Author:
Joan Hall
Date Of Creation:
4 July 2021
Update Date:
23 June 2024
Content
- Steps
- Method 1 of 3: Talking to Parents
- Method 2 of 3: Responsible Behavior
- Method 3 of 3: Teen Parent Relationships
- Similar articles
In adolescence, a child needs different things from his parents compared to childhood. The child wants to be more independent, and he has new needs. Sometimes it's hard for parents to deal with. In this article, you will learn how to negotiate with your parents and how to gain and maintain their trust.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Talking to Parents
1 Ask one or both parents to talk to you. Plan the conversation ahead of time and make a list of the things you want to discuss. For example, you would like your parents to remove certain restrictions (for example, early return home time or a ban on watching adult films). Perhaps you would like to do something on your own (for example, choose your clothes and meet with friends). - It can be helpful to show this list to an adult you trust (such as a teacher or coach) before talking to your parents. This person will be able to explain to you how your parents might feel about it. Consider this opinion when editing the list.
2 Find a quiet time and place. The environment should be conducive to conversation. It is important that the conversation is calm and mature. If it turns into a fierce argument, it will hurt you in the first place. - You can talk about it in the car. In the car, you do not need to look each other in the eyes and you can always turn the conversation from a complex topic to something that is broadcast on the radio and that you can see from the window.
- Don't start serious conversations at night when everyone is tired.
- Try to talk to your parents privately (siblings should not be around).
3 Explain clearly what you are asking for. Explain why these requests are important to you and what you want to receive.Also, tell how you intend to behave in greater freedom so that nothing bad happens to you. - For example, say: “I would like to meet friends at the mall and spend time there until 9 pm on Fridays. work and extracurricular activities. I will have a phone with me, and you can call me, and I will be back home by the promised time. "
4 Listen carefully to the parent's response. Your willingness to listen indicates that you respect them. If you disagree with something they are talking about, ask them to explain their position and listen to them. Show them that if you insist on something, it doesn't mean that you ignore their advice and requests. - Reflect on what you hear in response. This will allow you to understand correctly what your parents mean. For example, you might answer them like this: "I understand that you are worried that I might start drinking or taking drugs with friends if I meet with them in the evenings. Is that so?"
- Perhaps you should discuss possible scenarios with them. For example, if your parents think they’ll be worried about where you are at night, offer them several options. For example, you could tell them your exact location or give them the phone number of people they can call if you don't pick up the phone for some reason.
5 Talk about how you could gain more independence for yourself. What do your parents see as signs of maturity? Are you prone to certain behaviors that alert your parents? Even if your parents are not yet ready to fulfill your requests, they can agree with you on a certain plan: as soon as you begin to behave like an adult, they will reconsider their decision. 
6 Ask your parents about their youth. Parents' decisions are often influenced by their own decisions during adolescence. They may be intimidated by the risks they took or the wrong decisions they made. Ask parents about their experiences. Be prepared to listen carefully and understand your parents. Understand what makes them fearful in these stories. Talk about the decisions you make and how your life is similar or different from theirs. 
7 Ask a trusted adult to talk to your parents. If your parents won't make concessions or listen to you, seek help from a teacher, spiritual leader, or school counselor. These people will be able to explain to your parents that you need more independence, and that's okay. They will also be able to tell your parents about how you behave outside the home. 
8 Remember, your relationship will not change dramatically after one serious conversation. You will need to revisit this topic again. If your parents agree to complete even one of the items on your list, it will already be a success. Now you will need to prove to them that you can handle more independence and responsibility, and then it will be easier for them to fulfill your requests in the future.
Method 2 of 3: Responsible Behavior
1 Don't undermine your parents' trust. Do what you promised them. Don't lie about how you intend to use the independence you now have. - If you have a mobile phone, answer your parents' calls and messages. They may call often at first. Be patient - they need to get used to the new environment.
- Don't be late. If you have to be home by ten o'clock, try to be 15 minutes early. This way you will have a spare time in case, for example, the bus is late. If you are running late, call your parents as soon as possible and explain everything to them.
2 Keep your promises, even if you have to give up something interesting to do so. The ability to put off enjoyable activities in order to keep your word is a sign of maturity. It also suggests that you are developing a good character. 
3 Control your emotions. Don't let your emotions and desires rule you, or you will start making bad decisions or acting irresponsibly. The ability to control emotions indicates that you are able to make the right decisions. - It is perfectly normal to be angry from time to time, but you shouldn't get frustrated. Find a way to calm yourself down. If you feel yourself boiling, take a deep breath, count to ten, and go outside or to the restroom.
- During adolescence, the human brain is tuned into more dangerous and reckless behavior. This is part of adolescence, but parents need to see that you are able to control your desires and take care of yourself.
4 Make informed decisions about sex, drugs and alcohol. Don't try banned substances. If you are already ready to have sex, use protection (condoms or other barrier contraception). 
5 Accept that your parents will impose restrictions. For example, many parents keep track of which sites their teenage children visit and how they use social media. These restrictions are the responsibility of the parents. - Don't compare your parents to your friends' parents. Nobody likes such comparisons. Plus, chances are that you don't know the whole truth, even when it comes to your close friends. Think better about your relationship with your parents.
6 Demonstrate to your parents that you are willing to be considerate of other people. The ability to show empathy and concern is another sign of maturity. Your parents will trust you more if they see that you are capable of treating others properly. - Volunteer. If you volunteer regularly, your parents will see that you are responsible and generous.
- Be kind to your brothers and sisters. Try to treat them like adults and not like children.
Method 3 of 3: Teen Parent Relationships
1 Understand that your parents may be more worried about your conflicts than you. Usually, parents are more worried about petty quarrels and arguments than their children. They may still be thinking about a fight you have forgotten about. - If a parent is still upset about an old conflict, don't dismiss their feelings. It is better to ask what worries him, and listen carefully to the answer.
2 Remember, there are always two points of view. In disputes, adolescents and their parents often find themselves on opposite sides. Children pay more attention to personal choices, and parents think more about what lies at the heart of good and bad. For example, you think that mess in your room is just a way of organizing space, and your parents think that such a mess is unacceptable. - You may be upset, but you shouldn't tell your parents that they are wrong. Better to ask specific questions. How often should you wash your clothes? Will the clutter in your room bother parents less if the door is always closed?
3 Make sure your parents really feel the way you think they are. In adolescence, a person becomes very emotional. In addition, he sees emotions in others even when they are not. To check if your guess is correct, ask your parents about their feelings: "Are you angry with me now when I came in?" 
4 Spend time together. Fun activities will strengthen your relationship with your parents. It will be helpful for them to see how you behave outside the home and solve various problems as an adult. - For example, if you invite your parents to go camping with you, it will be easier for them to let you and your friends go another time.
5 Introduce your parents to your friends. Adolescents tend to develop closer relationships with peers than with their parents. However, if your parents get to know your friends better, it will be easier for them to let you go with them late at night and whenever you want. 
6 Discuss important topics with your parents. If you can talk seriously and candidly about adult things like sex, relationships, and your future, your relationship with your parents will grow stronger. Ask for parenting advice on relationships, pregnancy prevention, and sexually transmitted diseases. This will let your parents know that you are serious about these topics. Plus, you can learn something about their sexual experiences and romantic relationships. - The topic of conversation can be an incident that was shown on TV or described in a magazine article.
- Write down the questions you want to ask.
- Send your parents a message or letter if you don't know where to start. You can come back to this message later when everyone is ready to talk.
7 Decide if you need professional help. Conflict is sometimes normal, but if clashes happen all the time and result in scandals, this should be considered a sign that something is going wrong. If you can't stop fighting with your parents, ask another adult for help.
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