Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 2: Know What to Say
• Method 2 of 2: Learn What to Do
• Tips
• Warnings

Grief is something that strikes all of us someday, and we count on the support of friends to make it through to the end. Being a patient listener, being a reliable person, and offering good suggestions to help are the most effective ways to support those dealing with loss. While there is nothing you can do to speed up the grieving process, you can be a shining light that guides your friend through his darkest times. See Step 1 onwards for what to say and do.

Steps

Method 1 of 2: Know What to Say

1. 1 Admit what happened. Death is not something that is easy to talk about, and many people have problems when this topic is brought up. But getting off topic because it’s awkward for you will not help your friend. You may think that talking about other topics will be good fun, but your grieving friend will not find it easy to laugh at jokes or talk about different things. Ignoring the biggest problem in your friend's life is not the way to support him or her, so be brave enough to bring up the topic instead of embarrassingly acting like it never happened.
   • Don't be afraid to say the word "died." Don't say, "I heard what happened." Say, "I heard that your grandmother died." When you say it's true, even if it hurts, you're showing your friend that you're willing to talk about the cruel things in life. Your friend needs someone who understands him and is able to get over it.
   • Name the person who died. Uttering a person's name can cause tears, but it will help your friend know that the person who died still matters to other people.
2. 2 Express sympathy. Tell your friend how sorry you are that his or her relative died. Talking to your friend that you are sorry and that you love him or her will help your friend feel comforted. Hugging or touching his or her shoulder can also help convey your empathy for what your friend is going through. Say the words "I'm sorry."
   • If you knew a person who passed away, share your memories of this person with your friend and list the good qualities of this person. Good memories of this person can help your friend feel a little better about the loss they are experiencing.
   • If you and your friend are religious, offer to pray for him / her and his / her family. If they are not religious, say what you think of them and deeply regret losing them.
3. 3 Be sincere. Since death is so difficult to talk about, it can be difficult to express your true feelings for your friend. But the clichés people use to make talking about death easier are actually not very helpful. Telling your friend about your true feelings will sound more genuine and your friend will be more likely to reach out to you when he or she needs someone to listen to.
   • Avoid saying things like "She's in a better place" or "She wants you to be happy right now." You don't really know this, do you? These empty statements are not very helpful.
   • If you're having trouble translating your feelings into words, it's okay to say something like, "I just don't know what to say. I can't express how sorry I am."
4. 4 Ask how the person is feeling. It can be assumed that this will be a general question, but many people are a little afraid to ask or just don't want to deal with the answer. When your friend is at work or with acquaintances, he or she probably pretends that everything is okay. This is why being a friend of a person and giving him or her the opportunity to talk can be very helpful. You must be willing to accept your friend's answer, even if it's hard to hear.
   • Some people don't want to be asked how they feel. If your friend doesn't seem to want to talk about it, don't insist that he or she say more.
   • If your friend decides to open up, encourage him or her to talk for as long as it helps. Don't try to change the subject or spice up the conversation; just let the person be expressive and let go of any emotion that he or she would normally be holding back.
5. 5 Don't judge. Let the person be himself, no matter what that means. Each person reacts differently to the loss of a relative, and there really is no right or wrong way to feel. Even if your friend has a reaction that you think you would not have, it is important that the person expresses their feelings without your judgment.
   • Be prepared to get to know your friend in a deeper light and see that he or she acts in ways that you would not. Despair and grief can flare up in different ways. Your friend may feel denial, anger, numbness, and a million other emotions in response to his or her grief.
6. 6 Don't say time heals. Time can ease the pain at first, but when a close relative dies, life will never be the same. The idea that time heals makes you think there is a time limit after which people should feel "normal" again, but for many people this never happens. Instead of focusing on helping the person "overcome" his or her grief, focus on being a source of support and joy in that person's life. Never pressure your friend to mourn faster.
   • Forget the "five stages of grief." There is no actual time frame for grief, and everyone experiences it differently. Thinking of grief as a series of stages can be helpful for some, but for many people it just doesn't work. Don't push your friend to any deadlines.
7. 7 Don't say you're so brave. This general opinion sounds caring, but it can make people who are grieving feel worse. This is because by calling someone brave you make them think as if you expect them to proudly overcome everything, even when they are suffering. When someone has lost a relative, they may experience a period of tripping and falling. A good friend like you shouldn't expect someone to act boldly all the time when his or her world has just been turned upside down.

Method 2 of 2: Learn What to Do

1. 1 Treat your tears with care. People are very vulnerable when they cry. Your reaction when your friend cries can be either really helpful or extremely harmful. The best way to deal with tears is to receive them lovingly, not awkward or disgusted. Know that your friend is going to cry from time to time, and be prepared to treat his or her tears in a positive, positive way, rather than making him or her feel worse.
   • Think ahead of time about how you will react if your friend cries when you are together. Prepare to hug him or her, while still maintaining eye contact, and stay as long as necessary.
   • Leaving the room, joking inadvertently, or interrupting the conversation can make the person feel uncomfortable about crying.
2. 2 Reply to messages. Being reliable is more important than ever when your friend is going through the loss of a relative. Answering phone calls or returning calls is very important. Make sure you respond to messages of any kind when your friend is going through a period of mourning. If you tend to have to turn it down a lot, make an extra effort to attend for your friend.
3. 3 Help. Ask your friend how you can help make things easier in the first few months after his or her relative dies. Don't just say, "Let me know if there is anything I can do to help"; a lot of people will say these words, and they usually don't really intend to interfere.If you really want to make a difference, ask about specific things you can start doing to make life a little easier for your friend and his or her family. Here are a few things you could do:
   • Prepare food or bring food to your friend and family. Or, if you are not very good at the kitchen, you could buy food and bring them.
   • Visit them
   • Do household chores
   • Take care of this person's pets
   • Get this man's homework
   • Make phone calls to inform people about the loss of the person
4. 4 Find small ways to be thoughtful. A good way to show your support for your friend is to show your friend that you think of him or her. Try to become more thoughtful than usual. The little ways you show your friend that you care can be meaningful heart-to-heart conversations. Try the following:
   • Make a cookie or bake a cake
   • Invite a person to a movie or go for a walk in the park
   • Send a meaningful postcard in the mail
   • Write to this person more often
   • Include the person in social activities
   • Give the person gifts from time to time
5. 5 Be patient and understanding. Your friend may not be the same for a long time. He or she may appear sad, distracted, or slightly less energetic for months or even years after a close relative dies. Being a good friend means staying in a friendship even when someone is going through a big change, and if you love your friend, you won't wait for him or her to "bounce back" - you will be there.
   • Don't pressure your friend to participate in an activity if he or she no longer finds pleasure.
   • Understand that your friend can go through serious problems after losing a relative. Sometimes people exhibit additive behavior or experience major depression as a result of grief and trauma. If you are worried that your friend might hurt himself, help your friend get help.
6. 6 Be constantly present. After a few months, most people will return to their busy lives and stop thinking about losing your friend. But your friend needs support longer than a few months after the loss of a close relative. Be there for your friend as long as he or she needs a little extra help and care.
   • Come on the anniversary of the death of your friend's relative. Ask your friend how he or she is doing.
   • The best thing you can do for your friend is to just be with him. It's best to let him grieve while you can offer your hugs and your love.

Tips

• Remember that sometimes all a person needs is a friend.
• The little things stick with people and the little things aren't too pushy, though.

Warnings

• Never pressure your friend to talk to you. Let it open when ready.