Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 4: How to Resolve a Conflict
• Part 2 of 4: Accepting the Situation
• Part 3 of 4: How to Protect Yourself
• Part 4 of 4: How to Deal with Different Personality Types
• Tips

Almost everyone is familiar with people who can make any relaxed situation unbearable. Attempts to point out the stubbornness and exactingness of a person will lead nowhere, since he does not see a problem in this. If the situation is due to a personality disorder or other reason, then you should learn to interact with unbearable people without harming your own psyche.

Steps

Part 1 of 4: How to Resolve a Conflict

1. 1 Don't go on the defensive. Keep calm and remember that you will never win an argument with an unbearable person, because it is not for nothing that they are called “intolerable”. In his mind, you are the problem, so no words will convince a person to look at the situation from your point of view. Your opinion does not matter, as the guilty verdict has already been passed.
   • Define the purpose of the conversation in advance and think about your words. Take your time to react impulsively to an offense. You don't need to defend yourself at all.
   • Try to speak in the first person. For example, don't say, "You're wrong." Better to say: "It seems to me that this is not the whole truth." Express your thoughts so that the person does not have to defend themselves.
2. 2 Control your emotions. Your peace of mind in a stressful situation is the key to balance and mental health. If we speak rudely and give vent to simmering emotions like tears, then the behavior of an unbearable person will only worsen. Don't take his words and actions to heart to keep your emotions in check.
   • Try to withdraw emotionally from the situation and act indifferently. Your task is not to allow yourself to be drawn into an emotional skirmish and to keep the person at a distance so as not to be offended by his words.
   • Focus on something else to steer the situation or conversation in a positive direction. Offer to talk about the weather, fishing, the obnoxious person's family, or anything that will take your mind off the issue and defuse the situation.
   • It should be understood that any of your words or actions in the heat of anger can be used against you. It is best to remain silent if you do not want to listen to the memory of your rudeness years after this situation. Obnoxious people are hungry for words that will allow them to prove that you are the bad person.
   • Do not judge the person even in the case of illogical behavior, so as not to aggravate the situation.
3. 3 Don't get into an argument. If possible, it is best not to contradict unbearable people. Find a way to agree or ignore their words. The argument will only strengthen the emotional attachment to the situation and provoke a fight or flight response. It will be more difficult for you to think clearly and respond correctly.
   • Obnoxious people are focused on fighting, so your agreement with their words will deprive them of the desired outcome. For example, if you have been called a “brat,” then admit that you once acted in a bad way. Correct over-generalization.
4. 4 Realize that logical conversation is almost certainly impossible. The chance of a civilized conversation with an obnoxious person is extremely small. Try to remember situations from the past when you tried to talk to him in a human way. Surely, as a result, he accused you of all mortal sins.
   • If possible, be silent or react with humor. Realize that you cannot "fix" unbearable people. They will not want and will not listen to the voice of reason.
   • Don't let yourself be cornered. Don't be left in a one-on-one situation. Always try to involve a third party in the conversation. Stand your ground in case of rejection.
5. 5 Ignore the person. All obnoxious people crave attention, so if they fail with you, they will switch to someone else. Do not meddle in their affairs, do not get in the way and do not discuss their life.
   • The outbursts of anger of obnoxious people are reminiscent of a child's tantrum. Do not pay attention if such actions do not take a dangerous or threatening turn. Try with all your might not to anger obnoxious people and not give them a reason.
6. 6 Ask a question that requires reflection. When talking to an obnoxious person or group of people, it is sometimes helpful to ask a question like, "What is the problem?" - or: "Why did you react this way?" Show that you are in the conversation and want to figure out the reason for the disagreement. One option is to rephrase the obnoxious person's position to emphasize the illogicality of his reasoning and help come to the right conclusions.
   • An obnoxious person may respond to a question with abuse, accusations, an attempt to change the topic of the conversation, or complicate the situation in another way.
7. 7 Catch your breath. If the other person is trying to piss you off, then try to take a break. Show that you cannot be overwhelmed by such words. Try to retire or do something else to calm yourself down a bit.
   • Try to count to ten in your mind.
   • If the person doesn't stop trying, just ignore. In case of failure, he will clearly stop bothering you.
8. 8 Be confident. Confidently voice your views and look the other person in the eye. You cannot show such a person your weaknesses. If you look at the floor or over the interlocutor, he will consider this a manifestation of weakness. Be smart, but don't be shy.
9. 9 Adjust your strategy. If you are unable to leave, then take the situation as a game. Study the strategy of the interlocutor and think about counter actions in advance. Choose effective measures through trial and error. Stay three steps ahead to feel confident and outflank your opponent at every turn. Remember the ultimate goal is to help yourself in the mental aspect, and not to subdue the interlocutor.
   • If a person comes up to you, whispers something unpleasant and expects you not to want to make a scandal in the presence of others, say loudly: "Do you really want to discuss this here and now?" Perhaps he will be surprised and do not want to continue the conversation in front of strangers.
   • Always consider the possible consequences of your actions if the situation suddenly gets out of control in order to prepare for such a development of events.
   • There is no need to be upset if the person still pisses you off. Draw the right conclusions and think about effective strategies for the future.
   • An intolerable person becomes less intolerable if you are able to predict their words and actions.
10. 10 Watch your body language. Pay attention to your posture, movement and facial expressions around such people. Emotions often find a non-verbal outlet. You should not unknowingly reveal all your cards. This will make it easier for you to stay calm and have a calming effect on the other person.
    • Use mindfulness to keep track of your actions or body language.
    • Speak softly and be as calm as possible. Try the "slow speech" method. If you reduce the speed of speech by a third, then it will sound clearer and calmer. Try reading aloud at a slow pace to practice.
    • Avoid using opposing body language such as prolonged eye contact, aggressive gestures, pointing your finger at the person, or standing directly in front of your face. Your facial expression should be neutral. No need to shake your head and violate the boundaries of your interlocutor's personal space.

Part 2 of 4: Accepting the Situation

1. 1 This may be due to personal incompatibility. The person may be obnoxious to you, even if they get along well with others. Some people just don't get along. With each of you individually, everything is fine, but in combination, you get an explosive mixture.
   • If an obnoxious person says, “Others like me,” then he is trying to put the blame on you. His relationship with others is irrelevant, since the problem is with you two. Mutual accusations do not negate the facts.
2. 2 Don't adopt “unbearable” traits. We all tend to repeat after the people around us. So, you may find that you accidentally adopt traits that you do not like. These can be attempts at manipulation and unreasonable actions in response to the actions of an unbearable person. Try to take care of yourself and suppress such impulses to the root.
3. 3 Learn lessons. Obnoxious people provide invaluable life experiences. After communicating with such a person, it will be much easier for you to find a common language with others. Take a broader view of the situation and realize that doing things that seem insane to you may seem like the only way out for other people. Think of dealing with obnoxious people simply as an opportunity to learn useful skills: flexibility, tact, and tolerance.
   • Never let age, intelligence, or people's accomplishments deceive you about your opponent's level of maturity.
4. 4 Get ready for mood swings. If you can convince an intolerable person of a mistake, be prepared for a sudden emotional breakdown. He may lose faith in himself and decide that he is always wrong. This adaptation mechanism is an attempt to gain sympathy from others.
   • Some obnoxious people use erratic behavior to surprise or confuse the other person. Sometimes they themselves do not expect such a reaction from themselves. You should not be embarrassed by your actions in the event of such an unpredictable turn of events.
   • Don't let the person confuse you and make you look like a victim. If he regrets his actions, be polite, but do not give the opportunity to manipulate you.
5. 5 Focus on the positive aspects. People often have traits for which they are forgiven for many shortcomings. For example, a person has a certain talent or one day he came to your aid. If you cannot find positive aspects, say to yourself: “Any person is beautiful,” - or: “God loves everyone,” in order to control yourself, even if there are no qualities that are significant to you in your opponent.
6. 6 Speak out. If you have a friend who understands the situation (friend, relative, psychologist), talk to him. He will surely understand your point of view, after which you will feel better. It is best if the interlocutor does not know the intolerable person personally and has never encountered him (for example, does not work with you).
   • You can also write your emotions in a diary or chat in online communities.
   • Share your feelings so you don't get obsessed with negative emotions.

Part 3 of 4: How to Protect Yourself

1. 1 Protect your self-esteem. It is difficult to maintain high self-esteem if the other person portrays you as a bad person. Focus on your supporters so you don't listen to angry comments from an obnoxious opponent. It is important to remember that he only seeks to assert himself at your expense.
   • It should be understood that the problem is not at all in you. This is sometimes difficult because unbearable people can convincingly shift the blame onto others. If you are able to take responsibility for mistakes and shortcomings on yourself and strive to improve, then you almost certainly cannot be called an obnoxious person.
   • When they try to hurt you with words, it's important to remember that they want others to think they are good. You do not need such recognition of strangers at all.
   • Ignore unfounded insults. You are better than an obnoxious person trying to portray you in the eyes of others.
2. 2 Protect your privacy. Intolerable people often find a way to use personal information against you, even if it looks inappropriate and petty. They are capable of making up a whole story to make you look like a mean person simply based on your remark.Like all manipulators, obnoxious people are good at getting others to talk frankly about themselves.
   • Do not share personal information with them, even if they sometimes behave quite friendly. Anything you say in secret can be unexpectedly used against you both in your personal and professional life.
3. 3 Be the opposite of intolerable people. Be “bearable” and “bearable”. Become an example of tolerance, tolerance, humility and kindness. Try to always listen to the voice of reason. Draw conclusions taking into account all aspects of the situation.
   • It is known that people fall under the influence of bad deeds. Likewise, tolerance, tolerance, and kindness can sometimes change an opponent for the better.
   • Admit that you are not perfect. You don't have to be right in every situation, but try to always do your best. Be polite to people and know that if they are disrespectful in return, then you are not the problem. Bad days happen in every person's life.
4. 4 Don't get hung up on your opponent. If you can't avoid meeting unbearable people, then at least don't think about them the rest of the time. It's like giving your time to someone who doesn't care about you. Do something interesting, find new friends, and don't get hung up on the words or actions of the obnoxious person.
   • Think about what you want to do in life, not about what disgusts you. This is the only way to focus on positive things.
5. 5 Know how to distinguish between emotional abusers. They are capable of crippling people with their words and actions. Emotional abusers use tactics like humiliation, denial, criticism, suppression, blaming, demanding, and emotional alienation to then make you dependent on yourself. Don't judge yourself by their words. All statements and actions of such people are usually due to unresolved childhood or past problems, which they extrapolate to others.
   • It is best to behave in a friendly manner, even if the intolerable person acts like a villain in order to get backlash.
   • If a person is lonely and does not know how to attract attention to himself, then he can appreciate kindness and become kinder.
   • If a person is a villain by nature, who likes to harass others, then he will get angry himself, since he cannot piss you off. As a result, he will leave you alone.
   • In some cases, these people may turn out to be sociopaths. At first, a sociopath can be quite a pleasant person, but soon he will begin to exhibit violent and self-centered behavior, as well as attempts to control you. They do not know how to sympathize, so they commit cruel acts.
6. 6 Set boundaries. Determine the acceptable limits in your relationship with the person. Decide that none of you should touch on certain topics, events, people and behave in a certain way. Talk to such a person and discuss what you can and cannot do. You also need to stipulate the consequences for misconduct. Give the person the right to follow or break these rules.
   • Write down your thoughts so you don't miss out on important points. Keep the list with you as you talk. If the other person starts interrupting, interrupt him and complete your thought. Be honest. Use ultimatums when needed, but focus on the benefits of doing well.
   • If you choose to remain in a personal relationship with an intolerable person, then more often than not, keep yourself apart. Find a hobby, join a support group, or focus on religion.
   • Be sure to keep your promises if boundaries are breached. Do not let the situation take its course. If you promised to leave, then pack up and leave.
7. 7 Break up. In the end, you’ll be better off breaking up with the unbearable person. You should stop communicating, even if you are relatives. Long-term relationships with obnoxious people negatively affect health.Try to get away from the person as soon as possible.
   • Don't go back to it. No matter how much you love him, and no matter how much he promises to change, never go back to an unbearable person.
   • If you do not have the opportunity to leave right now, then end such a relationship at least mentally in order to prepare for such a situation.
   • It won't be easy at first, but you need to get rid of old habits in order to find freedom.

Part 4 of 4: How to Deal with Different Personality Types

1. 1 Identify the aspects that you dislike about the person. Each has traits that can be described in a few words. People can be annoying, overwhelming, complaining, passive-aggressive, overly artistic, or ambitious. If you can describe the qualities of the intolerable person that annoy you, it will be easier to find a way to get along with him.
   • Annoying people feel insecure, desperate to feel love and sympathy because of their own weakness, so they often idolize strong people.
   • Suppressive people are often picky perfectionists who always need to feel right and blame others.
   • Ambitious people always want to win and often perceive any relationship, business or conversation as a competition in which they need to show their superiority.
   • Passive-aggressive individuals express their hostility indirectly with the help of subtle injections towards other people. An example is the phrase: “You don’t worry about me, I will be fine”, after which it becomes clear that if you continue to do what you were doing, then in the future you will face problems.
2. 2 Know how to identify ineffective strategies. Some approaches may work with some people and may not work with others. Sometimes trial and error is needed to find a way to approach an obnoxious person. It may also turn out that any attempts to improve the situation will be in vain.
   • Avoiding annoying people will only double their efforts, and outright rejection can make the person your enemy. Your indifference will hurt their feelings.
   • It is impossible for an overwhelming person to prove that he is wrong. They always believe that the truth is behind them, and your efforts will not help change the situation.
   • Overly ambitious people will use any weakness against you, so in their presence it is better not to show emotions. If you get in their way and try to win, they will leave or never accept defeat.
   • Don't agree with the complainant or try to calm the person down. He will definitely find another reason for anger and complaints.
   • A person with victim syndrome wants to be pitied. You don't need to empathize or let him make excuses. Try to think rationally and offer to help in another way.
3. 3 Find effective strategies. Try to learn from your interactions with different types of personalities to minimize negative interactions. Use their strengths to resolve conflicts and reduce stress in relationships, as well as iron out rough edges. With this approach, positive results can be achieved.
4. 4 Annoying, oppressive, and ambitious individuals. Learn to understand why people behave in certain ways. Annoying people need to be guided and feel responsible in order to believe in themselves. Overwhelming people often have self-doubt and fear of their own inferiority. Ambitious people are overly concerned about their image in order to appear very kind and generous after another victory.
   • Show the annoying person what to do and then don't interfere. You don't need to listen when they convince you that you will do a better job. Find situations in which you need help and reach out to those people.
   • Don't let the overwhelming person intimidate you.Do not doubt yourself if you did a great job, even if they say otherwise.
   • Let the ambitious person win. If during an argument the person does not want to give up, then acknowledge his point of view and say that you need to study the topic thoroughly.
5. 5 Arrogant individuals, complainants or victims. It is important for arrogant people to feel that others are listening to them. Complainers tend to build up a lot of anger over unresolved issues and often want to be heard. People with victim syndrome always believe that something bad is happening to them in order to justify any failures and mistakes.
   • Just try to listen to the arrogant person.
   • Listen patiently to the complainant and acknowledge their feelings, then try to stay away.
   • Do not overlook the reasons why the victims are late or create problems. React to them in the same way as you would to someone whose actions are unjustifiable. You can give them advice, but don't try to sympathize.
6. 6 Hysterical and passive-aggressive personalities. People with a hysterical personality type crave attention and do their best to get what they want. They need to live in the right area, wear the right clothes, and send their children to the right school. People with a passive-aggressive personality type are often hostile because they cannot effectively express their desires and needs.
   • Regardless of gender, hysterical or stage-type people are often referred to as “hysterics.” Don't fall into their theatrical traps and emotional attractions that they fill their lives with. Listen, but keep your distance.
   • Clearly voice inappropriate behaviors and situations to communicate more effectively with passive-aggressive individuals. When trying to solve a problem, try not to react to hostility. Set boundaries and encourage the person to express their desires and needs, and be strong in making requests.

Tips

• If you assume that you yourself are an obnoxious person, the first step towards finding a solution has already been taken. Try to treat other people's opinions without prejudice. Do not give up your own opinion, but admit that someone else's opinion may also be correct.
• Remain calm and collected, but don't be sarcastic about unbearable people at work. Be professional to avoid getting reprimanded or losing your job.
• Violence is not a way out of a difficult situation.