Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Dealing with your feelings
• Part 2 of 3: Responding to criticism
• Part 3 of 3: Using criticism to improve yourself
• Tips
• Warnings

The funny thing about criticism is that while it hurts at times, it is essential to get really good at something. Accepting criticism and being able to turn that criticism into something positive is a skill. If you are not very good at receiving criticism, you may want to work on it. This will not only improve your interaction with other people, but will also help you improve yourself, and will make you feel better when you are having problems with something.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Dealing with your feelings

1. Stay calm. It is perfectly natural to be on the defensive when you are criticized, but it is not conducive to the situation when you become upset and show your emotions. Keep in mind that everyone makes mistakes while learning new skills. Criticism is therefore inevitable. If you can deal with this constructively, you will learn valuable things as a result. Therefore, try to stay calm, even if the person criticizing you seems agitated. Try not to mirror his / her emotions. If you do, you will give the impression that you are unable to handle criticism. This will greatly hinder your ability to learn from the criticism.
   • Take a deep breath. When you are being criticized, focusing on your breathing can help you stay calm. Try counting (within yourself) to five as you inhale, hold your breath for another five seconds, then exhale gently.
   • Try to smile. Even a small smile can help you feel better, and it could also make the person criticizing you relax a bit.
2. Give yourself time to cool down. Before you respond to or even start thinking about the criticism you've received, give yourself time to cool down. Do something you enjoy for 20 minutes, such as listening to music, reading a book, or taking a walk. Allowing yourself to cool down after receiving harsh criticism will help you process the criticism constructively; and will prevent you from formulating your response purely on the basis of your emotional response.
3. Separate the criticism from the other aspects of yourself. If you accept criticism in a way that is healthy for you, then you must remember to compartmentalize. Try not to take the criticism personally or see it as something that also contradicts the other things you do. Take the criticism as it is, don't add to it, or use what has been said to make assumptions about other aspects of yourself.
   • For example, if someone has criticized a painting you made, it does not mean that you are a bad artist. Maybe there are some imperfections in one of your pieces and you may have made a painting that nobody likes, but even then you can still be a great artist.
4. Think about the motivation behind the criticism. Sometimes criticism is not meant to help you, but to hurt you. Before you decide what to do with the criticism, take the time to think about it. Ask yourself a few questions to try to understand why the criticism has been made.
   • Were the comments about something that you have control over? If not, why do you think the criticism has been made?
   • Does the critical person's opinion of you really matter? Why or why not?
   • Are you in competition with this person? If so, could the criticism reflect that?
   • Do you feel like you are being bullied? If so, have you tried seeking help for the problem? (If you feel like you're being bullied at school or in the workplace, talk to someone who can help you, such as a teacher or someone in human resources.)
5. Talk to someone about what happened. It's important to discuss what happened and how you felt about it, regardless of whether the criticism was based on your performance or if it was downright mean. Wait until you can distance yourself from the critical person for a moment and then look for someone you can confide in. Tell him / her what happened and how it made you feel. Discussing the criticism with a trusted family member or close friend can help you better understand the criticism and can help you see why it was delivered.
6. Shift your focus. Once you've taken the steps to cool down and understand the criticism, you will need to work to shift your focus to positive aspects of yourself. Focusing too much on the things you need to improve could make you feel depressed and helpless. Instead, try to list as many strengths as you can think of — this is how you can begin to restore your self-esteem.
   • For example, you can note things like "good cook", "funny" or "avid reader". List as many things as you can think of and read through the list to remind yourself of what you are doing well.

Part 2 of 3: Responding to criticism

1. Listen to the criticism. If the person criticizes you, make sure you listen carefully and show that you do. Maintain eye contact and nod your head now and then to show that you are listening. This can be quite difficult, but it is in your best interest to do it anyway. If you don't listen, you may react in the wrong way, which could lead to more criticism.
   • Even if the advice or criticism is bad, it's important to let the person speak up. If he / she only sends a note, you can "listen" to it at your own pace.
2. Repeat what your critic just said. Once the critic has finished, it is wise to repeat the criticism so that you both understand what needs to be done next. In other words, you want to kill the chance of more criticism because of a misunderstanding. You don't have to repeat word for word what the critic has said; just summarize it briefly.
   • For example, suppose you have been criticized for incorrectly archiving documents and that has caused problems for your colleagues. To the critic, you may want to rephrase this as something like, “What I understand from what you just said is that I need to be more accurate when I archive documents so that my colleagues can do their jobs effectively. Is that right?"
   • If you do not understand the criticism, ask the person to repeat or clarify something that you have not fully understood. Say something like, “I want to make sure I understand everything so I can fix the problem. Could you perhaps explain to me in a different way exactly what you mean? ”
3. Don't respond until you're ready. Sometimes the criticism is too harsh or complicated to respond immediately. If possible, wait until you are calm and have everything sorted out before responding. Sometimes you will have to respond to the criticism immediately, but it is better if you can give it some time. Having time to prepare an adult response will produce the best outcome.
   • Say something like, “I appreciate your feedback. Let me take another look at the essay and then I'll see what I can do about it. May I send you a message in the morning for some more advice on some of the changes? ”
4. If necessary, apologize for your mistakes. If the criticism was made because you made a mistake or because someone got hurt, it's important to apologize right away for what happened. Apologizing is very different from dealing with criticism, so don't think that apologizing obliges you to change or accept all the criticism you've received.
   • In most cases, you just have to say something like, “I'm really sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. I will take another look at this and see how we can make sure this never happens again. ”
5. Recognize when they are right. Once you are ready to respond verbally to the criticism, start by acknowledging the part of the criticism that makes sense. This will make those who have criticized them feel better and show that you really thought about what they said.
   • You can just say, "you are right" and then move on. You don't have to go into detail if the critic is right. By acknowledging that you agree with his / her point of view, the critic will give the feeling that his / her message has been conveyed.
   • Obviously, the critic could also be completely wrong. In that case, it's wise to find a point where he / she is right (“I didn't do this as well as I could,” for example) or thank him / her for the feedback and leave it at that.
6. Talk about how you plan to change. Tell your critic that you intend to practice the advice or raise the issue he / she has criticized. This will reassure him / her that you will indeed solve the problem. By accepting criticism in this way, by fully acknowledging and responding to it, you will appear mature. If you raise issues and take action to fix them, they will be a lot more forgiving with you in the future.
   • You can say something like, "Next time, I will come to you first before talking to the client so we can be sure that we are in agreement on how to handle the matter."
7. Ask for their advice. If the critics have not yet made recommendations to you on how to tackle the problem better, you can ask them how they would do it differently. However, you can also ask for more advice if they have. Obtaining advice gives you the opportunity to learn, but also ensures that the person who gives you the advice feels better.
   • Stick to what questions instead of why questions. What questions will lead to much more helpful advice, while why questions may exacerbate the situation and put the critic on the defensive. For example, ask something like, "What do you think I could do differently next time?" Don't ask something like, "Why did you say that about me?"
8. Communicate the need for patience. If you can't make the changes you want immediately, ask the critics to be patient. Changes, and especially significant changes, may take time.Asking for their patience will take some of the pressure off and lead to a better understanding and understanding between you and the critic. In addition, if you clearly communicate that you need time to make the improvements, you are also letting the person know that you take the criticism seriously.

Part 3 of 3: Using criticism to improve yourself

1. See this as an opportunity. The healthiest way to deal with criticism is to see it as an opportunity to step back, evaluate your actions, and find ways to improve. Criticism is a good thing and can help you reach your maximum potential. If you know how to view criticism in this way, it may be easier to accept it. Not only will you be able to receive criticism, but you may even start asking for it.
   • Even if the criticisms were unfounded, it might help you find room for improvement. Perhaps the fact that someone thinks there is something wrong with what you are doing can tell you that there is indeed something you need to work on — even if it is not what the person has raised.
2. Differentiate helpful advice from useless advice. If you want to implement criticism, it is important to know which criticism you should listen to. In general, you should ignore people who are just complaining without offering ideas about how you should change. Also, don't worry about criticizing things that you cannot influence yourself. Some people just criticize so that they can feel better about themselves, and you should be on the lookout for such situations. Do not respond to criticism if it is useless. If you acknowledge and dispute that criticism, it will only reinforce the critic.
   • If the person in question has not given good advice at all, then you know that he / she is not constructive in his / her feedback. Saying something like “That's awful, the colors are ugly and the presentation is messy,” for example, is not really intended to be constructive criticism. You can still ask these types of critics for tips, but if they turn out to be mean and unhelpful, ignore them - take anything they try to tell you in the future with a grain of salt.
   • Criticism is better when the negative aspects are accompanied by positive aspects, and the person also offers recommendations and tips for improvement. For example: "I am not very fond of the amount of red you used, but I really like that touch of blue in the mountains." This is constructive and it is wise to take note of what these kinds of critics say - you may be able to take that into account in the future.
3. Think about and write down what you can take from the criticism. Think about the advice you have been given. Have you been told what you can do to change? Try to think of a number of different approaches to achieve the same effect. This way you will have several options available, so that you can decide for yourself which option is most suitable for you. You should also consider if there is anything else you can learn from what the critic has said.
   • It is seriously sensible to write out the criticism word-for-word right after you receive the criticism. This is wise because your memory won't be able to distort the words later on, and so you will avoid taking into account only what your hurt feelings thought the criticism was.
4. Make a plan. Now that you have identified which parts of the advice are important to you, you will need to create a plan. How will you implement the changes you want to make? If you have a plan, especially if you have written it out yourself, it will be easier for you to follow through and implement the changes. It also increases the chance that you will indeed take action.
   • What are the separate things you need to make this change? Write this out step-by-step so that you can start working on it.
   • Make sure all your goals are measurable and achievable. For example, if you have criticized an essay that you have written for a particular subject, you can set a measurable goal for it. For example, choose something like “start writing my next essay as soon as the assignment is issued” or “ask my teacher for feedback before the due date”. You do NOT want to set goals like “become a better writer” or “get a 10 for my next essay” because these goals are not measurable and are beyond your control.
5. Never stop your self-improvement efforts. Be persistent in your efforts to implement the criticism. Criticism often leads you in a direction that is completely different from what you would see as normal, or that you would think is the right direction. This means that you will have to work hard to improve yourself. If you try to change your behaviors, you can expect to encounter obstacles along the way.
   • Keep in mind that while you may agree with what someone says, you could slip and eventually fall back into your old patterns. Don't think this means it is impossible to change, or fail yourself if your first attempts fail - you are still learning. If you are determined and tenacious, you will succeed in the end.

Tips

• Try not to get on the defensive when you receive criticism. This can make things a lot worse. It is also important not to cry, deny the criticism, and not blame others when you are being criticized.

Warnings

• Don't let yourself be bullied. If someone constantly criticizes you and makes you feel bad about yourself, have a conversation with someone who can help you.