Content

• Steps

Dealing with your own sexual orientation can be difficult, but it will be even more difficult if you know your parents will not respond well. If your parents have shown you homophobic attitudes in the past, this may lead you to hide this part of your life from them - and some people do just that. If this isn't about you, and you want to share with them, here are some tips on how to communicate with your parents.

Steps

1. 1 Realize the consequences of your honesty. If you are a teenager who lives under the same roof with these parents, then this can be more difficult than you imagine. Parents can react rather unpredictably when their child is gay, so be prepared for any of these consequences:
   • They can restrict your freedom by forbidding you to communicate with friends (even if your friends are polite and calm people) so that you cannot fall under the "bad influence".
   • They may enroll you against your will in "educational projects" or religious sects that provide opportunities for orientation change. One or all of these cases may occur. Be ready.
   • Even if you are already an adult, your frankness can provoke hysteria, anger and statements like “You are not my son” or “We are abandoning you” or “We don’t want you to go to hell” from your parents. This is insulting and very painful.
2. 2 Realize that your life is your own business. You yourself are responsible for your life, and no one else has the right to do this. If you decide to admit to your parents that you are gay, their reaction, no matter how dramatic and harsh it may be, should not influence your choice. Remember that no matter how bad this news may lead, you are the person who lives this life, and even if your parents are unhappy and offended, this is your life, and they cannot stop you. However, as long as you live with them, they have the right to tell you what to do, so be prepared for this. But if they are too annoying, it may be a sign to you that it is worth moving out. If you are not ready to live separately yet, you may have rushed to confess.
3. 3 Be kind and compassionate. Your parents may not react well, and this may be due to grief or confusion. Whatever they do, remember that they love you and want the best for you. For them, your news can be shocking, as they look to the future and there they can plan your wedding or wait for grandchildren. They may have a difficult period associated with the collapse of hopes for the future. Try to console them and help them realize that anything can be viewed from both sides, and many gay men get married and have children.
4. 4 Respect their religious views. If they object to you on religious grounds, understand that you will not get their approval. They believe they are acting in your best interest by taking a stance against your "lifestyle." You cannot change their views without questioning their faith. They can also challenge your faith if you are a Christian. If this is the case, you should read How to Resign Your Christian Faith to the Gay Life.
5. 5 Don't expect to get approval, but make it clear that you are not waiting for their approval. Sometimes it can be helpful to say, "Until you give me your approval, I will understand that it will not be." However, your parents may not allow you to be gay. Do not quarrel with them, it will not help. Instead, say, “I'm not here for permission. I am not asking for approval. I hope for your understanding and patience. " Remember that if you are still dependent on them, they can influence you by the fact that it is they who contain you. You don't need their permission, but they may stop supporting you.
6. 6 Allow them to react and respond to you. Respectfully listen to their response to the fact that you are a homosexual. Answer carefully and with restraint, but confidently - do not show your worries. Cry, it's okay, but stay determined. Doubting will give them hope that you can "change." Research after study shows that these behaviors can be reduced, but not eradicated or completely changed. By giving them false hope, you can inadvertently contribute to the fact that they will be angry, and the process of accepting you as you are, will drag on. If you are confident and determined, they will know what the future holds for them; if they know that you will remain gay, they will accept it much faster.
7. 7 Know when enough is said. When you have told them what you had to say and when they have expressed their opinion, do not bring up the topic for at least one day. Leave them alone so they can discuss it among themselves, and make sure you and your parents get along well again. Either way, be honest.
8. 8 Understand that your parents need time. Sometimes people need time to get used to a new reality. Don't expect the next time you see them, everything will be perfect. They will be tense for some time. If they are very anxious, try to leave them alone or communicate via emails. Try not to bring up this issue until they get used to this fact. Instead, be prepared to allow them to just chat with you about abstract topics: about the weather or how is Aunt Bernice doing. This will give your parents hope that they can have a casual conversation with you and that they will feel better. This does not mean that you ignore the question or pretend to forget. You just give them time to get used to this thought.
9. 9 Prepare for the worst. If they resist and give you an ultimatum (“If you become gay, we will no longer do business with you”), you must come up with an answer to that. If you plan on pretending to be closer to them, think about how you will continue to live together. If you decide to stick with your plan and live a normal life, you should be ready to say goodbye to them, at least for a while. If so, you can continue to send them postcards, letters, and even call them to tell them you love them. However, be prepared for the fact that they may not read your letters and not reply to you.
10. 10 Do not give up. If you love your parents and want to keep in touch with them, you must respect them, no matter what decision they make. If you keep getting their attention, it won't last long. Don't give up, try and hope.