Content

• Steps

Fathers often do not show up in children's lives for many reasons. Sometimes the cause may be due to a broken parent relationship causing the father to lose all contact with his child. Another reason may be that the child is adopted by someone else, so the biological father cannot live with the child. Perhaps now you want to find your father, or the father wants to contact the children. For the best long-term results, you should prepare well for your first meeting.

Steps

Part 1 of 4: Finding the father

1. 

   Search for biological father. If you want to get in touch but don't know how to find your father, you will need to do an inquiry. Keep in mind that searching can take a long time and won't necessarily get you to see your biological father again.

2. 

   
   
   Find out relevant local or state laws. If you are adopted, you should learn to develop laws regarding the management of adoption cases. For example you will be able to access your birth certificate to find your father's name.

3. 

   
   
   Find adoption or family reunification registration information. This information allows parents and foster children who want to contact post their information. Communication can play a role in keeping you in touch with your father.
   • However, you should be careful when searching through social media. Check your profile security settings to control open information if you want to find your father.

4. 

   
   
   Talk to loved ones to get information about your father. For example, you can find out the workplace or the name and address of your grandparents to find out your biological father's current information.

5. 

   Hire an expert or an amateur detective. If you are hiring an expert, you should make sure they are properly certified by the authority. The amateur detective does not specialize in this service, but can still help gather valuable information. advertisement

Part 2 of 4: Deciding to see my father

1. 

   Decide about meeting your father. Reasons for establishing a relationship may be to have a family history of illness or reunite with a loved one.
   • If the father makes contact, keep in mind that the rest of the decision is with you, not the father, relative or friend. You can choose to stay in touch with your biological father as long as you are ready for the meeting.

2. 

   Mentally prepare. You should read the stories of people who reunited for the first time with your biological father or joined an adoptive support group. You can also talk to friends and family about your decision, and be aware that they also have their own feelings about the matter.
   • Note that the father may not want to see you right away. Before you initiate contact, you should plan for a father's refusal to contact. Plan to interact with specific people, such as a support friend or social worker, if this happens.
   • The father may feel surprise, fear, joy, or it could be all of these emotions. Parents often feel guilt or shock in relation to a child they have never met. Note that your father's reactions often progress gradually. You need to make sure that you are able to express your feelings about your biological father's reaction to someone you trust.

3. 

   Think about what you would like to see when meeting your biological father. Do not visualize your father. What would you like your father to be, and how would you treat him if he was completely different from what you expected?
   • Instead of dreaming of finding the perfect father, focus on answering basic questions or finding new information that you do not know.
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Part 3 of 4: Meeting dad for the first time

1. 

   Don't talk too much about yourself. During your first meeting, don't give your full name, or home or work address. Although this is his biological father, he is still a stranger and may mention personal information less immediately.
   • Avoid imposing deep emotional relationships the first time you meet them. You should start slowly to deliver lasting, positive results.
   • You can choose to communicate by email, text, or correspondence before you meet. This will help you get to know your father slowly and effectively.

2. 

   Make an appointment with your biological father. The first meeting should be about two hours long. You can choose a quiet place like in a park or a coffee shop with few people during the day so that the two sides can talk and express emotions easily.
   • You can meet your father alone or with someone with you. Some local and state governments often provide an intermediary service in which a social worker will accompany you on your first meeting.

3. 

   Make a question. This meeting is your chance to answer all questions about your background. You should prepare some questions in advance about your father's life or your paternal family.
   • For example, you could say, “Looks like you are the only one in the house who likes to learn math. Do you like math? Did you inherit that from the paternal side or not? "
   • You need to ask questions about your health that are important to you. This is your chance to find out possible genetic risk for heart disease, diabetes or cancer.
   • Note general characteristics. During the first meeting you may notice something about yourself and your biological father.

4. 

   Does not set great plans for the future. The initial meeting is often emotional. You and your father may be surprised by how you feel, and you both need time to reflect on your meeting and plan your next action.
   • If the father wants to think about the future, suggest something that is not so important but must be solid. For example, you could schedule a time to have coffee and talk again over the next few weeks.

5. 

   Establish a support system for yourself. Make sure family or friends know about your meeting with your biological father. Plan after meeting and the whole day. For example, you can call a friend to make an appointment for dinner. Do not go back to work or study immediately. If you plan to visit a therapist or counselor, or work with a social worker, you should schedule an appointment or call to talk. advertisement

Part 4 of 4: Developing the long-term plan

1. 

   Don't let your first meeting, even if you disappoint, hurt your relationship. If your first date doesn't go well, you should still stay in the relationship. Try to continue to get to know each other. There are no standards for ideal reunification, and it can be a very difficult experience for father and son.

2. 

   Realize that you can go through your "honeymoon" period. If your first meeting ends well, you may feel euphoria and a feeling of connection. But this connection did not last, at least for this extent. You or your father need to look back and evaluate your situation. Be willing to take the time to settle conflicts, get upset, and build relationships. This is the normal stage of reunification.

3. 

   Set a line between your two lives. When you set small expectations, you will both be able to build a lasting and lasting relationship. You need to be proactive in setting limits, as parents often have greater desires for reunification than their children.
   • For example, if you have children, you should wait until you both get to know each other before introducing your child to a father.
   • Regulate the appropriate form of contact. Maybe the father should call before visiting, even if the two live close together. Or you can specify call times instead of close relationships that can be called or texted at any time.

4. 

   Take time to develop a relationship. Any relationship needs to be developed and deepened. If you and your biological father want to continue the relationship, you should both schedule a time to meet each other. For example, you could schedule a monthly lunch or call, or join in a sporting or music event from time to time.

5. 

   Accept the fact that the relationship may not be deep or lasting. Although the reunification has great benefits, some people do not want to prolong the relationship with their father. Maybe your values ​​or lifestyles are too different, or the father isn't able to continue a good relationship with you.

6. 

   Don't forget the family you grew up in. Continue to maintain a close relationship with your current family. The people who raised you will appreciate that even if you meet your biological father again, they still occupy a special place in your life. advertisement