Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Protect Your Emotions
• Method 2 of 3: Set boundaries
• Method 3 of 3: Build Your Future
• Tips
• Warnings

Loving a married man can be very painful. Perhaps it seems to you that he is the one, but circumstances are not in your favor. If you are in love with a married man, it is important to deal with your emotions because you are more likely to go through periods of pain, jealousy, and happiness. In addition, you should set boundaries to protect yourself and your needs. Since your relationship may be temporary, it's also important to focus on building a future that makes you happy, with or without your loved one.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Protect Your Emotions

1. 1 Find a friend you can confide in without fear of judgment. Love for a married man can cause many conflicting emotions.Perhaps you are happy that you have found a loved one, or maybe it is not easy for you, because he has a different family. Find a friend who will support you during this period. This will help you work through your feelings.
   • You might say, “I really need to talk about my relationship, but I know that not everyone will understand this. I can trust you?"
2. 2 Use mindfulnessto deal with jealousy. One of the disadvantages of loving a married man is that he will always think about his family. If he makes a choice in their favor, it is clear that you will be jealous. However, this jealousy will not help you in any way and will only make you feel depressed. Avoid this feeling by using mindfulness to remember the present moment.
   • Whenever you have thoughts of your man's wife, use all of your five senses to focus on what is happening around you. Pay attention to what you see, hear, feel, taste, and what smells are in the air. Say, “I can see the rays of the sun coming through my kitchen window and I can smell delicious food. I can hear music coming from my music player and I can feel the warmth of the sun through the window. I can taste the food I just cooked and I am grateful for this wonderful moment. "
3. 3 Avoid trying to compete with your rival. If you know your man has another, it's only natural to feel the urge to surpass her. Nevertheless, your attempts to "outperform" her are unlikely to make the man leave, and, most likely, it will make you unhappy. Instead, focus on being the best version of yourself and doing what matters to you. If you are destined to be together, he will love you for who you are.
   • Don't harass your man's wife on social media or ask friends to inquire about her. Also, don't ask the man what his partner is up to.
   • If you catch yourself wandering, "Why did he choose her?" - try to turn your attention to all the good things that happen in your life. Say to yourself, “I had a great weekend,” “I just got a promotion,” or, “I have the best friends.”
4. 4 Sorry yourself for love for a married man, if you feel guilty. Perhaps you feel guilty for allowing yourself to fall in love with someone else's husband. This is fine, but self-flagellation will not improve the situation. Remind yourself that you just want to feel love and deserve to be happy.
   • Tell yourself: “You cannot order your heart. I deserve to find love, so I shouldn't feel guilty for loving someone who is not free. "

   Advice: Write yourself a letter of forgiveness and then destroy it. This will help you work through your feelings.

   
   
5. 5 Be honest with him about your feelings if you are in pain. Depending on how your romance started, the man may not realize that you are in love with him. It can be really painful to love someone who doesn't reciprocate. Discuss your feelings and intentions with him. This will help you either take this relationship to the next level, or realize that it's time to move on.
   • You might say, “I know we started with an affair, but I fell in love with you. I want to discuss our future. "
   • He may be upset when you tell him the truth. It may be very difficult for you to hear this, but you can overcome it. If he reacts negatively, call a friend for support.
6. 6 See a psychologist if you are having trouble coping with the situation. This situation can be stressful, and you don't have to go through it all alone. If you are feeling overwhelmed, a counselor can help you deal with your emotions and change your thinking. It also helps you decide what's best for your future and how to pursue your goals.
   • If it seems to you that no one in your life supports you, perhaps a psychologist will be the way out of this situation. He focuses on what is best for you, without judging you.
   • Ask your PCP to recommend a psychologist or find a specialist online. If you live in Russia, then standard medical insurance will not cover sessions with a psychologist, however, some companies provide expensive VHI programs that include the services of a psychotherapist. Find out from your insurance company whether your policy covers such services, to what extent and what specialists working on VHI can advise.

Method 2 of 3: Set boundaries

1. 1 Hide your relationship. If you're having an affair with a married man, it's important to keep it a secret so that you don't hurt anyone. Talk to your man about what you can share with friends or on social media. Also, be careful when choosing public places where you appear together.
   • If people find out about the affair, it may complicate matters. It can also hurt someone's feelings.
2. 2 Don't change your plans because he wants to see you. If you are dating a married man, chances are he puts family first. This may mean that it is difficult to make plans with him. However, your time is as valuable as his and you deserve respect. Do not change your existing plans, because he decided that he has time for you. Let him know that you expect him to make plans with you and not derail them.
   • Say, “I miss you too! But I have already agreed to meet with Karina in the evening, so we can arrange a date another day. My time should also be taken into account. "
3. 3 Decide what you will and will not put up with. Dating a married man can be very difficult. You may feel like you should accept what he gives you, but you deserve love and care. Think about what is important to you and what you need to feel confident. Then talk it over with your man.
   • For example, you might expect him to talk to you every day, spend your birthday with you, and make plans with you in advance.
   • Or maybe you want him to start the divorce proceedings.

   Advice: You can't demand that your boyfriend give you what you want. However, you can set boundaries for what you are ready and not ready to accept. If he doesn't want to respect your boundaries, you need to decide whether or not to pursue this relationship.

   
   
4. 4 Tell him what you expect from the relationship and set a time frame. It all depends on your personal goals: perhaps you expect him to marry you eventually, or the prospect of marriage does not bother you. However, since you love him, chances are you are hoping that you have some kind of future together. Describe clearly to him your vision of your future. Then set a specific time frame for certain actions so that he doesn't fool you.
   • For example, suppose you want him to leave his wife and marry you. Say, “You always told me that I am who you want to be with. I also want to be with you. If we're going to continue this relationship, I expect you to start divorce proceedings in the next three months so that we can get married by the end of next year. "
5. 5 Consider part with himif he waives obligations. While it's important to let your man know what you want, chances are good that he won't be able to give it to you. If he ignores your requests and refuses to accept the timeline, chances are he is not as interested in the relationship as you are. Take some time and think about what you really want. It may be best to start moving on outside of this relationship.
   • Of course, it is difficult to leave a loved one, however, he probably will never devote himself to you.If he is not willing to move forward with you, chances are he will never do it.
6. 6 Think carefully before telling his wife or family about your affair. You may think that revealing the truth will help you move forward, but it will likely backfire. He may get angry with you and take the side of his companion. It also hurts his wife and children. Be careful when deciding when and how to reveal the truth.
   • Ask the man to be honest with his wife. Say, “I think you should tell her the truth. Lying to her is wrong, and it prevents us from being together. " He may not dare to do this, but it will be better if he does it himself.

Method 3 of 3: Build Your Future

1. 1 Ask yourself what you get from the relationship. It would be nice to understand why you are in a relationship with this man in order to decide what consequences you expect. Perhaps you are hoping to marry him one day, or you are enjoying the freedom of a relationship without commitment. Think about how your relationship started, what you like about it, and how you see the future.
   • For example, you may realize that you enjoy the feeling of being in love and spending time together. If he's not ready to offer you a long-term perspective, it's probably best to move on.
   • However, you may find that you are very busy and that you enjoy spending time with your partner when you have free time. In this case, you may decide to continue the relationship as it is now.
2. 2 Decide what you want for your future and start following it. First of all, you deserve to be happy, regardless of whether your beloved man will be with you or not. Imagine a desired future, and then set goals to help you achieve it. Break your goals down into steps you can start taking today to get things done.
   • For example, perhaps your goals are to build a career, find a hobby, get married, and have a baby.
3. 3 Saturate your life outside of this relationship. It may seem like loving a married man takes up all of your time because you never know when he will be free. However, this is not fair to you. Instead of building your life around him, do what makes you happy. For example:
   • spend more time with your friends;
   • pursue your hobbies and interests;
   • take courses to learn a new skill;
   • start a new hobby;
   • sign up for a local gym;
   • apply for a job that interests you;
   • go on vacation with your family.
4. 4 Consider dating other men until he gets your relationship official. If you are dating a married man, your relationship is not formal because he has another woman. Do not feel that you are obliged to be faithful to him, since he does not remain faithful to you. Be open to new options and go on dates to see if there is another suitable partner around you.
   • For example, you can keep active on dating sites.
   • While you may love him, it is likely that this relationship has no future. Perhaps you will meet another person who will be a better match for you!
5. 5 Break off the relationship if you know you need to move on. It's very difficult to maintain a relationship that started out as an affair in the long run. Sure, it hurts to leave your loved one, but perhaps this is the best option for you. Talk to your man to see if you really have a future. If he's not fully committed to you, it's probably best to break up with him. Tell him that you love him, but you cannot be with a person who is not one hundred percent devoted to you.
   • Say, “I love you very much and would like it to turn out differently.But I know that you will always make a choice in favor of your family, so it's time for me to move on. "

   Advice: Most likely, he will contact you after breaking up to say that everything has changed and that he needs you. Be very careful taking it back, because your problems are still there.

   
   

Tips

• Only about 5% of men who have affairs on the side leave their wives. It is understandable that you hope that your man will be in this small group, but it is better to protect yourself.
• You deserve a relationship that is completely focused on you. Don't stop looking for a man who is capable of an honest relationship.

Warnings

• Most likely, he will put his wife and children above you than he can cause you great pain. You deserve to feel totally loved! Reach out to someone you trust to help you deal with the situation.
• While he may make promises to you, be honest with yourself about how true his words are. Try not to flatter yourself if he has a habit of lying.