Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Have a candid conversation
• Part 2 of 3: Supporting your friend's recovery
• Part 3 of 3: Taking care of yourself
• Tips
• Warnings

Helping a loved one who is depressed can be quite a challenge. If that person is your friend, you will also have your own emotional pain. Your friend can often be angry and lash out at you. He may even turn away from you completely. You may feel neglected or blame yourself for your friend's depression. Learn how to get your friend through this time, while also taking the time to take care of yourself.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Have a candid conversation

1. Recognize the symptoms. The way men experience depression is slightly different from how women experience it. If you notice most or all of the following symptoms, your friend may be suffering from depression.
   • Being tired most of the time
   • Losing interest in things he used to enjoy
   • Get angry or irritated easily
   • Have trouble concentrating
   • Being anxious
   • Eating too much, or not eating
   • Have pain or digestive problems
   • Having trouble sleeping, or sleeping too much
   • Inability to meet obligations at school, work, or at home
   • Having suicidal thoughts
2. Share your concerns. Your friend may not be aware of his state of mind, but after observing him for a few weeks, you can be sure that he has depression. Approach him in a non-confrontational manner and say you want to talk to him.
   • For example, you can start a conversation by saying, "I've been worried about you for a few weeks" or "I've noticed your behavior has changed recently and I want to talk to you about it."
   • If there are tensions between you and your boyfriend, don't say you think he is depressed. That can come across as an accusation, which can cause him to close.
3. Use "me messages" so you don't accuse him. It is very normal for men who are depressed to get angry or on the defensive. He can show these reactions no matter what you do. But if you approach him in a loving and non-judgmental way, he may be willing to listen.
   • If you don't choose your words well, it can quickly seem like you're blaming or judging your friend. A statement like, "You've been acting really mean and annoyed lately" can make him defensive.
   • Use a "me" message that focuses on your emotions, such as, "I worry you might be depressed because you've been sleeping very badly lately. Besides, you avoid your friends. I'd like to talk to you about manners. to make you feel better again ".
4. Listen to him and confirm his feelings. If your boyfriend decides he wants to open up to you about what he's experiencing, know that it takes a lot of courage from him. Try to let him open up by saying he can safely share his feelings with you. When he talks to you, listen carefully, nod occasionally, or respond in the affirmative. Then summarize what he said so that you show that you listened.
   • For example, you could say, "It sounds like you're feeling pretty rushed, and you can't get out of this state of mind yourself. I'm really sorry for you to go through this, but I'll do everything I can to keep you going. to assist".
5. Ask questions related to safety. If your boyfriend is depressed, he may be thinking about harming himself. Even if he doesn't think about suicide, he may engage in risky behaviors such as driving recklessly or using a lot of drugs and alcohol to numb himself. Be honest about your concerns for his safety and well-being. You can ask him the following questions:
   • Do you ever think about harming yourself?
   • Have you ever tried to kill yourself?
   • What plan do you have to end your life?
   • In what way do you want to hurt yourself?
6. Call the emergency services if your friend wants to commit suicide. If your friend's response shows that he wants to end his life (with a detailed plan and the means to carry it out), you need to help him immediately. Call 0900-0113 (Suicide Prevention).
   • You can also call 911 if you think your friend is a direct danger to himself.
   • Have someone remove from the home all things that might serve as a possible means of committing suicide. Also make sure someone stays with your friend at all times.
7. Let them know you're there to support him. A depressed person may not be able to ask for help, no matter how badly he needs it. Reach out to your friend by asking how you can support him, how you can help him relieve his stress, and whether you can do chores for him or take him somewhere.
   • Remember, he may not have a clue of what you can do to help. Still, you can ask him something like, “How can I be there for you?” So he can tell you how you could support him.
8. Help him find a cure for his depression. Once your friend has accepted what he is in, you can encourage him to seek help. Depression is a disease that can be treated like other medical conditions. With proper professional care, your friend's mood can improve so that he can function better. Offer him to look for a psychologist or psychiatrist together, and to accompany him to the doctor.

Part 2 of 3: Supporting your friend's recovery

1. Suggest moving together. In addition to medication or psychotherapy, physical exercise can be very effective in improving the health status of people with depression. Being active releases endorphins that make your friend feel better. It can also be a positive distraction from the negative thoughts and feelings he is having.
   • Consider an activity you can do together that is good for both of you. For example, you can go to the gym, start a training program at home, go for a run in the park or do a team sport together.
2. Watch if he is eating healthy. Researchers believe there is a link between diet and depression. That doesn't mean that your boyfriend feels depressed because he occasionally eats fast food late at night, but it does mean that this unhealthy habit keeps him stuck in a negative state of mind.
   • Help your friend stock his refrigerator with heart and brain healthy foods such as fruits, vegetables, fish, and limited amounts of meat and dairy, which has been associated with a reduced risk of depression.
3. Help him find ways to control stress. You can help your friend minimize stress in everyday life by providing them with ways to cope with stress in healthy ways. Ask him to write down all the things that stress him. Then work together to think up ways to eliminate or reduce these stress factors. After that, make a list of strategies he can apply in his daily life to relax and keep stress at bay.
   • Activities that can help manage stress include deep breathing, nature walks, listening to music, meditating, writing in a diary, or watching funny videos.
4. Advise him to keep a diary. Writing in a journal how he feels will help your friend get in touch with his feelings and become more aware of how he feels from day to day. People with depression can write down their sleeping and eating habits to discover patterns that lead to a negative state of mind. Your friend can also write down his thought patterns and feelings on a daily basis so that he can see if his mood changes a lot.
5. Help him connect with others. Both men and women with depression tend to withdraw socially. But maintaining social contacts can actually lessen feelings of isolation and reduce depression. Try to think of activities that you and your friend can do with others so that he can make new connections. Or talk to his current friends and encourage them to meet up with him.
6. Don't try to solve everything for him. Your friend will have to recover in his own way and at his own pace. You may be concerned that you are perpetuating the cycle of depression. If you do so much for your friend that he no longer has the ability to muster the strength to do it himself, you may need to take a step back.
   • Support him, but don't try to do everything for him. Nudge him to stay physically active, to keep meeting with others and to get fresh air, without being too hard on him or ignoring him. Your boyfriend wants you to show him love and empathy, but he doesn't want you to take all the responsibility for healing away from him.

Part 3 of 3: Taking care of yourself

1. Don't take your friend's depression personally. Remember that depression is a complex condition and you have no control over your friend's feelings. It's normal to feel helpless when you see him in pain. But you should not take his condition as a sign that you have failed or that you are not a good friend.
   • Try to stick to your normal routine as much as possible so that you can continue to meet your obligations at work, school, or at home.
   • Also set clear limits on what you can and cannot do for him. You may feel guilty, but know that you are not responsible for making him feel better. If you try to do too much, you may endanger your own health and well-being.
2. Recognize that you cannot solve it for him, but that you can only support him. As much as you love and care for him, you alone cannot help him. If you think you can fix it for him, you will only get disappointed, and your friend may even get annoyed if you treat him as some sort of "project".
   • Try to be there for him and offer your support when he needs it. Your friend will have to overcome the depression at his own pace.
3. Find a safety net. Your boyfriend's depression is a huge battle to be fought, leaving him likely to have very little energy to put into the relationship. If you support him in this, you may put your own emotions aside. That can be difficult for both of you, so you should seek support too. Join a support group, meet with friends regularly, or talk to a therapist if needed.
4. Take care of yourself every day. Taking care of your boyfriend can take so much time that you forget to take care of yourself. Try not to neglect things you enjoy, such as reading, meeting up with friends, or taking a nice bath.
   • And don't feel guilty if you take some time out for yourself. Remember that you cannot support him if you neglect yourself.

Tips

• Show him that you are strong and independent enough to get by without him. If he's worried about whether you can make it without his attention, he'll find it harder to be honest and can't fully focus on his recovery.
• Have patience. Hopefully your boyfriend will feel better soon, and maybe your relationship will only get better because you have become closer and trust each other even more. He will probably love you even more for supporting him.

Warnings

• Note if the depressions occur frequently, or if it changes his character. Maybe he needs medical attention. He may also become overly dependent on you, which is not healthy. If the depression gets very severe (with suicidal tendencies, etc.), it is time to seek professional help.
• In some cases, he may accuse you of hidden motives or become suspicious of you. Don't take that personally. Wait for the depression to clear up, then bring it up. Tell him his accusations hurt you (use "me messages") and you don't want him treating you like that from now on. The same goes for rude behavior on his part when he was depressed.
• If he asks you to leave him alone for a while, respect his need for space. But make sure his friends or family keep a close eye on him if you're worried he might be a danger to himself.