Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 4: Become Aware of Your Feelings
• Method 2 of 4: Think about your partner
• Method 3 of 4: Analyze the relationship
• Method 4 of 4: Take Action
• Tips

If you find yourself on this page, most likely you have some doubts about the future of your relationship. Doubt can be present in any relationship, and that's okay, but it is possible that your premonitions indicate that the time has come to break up. Ending a relationship is always difficult, even if you know it’s the right thing to do. First of all, you need to be sure that you are making the right decision, and for this you need to check if there are signs in your relationship that things are going wrong. In this article, we'll show you how to do this.

Steps

Method 1 of 4: Become Aware of Your Feelings

1. 1 Consider if there is something in your partner that you do not want to accept. Do you want him changed for you? If so, remember that in such conditions it will be fair if your partner also expects changes from you. You can also think about what you want to change. Say out loud: "I think he is a complete slob." Now ask yourself, what advantages in a partner outweigh this disadvantage? If there are significant benefits to the relationship, try to accept the person for who they are, and don't try to change them.
   • If the disadvantage is significant, you cannot live with it, and the person does not want to change anything, it is quite possible that the time has come to end the relationship.
   • Maybe you and your partner have different religious beliefs. If your partner does not want to accept your faith, and this is important to you, you need to seriously consider the future of this relationship.
2. 2 Think about your own problems. Perhaps you suddenly realize that you do not want to leave, because you are afraid to be left alone with some internal problems, for example, with the fear of being abandoned, but these fears will be in any relationship. For example, you have been cheated on in the past, and you want to part with a new person just because you are afraid to attach and open up, and then feel pain again. This is not the best reason to break up. You need to sort out your problems, not run away from them.
   • If you feel like your personal problems are interfering with your relationship, talk to your partner about them so that you can work out together if there is a solution.
3. 3 Consider if you are maintaining this connection just because you do not want to offend your partner. If you tend to think about the needs of other people, then it is possible that you do not really want this relationship, but are afraid to tell your partner that it's over. You need to understand that you are not doing him any good, staying with him just out of pity. Read about how not to be someone who wants to please everyone around you.
   • If you know that there is no prospect for you in this relationship, it is best to end it as soon as possible, because this way you will give your partner a chance to recover faster from the breakup and find a more suitable match for him.
   • It's best to end a relationship during calm times, but that doesn't mean you need to postpone it because of birthdays, weddings, Valentine's Day, New Years with your family, and other events that can make the breakup awkward. All this can drag on indefinitely, and there is no ideal time for a break, although, of course, you can find a more or less suitable moment.
4. 4 Reflect on whether you are continuing a relationship just because you are afraid of being alone. Are you worried that you might not have a mate? Often people stay in relationships because they do not want to be alone, but being with someone in order to use him is dishonest not only in relation to this person, but also to yourself, because by doing this you do not allow yourself to develop as a person. Learn to live alone and be optimistic.
5. 5 Be prepared to accept the fact that you just fell out of love with your partner or that he stopped loving you. Nobody knows why we fall in love with some people and are indifferent to others. Sometimes there is simply no attraction, and sometimes feelings appear only in one pair. This happens. It hurts, but it’s no one's fault. You cannot force to love yourself. You may have been madly in love with your partner at some point, but how long did it last? The sooner you sort out your feelings, the sooner you can do something about the situation.
6. 6 Meditate. Sit alone for a while with your eyes closed, concentrating on your breathing. While this may not necessarily open your eyes to what you need to do with your relationship, it can help you to put things in order in your thoughts. You might not have enough time to calmly think things over, listen to your mind and body.
7. 7 Consider if you are embarrassed to appear anywhere with your partner. This is a very important point. If you go to a party with friends or coworkers, do you invite your partner to join, knowing that they are smart and interesting? Or are you trying to come up with reasons not to take him with you, because you do not like to be with him?
   • Of course, there are very modest people, and some things are better to do without your partner, but in general you should be proud of the person who is next to you and enjoy the opportunity to introduce everyone to him. If you don't like the thought of being seen together, can you be happy in a relationship?

Method 2 of 4: Think about your partner

1. 1 Consider if your relationship is about manipulation and control.. This relationship is not healthy, and in order to fix it, the tightly controlled partner must change completely. If he cannot or does not want to do this, the relationship should be ended as soon as possible. If you feel like your partner is watching everything you do and threatening you with violence if you want to do something your own way, you are in big trouble.
   • If you are being manipulated or controlled, it is best not to inform the person of the one-on-one breakup. If you are afraid that he will be violent towards you, do it from a distance and ask friends to help you defend yourself.
2. 2 Consider if your partner respects you. If he truly values ​​you, he won't belittle you or criticize you for no particular reason. A loving person criticizes constructively, and this allows you to grow as a person, but if you are humiliated just like that, this is a completely different attitude.For example, if you drop something or accidentally break something, and your partner says something like: "You idiot, can you really not do everything right at least once in your life?", This means that you should break off relations with this person and build a relationship with someone who will take care of you.
   • Lack of respect can be found in little things. For example, a partner can make fun of us with your appearance, make sharp remarks about your crankcase, or hint that you are not good at something. This is also disrespect, no matter how insignificant it may seem.
3. 3 Pay attention to how often your partner scolds you. Quarrels do happen, and they can even be helpful because they allow for constructive discussion of grievances. But if your partner is yelling at you all the time, disagreeing with you, calling you names and showing unreasonable cruelty, it's time to run away from him.
4. 4 Consider if your partner is shy about your relationship. This is very important moment. If he is embarrassed to go with you somewhere with him or even tell people that you are dating, this can be considered an alarming sign. It is very difficult to justify such behavior, except for cases when the partner is underage or must hide the relationship from too authoritarian parents. But if a person wants to keep the relationship a secret from friends and acquaintances, or refuses to take your hand in front of everyone, it's time to end this connection. You should strive to be in a relationship with someone who is proud of you, not ashamed of you, because you deserve only the best.
5. 5 Analyze who usually initiates intimacy. If only you always want an intimate relationship, or only you strive to bring something new into this relationship, most likely this indicates a problem. It is especially frustrating if you constantly have to ask the person to kiss you when meeting or saying goodbye. Don't be afraid to talk about it. Perhaps your partner has a relationship problem or doesn't want to touch you because you cheated on him. Whatever the difficulties, it is necessary to solve these problems or end the relationship, because there is no other way out of this situation.
6. 6 Pay attention to whether your partner is forcing you to do something that you do not want. If he forces you to drink alcohol, and you do not like him, or forces you to have sex when you are not ready yet, involves you in his ill-considered actions (for example, driving with speeding or attacking passers-by) and generally behaves this way, that you are afraid, stop such a relationship. This person does not respect your needs and desires, and you will be able to find another partner to whom you will be important.
   • You may not immediately realize that you were doing something that you did not like, just in order not to upset your partner.

Method 3 of 4: Analyze the relationship

1. 1 Remember if other people have warned you about the behavior of the person you are dating. Although you shouldn't end a relationship just because someone tells you that you can find a better match for yourself, you should consider the opinions of close friends, relatives, and even strangers if they all tell you to run away from your partner as soon as possible. If they make a compelling case (for example, the person doesn't love you or wipes their feet on you), consider breaking up.
   • Of course, not everyone will understand what your relationship is built on, and you cannot evaluate this relationship from the point of view of other people. But if absolutely everyone tells you to dump your partner, you should at least to thinkdo all these people have a reason for such advice.
2. 2 Consider if things are moving too fast. Relationships need to have their own special speed, and everyone needs time to get to know each other better. If you only met a month ago, but are already thinking about living together or getting married, chances are that you both enjoy the feeling of being connected with the other person and not the person himself.If you feel like the relationship is overwhelming, but you hardly know the person you are dating, you should either slow down or stop.
3. 3 Consider if you are talking about the future. Of course, if you are 15 years old, talking about a wedding, living together, work, common children and other issues may be inappropriate, but if you are 25 or 35 years old, or you have been dating for several years, conversations about the future should naturally surface. If you have been together for quite a long time, but neither of you sees the future beyond one month, most likely this is due to the fact that you do not consider each other worthy partners for a promising relationship. In this case, you should think about whether it makes sense to linger in such a relationship further.
4. 4 Consider if there are serious problems in the relationship. There are more or less clear signs indicating the need to break up, but there are also things that almost always indicate that you need to either completely change the relationship, or end it. If what follows applies to you, consider breaking up:
   • You have experienced physical, psychological or sexual abuse; money has been taken away from you or you have been abused in other ways, as a result of which your health and state of mind have suffered.
   • Your partner constantly forces you to do something that you do not like, for example, attracts you to criminal or dangerous activities. Tough ultimatums and threats can be considered factors that speak of the need for a break. Don't fall for the words that if you really love your partner, you will do whatever he asks for.
   • There is struggle or despair in almost all areas of relationships: in communication, in sex life, in finances and emotional connection.
   • There is intense jealousy in a relationship. A partner should not limit your freedom and indicate with whom you can communicate and when. He does not control your social life - you control it.
   • Your partner has been using alcohol or drugs for a long time and cannot give up this habit, as a result of which your life and the life of your children suffers.
   • You yourself are addicted to alcohol or drugs. Staying in this state of affairs in a relationship does not make your partner's life and your life better.
   • Your relationship was built on false values ​​that you no longer need, such as parties, shared hobbies, or sex without feelings, but you feel that you are no longer interested in this.
5. 5 Think about whether there is such a situation in which you break off relations, then return to them again. A loving person always loves, no matter what the situation is, so if your couple breaks up, then converges again, it's worth putting an end to it, because something goes wrong in such a relationship. Don't go back to old problems, save yourself from headaches and a broken heart - there are other people who are waiting to meet you.
6. 6 Consider if your goals in life contradict each other. If you want to become a marine biologist and travel the world, and your partner dreams of working as a teacher and living in the city in which he was born, next to relatives and friends, your interests are in conflict. If you don't want children, but your partner wants seven and is ready to start working on it right now, think about it. If you cannot give up the future you want for yourself, and you need to make a decision quickly, you should leave.
   • If you are a teenager, your plans for the future may still change, and you have time to think things over. But if you need to start planning for the future now, and your plans don't intersect in any way, it's time to rethink the relationship.
7. 7 Consider if any of you have been unfaithful, even more so more than once. Cheating is always bad, whether you've cheated on multiple occasions or simply stumbled because you're unhappy in a relationship. You can learn to forgive each other, but if everything repeats itself over and over again, most likely, you will not be able to go back and start all over again.Perhaps cheating is a way of telling each other that this relationship is not enough for you.
8. 8 Think: maybe you just drifted apart? This is especially hard to admit. You may have loved each other very much when you were young, but now you are just different people with different sets of friends, plans, and interests. If the only thing that unites you is a shared past, then it's time to move on. This is one of the most painful reasons for a breakup because no one is to blame. You may have tender feelings for a friend to a friend, but that doesn't mean you have to stay together if that doesn't work for the people you are today.
9. 9 Think back if you have secrets from each other. Any secrets are cheating, even if you have not cheated, and this is bad, because it speaks of a lack of trust and respect in the relationship. You shouldn't hide anything except surprises for your significant other. This is not the same as refusing to complain about your job to your loved one because you know they will get tired of it quickly. Rather, an example of misbehavior might be wanting to keep under wraps the fact that you've gone to an interview with a firm that means moving to another city and don't know what you'll do if you get one.
10. 10 Consider if you are willing to try hard for each other. If you used to have romantic picnics, go camping, come up with interesting dates and take care of each other when you catch a cold, and now you don't even want to pick up the phone when your partner calls or answer his text, this means that you need more. do for each other. If you don't want it, deep down you feel that this relationship is not worth it.
11. 11 Assess how much time you spend away from each other. It is quite possible that mentally you have already parted. If you each spend the weekend with your friends, visit relatives one at a time, or simply go about your business and refuse to spend time together (for example, watch TV in different rooms), you are already quite distant. In this case, it is best to leave.

Method 4 of 4: Take Action

1. 1 Don't part on the spur of the moment. If the relationship is no longer saved, you can figure it out when both of you are calm. In addition, a breakup in a fit of anger will complicate everything - it will not be easy for you to put an end to it and move on. Remember that you need to be a rational person and think things through before deciding to talk to your partner.
2. 2 Be on your own if you want to consider breaking up. Agree not to see each other for a week or two, while reminding each other that you are still a couple with mutual obligations. Don't spend time together, don't socialize. A breakup like this will help you understand if you value the relationship. It may be difficult for you, but if you feel that you are calmer without this person, breaking up will be the right decision.
   • If you enjoy the feeling of the first few days, but then miss your partner, try working on the relationship. Learn to give each other more freedom.
3. 3 Consider whether it is worth saving this relationship. If you've thought enough about whether to stay together or break up, you should pay attention to the good sides of the relationship. There are signs that speak of the integrity of the relationship, even if they need to be seriously worked on:
   • You have common values ​​and beliefs, spiritual and moral attitudes.
   • You trust each other. You know that your partner is always on your side, and you believe that he will strive for harmony in union with you.
   • You are faced with problems that prevent you from thinking about the situation. Health problems, money problems, trauma, addictions and depression can paint everything in dark colors. Allow time for the smoke to clear and try to be friends until things get better.
   • You are caught in a vicious circle where negative behavior triggers negative reactions and, as a result, negative behavior.Break the circle by learning to control your reactions by declaring a truce or giving your partner time to deal with their negative emotions.
   • You tend to run away from commitment at the first sign of trouble. Take a break and learn to be friends. Think back to what you liked about your partner and act like you care about the end result. It is important for you to understand if you can overcome difficulties together.
   • You gradually moved away and suddenly realized that you were living with a stranger. This often happens due to neglect of each other, so work on it: talk, listen, spend time and think about whether you can rekindle love.

Tips

• Check with close friends and family. Find out how they feel about your relationship. But remember, the decision is yours.
• Write down the pros and cons of keeping the relationship. If there are more disadvantages, it is better to end the relationship.
• Whoever decides to part ways, respect that decision. If your boyfriend leaves you just because you don't live up to his expectations, and you keep trying to please him, this needs to end. Thank him for understanding how important it is to take time for yourself, rather than trying to please the other person. Accept criticism with a smile and move on with fond memories.