Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Prepare for a Breakup
• Method 2 of 3: End the relationship
• Method 3 of 3: Continue Living After the Breakup
• Warnings

Sometimes it is difficult to tell who is your real friend and who is just pretending to be. If you feel that one of your acquaintances is friends with you for some purpose, then it may very well be that this friend is not real. True friends support, love you for who you are, forgive and protect you. With fake friends, you get the feeling that you need to do something or look different in order to continue the relationship. Also, if you do not feel like a person next to a person, then he is definitely not your friend. Fake friends only make you worry and spoil the blood by being around. Prepare to end your relationship with pseudo-friends. If you decide to end your relationship, talk about ending your friendship. And after that, start surrounding yourself with real faithful friends.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Prepare for a Breakup

1. 1 Check your friendship. Your friends may be real, but humble and have trouble communicating. You will recognize real friends as follows.
   • They may not always say something useful, but they are ready to listen to you if it is difficult for you.
   • Next to them, you can be yourself and feel at ease.
   • They support you.
   • They always communicate with you, and not only when they need something from you.
   • They are nearby "in sickness and health."
   • They are pleased with your health and prosperity.
2. 2 How to determine that there is actually no friendship? Try to find out if this is a real friend. If not, how does the person benefit from pretending to be your friend? Fake friends:
   • gossip about you;
   • using you to climb a particular social ladder;
   • using you to get closer to someone with whom you are close;
   • take the fruits of your labor or use your brains;
   • trying to get some information out of you;
   • start a conversation with you only when they need something from you;
   • embarrass or humiliate you in public.
3. 3 Don't fight for friendship at any cost. If you feel like the person has changed or you are drifting apart, then perhaps this is a sign that your relationship has exhausted itself. Even if you were inseparable before, people grow and change. Don't fight these changes, just enjoy the good times you have together. If you feel like the friendship is waning, there is no need to officially talk about the breakup. You can just let the friendship quietly fade away.
   • This is a good option if you feel that everything between you is kind of good, but you no longer want to communicate.Especially if you have lost common interests, and everyone already has their own circle of friends.
4. 4 Stop being helpful to your pseudo friend. It may cost you moral effort if you are a trouble-free person, but think about the fact that fake friends are simply using you for their own purposes. In the end, they will lag behind when they realize that they no longer benefit from you.
   • If someone is cheating on you, stop it - move the chair or sit so that you cannot see what you are writing.
   • If you are convinced that a person wants to get closer to someone else through you, communicate with that person when this pseudo-friend is not around.
   • If they call you just to get something, refuse regardless of the subject of the request. You can even say that you will not be able to help in any way in the future. For example: "Irina, I know that I gave you a lift all month, but I won't be able to do it anymore."
5. 5 Keep communication to a minimum. As you are already preparing to cut off communication, distance yourself from the false friend as much as possible. Politely decline invitations to hang out: "Sorry, but I can't at the moment." The goal is to at least partially avoid the stress caused by realizing the falsehood of your friendship, while in the meantime you figure out how to end your relationship.
   • Don't completely ignore it or declare a boycott. This behavior does not indicate maturity, it will most likely provoke the anger of a pseudo-friend and be unpleasant to all your mutual friends.
6. 6 Ask for advice from people you trust. Talk to family, close friends, or people who support you; find out what they think about the situation. They may be able to suggest a different solution to you or explain what is happening. If you are uncomfortable with communicating with friends or are not too close to family members, seek advice from a school psychologist or therapist.
   • School psychologists have a wealth of experience in relationships and friendships that can be of use to you.
7. 7 Think about whether you really want to stop being friends. Breaking up a relationship is not easy. If you later regret your decision, the way back will be difficult. Consider other options for developing the relationship if you're not sure yet or just want to change your friend's attitude towards you. If you really want to end your friendship, there are several reasons why the relationship is ruining your mood and why you think you'd be better off without such a friend. Make a list of pros and cons and see which outweighs.

Method 2 of 3: End the relationship

1. 1 Report the breakup in person. If you are definitely determined to end the friendship, make sure you are doing everything right and give this moment as much attention as it deserves. You may be afraid of this, but pull yourself together, be above your fears and maturely assess the situation. Remember that you were friends in the past and life can bring you together again in the future, so be as polite as possible while solving this problem.
   • You shouldn't break up with the person on the phone. The only time you can do this is if you have not seen each other for a long time or if you are afraid of an inadequate violent reaction on his part.
   • Do not text or e-mail about the end of a friendship. This gives rise to bad thoughts about you as a person and how you interact with your friends. In addition, with such communication, there is a high risk that you will be misunderstood.
2. 2 Make an appointment with the person. Plan when and where you will meet with your friend to talk about ending the relationship. Even if you plan to have a conversation on the phone, organize everything so that both of you have the opportunity to devote time to this and nothing else. Try not to delay too long, or your friend will sense that something is wrong and the waiting can make you both needlessly worry.
   • Invite a friend to a conversation in a simple and understandable way. For example, you might say, “Hello. I think we need to talk. When is it convenient for you? "
3. 3 Choose a meeting time and place. When planning a conversation with a friend, consider a few things. Try to find a place to talk where you can communicate comfortably. Consider several factors.
   • Talk where no one bothers you. It is very possible that you will be overwhelmed by emotions, and this should not happen where you will attract attention to yourself.
   • Both of you should be calm, and the conversation should not happen on the eve of some important event, such as an exam or debriefing at work.
   • Keep in mind the length of the meeting, don't meet where you might get stuck longer than you'd like, such as waiting for lunch to be served.
4. 4 Think about what you would like to say in advance. It is best if you sit down ahead of time and prepare what you want to say to the person (this kind of preparation is useful for any parting, especially when it is difficult like this). Getting your thoughts in order first will help you speak clearly, firmly, and reasonably.
   • Be clear about your thoughts to a friend. At the end of the meeting, he should have no doubt that he understood you correctly.
   • Firmly state what you expect from your friendship and what exactly you dislike about the way your relationship is developing.
   • Be consistent, say during this conversation everything you wanted and what you feel now. If you conduct the conversation as planned, then you will not have to torment yourself with the words: "I should have said that!"
   • When thinking about what you are going to say, try to be honest, but at the same time, do not get angry. Try not to throw accusations or be too hard on your future ex-friend.
5. 5 Talk to him. It's frustrating, but you have to go through with it. You planned, prepared for a conversation with him, well - the time for a conversation has come. Share your feelings and why you think you shouldn't be friends. Be frank and straightforward, but at the same time, be as friendly as possible.
   • Start the conversation by saying that you find it difficult to speak. "It's hard for me to talk about it, and it might be hard for you to hear it."
   • Get down to business as soon as possible. “I feel that our relationship does not suit me at all. I think it will be better for everyone if we do not continue to be friends. "
6. 6 Make a good argument. In the course of the conversation, you will get to the point where it will be necessary to explain why you are breaking the friendship. Explain what irritates you, while trying not to blame anyone if possible. Whatever the reason, try to start by saying, “I feel like ...” Here are some examples.
   • If your boyfriend cheated on you with your girlfriend: "I feel like I can't trust you, and it hurts that you, calling me my friend, could do this to me."
   • If a friend constantly makes fun of you or lowers your self-esteem: "I feel my self-esteem falling when I am next to you, and all because of what you are telling about me."
7. 7 End the conversation. You explained why, from your point of view, it would be better for everyone to go their own way. Now it's worth ending the conversation. Do it kindly, mention the good sides of your friendship. Try to:
   • To say that you are grateful for the good things that happened between you. “I really enjoyed communicating with you. These memories are always with me. Like that time when we ... "
   • Take some of the blame if you can. “I don’t know, maybe we just aren’t able to be friends. Or I just can't be the kind of friend you need. "
8. 8 Give your friend a chance to speak up. You said what you wanted, let a friend answer that. Be prepared for your friend to react emotionally unexpectedly.He may endlessly apologize, he may withdraw into himself or get angry, or just get very upset. Perhaps it will all be together. Be patient and listen to him. Listen carefully to everything he has to say - perhaps there was just a misunderstanding between you. In addition, a friend might say something that will change your decision to break up.
   • Don't argue at this stage. If your friend is angry, he or she will likely start telling you unpleasant things or try to shift the blame onto you. Don't get involved in a discussion, just say, "I'm sorry you take it that way."
9. 9 End the conversation. The end of your conversation will depend on how the friend reacts to your words. Once again: be prepared for any reaction of the interlocutor. Then, regardless of how the conversation goes, you will have an option to end it.
   • If your friend starts to get angry and raises his voice, do not respond in kind, instead say: "I would like to discuss everything calmly, and if you continue yelling at me, I better go."
   • If your friend is sad, wait a bit before continuing the conversation, and when he calms down, say again, “Thank you for taking the time to talk to me. I'm sorry that everything happened this way. "
   • If a friend asks for forgiveness, sort out your feelings and decide if you want to try giving him a second chance. If you need time to process what you have heard, say, “I need time to process your words. Maybe we'll talk tomorrow? "
10. 10 Set boundaries. Decide in advance what kind of relationship you would like to maintain with this person in the future, if at all. Ask yourself if your decision is firm and state it at the end of the conversation. Explain clearly what you want and ask them to respect your decision. Setting boundaries ahead of time will make it easier to stick with your opinion.
    • If you have mutual friends, suggest just hanging out with the company.
    • If you prefer never to date again, that's okay too. Make it clear to your friend that you do not want him to look for a meeting with you in the future.
    • If you have an unhealthy relationship, then for your own good, break up with this person forever.

Method 3 of 3: Continue Living After the Breakup

1. 1 Do not go beyond the limits you set yourself. After the end of the friendship, some other outbursts of emotions are possible. A former friend may try to play on your best feelings and get back in touch with you. If he does this, remind him of what you agreed on and demand that he respect your decision. Perhaps a friend will be extremely angry and will harass you personally, over the Internet or in a general company. The ex-friend is just trying to provoke your reaction, or letting off steam, so to speak. Pay no attention to this behavior. After a while, the friend will come to terms with your breakup.
2. 2 Ignore rude, derisive, or passive aggressive behavior. This is easier said than done, though. Remind yourself that you ended the relationship for this very reason, because you did not want to endure such antics that darken your life anymore. This behavior is one of the reasons your friendship never really came to be. Reassure yourself that your decision to end the friendship was the right one. Be prepared for the following actions:
   • a former friend sends constant SMS, calls, emails or messages on social networks;
   • a person says nasty things about you to other people or turns mutual friends against you;
   • he makes fun of you or gossips behind your back;
   • a former friend makes you guilty that he somehow behaved wrongly and said the wrong thing.
3. 3 Drive away from yourself the thought that you have lost a friend. Although you yourself suggested ending the friendship, you must also realize that it no longer exists. You may have mixed feelings: relief, freedom, guilt, sadness, anger, or hopelessness. Allowing yourself to “mourn a past friendship” will help you cope with any emotions that come up.
   • Dealing with feelings is easier when you put everything on paper. Spend some time describing everything you think and feel about the breakup, and write down your thoughts on why this is happening. If you trust the diary with everything that you have to worry about, you will sort out your feelings, calm down and get rid of them.
4. 4 Reach out to other friends who may be affected. This is especially important if you are in school: you may have mutual friends with a former friend of yours. Your breakup can embarrass these mutual friends. They may feel that they should take sides. It is not clear how to communicate with you now and how your former friend will look at it. Tell them briefly what happened. Do not slander, do not go into details as much as possible.
   • Say something like: “I know that you are friends with Andrey. Well, since you and I are friends too, I just want to tell you what happened. Andrey and I are no longer friends. We talked about everything, and everyone said what they think about it. I tell you this because I want you not to feel embarrassed about all this and so that you do not feel out of place, communicating with both of us. "

Warnings

• You shouldn't avoid your friend, it's not very pretty. Don't ignore or hide from your friend until the person feels like you don't want to see him again. Think about how you would feel in his place, and you will find that a straight break is better.
• If at any point your fake friend's behavior becomes aggressive, you may need to seek help. Don't put yourself in danger just to end this fake friendship. Tell your parents, teacher, or boss at work to help you deal with this relationship.