Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: Reducing the Impact of Pessimism
• Part 2 of 3: Communicating Effectively with Pessimists
• Part 3 of 3: Identifying and Understanding Pessimistic Thinking
• Tips

Are there pessimists in your life - people who think more about the negative aspects of any situation than about the positive ones? If you are optimistic and enjoy life, you will likely find it difficult to understand and agree with their pessimistic views. When dealing with such people, the main thing is not to let them oppress you and reduce their pessimistic influence. It is very important to be aware of pessimism and learn how to communicate effectively with people who have a less positive outlook on life.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Reducing the Impact of Pessimism

1. 1 Concentrate on yourself. Sometimes we can spend a lot of time worrying about others and their feelings, thus forgetting about ourselves. Take responsibility for your feelings and reactions about pessimism. By focusing on your own happiness and less on others, you get rid of the influence of negativity.
   • Remind yourself that you are in control. You control how much other people's thoughts and feelings affect you.
   • Even if you find it difficult to perceive pessimism, understand that other people's pessimism is a reflection of themselves, and you can control your feelings. You decide what affects your feelings.
2. 2 Change your thinking. Use logic as a highly resilient protective resource. Be positive. Research shows that optimism can increase mental toughness. This means that your optimistic outlook can help you overcome pessimism and get away from negativity.
   • Look for something good in everything and remind yourself that anyone can find flaws in everything on close inspection; it is much more difficult to come to solutions and affirmative action. Instead of trying to convince the pessimist with a verbally upbeat commentary, just continue your positive life and let your behavior and actions do all of the above.
   • If your mood gets worse when dealing with a pessimist, make a list in your mind (or even write down, if you like) five good things in your life. Think of these things on your list as a kind of "shield" against negativity if you find yourself starting to react to it.
   • Develop friendships with optimistic people more actively. Spending more time with optimists will lift your spirits and convince yourself that your state of mind is correct.
3. 3 Focus on the person's good qualities. A person's pessimistic views are not his only individual trait, because a person has a set of more complex qualities, so instead of looking for negative traits of a person, try to find something good in him. Maybe he's smart? Responsive? Is he unique enough not to worry about what others think of him? Is it good to work with him? Concentrate on the positive traits of the person and find a balance with the negative.
   • Just as you made a list of five positive things in your life, try making a list of at least three positive qualities of your pessimist friend, and think about them when it becomes difficult to communicate with him. You can also use this list to remind the pessimist what he is good at if he has forgotten.
   • Try to understand the pessimist by reminding him that his pessimism can stem from unhappiness or low self-esteem. When you hear negativity, remember that the person may have gone through some difficulties that led to the emergence of pessimism.
4. 4 Don't try to control. Understand that you have no control over other people's opinions and behavior. Trust that the pessimist is responsible for his pessimism. He sees things in a negative way, so let him interpret events and life for himself.Accept that the person can choose how they think.
   • Advise the pessimist to make the choice that is more comfortable for him. Do not advise or pressure, imposing a different point of view.
5. 5 Don't try to be a hero. Resist the natural urge to try and cheer up the pessimist. After all, you need to avoid reinforcing the negative thoughts of this person in your pessimistic thinking (through attention, support, and so on).
   • Don't try to convince the pessimist that everything is fine. Remember, you have no control over how he interprets the situation.
6. 6 Practice acceptance. Don't give up immediately with the pessimist. Connecting with people who are not like you is an important part of self-development and socialization.
   • Being pessimistic isn't always a bad thing. Some philosophers and scientists argue that this can actually make people happier and closer to reality, because they are ready to be disappointed if they realize that the worst outcome is possible. That way, when something bad happens, they can better deal with it.

Part 2 of 3: Communicating Effectively with Pessimists

1. 1 Be assertive. Provide feedback and help your pessimistic friend understand how they are affecting others. Be mature in dealing with him.
   • Be honest. If a pessimist bothers you in a certain way or affects you negatively, let him know. Say that you are sorry that your friend sees things this way, but you have a different point of view.
   • Use sentences with "I": "I feel ____ when you are _____." Focus on your feelings rather than the actions of others.
   • Don't put up labels. Tell the pessimistic person that pessimism is likely to be useless and can lead to conflict.
2. 2 Reframe the negative. Another thing you can do is offer alternative perspectives on the problem. However, remember that you are not trying to protect the person from pessimism or encouragement. You are simply expressing your opinion and disagreeing with his view of the situation.
3. 3 Set limits. It may take time for you to stay away from the person. Set boundaries for what you can discuss with the person and for how long being under their influence will allow you to overcome your dislike for their presence.
   • Don't ignore it as it can be seen as passive-aggressive communication.
   • Limit communication if necessary. However, if it is a friend, colleague, or family member of yours, then you will not have the ability or desire to avoid it. In such a case, only reducing the time spent with him will be beneficial for your well-being.
4. 4 Don't forget about parenting. Show understanding when interacting with people who think differently.
   • If the pessimist does not want to do what you do, be sensitive to his problems and difficulties. It is a gentle, yet subtle way of highlighting a thing that is negative to him, focusing directly on it and expressing sympathy for his anxiety and pain.
   • Be understanding and sympathetic, but avoid negativity.
   • For example, tell a pessimist who does not want to support you in some activity that he can go home / not come, but you will still do what you intend to do. Say something like: "I'm sorry, but it's hard for me to be with you. Do what you think is necessary (go home / don't come / stay here / do the task easier, and so on)."

Part 3 of 3: Identifying and Understanding Pessimistic Thinking

1. 1 Signs of pessimism. Initially, your joyful thinking may be compromised by the pessimistic pressure of the other person. It can be helpful to know the pessimistic thinking patterns in order to detect them on your own. Signs of negative thinking are:
   • Thoughts that everything is going badly. This is also known as catastrophization, that is, thinking that the worst is going to happen.
   • Belief that a negative outcome is inevitable.
   • A person may blame himself or others for things going wrong.
2. 2 Understand the possible underlying causes. A possible reason for the existence of pessimistic thinking is depression. If this is the case, the pessimist may need psychological or medical treatment.
   • Learn how to cope with depression so you know the symptoms and treatments for the disease.
   • If you are worried that your friend or family member has a mental health problem, you can voice your concern and suggest treatment. Just say, "I think you've been looking sad (or angry, or negative) lately. Maybe you can talk to a professional about this? I think it will be helpful."
3. 3 Continue to explore the topic of pessimism. The more you know about pessimism, the less likely you are to be exposed to pessimistic thinking. Objective knowledge of pessimism makes it possible to understand this phenomenon and more easily put up with it.
   • You can read the book How to Learn Optimism by Martin Seligman. Dr. Seligman is a psychologist and expert in positive psychology. He offers ways to determine if you are an optimist or a pessimist, as well as ways to accept it. The book can be useful to both optimists and pessimists, as it teaches how to become more optimistic.

Tips

• When talking to a pessimistic person, pick a time when he is more optimistic - this will increase the likelihood that your idea will be well received.