Author:
Roger Morrison
Date Of Creation:
20 September 2021
Update Date:
1 July 2024
Content
- To step
- Part 1 of 3: Adjusting to the new relationship
- Part 2 of 3: Maintaining your friendship
- Part 3 of 3: Overcoming jealousy
If you have been friends with someone for a longer period of time, then at some point you will experience that the person starts dating or gets into a steady relationship. When your best friend has a new girlfriend, it's like taking a new person into the family. Things change - for better or for worse. Your boyfriend may not want to hang out together that much anymore. Or he can start new hobbies or interests because of his girlfriend's preferences. He can even get a new group of friends through her. This can be difficult to deal with, but you can learn to be a supportive friend and get sporty with the changes.
To step
Part 1 of 3: Adjusting to the new relationship
Support the relationship. Even if it means giving up, you can still try to be really happy just because he's happy. Even if you're not happy with his choice about his girlfriend, keep your negative opinion about it to yourself and let them get to know each other. - A simple and straightforward way to show support could be to say something like "Hey, man, it really looks like Vanessa is making you happy. As long as that's the case, she's fine with me! "
- The worst thing you can do is pretend the new girlfriend doesn't exist or refuse to talk about it. If he feels good about it, it's important that you openly support the relationship.
Try to get to know her. Remember why you like and trust your best friend - chances are he's a great guy and quite competent in choosing a girl to date. You may or may not like her too. You don't have to like her to support your boyfriend. - You could choose to go out with the two of you to see what she's like. You can ask her questions about where she is from, her family, hobbies or goals. Doing this shows your friend that you are making an effort to get to know her.
- Remember that you don't have to be her friend to make your boyfriend feel happy about the relationship. Your job as a friend is to want the best for him, but you can't choose what's best for your best friend.
Try to be happy for him. You are there to be a friend, not a parent, therapist, protector or anything else. In a true friendship, you should want your friend to be happy. If he is happy, share in the joy. If he's not happy, that's really for him to find out. - Be honest with yourself. Does your boyfriend seem to really like the new girlfriend? Can you find any clear indication that she is a bad person? If you answered "yes" and "no," she is probably a decent choice for him right now. Show your happiness by asking them about the relationship, inviting them as a couple to social events, and spending time with them.
Keep any negative opinions about his girlfriend to you. Unless you're asked about it, it's probably in your best interest to keep your mouth shut about what you don't like about your best friend's new girlfriend. He or she could blame you for this so that you end up being the black sheep. - Know that any negative feelings you have toward her could be related to the fact that you can spend less time with your best friend, instead of having a real problem with her. Don't let your feelings cloud the advice you want to give the friend.
Part 2 of 3: Maintaining your friendship
Cherish the time you spend together. It should be about quality and not about getting "equal" time. The best part of the friendship is loving and cherishing the moments you have with your best friend. Your relationship doesn't have to change too much just because he's in a new relationship. - Just to be clear: You are not his girlfriend. You won't win the battle for his attention and could end up without a friend if you start forcing the issue.
- Make sure your best friend knows that you enjoy the time together and that it is important to you. At the same time, make sure that he does not cancel appointments made with you at the last minute to go to his girlfriend. Be realistic about how he can balance your friendship and the new girlfriend.
Be open to double or group dates. Rather than fighting for time, see if it's possible for at least some of the time you are together to include any partners. That way, you get the chance to spend time with your best friend and get a front row seat to see how happy she makes him. The more you can spend time with them, the sooner you'll get used to his new relationship. - Even if you're unsure about this new girl, your boyfriend will appreciate the effort you put into getting to know her. You can then at least spend some time with your best friend that you wouldn't otherwise get because he'd be with her.
Suggest to spend a day with his girlfriend. If you have any concerns about your best friend's new girlfriend, spending some time with her can ease your concerns. Tell him you'd like to get to know his girlfriend better (which can be easily misunderstood, by the way) and if he thinks it's a good idea for the two of you to plan a trip together. - Go somewhere with his girlfriend, maybe to the park, the arcade or a sporting event. You won't be dating her, of course, but if you go somewhere together, you may be able to get to know her better and ease your worries.
Get used to listening to the ups and downs of the relationship. Being a good friend is an important part of being supportive. It can be difficult to listen to how great his relationship is so you may find yourself focusing on the most negative of it. Don't fall into the trap of talking bad about her - listen and let him lead the conversation.
Part 3 of 3: Overcoming jealousy
Wonder why you feel threatened by your boyfriend's new relationship. Part of this could be related to the lack of structure of your friendship, as both family and love relationships have some structure and future expectations. - Realize that changes in friendships are part of growing up and getting older. If each of you finds love and starts your own family, the time you can spend together will diminish. However, it does not change the value of that time.
- It can be difficult at first to see how you fit into their life, when the romantic relationship is new and they are really focused on each other and their future "together".
Do not impulsively start a relationship yourself. If you're the only one single now, you may be tempted to just start dating someone. You do not compete with him over time or a certain level of happiness tied to "being in love". - The feeling of jealousy is normal, so be aware that you may not be looking for a new romance so much as fighting the jealousy. You don't have to be in a relationship just because your best friend is.
Come to terms with your own feelings for your friend. If your best friend's new girlfriend makes you jealous, you may want to investigate whether you are romantically interested in your boyfriend. It's very common to feel something for a friend and then see those feelings challenged when another comes into the picture. You may have reached an impasse in your relationship where return is no longer possible. - You will have to decide if you want to tell your best friend about your feelings. This can be a risk as it can seem like you're just trying to end his new relationship. Also keep in mind that feelings are fleeting. You may not want to tell your friend if you think your feelings are temporary.
- Telling a friend that you have a crush on them can drastically change your friendship. On the other hand, it can be difficult for you to watch him go out with someone else. Talk to someone you trust and ask them for advice on what to do. Don't act irrationally - think about your options before taking action.
Expect to share your boyfriend's time with his girlfriend. There are still only 24 hours in a day and now more people are trying to share those hours. Anticipate changes and you're less likely to be surprised if he suddenly doesn't have that much time to do things together. - It is estimated that a new romantic relationship will cost you two friendships. This is because you suddenly have less time for friends. If that friend is important to you, you should be prepared to spend less time with him if you want to stay friends.
Realize that you don't have to compete for attention. You play a different role in his life than the new girlfriend and neither of you has to be a direct competitor. Rest assured knowing that the two of you were friends before and will likely remain friends - whether she stays or goes. 
Balance your time by seeing other friends. You and your best friend may have been inseparable. Now he has to share his time. Accept that and only plan social activities with other friends or family members who also value your presence. This can help you feel less rejected by your boyfriend's new relationship. - Chances are, you've neglected some other relationships in favor of spending time with your best friend. Take your newfound free time and use it to reconnect with those you haven't seen for a long time. They will certainly appreciate the extra time and attention.
