Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 2: Building trust
• Part 2 of 2: Keeping the secret
• Tips
• Warnings

Many people have secrets or hide certain things (about themselves) that they don't want others to know. Those secrets can be as simple as they have a new job dealing with more serious matters like a divorce. But it can be difficult to get someone to tell you what their secret is. If you want someone to open up to you, build trust, and show that you can keep secrets, they may or may not tell you the secret.

To step

Part 1 of 2: Building trust

1. Have genuine conversations. Have genuine conversations with the person on a variety of topics. Talking to someone about meaningful things can make them think positively about you, making them more likely to open up to you.
   • Include different topics in your conversation. Keep it lighthearted and funny at times and balance that with more serious things at other times.
   • Be as sincere as possible without appearing fake. For example, if someone is having a hard time expressing themselves to you, you can reassure them and say something like, `` Of course I don't understand exactly how you feel, but I'd like to talk about it, how much and how you feel. need that too. ”This would be better than just saying,“ I know exactly how you feel, ”especially if you don't.
2. Listen carefully. Listen carefully to what the other person is saying during your conversations. Reference to what they have said before to indicate that you have listened carefully to the other person and what he or she needs.
   • Ask questions during the conversation to show that you are listening carefully to what the other person is saying.
   • Notice differences in the other person's tone or attitude, which may indicate hesitation or difficult topics. You can gauge carefully by asking if everything is okay. This gives the person a chance to let you know if something is wrong.
   • Don't force your friend to tell you anything that might make them uncomfortable. This shows the person that you are trustworthy and that you are really there for them.
3. Talk about yourself too. Make sure to also talk about yourself during conversations. Provide small pieces of information about yourself if that's okay with you, which can then put the other person at ease and show that you can be trusted.
   • Discuss various topics with the friend or family member, including serious and lighthearted matters. This can help the other person see your similarities that increase the likelihood that the person will trust you with a secret.
   • Sharing can really help establish a relationship of trust between people, especially if both individuals feel comfortable talking about themselves.
   • Don't pass on what you're talking about and share equally to what the other person shares. Sharing too much or not enough can reduce the chance that the other person will open up to share his or her secrets with you.
4. Accept the other unconditionally. An integral part of building trust in any relationship is accepting the person unconditionally. This can prompt the other to share his or her secrets with you.
   • Don't force the other person to do or say something that the person is uncomfortable with.
   • Reassure the person as much as possible. For example, if you know that the person isn't telling you everything and keeping secrets, you can say "You can tell me everything, you know that, right?"
5. Be trustworthy. Make sure you are there and keep your agreements with your girlfriend. This shows the other person can trust you, including telling and keeping secrets.
   • Follow every commitment you make the best you can. Showing that you are trustworthy, even with the most basic of things, helps maintain confidence.
   • If you cannot comply with something, give the person a note in plenty of time, explain the circumstances, and then apologize.
   • Don't judge what the other person is telling you. This can help the person to confide in you more quickly.
6. Show your independence. Let it be known in conversations and interactions that you are independent and able to think for yourself. By showing that you are not sensitive to outside opinions or pressure to talk about them, you can show that you are trustworthy and genuine. This may prompt the person to vent his or her heart sooner.
   • Do not repeat gossip you have heard about the person or other people. Doing so may make the person wonder what to say about him or her when he or she isn't around.
   • Give your opinion without requiring the other to go along with it, to show the other that you know how to keep yourself afloat in front of others, and that you are not easily influenced by outside forces.
7. Stay discreet. Probably the best way to gain the person's trust and confidence that secrets are safe with you is to maintain complete discretion on all matters that anyone discusses with you. Do not pass on the things you have been entrusted with to others or just bring them up during other conversations with the person.
   • Keep everything you think is sensitive to the other to yourself.
   • Ask the person if you are not sure if you can speak to others, but know that it can undermine their trust for you. For example, if they tell you that you are pregnant, just ask, "Do I have to keep this to myself or do you share the news with others."
   • Respect their wishes about passing on information, whatever it is.

Part 2 of 2: Keeping the secret

1. Ask the person to share the secret. If you know your friend has a secret, just ask him to tell you. However, whatever his or her decision is, accept it and don't bring it up again.
   • Ask this in a patient and non-confrontational manner.
   • Assure the person that you only want to know because you support them and that you keep it a secret to yourself.
2. Support the person. Many people who harbor secrets can be in trouble or feel like they can't be helped. Ask him or her if you can help and then support them in any way that is needed and desired, if the person wants to.
   • Research shows that not talking about secrets to anyone can cause physical and emotional distress. Tell your friend that talking about the secret may make him or her feel better.
3. Don't talk about it any further. Regardless of the temptation - if the secret is fun or very serious - don't pass the person's secret on to others. The person probably has a good reason to keep it a secret and may just want the person closest to know what's going on.
   • Avoid all temptation to share the secret - otherwise it could have serious consequences for your relationship.
4. Speak to an authority figure. If you feel the need to reveal the secret because of its serious nature, such as abuse, an affair, or health issue, speak to a professional or someone in authority. Make it clear that you need advice on how to deal with the situation.
   • Avoid the person's name or too many details that could reveal the person's identity.
   • Consider speaking to a professional such as a lawyer or police station about the secret and how to handle it.
   • Discuss your feelings with someone who doesn't know the person who revealed their secret to you.
5. Share your own secrets. If a friend shares a serious secret with you, consider sharing a secret about yourself with him or her as well. If the other person has to keep your secrets, chances are you'll keep theirs too.
   • Make sure the secret you share is similar to the other's. Remember, it is not a competition, but intended as some sort of insurance for both of you.
   • Say something like, "I understand how you feel. I also have a secret, but please keep this to yourself. "

Tips

• Keep in mind that there may be legal reasons for someone to keep a secret, such as if they are required by law to maintain confidentiality or a legal agreement.
• Be ready to hear the secret regardless of the truth. Recognize that it can scare you. If you're worried that you're overreacting to the secret, wait until you're more prepared.
• Practice your response in private until you feel calm and confident. If you know that you have a tendency to react strongly, train yourself to mask your facial and body reactions.

Warnings

• Know that passing on a person's secret can seriously damage or end their relationship. You can only disclose a secret if it puts someone in danger or breaks the law.