Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Recognize Loss of Trust
• Method 2 of 3: Rebuild Trust
• Method 3 of 3: Forgiveness
• Warnings

If trust in a relationship is broken, it can be difficult to restore it.It depends on the nature of your relationship, the circumstances of your mistake, and your actions after you undermined the other person's trust. You may be able to restore a healthy relationship with the right apology, empathy, and productive communication.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Recognize Loss of Trust

1. 1 Decide when to apologize. Depending on your wrongdoing, you may be tempted to postpone an apology. Or else you rush / go overboard with them. A quick apology usually relieves the tension in a relationship and helps in further communication. However, it is better to ask for forgiveness for more significant offenses (for example, treason) after a while, when a person can carefully consider what happened.
   • If you are a woman, keep in mind that in modern culture it is believed that women tend to apologize too often. This may make the other person less likely to give your regret words.
2. 2 Give yourself a parting speech. Before you apologize, take some time to cheer yourself up. This will help you raise your self-esteem, apologize more sincerely, and also make the process less awkward.
   • Tell yourself, "I am good enough," "I am human," "Nobody is perfect."
   • Analyze what you value, what makes your life meaningful, and in what areas you are doing well right now. This will make you feel better about admitting that you are wrong.
3. 3 Ask for forgiveness. While this process can be uncomfortable or unpleasant, it's important to offer the other person a sincere apology for the health of the relationship. Keep in mind the following elements of a good apology:
   • Say that you are sorry, describe everything that happened, without missing out on details, and note how you hurt the other person.
   • Listen to the other person's emotions. Let him speak without arguing or persuading him. Be open to any questions he may ask you.
   • Do not blame him, do not defend yourself or make excuses for your actions.
   • Express remorse. Apologies don't mean anything if you say them insincerely or blame the other person. Even if you feel uncomfortable with feelings of guilt and remorse, express those feelings to show that you care and are willing to work on your relationship.
4. 4 Don't expect forgiveness. Anyone who has been wronged has a right to their own feelings. Although you have shown great courage and vulnerability in admitting a mistake, the person does not have to forgive you, and they can end the relationship.

Method 2 of 3: Rebuild Trust

1. 1 Take full responsibility for your actions. Talk to the person about what you are willing to do to improve the situation. Give specific and realistic examples of how you are going to make amends. Most importantly, ask the other person what you need to do to restore trust and regain your honor.
   • If you have undermined the trust of your life partner with your betrayal, but you both agree to keep the marriage, your partner may have many questions and demands. He may ask you to end the affair and, if you haven't already, do it first.
   • Your partner can also ask you about the details of the affair, and these questions are best answered honestly in the name of restoring trust. Don't hide anything.
   • Your partner may also ask you to communicate more often about where you are going and who you are spending time with, or to pay more attention to answering phone calls and emails. Don't oppose these demands.
2. 2 Get help. It may be natural for you to avoid talking about betrayal out of shame or embarrassment, but the help of a psychologist or other mental health professional can have a healing effect.
   • If trust has been eroded by cheating, make it your goal to go to a one-on-one session with a counselor, see a marriage counselor or family counselor, or enroll in a marriage preservation class if your partner doesn't mind. A professional can help you understand the root causes of cheating and other relationship issues. Through these sessions, you will be able to establish healthy boundaries, expectations, and communication styles in a safe environment.
   • It may take a year (or more) of these sessions to work through the eroded trust in the relationship. Remain patient and engage in therapy, but keep in mind that this will be emotional work.
3. 3 Communicate. Seek to strengthen the connection outside of the sessions by paying attention to how the other person is feeling, opening up to conversations about feelings and trying to understand their point of view, even if it is different from yours.
   • If you are not sure how to communicate with your loved one, here are a few key elements: Use “I” statements (for example, “I feel ...” or “I want to ..”). Listen and react to what the other person is saying, and express gratitude and appreciation.
   • After cheating, it is especially important to share both positive and negative feelings with each other, not try to "mend" the other person's feelings, show affection, and recognize when you are reverting to old behaviors that are damaging the relationship.
   • Try to set aside one hour each week to discuss your feelings with each other. Share what you both did and what you both still expect from each other.
4. 4 Realize that all relationships go through failure. No one is perfect, and even in the strongest, healthiest relationships, there will be periods of loss of trust and misunderstanding. Most people overcome these disagreements with time, patience, practice, and communication.
   • If your child has undermined your trust, you should explain to him the importance of this quality. Perhaps the child does not understand the restrictions that you put in front of him and is angry about this. Therefore, clearly communicate to him what he needs to do in order to maintain trust in the relationship. Lower expectations, remain calm, and understand that it may take time and practice for him to learn the importance of trust.

Method 3 of 3: Forgiveness

1. 1 Understand what forgiveness is. Forgiving means accepting what happened and moving on. This is not a denial of betrayal and not an excuse for someone else's deed. This does not guarantee that the other person will not hurt you again, but it can bring you a sense of strength and peace.
   • You can choose not to forgive, but keep in mind that if you dwell on broken trust, you may experience depression, anxiety, anger, and a lack of intimacy with others.
   • You can forgive a person without reuniting with him or maintaining a relationship with him.
2. 2 Begin to forgive. For a start, consider how the experience of broken trust has affected you and your relationship with another person. You can also reflect on the positive aspects of the relationship. What are you missing from what came before, and how would you like to get back to it? If you're stumped:
   • Consider the other person's point of view and think about what you would like if you were in his place;
   • consider other times in your life when your trust has been betrayed or when you have undermined someone's trust. How have you been able to forgive, or how have others been able to forgive you?
   • Consider keeping a journal, talking to a friend or loved one, or making an appointment with a counselor to guide you.
3. 3 Switch emotions. Instead of replaying resentment in your head and feeling it over and over again, try to shift your focus to finding healthy relationships that will bring you happiness, hope, and peace.If you are overwhelmed with pain when you are trying to forgive, try the following techniques to reduce your stress levels:
   • deep breathing;
   • meditation;
   • self-awareness exercises.
4. 4 Draw conclusions and move on. Forgiveness is not complete if you do not reflect on what you have learned. Use this experience to set boundaries and expectations for future relationships. First of all, trust yourself. If you still can't move on and forgive completely, it may be too difficult for you to be around the person who betrayed your trust.

Warnings

• Sometimes it’s impossible to restore lost trust in a relationship. Some betrayal, such as physical or sexual abuse, affects a person very seriously. To cope with the aftermath of such an event, it makes sense to seek the help of a mental health professional, such as a psychiatrist, psychologist, or victim support service.
• Some relationships, whether friendly or romantic in nature, can become toxic or violent. Warning signs that you are being abused include (but are not limited to) the following: Your partner humiliates you, tries to control, interferes with making their own decisions, threatens to hurt you, forces you to do something you do not want to do, or punishes you by showing cold. If any of these signs occur in your relationship, please seek help from a mental health professional, go to a domestic violence shelter, or call the hotline. The helpline in Russia is 8-800-2000-122 (if you live in another country, look for your local helpline on the Internet).