Content

• Steps
• Tips
• warnings

Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom. - Thomas Jefferson

You may have heard many lies and half-truths throughout your life. And, perhaps, you spent a significant part of your time wondering what was on the minds of those around you, since there is a possibility that they were not entirely honest with you. What happens if you stop telling a lie? A swamp of compromise and diplomacy? Do you think that this can offend your loved ones? Are you ready to find out the truth?

The radical honesty movement was founded by a psychotherapist named Brad Blanton, who insists that people would be much happier if they were completely honest and didn't lie - no matter what the truth turns out to be. You just need to promise yourself to see and literally take things as they are, as much as possible. If you are used to not saying what you really think, it will take you time to get rid of this habit, but the results will pleasantly surprise you.

Steps

1. 1 Watch yourself when you lie. Most people lie all day long, every day. For example, on average 60% of people lie two to three times during a 10-minute conversation! So if you try to catch yourself in a lie, you will be surprised to find out how often you do it. It will also be interesting to think about how often people around you tell lies. And remember that the purpose of this paragraph is observe... Do not judge and do not make excuses, saying “Well, I admit, I had to lie and so on ... blah, blah, blah. " Rationalization is a product of denial, and denial is a deep form of lying.
   • When people ask how you are doing, do you answer honestly?
   • Do you pretend that you are interested in something, when in fact it is not?
   • Have you noticed how you tell a lie so as not to hurt someone's feelings?
   • Are you silent when you have something to say?
2. 2 Consider whether you are really doing a good deed by telling a lie. Is it worth isolating a person from reality? Will the addressee deserve your lie for salvation? Are you suggesting that he is so weak that he cannot bear the truth?
   • Perhaps by telling someone the truth, you will give the person a chance to learn not to take everything to heart, and this is a very valuable skill that will be very useful in life.
   • Pretending that you are interested in listening to the interlocutor is in a sense inherent in manipulators and people who are used to being condescending to everyone. We often use this trick when dealing with children, as we think they are too immature and inexperienced to understand that not everyone is interested in the same as they are. If you treat others like children, then one day you may find that the people around you, behave as children.
   • Is it really a lie really the best way to show your compassion? Or for you is this the easiest way to avoid controversy, rejection and discomfort? If you are going to lie, then perhaps you can honestly tell yourself the reason for your lies - do not tell yourself that you are doing it for the good of others or it is a manifestation of your kindness, when in fact the reason lies in the fact that you do not have enough courage. to tell the truth.
3. 3 Confess that you have told a lie. Once you see how often you lie, try to admit it from time to time. It is usually easier to tell the truth after the conversation, rather than during it, so this is a good springboard to start. You can start with a lie you told months or years ago (people are more likely to forgive you - it will seem to them that all this is already in the past), and then confess to a lie you told a few days, hours, or even seconds ago. ("Well, actually, now that I told you that I would love to eat sushi, I lied. Actually, I don't want sushi, I just wanted to sound cool. Maybe we'd better eat burgers?")
   • Some people will be intimidated, and some will appreciate your candor. It's also a good way to get to know the people around you better - are they sensitive and generous? Or are they easily suggestible evil fools?
   • Some confessions are best accompanied by an apology.
4. 4 Don't filter your words. Now it's time to start saying what you think. (See warnings below). Can you really tell the truth? Try it. Think aloud for an hour when you are alone with yourself and say whatever comes into your head, no matter how crazy, dirty or stupid those thoughts are. This is a good warm-up exercise and you should do it regularly just to strengthen the direct connection between your brain and mouth. Try doing this when talking to a friend (you can explain to him what you are doing and offer to join, as if it were a game). And, over time, try to do it in front of everyone! Here's how to start telling the truth:
   • Admit that you have forgotten someone's name, even if it is assumed that you know the name of this person, since you have known him for a single year, see him regularly, know the names of his children and even the name of his dog.
   • If the conversation began to tire you, tell the other person about it. “I haven't listened to you for a minute now,” or “To be honest, I'm not interested in talking about this,” or simply, “I'm tired. I'll be there in ten minutes. "
   • Express your dissatisfaction with colleagues or even your boss. “I am outraged that you did not answer our memo earlier. But at the same time, you made it easier for me, because if we cannot do what you want, then you can blame your late answer for this. "
   • Start sentences with the words "I am offended at you for the fact that ..." or "I am grateful to you for the fact that ..."
   • Show your honesty in person whenever possible. This will allow you to fully experience the consequences of your radical honesty, and prevent the host from escaping, which means that the person will not go anywhere when the shock subsides, and you can revive him and continue the conversation.
5. 5 Prepare for return fire. When you are radically honest, some people will answer you in the same manner. Rejoice in this. This is a good opportunity to start a new dialogue and learn about the person that you might never have known under other circumstances, because you were too afraid of hurting each other's feelings. When you tell your buddy that he is actually fat, he may tell you that with a beard you look like a homeless lumberjack. Answer with dignity!
   • "Thank you for saying."
   • "I agree."
   • "Really!"
   • "Truth?"
6. 6 Know when to stop. How honest can you be? In matters of honesty, there is a fine line between radicalism and recklessness. Reckless honesty can lead to the fact that, digging into the truth, you can shoot yourself in the foot. You must intuitively determine the line between radicalism and recklessness. Sometimes this border is obvious, sometimes not.
   • The founder of the Radical Integrity movement readily admits to lying to tax officials while playing golf and poker.
   • Children are radically honest, but they can do it unconsciously. Their parents may not accept this either. So it’s better not to tell your child that his dog wasn’t actually taken to the farm, that Santa Claus doesn’t exist, or how he in fact was born.

Tips

• Radical honesty with oneself requires restraint. Whatever rating you give yourself in any area, it is almost always overestimated. If we value others in pounds, then we should value ourselves in yen. Sometimes the feeling of your own superiority, the ability to do something, or the correctness of your judgments are undoubtedly justified. But many, if not most, are not. Once you realize this, your self-awareness will expand. You will begin to ask yourself more honest questions and give more honest answers.
• Solve relationship problems in real time. Honesty in a relationship involves solving problems that have arisen here and now. Emotions are not chess pieces, and love is not a strategy game. If you feel that something is going wrong, figure out what the problem is and make a decision right away. If in response to you they constantly look gloomily, and the whole evening passes in awkward silence, and the night is without sex, then this is a warning: such a game is not worth the candle.
• Being radically honest at work means doing things that are valuable to you personally, and you will have to deal with problems in creating them. But you cannot solve problems if you don’t identify them; if you prefer to deny them, ignore them, or try not to talk about them, as you are afraid to "rock the boat." What scares you the most about your job and the world in general? Almost every answer to this question is a project or business idea with your name on the packaging. Asking yourself "What in the world scares you the most?" Is not only a way to find an opportunity to define your life priorities, it is also a compass that guides you to the people who will help you make your dreams come true.
• Radical honesty can be a good way to attract the opposite sex. For example: “I don't really want to drink tea; I was just trying to find a way to hold you back so I could have a little chat with you as I want to sleep with you. " Some people may disgust your motives, but others will be shocked and amazed at your candor.
• You can experience an adrenaline rush before and after speaking only the truth. You violate prohibitions and risk being misunderstood by society. It can become a habit.

warnings

• The author of articles for the men's magazine Esquire A.J. Jacobs tried being radically honest for a month and called it the worst month of his life. You may not like this “therapy”.
• "Honesty" without participation and understanding is not honesty, but an imperceptible enmity. - Rose N. Franzblau. The naked truth can be the cruelest weapon.
• Be careful. Truth can hurt. Don't ask anyone questions you don't want to know the answer to. The phrase "Honey, don't I look fat in this?" like dynamite. You know from the start that you won't like the answer. If you are hurt and hurt by your feelings, it will be your fault.
• In the worst case, you will be fired, filed for divorce, do not want to communicate with you and sue. In the best case, you will be considered rude, will be invited to visit more often, as you entertain those present, and you will have a healthier relationship.
• You can get involved in a street fight if your radical honesty hurts someone.
• Be aware of cultural differences. You should know which cultural groups you can be extremely frank with. Most people in the Western world are more 'radically outspoken' than in the Middle East, Africa and Asia. (Although Islam's cult-raising of the family and the devaluation of courtesy on the street may initially confuse those of us who are Jewish or Christian.) Your radical honesty may be mistaken for rudeness or indifference towards others. After all, they don't go to someone else's monastery with their own charter ...