotten" his wallet the next time you come in for a drink, put on a sly face and say something like, "Hey, look, don't forget your wallet the next time you change your handbags."
4. 4 Stop coming to the rescue so often. Now count the number of emergencies when he needed a truck to move furniture and there is no one else to help you, and the number of times he asked for a last minute favor, such as leaving your pet with you while he was on vacation. Add to this the moments when the other person had regular troubles and immediately needed your support. Subtract the number of times he or she was there when you needed to talk to someone or needed help (extremely important at the time). The bottom line will show whether you are being used or not.
   • And in general, remember the last time this person did you a favor just like that or surprised you with a gift, ticket or dinner.
   • Now determine if your investment is paying off.
5. 5 Resist the urge to put in more effort. Because of the need to be in a relationship, you will put in more effort to keep the relationship going, even though you will be used. You will do so many things that you will no longer care about your own needs. Sometimes you will convince yourself that this does not bother you, because you love this person and feel that he needs you. However, this feeling is usually fleeting because a healthy relationship requires give and take. You may feel cornered because these relationships are difficult to avoid (for example, relationships with coworkers at work or other family members).
   • Be careful not to take on the role of guardian or martyr. Perhaps caring for other people gives you a sense of your own worth and worth to others, thereby helping to meet your own psychological needs. However, in the long term, this practice is destructive to humans.

# * If you want to please another person, write down how you feel, why you feel this way and whether the planned action will lead to the following: a) it will take away what you need; b) will not cause gratitude; c) will not solve the problem.

1. 1
   • If the answer to each of the questions is yes, you better do something for yourself.
2. 2 Discuss your feelings of resentment. Finding an imbalance in a relationship and no longer being able to tolerate it can lead to feelings of resentment. Which in turn can cause hatred towards another person.Depending on your personality, this hatred can manifest itself in a variety of ways, some of which can lead to unwanted consequences that make you feel disgusted with yourself or continue life with regret.
   • To avoid this, calmly and in a neutral environment discuss with the other person that you are holding a grudge. And remember, the conversation might not go as planned, but things went awry before it.

Tips

• Listen to your instincts. If your head tells you one thing and your heart tells you something else, it's best to follow your instincts.
• To find out if someone is using you for money, shut off their flow. You will receive your answer if you no longer see this person.
• Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. If you are being mistreated, you must not only give your opinion to the other person, but also make it clear that you are not going to tolerate it in the future.
• Remember your worth and dignity. If the person continues to use you, you shouldn't be afraid to leave.
• Learn from your mistakes so that you no longer allow yourself to be used by anyone and bypass such people a mile away.