Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: Make a plan
• Part 2 of 3: Have a Conversation
• Part 3 of 3: Next Steps
• Tips

Admitting to a mom that you are gay can be very difficult, and it's normal to worry about a potential reaction. Decide in advance where you will have this conversation and what you will say. Give your mom time to sort out her emotions and ask questions. It may be difficult for you, but hopefully this conversation will help you understand each other better. Even if your mom doesn't immediately understand you, be proud of yourself for taking a bold step and honestly admitting who you are.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Make a plan

1. 1 Choose a quiet and peaceful place to chat. This should be a place where no one will interfere with you or where you do not have to worry about the people around you. Instead of a coffee shop or restaurant, it is better to sit in the living room or at the kitchen table, where the atmosphere is more conducive to a frank conversation.
   • You might even ask your mom to take a walk with you. Go somewhere quiet and peaceful, not a busy street or busy park.
   • If you want to talk to your mom at home, but you have brothers / sisters or other family members whose presence is undesirable at the moment, try to catch the moment when everyone else leaves on business. You can even tell your mom that you want to talk in private, and she will surely help you choose the time.
2. 2 Write down what you have to say so you don't miss anything. If you're nervous, write a letter addressed to your mom. When the time comes for a conversation, you can go through the text. Or write down the main points that you definitely want to touch on. In the moment of confession, you will most likely be very anxious and may be missing out on something important.
   • For example, you might mention when you found out that you are gay, how you feel about it, and why you decided to share it with your mom.
   • If you live in a family where homosexuality is frowned upon, you can also tell your mom that you were born that way and that it’s part of who you are, not a choice you made.
   • You can end your letter or list with wishes about how you want your relationship with your mom to be. For example, perhaps you hope that you will have an open relationship and that she will accept you for who you are. Perhaps you are hoping that she will help you confess to your father. It's entirely up to you and your relationship with your mom, so take some time to think about this point.
3. 3 Make sure to prioritize your safety if you're concerned about your mom's potential reaction. If you are afraid that she will be violent after you admit you are gay, make a plan ahead of time. In a situation like this, it might be better to talk to her in a public place or invite another person to the conversation to act as emotional support.
   • At worst, prepare a retreat plan so you have somewhere to go if your mom is physically or verbally abusive.

   A warning: If you think you might be physically abused or kicked out of your home, this may not be the right time to talk to your mom. In some cases, it’s better to wait until you’re financially independent and live on your own before bringing up the topic of your sexual orientation. If you are concerned about your home environment, discuss the situation with a counselor.

   
   
4. 4 Talk to a therapist or people who support you in advance. If there are already people around you who know you are gay, reach out to them for support. Confessing that you are gay can be scary, even in front of your mom. Talk with trusted people about your fears, ask for advice, and rely on them during times of anxiety.
   • Most likely, you will not have anyone to turn to if your mom is the first person to whom you are going to tell about your non-traditional sexual orientation. If this is the case, you can first discuss the situation with a psychologist to get some support.
5. 5 Tell your mom you want to talk to her about something important. Rather than throwing yourself into a serious conversation, let your mom know ahead of time that you want to talk to her about something. You can do this in the morning on day X, or even warn her a few days in advance. Keep in mind - once you state that you want to talk, chances are your mom won't want to wait too long.
   • Try saying something like, “Mom, I want to talk to you about something. Can we have a one-on-one conversation tonight? "
   • Or: “I have something to share with you, but I want to do it in private. When we can talk?"
   • If she asks what you want to talk about, say, "This concerns me, but I would prefer to wait until we sit down and discuss everything in detail."

Part 2 of 3: Have a Conversation

1. 1 Be honest about your path to self-discovery. If you have taken notes or wrote a letter, keep them with you. Try your best to focus on your personal feelings and experiences. If Mom tries to interrupt you, say gently, "I know you are emotional and you have a lot of questions, but I need to speak up."
   • It's okay if you are overwhelmed with emotions, as well as if you get confused in words or miss some points. Even if your speech isn't perfect, you should still be proud of yourself for telling the truth.
2. 2 Ask your mom if she has any questions and tell her that you were happy to ease your mind. After you're done with the confession, say something like, “I know you have a lot to think about. I myself have thought about this for a long time. Do you have any questions for me? I will try my best to answer them. " Even if your mom looks angry, sad, or embarrassed, stay close to her despite the possible discomfort.
   • Ideally, mom will be supportive and caring. Even so, she will likely have questions! Be sure to give her time.
   • If your mom says she needs time to reflect on what she has heard, say, “I totally understand that. When you are ready, let me know and we will continue the conversation. "

   Advice: if mom says that she no longer knows who you are, try to answer something like this: "I am the same person that I have always been, just now you know me better than before."

   
   
3. 3 Respond to comments and questions calmly and confidently. This may be difficult, but try not to get into a defensive position, get angry or get excited. Some things that are obvious to you may not be so clear to your mom. For example, if she asks, "Is it my fault?" - Perhaps your first impulse will be to shout out to her that being gay is not so bad.If possible, answer calmly: “You were a wonderful mother, and my sexual orientation was given to me by nature. It has nothing to do with what you did or didn’t do. ”
   • You may feel like you have switched roles with your mom. It is indeed a common occurrence when a child comes out (confessed to be gay) in front of their parents.
4. 4 Be clear about who your mom can share this news with. When and how you tell others about your gay orientation should be entirely your decision, so be sure to ask your mom to keep the conversation private until you're ready to open up to other people. If you are not ready for your grandparents, cousins, or other relatives to find out that you are gay, ask your mom not to tell anyone about it.
   • Try saying something like, “I hardly told anyone, and I'm still working on it. I would be grateful if you would keep this conversation between us until I am ready to open up to other people. ”
   • If you need help telling another person that you are gay, say something like, “I haven't confessed to my dad yet, and I'm very worried. Can you advise me how to do this? "
5. 5 Be proud of yourself for having such a tough conversation with your mom! Regardless of her reaction, this conversation was not easy, but courageous for you. This is a huge step towards self-discovery and acceptance of your sexual identity.
   • If the conversation doesn't go well or doesn't go as well as you expected, that's okay too, and your upset will be understandable. Talk to the people who support you, and remember: many parents take time (weeks or even months) to get used to this news.

Part 3 of 3: Next Steps

1. 1 Be open to communication. About a week after the first conversation, ask your mom if she has any other questions or thoughts that she would like to share with you. Try to show that you are still part of her family and that you want to keep in touch with her.
   • For example, say this: “About a week has passed since our conversation, and I thought that you might still have questions for me. Maybe you want to discuss something? "
   • If you're not sure how your mom is feeling, try saying, “I know we haven't had much contact since our conversation. I would like to know what you think about this. "
2. 2 Give your mom time to be aware of what she has heard. Remind yourself that you have had a lot of time to think things over, but this is a completely new experience for your mom. Give her these words if you think it will help. It may take her several weeks or even months before she can adjust to such a change.
   • Even those mothers who initially react negatively to such news can change their point of view. Until then, seek comfort from friends and people who support you.
3. 3 Understand that this is a new experience for your mom, and try to show empathy. She's likely experiencing a range of strong emotions, even if she accepted and supported you during the conversation. Do not expect that awareness of what you have heard will come to her quickly - give her the necessary space to sort out her thoughts and feelings.
   • Perhaps she feels guilty for not recognizing your sexual orientation herself, or that you did not dare to confess to her earlier.
4. 4 Encourage your mom to read LGBT-related materials so she can explore the matter further. It may be very helpful for her to read information about other families who find themselves in a similar situation. Illuminator.info is a great resource for parents, friends, and family of LGBT people. Or perhaps you have a gay friend who has already discussed this topic with his parents. It will most likely be helpful to bring your mothers together so they can talk.
   • If your mom doesn't mind, invite her to a parade or meeting in support of the LGBT community and try to include her in your life. She may end up becoming your most ardent supporter!

Tips

• If you're worried about the conversation, try practicing in front of the mirror first.
• If you get a negative reaction from your mom, it's worth contacting a counselor to help you cope with feelings of rejection or confusion. Over time, you can even ask your mom to attend sessions with you (if you think this will help).