Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Pre-write the eulogy
• Part 2 of 3: Writing the eulogy
• Part 3 of 3: Finish and share the eulogy
• Tips

Writing a eulogy for your father can be a heartbreaking experience. It is completely normal to feel sad and nervous when you have to write such a personal eulogy, so take care of yourself during the writing process. Before starting your eulogy, spend some time brainstorming. Think about your most precious memories of your father and how they could fit into a eulogy. Write a piece that shows how much your father meant to you and how grateful you are for his presence in your life. Practice a little before delivering the eulogy so that you can be sure that you will be able to control yourself while speaking about your father in public, because giving a eulogy to your father can be a very emotional challenge.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Pre-write the eulogy

1. Remember, it is a eulogy and not a mourning message. A eulogy is different from a funeral message. A bereavement message is an overview of the events in someone's life. It includes things like achievements, career, place of birth, living relatives, and so on. Eulogies try to capture the essence of what someone was like.
   • Because bereavement reports are based on facts, they are often less emotional. A eulogy focuses on the personal story. What did this person's life entail? What did that person mean to you?
   • Avoid listing a long list of achievements or mentioning a large number of events. Instead, focus on stories and memories that highlight the character of the deceased.
2. Brainstorm some ideas. Before you start writing, a brainstorming session can get your mind going. Spend some time writing down memories and stories. Also write down things you remember about your father's character. This can help you find the right angle for your eulogy.
   • Start by writing down all initial ideas about your father. What do you think of first when you think of your father? What is your most powerful memory of him? What words come to mind when trying to describe him?
   • Also think about the external things you associate with your father. What music reminds you of your father, what movies, television programs, food, sounds, smells? You can immerse yourself in these matters as you write, as this can bring back valuable memories for your eulogy.
3. Focus on an overarching theme. A eulogy should be concise and draw a conclusion. What you don't want is a lot of memories that have nothing in common. While brainstorming, try to envision a bigger theme. Which central theme or message connects the different memories?
   • You do not need to understand or understand death. It's okay to admit that your father's death is terrible and overwhelming. Try to understand your father's life. Who was your father and what will the world be like without him?
   • You can merge vague concepts into a theme. Maybe your father was a civil rights lawyer. In that case, you can base the theme on generosity, community and helping others. Maybe your father was a businessman who has amassed wealth in his own right. Your theme could then be about the benefits of persistence, hard work, and dedication.
   • You can also talk about what you have learned from your father. What is the most important lesson he taught you? How can you use that lesson in the life you lead today?
4. Decide how you want to organize the eulogy. There are many different ways to organize a eulogy. Your method will depend on the overarching theme and the information you provide. During the preparation, you need to determine the best way to organize your eulogy.
   • You can write the eulogy in chronological order. This can come in handy when you want to include anecdotes from your father's childhood as well as from his later life. If you have memories and stories from different periods, it can be helpful to write chronologically.
   • You can also organize your eulogy based on ideas. When you talk about different traits of your father and when they are all illustrated by different moments and memories, it can help to organize your eulogy by ideas. For example, say you talk about your father's success as a businessman and this success was achieved solely through persistence, work ethic, and personal skills. You could share a few sentences about each of these traits and add appropriate memories and anecdotes.

Part 2 of 3: Writing the eulogy

1. Introduce yourself. It may feel strange, as many of the people attending the funeral will no doubt already know you, but it is common to start a eulogy with a brief introduction. Let the public know who you are and what your relationship was with the deceased.
   • This will probably be the easiest part of the eulogy. You simply have to say who you are and how close you were to your father. This will give you credibility.
   • For example, you can start with something like My name is Jan Wouters and we came here today to say goodbye to my father, Erik. I was an only child, which made me very close to my father. We talked to each other almost every day, even after he left home.
2. Provide a certain intonation. Intonation is important in a eulogy. You are supposed to maintain a certain intonation constantly throughout the entire eulogy. Think about which intonation will best convey the message you are trying to convey.
   • You may want to talk to your family and the undertaker about this. The intention is that your intonation matches the service. If it is a religious ceremony then you should, for example, opt for a gloomy and respectful intonation.
   • However, make sure that the service does not fully determine the intonation. It is mainly intended that the intonation reflects who your father was. If your father was a jovial person and always joked, you can choose a slightly less serious tone. See your eulogy more as a celebration of life rather than an expression of grief.
3. Add a story. Most eulogies must include at least one story about the deceased. By starting with a story you can bind the listeners to you. Choose a story that characterizes your father. Try to make sure that the story refers to the overarching theme of the eulogy.
   • For example, suppose your eulogy is about how your father always managed to have fun despite the difficult life he had. Choose an anecdote that shows how your father was able to feel frivolous despite the circumstances.
   • Suppose your father died of lung cancer. You can tell about how he viewed the diagnosis with humor. You could start with something like "When my father first found out he had cancer, he joked about the treatment options. I remember he told me he was optimistic about radiation. Maybe the rays will make me a superhero. Who knows, I might be the next Spiderman. "
4. Focus on details. In addition to looking for an overarching sense of who your father was, you should also focus on the small details. This can look for balance and the listeners will have small, physical reminders about your father that can help during the grieving process.
   • Sensory details can come in handy. Maybe your dad loved to work outside and he always smelled like dirt. Maybe your dad loved the color red and always wore something red.
   • Add as many little details as you can remember. For example, "I remember my father loved Johnny Cash's songs. By the way, he had a deep baritone voice, just like Johnny Cash. On Sunday mornings I always woke up because of him coming from the basement I Walk the Line sang, as the scent of fresh coffee drifted into my bedroom. "
5. Involve external sources. If you have trouble expressing something, you can involve external sources. A quote or reference can help explain something about your father.
   • Quotes from the Bible can help if your father was religious. The Bible contains many passages about life and death, so you can find some inspiration there.
   • You can also watch books, movies, songs and television quotes that your dad loved. If your father was a big fan of Herman de Coninck, you could, for example, incorporate a poem by him in your eulogy.
6. Get some levity. A eulogy shouldn't be completely bleak. You will want to provide some levity. If a eulogy is too serious, it can seem like you're romanticizing the dead person. This can come across as preachy or sentimental. Find times when you can talk about the person's shortcomings with a little levity. This can also provide an overall picture of the person you are trying to honor.
   • Think of something funny to tell about your father. Did he particularly like to discuss? Include a funny story about your dad arguing about a bill other people would have left it for a long time. You can say something like Despite my dad's love of humor, he wasn't perfect. He could be very critical and sometimes a bit quarrelsome. I remember once on a family vacation that we went for dinner one night and then ...
   • A story that addresses shortcomings should be lighthearted. You are not supposed to speak ill of the deceased, as it could be interpreted as a disrespect. For example, you don't want to add a story about an epic, serious discussion between you and your father to show that he was quarrelsome. This will not make people laugh. Instead, focus on lighter situations that can bring out a smile.
7. Add a few more conclusions. As you bring your eulogy to a close, you can conclude with a few brief statements that sum it all up. Here you will put the core of your theme into words. What were you trying to convey with your eulogy? What do you want people to remember about your father?
   • Make some final thoughts about your father. Clearly tell those present what you are trying to convey. For instance What I learned from my father is that life is short and often hard and that it is best to deal with this with humor. The trick is to appreciate the little moments, regardless of the circumstances.
   • You also have to thank the audience for their time. Say something succinctly like I appreciate that you all came to remember my father, Dirk Bouwman, and to give me the opportunity to tell you a little bit more about him. I know he would be honored to know how many people who cared about him are here now.

Part 3 of 3: Finish and share the eulogy

1. Customize your eulogy and add additional information as needed. Once you have written a rough version of your eulogy, you should print it out and read it. As you read, look for moments where you can elaborate and provide more details if necessary.
   • Ask yourself if the eulogy makes sense. Do the stories illustrate your central theme? Do you feel that something is still missing? Is there another story you should add or an aspect of your father's personality that needs a little more explanation? Does the eulogy contain anything that doesn't fit in it?
   • If necessary, add things to your eulogy. If there is room for expansion, you can do so. You can also delete items that do not contribute to the theme. Time matters. An average eulogy lasts between 5 and 7 minutes.
2. Memorize part of the eulogy. When you share the eulogy with those in attendance, it can help if you memorize some of it. This will make everything run more smoothly. However, you should not memorize the full eulogy. You can keep a few notes with you, because you will probably be nervous at the moment.
   • If you choose to memorize the entire speech, start by learning individual pieces. It can be overwhelming to remember everything.
   • Make notes of things to remember. With this, you will not lose north while delivering the speech.
3. Practice your eulogy regularly. You should practice the eulogy several times in the days before the funeral. Read it out loud to yourself or in front of the mirror. Pay special attention to times when you stutter and practice them much better.
   • You can ask a friend or family member to listen while you practice. He or she can then provide feedback on how to make the speech smoother.
4. Stay emotionally strong. It is never easy to write a eulogy, and it can be especially challenging to write a eulogy for your father. Try to stay emotionally strong as you write.
   • Turn to others. Your existing relationships are important during the grieving process. When you are struggling, seek support from friends and family members.
   • Try to take back your sense of identity. The loss of a parent can make you feel like you've lost an important personal guide. Think about who you are without your father and how you can move forward.
   • Stay in the present. Do not forget that you are now living in the present.Be grateful for what you have. Try to be grateful for each day and live life to the fullest despite the loss.

Tips

• Make eye contact with the mourners as you deliver your eulogy. This will help you have a better connection with the attendees than you had to read on the paper.
• Limit the eulogy to your father to about 5 to 10 minutes. The length doesn't matter, but it will probably be difficult to talk about the dad you just lost for more than 10 minutes.