Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: Realize Learned Helplessness
• Part 2 of 3: Challenge Negative Beliefs
• Part 3 of 3: Taking Control of Your Own Life

Acquired helplessness is a psychological concept according to which a person, after repeatedly experiencing negative uncontrollable events, begins to consider himself “helpless”. As a result, a person stops expecting positive changes and begins to perceive negative events as their status quo. At the same time, a person loses the desire to do anything that contributes to changes for the better. If you've developed acquired helplessness, you don't have to dwell on that state. You can overcome it by identifying the cause of your helplessness. Next, you need to work on replacing the beliefs that keep you in this state and regain control of your own life.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Realize Learned Helplessness

1. 1 Find the source of your learned helplessness. It may have taken root because of your developmental circumstances. Try to find the root of your acquired helplessness.Think back to those events of your youth that may have influenced your way of thinking today.
   • For example, you may have been neglected or bullied by your parents as a child, and as a result, you are used to not expecting help from adults. You may have been raised by adults who felt like victims of the system and were unable to improve their lives (and became helpless themselves).
   • Reflect on your childhood experiences to determine the starting point of your beliefs. You can even ask friends or loved ones about your behavior - they may be able to determine a common denominator that influenced your current state.
2. 2 Identify negative beliefs that keep you helpless. Become more aware of how learned helplessness affects your daily life. This can be done by recognizing the beliefs that influence your behavior. Also pay attention when you use words of helplessness and self-defense. When you start to notice pessimistic notes in your speech and thoughts, you can work to change that.
   • Take a notebook and write down some of your general ideas about life. For example: "If you were not born rich, you will never be rich," - or: "Good people always fail."
   • Mark your self-talk by writing down negative thoughts that arise, such as, "I'm a failure," "I'll never get that promotion," or, "If I were beautiful, maybe guys would notice me."
3. 3 Beware of self-fulfilling prophecies. Your thoughts and beliefs have the power to shape your personality. The way you think affects the goals you set for yourself, the career you aspire to, and even the kind of people you meet. And even if you want more in your life, your thoughts may force you to limit yourself to little.
   • Let's take the belief from the previous example as an example. Let's say you think, "If you weren't born rich, you will never be rich." If you allow this belief to take root in your head, it’s likely that everything in life will not work out in your favor. In this scenario, you are more likely to miss out on good opportunities to make more money or to remain in a continuous cycle of debt.

Part 2 of 3: Challenge Negative Beliefs

1. 1 Do a reality check with negative self-talk. Overly negative self-talk can lead to low self-esteem, depression, or anxiety. Fight non-constructive thoughts that arise by looking for evidence to support or refute those thoughts.
   • Let's say you think, "I'm a failure." Find all the evidence for and against this thought. Does it fit the facts? Are you in a hurry with conclusions? If you are in a positive relationship with someone, it automatically disproves the assumption that you are a failure.
2. 2 Try to find alternative explanations for your beliefs. Sometimes acquired helplessness develops due to an unwillingness to understand that there are different explanations for life events. If you try to find alternative explanations, you will feel more empowered and empowered to change the situation. It will also improve your state of mind.
   • Let's say you were denied a promotion at work. You might immediately think, "My boss doesn't love me." Stop, take a step back and try to assess the situation from a different angle. Perhaps the other employee was simply more qualified. Or maybe your boss didn't choose you because you don't seem to be particularly ambitious about your promotion.
3. 3 Rethink negative experiences so that you can focus on effort rather than inherent qualities. If you suffer from learned helplessness, you may not give yourself credit for your successes and blame yourself for all your failures. Learn to rethink negative experiences by focusing on effort-based input rather than your inherent qualities.
   • Instead of saying, “I'm stupid because I couldn't get the report right,” say, “I could have tried better. And I will do so next time. " This will allow you to base your success on effort - which can always be improved - rather than on inherent qualities like not being able to do something right.
4. 4 See yourself as a worthy person.. Typically, people with acquired helplessness suffer from low self-esteem. You may not be aware of the power you have in your own life. You probably see yourself as a puppet, although in reality you are a puppeteer. You must identify your strengths and believe in your own potential.
   • List your positive characteristics. Dig deeper using both minor and major traits. List items such as “I use my finances wisely,” or “I am attentive to detail,” and any positive traits and qualities that you possess. Keep this list handy in case you start to doubt your worth and worth.
5. 5 Seek help from a specialist. The transition from a helpless outlook on life to a strong one can be challenging. This process is further complicated by depression, anxiety, abandonment syndrome, incidents of abuse, or extremely low self-esteem. If you find it difficult to replace old beliefs with more productive ones, you may want to see an experienced therapist.
   • Find a psychotherapist in your city who works with people with acquired helplessness. Or explain your circumstances to your family doctor and ask him to give you a recommendation as to which specialist is best to contact.
   • Unfortunately, compulsory health insurance does not cover psychotherapist services. However, in some cities of Russia there are centers for free psychological assistance to the population, where highly qualified specialists are employed. If your employer or yourself pays for voluntary health insurance (VHI) with the fullest coverage, it probably includes psychotherapy as well. Find out from your insurance company whether your policy covers such services, to what extent and what specialists working on VHI can advise.

Part 3 of 3: Taking Control of Your Own Life

1. 1 Set objective goals. Goal setting can be very helpful in overcoming learned helplessness. Even a simple planning assumption can help you feel more in control of your life. Start by developing realistic goals.
   • Consider using a SMART strategy when you need to set Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-bound goals.
   • For example, you might set a goal to increase your income by 25% over the next six months.
2. 2 Identify one small action you can take every day. Once you've clearly defined your goals, focus on each one in turn. Complete at least one task every day that will bring you closer to achieving your goals. Small daily activities can help build momentum and give you a sense of greater control over your own life.
   • The daily activity associated with the goal may be to find additional work or cut costs in order to save more money.
3. 3 Celebrate small victories. When goals are stretched out over long periods, it can be easy to get tired or bored. Break your goals down into small chunks to make it easier to track progress.And then celebrate each step you take.
   • It would be nice to associate pleasant rewards with each stage that will motivate you to achieve success. This may include dining out at a restaurant with your partner or family, or going out of town for the weekend.
4. 4 Connect with positive people. The people you surround yourself with influence your beliefs - positively or negatively. Try to keep your distance from other people with acquired helplessness or negative attitudes towards life. Reach out to people who are optimistic and determined.
   • You can find such people by joining professional organizations or clubs related to your interests.
5. 5 Take a break and take care of yourself when you're stressed. When negative, stressful events occur, be kind to yourself. It can be tempting to revert to old negative thinking patterns. Instead, create a set of positive habits that you can turn to at the right time.
   • To take care of your inner state, try including meditation, journaling, naps, or warm bubble baths in your daily schedule. You may also enjoy spending time in nature. Or you can relieve stress by coloring an adult coloring page.