Author:
Eric Farmer
Date Of Creation:
5 March 2021
Update Date:
1 July 2024
Content
- Steps
- Method 1 of 2: Identify Martyr Syndrome in Relationships
- Method 2 of 2: Identify Martyr Syndrome at Work
- Tips
A person suffering from martyr syndrome puts the needs of others above their own, gets the opportunity to suffer “in the name of people” and, thanks to this, feel their life filled with meaning. However, very often people with martyr syndrome suffer absolutely in vain - their expectations that the person for whom they sacrificed themselves will shower them with thanks are simply not justified. If you are in any way interacting with someone (at home or at work) who seems to be suffering from martyr syndrome, it is very important to understand the whole picture of this phenomenon. Skip to the first step to find out more.
Steps
Method 1 of 2: Identify Martyr Syndrome in Relationships
1 It should be understood that people with martyr syndrome choose to suffer. A person with martyr syndrome himself makes a choice in favor of continuing to suffer, rather than trying to fix the problem - he believes that suffering gives his life completeness, gives it meaning. Most of all, a person with martyr syndrome craves recognition and approval from others. 
2 Recognize martyr syndrome in someone you suspect is being abused in a relationship. Choosing to suffer rather than fix the problem is common for people in relationships in which they are abused or harassed. They stay in a relationship with the person who is hurting them because they believe they can change them with their selfless behavior. Even if they have the opportunity to get out of such a dangerous situation, they make a choice in favor of staying in a relationship - suffering seems to them a nobler deed, and leaving the situation seems to be a selfish act. - For example, a woman may stay with an abusive husband for two reasons.First, she considers it her duty to fix him and their relationship, and suffers in order to feel selfless and change his behavior. The second reason may be that the woman does not want her children to grow up in an incomplete family. Therefore, she chooses suffering in order to protect children from them, who (she thinks) will suffer if she leaves her husband.
3 Pay attention to the role model that the person follows. People with martyr syndrome often choose their role models. It becomes someone who chooses to suffer instead of struggling with difficulties in order to achieve any goals. This role model leads to the fact that a person begins to live, focusing on the needs of others, and a role model becomes on the pedestal to which a person aspires - in selfless service for the good of people. 
4 Pay attention to how often a person complains that no one notices his unselfishness. People with martyr syndrome often look completely unhappy because their self-sacrifice remains unrecognized. They constantly feel that the person for whom they sacrificed themselves does not recognize their role in their success. - Most likely, a person will complain about how much he had to give in favor of others. Sometimes he will talk about what could have been done "to make things different."
5 It should be understood that it is very difficult for a person with martyr syndrome to allow the people for whom he sacrificed himself to live his life. He will often remind them that his actions deserve recognition and gratitude. Any gesture that seems to the person any less respectful than he would like will be perceived as an insult. Therefore, such a person is easily offended and takes any trifle to heart. - An example of what you can hear from someone with martyr syndrome: “I did so much for them; the least they can thank me is to devote to their life and all the decisions they make. They should respect and thank me for everything I have done for them. ”
6 Note that the person will always speak of themselves with emphatic respect. He will speak of himself as a person who has chosen the path of suffering for a noble goal. Such people will behave as if they are constantly haunted by a feeling of annoyance because the person who benefited from their sacrifice does not understand and does not recognize the disinterested contribution and help that they have given him. - A person will not restrain himself from voicing his displeasure to everyone and everyone who is ready to listen. He will strive to tell as many people as possible about how unhappy he is to have made such a sacrifice.
7 A person expects favor and sympathy from each and every one. People with martyr syndrome expect others to admire their selfless nature. It gives a person extraordinary pleasure to feel the sympathy of people caused by the fact that he abandoned his dreams and desires for the benefit of someone else. - If someone tries to question this attitude and intentions, or tells him that he was not obliged to sacrifice everything for the sake of others, the person with martyr syndrome will become very upset and angry. The usual response in this case would be to accuse the speaker of selfishness, ingratitude and the fact that he does not know, “... what the person had to go through”.
8 Keep in mind that the person will not accept help. When a person with martyr syndrome is “making someone's life better,” he will either not accept help from anyone, or recognize it as insignificant against the background of the big picture. A person will not listen to advice or suggestions, because he believes that only his will is present in everything that happens - no one dares to touch the changes that he made. - At every opportunity, a person with martyr syndrome will present the picture as if they were the only one who helped carry a heavy burden, even if other people helped, or the situation did not require urgent help.
9 Be prepared for the fact that the person will demand from you displays of love and respect. The person will envelop you with love and favor, but in return he will ask for the same. A silent gesture that demonstrates love will not satisfy a person with martyr syndrome - he will need the most open form of expression of sympathy. - They will expect you to talk about their sacrifice and unselfishness to everyone with whom you come in contact. They will also look forward to gifts that show how grateful you are to them.
Method 2 of 2: Identify Martyr Syndrome at Work
If you think that one of your colleagues from work is suffering from martyr syndrome, it is very important to know all the possible symptoms in order to reliably confirm / refute your suspicions.
1 Pay attention to when the person comes and goes. One of the most common manifestations of martyr syndrome: the person suffering from it comes in first, and leaves the very last. Try getting to work early and staying late to see if the person actually arrives early and leaves later. - Lack of life outside of work (or almost no life) can also be a sign of martyr syndrome - early arrivals and late departures home can be due to an imbalance in which life is completely built around work.
2 Note if the person is carrying work home. A person with martyr syndrome will take work home without hesitation. By doing this, he will confirm that he is not limited to working hours in the office, and will happily work at home. You can tell this by the time of the e-mails sent from him - if he writes to you or replies in his free time, then it is so - mark it to yourself. - If someone only occasionally writes to you or replies to emails outside of office hours, that doesn't mean they are an office martyr. However, if this happens every day, martyr syndrome is very likely.
3 Note how often the person complains about working hard and not being recognized for their efforts. He will want his colleagues to be aware of how hard he works - and that they do so based on the number of hours, rather than how productive and efficient the person is at the job. He may see himself as the only person in the organization who is able to do a good job. That is why such people find it difficult to give instructions - they are sure that everyone else will cope with the task an order of magnitude worse than themselves. This leads to the fact that office martyrs spend twice as much time on the task. - People with martyr syndrome often find it difficult to arrange tasks according to their importance, because they are too concerned about the importance of their work in principle.
4 Pay attention to the person's thoughts about what will happen to the company if he leaves it. People with martyr syndrome truly believe that the company will fail without them. This makes it difficult for them to take time off. And even when they do take them, they work from home to make sure that the business will not fail.
Tips
- If someone you work or live with has martyr syndrome, discuss it with someone you trust, be it a friend or a therapist.
- Remember that while you can help the person with their problem, they are the only ones who truly have power over their lives and can overcome their urge to feel like a victim.
