Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Provide constructive criticism
• Part 2 of 3: Providing constructive criticism
• Part 3 of 3: Using the feedback sandwich
• Tips

The art of giving feedback in a constructive way will encourage someone to grow and not feel bad about the comments. Constructive criticism improves a person's behavior and prevents accusations and personal attacks. Constructive criticism has a positive tone and is aimed at clear, achievable goals.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Provide constructive criticism

1. Notice the difference between constructive criticism and destructive criticism. Constructive criticism improves a person's behavior, encouraging positive change. Destructive criticism, on the contrary, condemns and discourages a person.
   • Destructive criticism humiliates, hurts, and discredits people.
   • In contrast, constructive criticism improves certain behaviors without personal attacks. The self-esteem of the other is preserved.
2. Good intentions. Your reasons for criticizing someone's work or behavior affect the way you convey feedback. If you have a covert motive other than wanting to help someone do something better, it can come across as blatantly negative. Think about whether the criticism you want to give is actually productive.
   • Good intentions don't always get a positive response. For example, if a friend has gained a lot of weight since the last time you saw each other, telling her that she needs to lose weight because of her health probably won't go down well, and in fact she may even feel hurt. Criticism is one of those areas where intentions are less important than what you actually say and do.
   • Rather than acting impulsively, it is better to think tactfully about what it would sound like if you told that person what you think. Are the words you choose appropriate? What about the underlying social manners? And as for yourself? For example, if you want to criticize your girlfriend about her weight and you are naturally slim yourself, think about how she feels when she receives this criticism from you, someone who has never had problems with their weight, or has experienced discrimination based on body weight.
3. Is the criticism justified? If someone asks for feedback and is willing to change, constructive criticism is valid. Ask yourself if that person is better off receiving constructive criticism. Would it have a positive impact on the person's life?
   • Unsolicited criticism can be hurtful. If the problem is relatively minor, such as you don't like your girlfriend's wardrobe because she's wearing too much pink and you want to tell her that, then it might be better not to say anything at all ... unless you like the idea that the situation is harmful to her or could cause her harm. It is important to use criticism as a means to help the other person, not to air your own opinion.
4. Ask yourself if you are the right person to criticize. If you have a leadership role in which you have some authority or someone has explicitly asked you to provide feedback, it is acceptable to provide constructive criticism.
   • For example, if you have a business and it is time for the quarterly meetings with your employees, you will need to review the work of your employees and discuss strategies for improvement, if you feel there is room for growth.
5. Choose the time and place. It is important to choose a quiet environment for criticizing, without the presence of others, because hearing criticism is stressful when it happens in a group. For example, it is a bad idea to give performance reviews during a meeting that is attended by colleagues and other employees.
   • Schedule an appointment with the person. Make an appointment for a personal meeting in a non-threatening environment, such as an office. Allow enough time for the meeting to allow for dialogue should the person have questions and want to respond to your feedback. It is important not to rush such conversations, so that the other person feels that they have been valued and respected, rather than dismissed and turned away.
   • The environment where you have the conversation should feel neutral and be pleasant. When you are having a conversation with a loved one, it may be helpful to get out of the house and take a walk or drive to a place that you both enjoy.
   • If you are having a conversation with a colleague or student, meet in a meeting room or another neutral room where you have some privacy.

Part 2 of 3: Providing constructive criticism

1. Start in a positive way. You can always find something positive to say when you give someone constructive criticism, even if it's just that that person has shown commitment. Start with a sincere and honest expression of your appreciation (again, even something like “Thank you x, y, and z…”) to make the person feel appreciated. Then move on and offer constructive criticism.
   • When you ask someone to change, start in a positive way. This will also make the process and outcome more positive.
2. Keep your own emotions out. If you give feedback about a personal matter, you can feel emotions about it. If you are angry or upset, your posture and the sound of your voice will cause the other person to become defensive and less open to your criticism.
   • Stay calm. You may get nervous about giving feedback and responding to the other person's reaction. Stay calm and collected by repeating the key points and keeping your goal in mind. If the tense emotions threaten to escalate, stop the conversation. Return at a later time when you have settled down.
3. Smile and use body language. Show the other person that you are empathetic. This will make the person feel more comfortable. Also let us know that you have been through the same.
   • Maintain calm eye contact without staring at the other person.
   • Keep your body open by not crossing your legs and arms. Arms and legs crossed tightly can indicate that you are closed or angry. By keeping your body more open, you indicate with your body that there is room for discussion and dialogue between yourself and receiving the feedback.
4. Pay attention to the tone of your voice. Make your voice sound even and gentle. The tone of your voice can convey as much and sometimes more than the words you choose.
   • Avoid raising your voice or giving it any sharp edge in any way. Use a tone of voice to the recipient of the criticism that you would feel comfortable under if the roles were reversed.
5. Avoid negative language, accusations and personal attacks. This reduces the chance that the recipient of your criticism will respond defensively or angrily.
   • Avoid harsh, judgmental language, such as "You don't understand" and "Your idea is stupid."
   • Wrap your criticism in "I" statements, to speak from your own experiences, and also show how the other person's behavior is affecting you and your situation. For example, "I felt that this report could be better. I would like a clearer treatment of the main points so that we have a better idea of ​​which way to go from this point on."
   • Avoid "you" statements that directly blame the recipient of the criticism. For example, instead of, "Your report did not convey the main points clearly," say something like "This report could be a bit more specific about the main points."
6. Be specific. The more precise your feedback is, the more clear it is to the other person what needs to be done about it. Focus on objective points and not your own opinion. Just telling the person you didn't like it is of little use. Instead, divide your feedback into main points and provide specific examples of each point so that they know what to do next. Here's an example:
   • An employee has just completed a report on new restaurants in town. You've read it and your feedback is "A good try, but I didn't like it. Over again." Whether someone likes something or not is subjective and, without reference to specific criteria, it is difficult for the recipient of the criticism to know what needs to be improved. Instead, indicate the points that are problematic and that you are critical of, and give specific examples: "The identification of these restaurants worked well, but the description of the restaurants could be a bit more thorough. Expand the report with information about the type of food each restaurant serves, their home menus and where to find them. "
7. Encourage self-criticism. In some cases, it is better to let the person come up with ideas for solutions before you give their own opinion about what needs to be done.
   • Once you have expressed your criticism, ask the person what their ideas are about how to deal with it. This can make the person feel more useful and competent.
8. Focus on the behavior and not the person. Think carefully before criticizing someone's appearance or character traits. You are almost guaranteed to hurt their feelings. However, if you feel the need to comment on a personal matter, try to separate the person from the situation. Comment on the problem and not the person (eg say something like “the report is late” and not “you are late.” Consider the following detailed examples:
   • Provide feedback on someone's style - Instead of, "Your clothes are so boring and you look old," which comes across as a personal attack, criticize the situation and not the person. For example, say, "The clothes I've seen you wear seem more in tune with older fashion trends. There's nothing wrong with that, but those clothes can make you look old."
   • Giving feedback on someone's personality - Instead of “You are so negative and I find it hard to deal with you,” which is hurtful and not constructive, make constructive criticism by letting the person know how their behavior is about you. happens. For example, say "Sometimes I find your negative comments quite hurtful, such as your comment about my new tattoo. I understand that not everyone likes tattoos, but your comment about my tattoo took me off, and it made me sad."
9. Make sure your feedback is helpful. You want to help them make positive change. This means that you want to point out things that the person can do something about, instead of things that are beyond his or her control. Criticizing the first category will make your criticism constructive and will allow that person to do something about it. Criticizing the latter will make that person feel bad because he or she cannot change the situation, even if they want to.
   • For example, suppose a friend of yours has just opened a new business and signed a 12-month lease in an area with limited foot traffic. She will then ask you for advice on how to make her business more known, in order to attract more potential customers. Telling her to "change the location of her store" isn't really helpful, because she can't do that because of the lease. Constructive advice could be a proposal to move her business to a different location after a year, but in the meantime she could give special discounts for the "grand opening" or start an advertising campaign via social media.
10. Don't say too much at the same time. You don't want to overwhelm the other with too much information. Even though you have wrapped the criticism in positive comments, it will still seem like a shopping list of points to criticize from that person, and eventually the tone of conversation will come across as negative.
    • Limit your criticism to a discussion of a number of action points. People can only process a limited number of points of criticism at the same time. If there is more to discuss, bring it up in another conversation.
11. Know when to stop criticizing. After giving constructive criticism on one or two topics, it has probably been enough. Going on about the same topic won't be really productive, and it can lead to the person you're criticizing about harboring negative feelings. Try to figure out when the other person has heard enough, and don't say anything more about it until you're asked for an opinion.
12. Have a follow-up interview. Shoot the person afterwards to discuss the progress made. Follow-up discussions about the points you commented on should focus on the improvements the person made. Discuss concrete steps the person has taken to achieve the goals you have outlined, and compliment any progress they have made. Picking up on that person's success and being complimentary about it will encourage him or her to continue the good work and make them feel appreciated and respected.
    • Make sure the compliments are specific. For example, don't say, "I really liked the report this time." Rather, try to be a little more specific like "Thanks for all your hard work on the report this week. You did a great job in getting rid of those typos in the recommendations section - if you didn't get those out the company wouldn't came across well in this week's meeting. "

Part 3 of 3: Using the feedback sandwich

1. Start with the strengths. Tell the person what you like about the item in question. For example, if your employee has completed a memo, indicate a number of positive points first. This is important because you are letting the person know that you are on their side and that it is not an attack.
   • By starting out positively, you also recognize the things he or she is doing well and give him or her positive support, instead of just talking about those areas where there is room for improvement. Focusing only on the problem areas can make you appear insensitive and blunt, which will make that person less willing to consider your constructive criticism.
2. Communicate your criticism. Inform the other about the things that are not working with respect to the issue, and identify the main points where there is room for improvement.
3. Refer back to the positive. Repeat the positive comments you started with, referencing the positive results that can come from considering and following up on the criticisms. Ending the conversation in this way leaves the person feeling positive, instead of feeling exhausted. It also reminds the other of what he or she is doing well, and the benefit of taking effective action as a result of the criticism.
   • This method has the sandwich method, because you surround your criticism with a positive opening and closing - as a topping between two sandwiches.
   • Here's an example of an effective feedback sandwich: "You've done a great job with the first part of this report, but the middle part could use a little extra attention. It also has a few typos. With a little extra work I'm sure that you can polish it up to an excellent report! "
   • You can also conclude with a statement about how you trust that the person will be able to take constructive criticism and apply it for improvement.

Tips

• A classic book that might be useful to you How to Make Friends and Influence people, by Dale Carnegie. The fourth part of the book is about changing other people's behavior without offending them or incurring their resentment.
• Treat other people as you would like to be treated yourself. Don't say anything to someone else that would upset you or make you feel bad if someone said it to you.