Content

• Steps
• Tips
• Warnings
• What do you need

Each of us was late somewhere at least once. Cars break down, there are traffic jams on the roads; you can unexpectedly oversleep, or the child urgently needed to be taken to the doctor, or maybe you were late while picking up the laundry from the dry-cleaner. However, for some, being late is not an isolated incident caused by unforeseen circumstances; for some, being late is a way of expressing themselves and a way of life.The problem is that in a society where speed determines how committed you are to your job, school, relationships, etc., this kind of lifestyle is highly suspicious. If chronic tardiness has gotten the better of you and become a trait, then you're probably missing out on job offers, great opportunities, friendships, and more, just because you let tardiness rule your life. Yes, you are the one who lets them do it, and it's time to do something about it, before you miss out on even more opportunities or even lose your friends. This article is for those who are constantly late. It examines the deep psychological aspects of the endless tardiness that has become a habit. For tips on how to be on time when the problem is occasional lateness, see the article "How to be punctual."

Steps

1. 1 Recognize that it is indecent to be late. There are cultures where being late is considered normal and even desirable, but if you live in a culture that values ​​timeliness and attention to watches, you will need to develop punctuality in at least those areas of life where being late can affect your life satisfaction and Effectively interacting with people - Unless you have a ton of money and live in a creative, sympathetic environment for being late, you need to accept that arriving on time is the norm. So save the sluggishness for vacations or other occasions when being late doesn't mean that much.
   • Remember, you can cite as many cultures as you like that value being late (some look for excuses this way), but these arguments will not convince your boss, the interviewing manager, your child's teacher, or anyone else. there was someone waiting for you to come on time.
2. 2 Determine the reason for your persistent lateness and ask yourself why you still haven't done anything about it. Being late can be a sign of a variety of psychological problems. Dr. Keith Ablow identifies the following: 1) a way to relieve anxiety; 2) a way to make others respect you; 3) a way to check how much others love you There are several other reasons, for example, disorganization or over-optimism. In each of these cases, there is often a psychological urge that causes you to be late instead of solving the main problem. To understand if these reasons apply to you, ask yourself a few questions:
   • Anxiety relief: Do you feel overwhelmingly overwhelmed by things you feel you are unable to do, don’t want to do, or cannot find the resources to do? Maybe instead of looking for a solution, you just show up late to various events or meetings to distract yourself from anxiety?
   • Trying to Earn Respect: Are you using being late as a way to make sure other people are waiting for you and can't start without you? Do you feel superior to others because people have to wait for you?
   • Love Test: Does the expectation serve as a kind of confirmation that people are willing to sacrifice their time and deeds for you? Does this mean for you that they really love you, no matter how you treat them?
   • Clutter is a sign of talent and dedication - are you not meeting deadlines because you worked so hard and so tired that it’s harder for you to complete the job than if you were calm and focused?
     Do you feel like you need to be constantly busy for people to appreciate you?
   • Optimism will lead us to the right place on time: Do you often overestimate travel time, work time, or time left to deadline? Maybe you are sure that no matter what happens, you will cope with the task on the go?
3. 3 To deal with your anxiety, plan. If you're late because you're worried about prices, your behavior, getting to your destination, or something else, a plan in advance can help you cope with anxiety and be on time. For example, if you don’t like showing up on time for a workout because deep down you don’t want others to see your awkwardness, you can plan to work on this problem instead of avoiding it. Or talk to a coach about your fears. Or choose a location where you can repeat the movements of others without being seen. Planning helps you figure out how to deal with obstacles. Here are other planning methods to avoid the anxiety that provokes being late:
   • Collect all your notes, materials, and whatever you need, well in advance of the event, so that you only have to pick them up on the appointed day. If you find it difficult to get up in the morning, do your best in the evening.
   • Talk about your concern with the one you fear. Instead of avoiding the person by being late, plan to have a little chat and politely discuss what is offending you about their behavior. Be diplomatic of course, but it's always better to deal with the problem than to avoid it.
   • If you're late because you're worried about money, tell your friends that you are in financial trouble right now and cannot yet afford to order the same food as them and go to the same places. Attend only those activities that are cheaper, or explain that you will not be able to afford everything - in this case, you will not have to be late, and you will make choices that your friends will know about.
4. 4 Stop using being late as proof of your power over people. If you are running late for this very reason, it is time to stop before the number of your friends and colleagues you can trust dwindles. In such a situation, everyone understands what is happening, but most likely they only tolerate it because they need something from you, and not out of real respect. Analyze how you feel, knowing the real reason why people put up with your lateness is definitely not a well-deserved authority. It is worth realizing that soon someone may rebel and bring you down to earth - perhaps publicly. This will make you look bad.
   • According to Dr. Keith Ablow, there is no need to prove your leadership by being late. There are much more constructive and effective ways than manipulating others' submissiveness. Instead of making people wait, activate them - do what you expect them to do yourself. In other words, show that you are an effective leader in performance, not dominance. If this is too difficult for you, ask for help in management workshops.
   • Treat people with care and respect. Thomas Szasz once said: "Making a person wait is the main tactic with which you can make it clear that you consider yourself superior to him." The time of those around you is also important, and being late, you delay them. This may seem frivolous if you are in the position of a boss, but you are misusing someone else's time - you should look at it that way and stop doing it.
   • Understand - people notice your lateness, they don't like it, period. If they pretend everything is okay, it’s out of necessity, not out of respect. Remember that people don't like those who make them wait. Lazing around waiting, what else to do, how not to remember all your mistakes and shortcomings?
5. 5 Feed your self-esteem from internal sources. If you need to be late to check the loyalty of your loved ones, you are clearly missing something - in particular, self-love.Remind yourself that you don't need others to constantly prove that they care about you by sacrificing their time. In the end, they will get tired of it, even years later - and you will be deeply shocked to hear that no one else is going to wait for you. Try to see a sign of love and an invitation to be part of the team in the fact that people come on time, and not in weakness and uncertainty. And if you have too low self-esteem, do not miss the chance to raise it - it will improve your life in all respects.
   • You can find tips on this topic in the articles "How to improve self-esteem" and "How to improve self-esteem."
6. 6 Relax. If with the help of being late you prove your own importance and indispensability, you seriously risk just going to the grave due to stress! A person who is constantly fussing, trying to fulfill all the points of his busy schedule and complaining that he is not doing anything, turns a completely calm and pacifying activity into a crazy haphazard race, which, in turn, entails new delays. significantly reduce the scale of their delays. You will not benefit from taking the hardest path - the decision is yours. Remind yourself that the calmer you are, the easier it is for you to concentrate, which means it is much more likely that you will be able to do everything.
   • Let's say imagine someone is preparing a festive dinner for the whole family. This person has a choice - to cook in a relaxed and calm way or hectic and disorganized. Perhaps, if in his environment it is customary to cook festive dinners in insane chaos, he himself does exactly the same, which turns into a bad habit. There is really no need to exhaust yourself with preparation - this is not at all an indication of enthusiasm or experience. It is much easier to calm down, relax, and surrender to the flow.
7. 7 Combine optimism with a sober outlook on life. Everyone loves optimists, but even such a wonderful impulse can go too far, turning into "magical thinking" instead of real results. As with anxiety, an optimistic overestimation of one's ability to get from A to B quickly during rush hour, or to get everything done before the deadline, is the result of a lack of planning. Stay optimistic, but control it with clear plans that include possible contingencies that might delay you, such as a traffic jam, leaking ink, or problems with appliances. Make plans A, B and C to be ready for a siding. This does not mean that you have to imagine the worst-case scenario every time - just think about possible obstacles in advance. Thinking ahead can greatly help you deal with being late.
8. 8 Organize your routine. If you tend to squeeze too many appointments on the same day or find it difficult to turn people down, it could be a reason for being late due to overlapping things. especially if the person doesn't know that you rarely show up on time. It is much easier to plan your daily routine so that its items do not overlap - take breaks between meetings. Remember how important it is to recover and shift attention; it is your duty both to yourself and to those with whom you make appointments.
   • Take a look at your diary. Is it too many promises that are difficult to keep? Think about rearranging the appointments you've already made and making fewer appointments in the future so you can focus on quality rather than quantity, while making time for people you know.
   • Some tasks should be delegated to someone. Surely there are people who could perfectly do some things - from family members to staff at work. Do only what you have time to do.Taking on too much is bad for your health and for interacting with others. To learn how to say no, read the article How to Stop Pleasing Everyone.
   • Learn to leave time between activities and appointments. To rush here and there, without giving yourself breaks, very soon becomes unbearable. Politicians have such a schedule, but they have many employees who do everything for them - what about you? No, so don't try to be superhuman lest you crash. Breaks also serve as a kind of reserve that allows you to linger on one event and still be in time for the next.
9. 9 Respect the time. By starting to value your time, you can set limits on activities that consume it, like reading mail instead of going to bed on time. Your time is valuable, and your duty to yourself is to learn how to handle it carefully so that you can fill it with your own affairs, and not go with the flow without plans and clear boundaries. Respecting your time, you will be able to respect someone else's, knowing what to make waiting for people is an abuse of their valuable time.
   • Contact with time requires direct focus on it. People who are late often do not understand that time should be used correctly in order to get the most out of life. Meditation is good for time awareness; other ways are to write down all appointments in a diary, plan your day every morning, read about the very concept of time. Surprise yourself - try to find out everything about what you have avoided even thinking about!
   • Watch out for time traps. Due to modern technology, we constantly feel the need to be online or connected. However, by doing so, you run the risk of wasting time on this, during which you could have done something more productive and enjoyable. It may seem to you that being constantly in touch is rational and allows you to keep abreast of the latest information, but you can simply stop noticing the passage of time. When you find that technology is taking your time, remind yourself that you control it, not they control you. If you're running late for appointments, checking emails or playing computer games, it's time to shift your priorities.
   • Head over to DeathClock.com and see how much time you actually have left. Your personal results may be enough to motivate you to make better use of your time!
10. 10 Stop convincing yourself that you are just the kind of person who is constantly late. Every time someone jokes that you would “be late even for your own funeral,” this label runs the risk of sticking to you. By agreeing with such comments (“Oh yes, I'm always late, everyone knows about it”), you subconsciously inform yourself that you are just such a person. Stop calling yourself the person who is always late. Mentally talk to yourself, replacing your "lateness, elevated to a cult", with "positive punctuality." Say to yourself, for example, the following:
    • "I always come to meetings on time."
    • "I'm punctual."
    • "I respect my time and get the most out of it by always being on time."
    • "I take everything I can from life, not putting aside anything."
    • "My power is in my punctuality."
    • “I am a great leader because I always come on time, freeing up the time of my co-workers / colleagues / teammates for creative, productive and interesting things.”
    • “I am following the schedule. I'm calm. Everything I work on happens on time. "
11. 11 Treat punctuality as a positive trait. Being late shows you as a person who is inattentive to others, and being timely is an obvious expression of your respect. You can't give people back the time they lost waiting for you, so it's disrespectful to think that you have the right to take it away from them for no reason. According to Peggy Post, absolute punctuality is required in the following situations:
    • Interview: even half a minute late here is too much.If you want to get a job, always show up for interviews on time.
    • Business meeting. Come on time or even earlier to get ready for your presentation, etc. You should not make people wait while you launch Power Point or swap chairs, because this can be done while no one else has arrived.
    • Lunch or Dinner. The chef deserves respect and the food cools quickly, so never be late for lunch or dinner. In case of a date at a restaurant, come no later than five minutes after the appointed time; if you are invited to a dinner party, schedule the time so that you do not come earlier, while the host is still finishing preparations, and no later than ten to fifteen minutes after the appointed hour. If your country has different standards, check with the hosts about the best time to come. If you realize that you are not in time, call the owner of the house and warn him.
    • Meeting at the cinema or theater. If you need to buy tickets, come in advance, taking into account the long lines. If tickets have already been purchased, arrive approximately 10 minutes before the start of the show or film.
    • Appointment with a specialist (doctor, dentist, hairdresser, etc.). For them, time is money. By being late, you cut their paycheck and waste time from the next clients. If you are late, call in advance.

Tips

• Set an alarm on your phone to remind yourself to arrive on time. If you start to ignore him, change the melody.
• Change your mindset and reassess your priorities.
• Do you have a watch or phone with you? You can be late because you don't know what time it is. Reorganize your life so that you always have access to your watch.
• Punctual friends or family can help you by warning you when you are at risk of being late and urging you on. Also, don't be surprised if they leave without you, if you delay them, or just ask them to stop waiting for you. This will relieve them of their guilt and make you hurry.
• Naturally, as always in life, there are exceptions. Accidental delays due to unexpected traffic jams, a child's illness, an accident, etc. - it is quite excusable. However, it is unacceptable to use such excuses all the time. In this age of mobile phones, it is most polite to call and explain what happened.
• Always carry change with you to pay for parking, a bus or a cup of coffee. Then you do not have to delay, because you did not have money with you or you are looking for an ATM.
• Go to bed earlier so you can get up earlier.
• You can move your watch forward five minutes - you will know that they are in a hurry and try to do everything five minutes early.

Warnings

• If you receive a warning that you will be late for work, take it seriously. Chances are, your punctuality will be constantly assessed from the moment of warning, so you won't have a chance for a second mistake.
• The impoliteness of being late is only made worse if you hide the reason for it. For many people, not knowing is tantamount to the possibility that something terrible has happened to you. If you can't help but be late, at least be polite and notify people that you are late because of something really important.

What do you need

• Diary, phone alarms, calendars, etc.