Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 3: Dealing with negativity
• Method 2 of 3: Communicate effectively with a friend who is negative
• Method 3 of 3: Understanding negativity
• Tips
• Warnings

A friend who is always negative can be a hindrance. On the one hand, you may appreciate things about him (or her), and you may want to help him have a more positive outlook on life. On the other hand, he may exhaust you and pull you into his negative world. Below you can read how you can learn to deal better with a negative friend. You can then understand him better, and maybe you can bring some positivity into his life.

To step

Method 1 of 3: Dealing with negativity

1. Don't judge your friend. Lecturing your friend about his negative behavioral patterns may actually make him feel worse, and he may start focusing his negativity on you as well. Criticism is of course difficult for everyone to deal with. But for someone who constantly suffers from negative thoughts and emotions, it is even more difficult to deal with. If you try to confront him with his own behavior, the situation may escalate and he will likely feel attacked. Just try to be a support to him as far as you can.
2. Take responsibility for your own happiness. If you let your happiness depend on a negative person, you will not be well either. So keep an emotional distance from your negative friend. Try to prevent yourself from being sucked into his negative world and falling into the trap of thinking that you have to solve all his problems first in order to be happy yourself afterwards.
3. Show how happy you are. One of the most effective methods of helping a negative friend, and yourself too, is to stay positive in the midst of all of their negativity. This keeps you happy, and shows your friend that there are other ways to live life and see the world.
   • Take a step back from time to time. People can "take over" emotions; in other words, the emotions of those around you can be taken over by you. Even though you are a very positive person, if you see too much negativity around you, it can be difficult to stay positive yourself. Therefore, every now and then, take a step back from your friend's negativity.
   • Another way to stay positive is to stay aware of your own emotions. So if you find yourself taking on another person's negativity, think about how you feel, and remind yourself that you don't want to feel negative. For example, "I find myself getting annoyed by the waiter because my friend has been nagging about it for five minutes. I don't really have a problem with the waiter myself. So the irritation isn't my own." You are better able to stay positive if you consciously focus on it.
   • Make a joke. If you turn a negative experience into something funny, you prevent the brain's natural impulse to stay focused on the negative aspect of the experience from being followed. For example, the next time your friend starts complaining again, give the situation a nice twist: "What a shame your car didn't start and you had to run to catch the bus. However, you said you wanted to go more. sports?"
   • Be aware if your friend's negativity is irrational. It is easier to stay positive yourself if you distance yourself from negativity that is irrational. For example, if your friend complains that your evening is ruined because you are going to a 2D movie instead of a 3D movie, be aware that this is completely irrational because you are just going to the movie and you will have a nice evening. Distance yourself from the irrational thoughts that your friend is stuck in.
4. Don't get into your friend's negativity. It can be tempting to join your friend being negative. Research has shown that people prefer to do something with friends that they do not enjoy, rather than just do something fun. However, if you allow yourself to be pulled into the negativity, it will only get worse. He will then think his behavior is acceptable, and you may be reinforcing his negativity as well.
5. Show compassion towards the other. Studies of showing compassion seem to show that showing compassion is a “win-win” way to relate to people. Receiving compassion has been associated with mental and physical health benefits, such as being more resistant to stress and feeling more connected to others. Feeling more connected to others also has physical benefits, such as increased physical resistance. The people who show compassion benefit themselves too. Because showing compassion also arouses compassion in the receiving party. Giving unconditionally can result in the other person also wanting to give unconditionally. The bottom line is that compassion is a really good way to keep yourself and those around you healthy.
   • For example, look for ways you can help your friend. If his car doesn't work, offer that he can drive, or help start his car using your battery. If he is complaining about a family member, offer to let him off your steam. These small gestures can have a big impact on your life.
6. Protect yourself. It's never nice to break up with a friend, but sometimes it's the best option. It's good to try to shake off the negativity and really accept your boyfriend as he is, despite the dark cloud that hangs over his head. But sometimes the negativity can get too much for you, and you may need to say goodbye. When it comes to that, at least feel good about caring enough about yourself to avoid falling into the black hole of negativity.
   • Sometimes the negativity of friends can trigger unpleasant or traumatic experiences from your own past. For example, if you've gotten rid of drug addiction, and your girlfriend is constantly complaining that her family is pressuring her to stop taking drugs, this expression of negativity can trigger painful memories in yourself. If your friend's negativity keeps pushing your "buttons" or provoking painful feelings, it may be an idea to distance yourself.
7. Consider seeing a therapist. This can be especially helpful if you really want to stay involved with your friend, but still find it difficult to deal with his negativity. A therapist can teach you how to deal with it in a healthy way, and how to keep your way of thinking healthy so that you can stay positive yourself.
   • If your friend's negativity is quite intense, such as when he talks about suicide or self-harm, talk to a trusted parent, teacher, counselor, or other adult in authority. Because then your friend needs more help than you can offer.

Method 2 of 3: Communicate effectively with a friend who is negative

1. Think carefully about what you say to him. Because the last thing you want is to be too critical or hostile that will only add to your friend's negativity. If you'd like to tell your friend that he sees the situation with dark glasses, find the right way to say it.
   • Talk from the "I" figure instead of the "you" figure. For example, "Stop being so negative," will be much less positive than, "I feel like there is more going on than you think right now." Talking from "I" comes across as less judgmental, making the other person more willing to be open to your message.
2. Be careful how you say things. After all, what you say is not the only important factor in communicating. The tone and the non-verbal messages are just as important. Yelling or throwing your hands in the air in despair create more negativity than they effectively combat negativity.
   • Friendly eye contact and nodding along with what he says, if you agree, are great ways to create a positive interaction.
   • Keep your voice even. If you stay calm while your girlfriend explodes, she may realize there are several ways to deal with a problem.
3. Watch the pace when you talk. Studies show that people find you "more caring and likable" when you talk slowly. So if you want to talk to your friend in a positive way so that he becomes more positive and so that you avoid becoming negative yourself, watch your pace.
4. Be assertive. It is important that you have compassion and a positive attitude towards the other person, but that is not the same as it is okay for someone to keep pushing your boundaries. Sometimes a friend with a negative attitude will try to persuade you to think the same way he does. Be firm when it comes to the freedom to express yourself and to have your own opinion. After all, assertiveness about taking into account everyone, not just one person.
   • Make it clear what your wishes and needs are. Communicate clearly what your wishes and needs are. Use direct language that cannot be objected to. For example, say, “I don't feel comfortable with the way you behave right now. I'm leaving now, but we can talk later if you want ”.
   • Be empathetic too. For example, "I understand you want to keep talking about this, but I'm not comfortable with this conversation, so I'm going to run away."
   • Set your limits. For example, "I'm fine with listening to your complaints for five minutes, but after that I'd like to change the subject so we don't get stuck in negativity."
5. Change the topic of conversation. If a friend keeps talking about something, change the topic and talk about something you know will brighten them up. Putting a little positivity into the situation is often a lot easier and more effective than trying to combat the negativity.
   • For example, if your friend is complaining about the difficult day he had at work, ask him if he wants to go bowling or go to the movies with you. Then offer to pay for his ticket.

Method 3 of 3: Understanding negativity

1. Know what pessimism is and spot it. Pessimism is the attitude of a person who assumes that things will go bad instead of good. Often times, people become pessimists because of many things in their life too actually went wrong. Pessimistic people often seem negative because they tear down ideas quickly and do not seem to see possibilities. But know that these people have probably had quite a history of bad experiences in their lives, so from their perspective, pessimism may be a very logical attitude to life.
   • People with a pessimistic outlook on life sometimes see a positive attitude as “sticking your head in the sand”, or not being realistic about life. You can encourage your friend to think more positively by setting a positive example in the way you go about life.
   • For example, a friend with a pessimistic attitude might say, "I really shouldn't be applying for that job because I'm going to be rejected anyway." Someone with little sense of reality might say something like, "Oh, of course you get the job! You are without a doubt the very best!" While this may seem positive, it is of little use to someone as it is unrealistic and does not address your friend's genuine concerns.
   • You can be positive yet realistic: "Okay, you may not be the most qualified person for this job ... but you will never know if you are suitable for this job if you are not interested in it. You do have a lot of qualities that will be asked in the job profile. You have nothing to lose if you apply, right? "
2. Determine if your friend is depressed. Depression is a mood disorder characterized by feelings such as hopelessness, an inability to feel pleasure, and persistent fatigue. Depression is often the source of negativity; Understanding the phenomenon of depression will help you understand friends who may be suffering from depression. Depression is often caused by factors beyond the control of the person who has it, such as genes, family circumstances, and social environment. People who are depressed have trouble generating the energy to do things. Because depressed people are so tired and also "depressed", they come across as very negative and unhappy.
   • People who are depressed cannot "just" feel good. Still, depression can be treated with the help of therapy and medication.
   • Other symptoms of depression include: often feeling sad or torn, having angry outbursts, an indifference to things you previously enjoyed, weight fluctuations, a different sleep pattern or an altered appetite, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, and often have thoughts of self-harm or death.
3. Talk to your girlfriend about depression. Depression is a serious condition that prevents people from connecting emotionally with others and living happy, healthy lives. You can't "cure" your girlfriend's depression, but if you've noticed signs of worry, it may be good to talk to her about it so she knows you care, and then you can motivate your her to seek help.
   • Speak from the "Me" figure, such as, "I've noticed that lately you don't feel like meeting up as much as you used to. I'm worried about you. Shall we talk about it?"
   • Ask questions. Don't assume you know what's going on. Rather ask your girlfriend questions, such as, "Have you been feeling this way for a while? Has anything happened to make you feel that way?"
   • Offer your support. Show your girlfriend that you care and that you are there when she needs you. Often times, people who are depressed feel very bad about themselves or they consider themselves worthless. Let her know that you care and that you are there for her by saying something like, "I really appreciate our friendship. Even if you don't want to talk right now, I'm always there if you want to have a chat."
   • People who are depressed sometimes react angry or irritated when you want to help them. Don't take it personally, or try to put pressure on if someone doesn't want to be helped.
4. Check for signs of an anxiety disorder. An anxiety disorder can cause a lot of frustration and irritation in people. People with anxiety disorders often feel powerless in their lives, or are terrified of things that come naturally to others. They often worry so much about being anxious that they have trouble thinking clearly and focusing on something. People who are very anxious often lash out at others and are more irritable than people who do not suffer from fear, and they create a lot of negative emotions.
   • If your girlfriend is constantly worried about all kinds of things or feels like she is out of control of her life, she may be suffering from an anxiety disorder.
   • Anxiety disorder, like depression, is a mental disorder that is serious but can be treated.You can't just "fix" your girlfriend's anxiety disorder, but you can let her know that you care and that you want to support her.
5. Encourage your girlfriend to seek treatment for managing and curing the anxiety. Most people with an anxiety disorder feel bad about their inability to manage their constant stress, which paradoxically leads to even more stress. They often feel that giving in to treatment is a sign of weakness, or that they have "really sunk too low." Encourage your friend to seek help by letting her know that seeking treatment is a sign of strength and of taking care of yourself.
   • Use the "I" figure when talking to your girlfriend about her fears. Don't make her feel worse about herself by saying things like, "You really need to work on your fears." Instead, say something reassuring like, "I feel like you've been really worried and stressed the last few times we've been together. Are you okay?"
6. Try to better understand insecurity and self-esteem. Often people who feel insecure or inadequate find it difficult to be positive and to respond positively to positive events. This can be a form of self-protection because they are afraid of being rejected or hurt even more. As misleading as it can be, once you understand the logic behind it, you can handle it much better. You can help build your girlfriend's confidence in the following ways:
   • Give her positive feedback. It takes time to let go of that instinctual self-protection. If you notice even the slightest change in that, say something positive to your girlfriend about it. For example, "I'm so glad you came bowling with us today! I really missed you."
   • Encourage her. Overcoming negativity is a tough job, and she will definitely suffer from relapses. Continue to encourage her to find new ways to learn to cope better.
   • Listen to her. Often people have low self-esteem because they feel that other people don't listen to them or care about them. Take the time to listen to your friend, acknowledge her concerns, and share your ideas with her. This will make her feel like you are involved with her, especially if you let her know that she is important to you.
7. Be aware that people are often unaware of their negative attitudes. We tend to think that being negative is a choice, but it's a little more complicated than that. Negativity, whether caused by depression, an anxiety disorder, pessimism, insecurity, or anything else, is something that no one has complete control over. While there are steps people can take in their lives to lessen the negativity in their lives, judging someone for being negative can sometimes make things worse.
   • Know that you cannot "solve" your girlfriend's problems. But you can be there to support her. However, don't forget to take good care of yourself as well.

Tips

• Advise your friend to see a therapist if you think he or she is having trouble handling emotions.

Warnings

• Try not to talk behind your boyfriend or girlfriend's back. This is unkind and no one benefits.
• If your friend is talking about harming themselves or thinking about suicide, call 911 or ask your friend to call the suicide 113 telephone helpline.