Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Noticing and Discussing Problems
• Method 2 of 3: How to solve the problem and move on
• Method 3 of 3: Treating a Girl Nicely

It can be difficult to admit that your relationship is not going well. If you are afraid of losing your girlfriend, then first of all you need to understand the essence and nature of the problem. Sincere and open communication will help you find a joint solution. Prevent similar situations in the future: make the necessary efforts and treat the girl appropriately.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Noticing and Discussing Problems

1. 1 Pay attention to the girl’s behavior to understand why she’s worried. She may be acting unusual or detached. Does this happen when you start talking about your new classmate? Jealousy may be the cause. Does the girl sigh every time you say you play video games? Perhaps she wants to spend more time with you. Analyze such signals and try to understand the problem.
   • Listen for the girl's tone of voice and changes in her speech. For example, if she usually responds immediately to messages, but your messages with questions about meeting her parents remain unanswered, then it is better to slow down.
   • Also, look for non-verbal cues that can help her understand how she is feeling. For example, if she is upset, she may distance herself from you and not look you in the eye.
   • Do not try to find out about the problem through the girl's friends. If they tell her about your question, she may misinterpret your actions!
2. 2 Take time for a private one-on-one conversation. Find out when the girl can spare you some free time (at least 30 minutes so as not to rush).Offer to go to a quiet place, like a park or common room, where no one will bother you to talk without extra ears.
   • For example, call and say: “Hi Alena. Can you stop by for an hour after school tomorrow? I want to talk".

   A warning: do not try to find out the cause of the problem in the message. These conversations should be conducted in person, even if you are a little uncomfortable.

   
   
3. 3 Get down to business right away. Even in the event of awkwardness or anxiety, it is best not to beat around the bush. Tell your girlfriend that you don't want to lose her, or that you feel like something has changed in your relationship. Try to be as specific as possible, but don't blame the girl.
   • You might say, “It worries me that we seem to be drifting apart. Did I upset you with something? " - or: "Are you worried about something lately?"
   SPECIALIST'S ADVICE

   

   Sarah Schewitz, PsyD

   Licensed Psychologist Sarah Shevitz, PsyD is a clinical psychologist with over 10 years of experience licensed by the California Board of Psychology. She received her degree in Psychology from Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychological counseling service that helps couples and individual clients improve and change their love and relationship behavior.

   Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
   Licensed Psychologist

   If the question: "What is wrong?" - she replies that everything is in order, there are two options: either she does not want to share the problem, or the problem simply does not exist. If you are sure that there is something that you two need to discuss, say this: “You will help me a lot if you share what worries you - so I will not think that all this is just in my head. If you're not ready to talk about it now, it's okay, I'll wait. "

   
   
4. 4 Speak in the first person and use specific examples to focus on the problem itself. Don't say, "You always do this," or, "You never do this." In this case, the girl will feel the need to defend herself and it will be more difficult to solve the problem. So, it is better to give specific examples of situations that worry you. ...
   • Say, “I noticed that you never want to watch the films I suggested. Don't you like my preferences? " - or: “I noticed that you were often silent during our last meetings. Something happened?"
5. 5 Use open and friendly body language so that she doesn't feel threatened. Take a relaxed position and don't cross your arms to keep everyone comfortable. Maintain eye contact to show your attention and interest.
   • You can also lean over slightly or hold her hand to focus.
   • Avoid negative signals: don't look back, don't purse your lips, or frown.
6. 6 Let the girl share her feelings. Even if she blames you or says that the problem lies with you, let her speak up. Take your time to defend yourself. Listen to her arguments and try to put yourself in the girl's shoes to understand her motives.
7. 7 Ask questions if something is not clear to you. If you don't understand the reasons for the frustration or are not sure what is expected of you, then you can just ask! Be honest and open, and ask her for the kindness in return. Ask questions to show that you are attentive to the girl's words.
   • For example, if she says: "It annoys me a little that your friend Andrey spends 6 evenings a week with us," then you can ask: "Do you want him to come less often and we could spend more time together?"
   • You can also clarify: "Help me understand why you don't want to spend your weekend a little differently."

Method 2 of 3: How to solve the problem and move on

1. 1 Please sincerely apologize if your girlfriend is upset by what you did. Curb your ego, say "I'm sorry" out loud, thereby showing the girl that you listened carefully to her complaints.Strive to accept responsibility for your mistakes, even if they seem insignificant to you. It is important to remember that they are important to the girl, and resentment will only harm the relationship.
   • Don't be afraid to be the first to apologize, even if you don't feel guilty.
   • Perhaps you did something that hurt the girl, but you didn't intend to offend her. In this case, it's important to acknowledge the girl's feelings and show that you didn't want to upset her.
   • For example, if she is upset that you rarely see each other, then say, “I'm really sorry, Katya. Studying, training and friends take up a lot of my time and I really didn't pay enough attention to you. "
2. 2 Find a solution that works for both parties. Be prepared to discuss the problem in search of a workaround. Show patience and understanding, and listen to her concerns without arguing.
   • Compromise is a willingness to sacrifice something, and a person cannot always impose his own conditions. Both partners must concede - there are no "winners" or "losers" here.
   • For example, if a girl does not like that your friend comes to your house very often, say: “I understand that Kolya spends too much time with us, but he is my best friend and now he is going through a difficult period in his life, so I cannot completely refuse to meet with him. What if he comes to us no more than twice a week? "
   • It should be understood that not all problems can be solved and there is a possibility that the relationship may come to an end. This is not easy, but sometimes the best solution for both partners.
3. 3 Do not push yourself if the girl needs personal space. Try not to intrude, especially after an argument or during a stressful period in a relationship. Even if you do not want to leave her for a minute, let the girl see her friends or be alone with you, so as not to deprive her of her personal space.

   Advice: use this time as an opportunity to focus on your interests and hobbies. Separation strengthens the bond between partners as they miss each other.

   
   
4. 4 Engage in positive self-talk every day to help you feel more confident in your relationship. If you feel insecure, then come up with 2-3 mantras that you can say to yourself in the morning in front of the mirror or in moments of doubt. Choose phrases that will empower you and improve your mood.
   • For example, say to yourself: "I am strong" - or: "I can handle any circumstance!"
   • Record the mantra as a note on your smartphone or set a wallpaper with text.
   • Confidence and self-love help partners feel like a happy couple, while doubts and insecurities are repulsive and can hurt a relationship.

Method 3 of 3: Treating a Girl Nicely

1. 1 Spend time with your girlfriend on your own initiative. The girl should feel special to you. Try watching movies together or going out after class. Make time for your girlfriend, even if you are very busy.
   • Spending quality time means paying attention to the girl, and not focusing on other activities like playing something.
   • If instead of meeting a girl, you constantly give preference to other activities, then such behavior will show that she means little to you.
   • Try to balance the time you spend with your girlfriend, friends, and your family.
2. 2 Compliment the girl's appearance and inner world. Don't miss an opportunity to tell a girl how beautiful, kind, considerate, or funny she is. This is a good way to remind yourself of the qualities you like about a girl.
   • For example, say: "Cool, this new dress suits you very much," or: "I love it so much that we can talk about such deep topics."
   • Give unique compliments that she probably doesn't hear often so that she knows she's important to you.You can say, "I love how cute you smile when you give coffee to customers," or, "I'm just amazed at the number of books you've read in the last month."
   • There is no need to shower a girl with thoughtless or far-fetched compliments so that they do not lose their weight. Sincerity is always valuable.
3. 3 Remind your girlfriend that you often think about her during the day. Call to find out how you are, or write a message. Leave a cute message on the social network and say that it does not go out of your head. The girl will be pleased.
   • Take an interest in the girl's life and memorize important details. She will be pleased if you ask a question like: "Have you been hired for an internship?" - or: "How did the test go?"
4. 4 Surprise her with appropriate gifts or flowers to remind her of your feelings for her. A small gift for no particular reason will show your care and attention. When choosing a gift, do not forget to take into account the interests of the girl: give her a notebook with her favorite comic picture, and not the most expensive diary.
   • A joint adventure like a camping trip or tickets to a concert of your girlfriend's favorite band will also be a great gift.
   • If you are creative, then you can make a gift with your own hands. For example, you can paint a picture, write a poem, or decorate your coffee cup.
5. 5 Have a special romantic date at least twice a month. Find opportunities for private gatherings, whether it's a trip to a museum or a romantic dinner. Organize the date yourself to show yourself to be a responsible young man, or schedule these events one at a time.

   Advice: you can surprise me and pretend you’re going to have a boring activity, and then pleasantly surprise girl on a date!

6. 6 Watch your appearance and attitude towards the girl. Some guys pretend to be bold and fun to get a girlfriend, and then become themselves again and show themselves as insecure. In this case, the girl may lose interest in her partner. It's okay to be vulnerable, but a girl needs to know that you are the same brave and resourceful guy she fell in love with.
   • Also, do not forget about personal hygiene. Gather your hair regularly, and on date days, choose neat clothes and use some eau de toilette.
7. 7 Don't force the girl to do something she doesn't want to do. Never ask a girl to do things that make her uncomfortable, including intimate relationships. Such coercion can cause mistrust in you or hurt the girl, which can develop into very serious problems.
   • Never force a girl to have sex. If she refuses something to you, you need to respect her right to refuse.