Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 4: Physical punishment is a last resort
• Part 2 of 4: Set the rules
• Part 3 of 4: Let your child face the consequences
• Part 4 of 4: Using break with preschoolers
• Tips
• Warnings
• Sources and resources

Punishment is considered effective if the parents or mentor are able to use it to correct the child's actions and shape the desired behavior. Any disciplinary action must focus on creating order and building positive moral character. While there are many ways to correct behavior, some strategies have proven to be effective over others. Hence, it is important to learn how to effectively discipline your children.

Steps

Part 1 of 4: Physical punishment is a last resort

1. 1 Find a secluded spot. Such punishment (say, spanking) should be used exclusively in a secluded place, so as not to humiliate the child's self-esteem and avoid unnecessary embarrassment. You should focus on the punishment itself, and unnecessary awkwardness for the child should be minimized.
   • Most experts agree that a child should never be spanked under any circumstances. However, some parents believe that this is the fastest way to get a child to follow the rules. Whatever position you take on this issue, it is obvious that this type of punishment can also have negative consequences. Accordingly, this method of discipline should be used as little as possible and only when you need to stop your child's dangerous behavior.
   • Make sure no other children are present during the whipping.
   • If you want to spank a child in a public place, take him first to a secluded place where there will be no idle spectators.
2. 2 Explain to your child what you are punishing him for. It is important that the child understands why they are being punished and what behavior is unacceptable in this case. Try to use any discipline, including flogging, as a pedagogical opportunity, and not just a punishment.
   • Make sure you are using language appropriate for the child's age and that the child understands your explanations.
   • For example, you can say: “Katyusha, you are running around the house with scissors and almost knocked your brother down. I already warned you once, so now is the time to spank you. "
   • As much as possible, always give a warning before spanking a child. This will allow him to correct his behavior and avoid flogging.
3. 3 Place a small child on your lap, booty up. This position will allow you to spank your child without harming him. Older children can be spanked while standing.
   • Make sure your child is dressed when spanking. Slapping on bare skin can cause bruising and other avoidable damage.
4. 4 Spank the child. Spank exclusively with your palm and into the floor of the force. There should be no bruises or other marks left after the slaps. The main task is not to injure the child, but to teach him the proper behavior.
   • Objects cannot be used for such punishment; you should also limit yourself to three or four spanks.
   • Never spank a child in a fit of anger. Any punishment should be applied in a calm state. This will help you avoid unintentional injury.
5. 5 Let your child return to normal activities. After a spanking, the child is more likely to be upset. Give him a chance to calm down. Let him know that after he calms down, he can return to his normal activities.
   • For example, you might say, “I know you're upset. When you calm down, you can leave your room. "

Part 2 of 4: Set the rules

1. 1 Establish family rules. Make sure all adults in the home agree with these rules. It is very important that everyone adheres to the same opinion in this regard, so that the child cannot confront parents or mentors with each other.
   • You can include children in the process of developing family rules. It is important that children feel like they are part of family decision making. However, on certain issues, do not be afraid to insist on your opinion. For example, if a teenager has to be at home by 11:00 pm, don't let him get into an argument so that he may eventually be allowed to come a few hours later.
   • It is important to communicate your expectations about the child's behavior to all relatives, nannies and other mentors outside the home. If one of the caregivers cannot or does not want to adhere to your principles, you should look for another candidate to care for your child - someone whose beliefs about parenting will be closer to yours.
2. 2 Explain your rules to the children. After the rule is formulated, it is important to clearly convey your expectations so that this rule is perfectly understandable for the child. Make sure that the child is calm when explaining the rules, use language that he understands. Attempts to explain the rules to a child at a time when he is upset or tired run the risk of not being successful. At the time of the conversation, you yourself should also be in a calm and rested state.
   • Make sure your rules are specific and cannot be interpreted in two ways. For example, a ten-year-old is better off saying, "Be home by 7 pm" rather than "Be home before dark."
   • Make sure all the rules have been agreed in advance. Try to discuss the rules before they are broken. Explain them in advance, even if you have to repeat yourself. For example, you might say, "You should walk, not run, in the pool before you go into the water."
   • Try to formulate the rules in an affirmative way. For example, you might say, "We walk calmly in the pool" rather than "Don't run in the pool."
3. 3 Be consistent in your requirement to follow the rules. Be consistent in the requirement to follow the rules so that the children clearly understand what is required of them. If you only insist on adhering to the rules from time to time, it will confuse children.Confusion like this will make it harder for them to understand boundaries and what you want them to do. Accordingly, if you have established a rule that a child must return home no later than 7 pm, then when he calls and asks if he can stay with friends, you should remind that, according to the rule, he must be at home no later than 7 pm.
   • If there are no rules for a particular behavior that you encounter, it is important to take the time to develop a rule and to clearly convey to the child what is required of him after the undesirable behavior occurs.
4. 4 Avoid arguing with your child about the rules. This does not mean at all that you need to indulge any whim. This means avoiding unnecessary arguments with your child. If you have clearly formulated the rule, and he continues to defend his position, it is perfectly acceptable to stop the conversation. At the same time, the rule continues to apply, but you refuse to discuss this topic.
   • For example, if your younger student shouts, “This is not fair. Pasha walks until 10 pm, you can simply answer: "Yes, I know." Or, if your teenager is trying with all his might to beg a car from you in order to drive it to a party, you can say: "What have I already answered?" or "I said no" - and not continue the discussion.
   • This approach can only be used if you have already explained the rules to your child, and he is still trying to do things his own way. In this case, you minimize power struggles and confirm that your rules are in force.

Part 3 of 4: Let your child face the consequences

1. 1 Encourage positive behavior. Determine what kind of behavior you want to see in your child more often and encourage this behavior. Your child, when he was born, did not know what he should and should not do. It is you, as a parent, who must teach him and shape his behavior. Therefore, it is imperative that you determine for yourself what type of behavior you want to develop in your child and encourage this behavior. Encouraging positive behavior with positive consequences is actually more effective than creating negative consequences for bad behavior.
   • Rewarding positive behavior should be consistent with actual behavior. Verbal praise is usually sufficient for good behavior, but more meaningful moments should be accompanied by larger rewards. For example, fives in a quarter can be the reason for a festive dinner.
   • You can use a token reward system. With the token system, points or little tokens are awarded whenever the child is well behaved throughout the week. At the end of the week, he can exchange tokens or points for cash and receive a larger reward.
2. 2 Ignore annoying behaviors or habits as long as they do not harm the child or others. Instead, focus on positive reactions when he shows the desired behavior. By shifting attention from negative to positive behavior, you let him know that negative behavior will not earn him attention. Often times, this process reduces the level of unwanted behavior and increases the level of desired behavior.
   • For example, if you want your child to stop throwing tantrums, do not react to him when he starts to tantrum. Wait until he calms down and begins to behave appropriately, and then respond to his requests.
   • Ignore only behaviors that do not harm the child or others.
3. 3 Identify the causes of bad behavior. From time to time, the child will be capricious. Whims are natural and are part of the child's development process. If you can figure out why your child is behaving badly, you can prevent this behavior in the future.Do not forget that most often the whims have one of four reasons: the desire to show their own power, the feeling of their own inferiority, the desire to gain attention or revenge.
   • If the child is naughty because he feels helpless, you can give him other age-appropriate opportunities to exercise his own power. For example, you can give him a choice about what to wear to school or what to eat for breakfast.
   • If your child is feeling inferior, you can help them identify their strengths and engage in activities that will help them gain confidence.
   • Attention-seeking behavior is very easy to treat: Give a lot of attention and praise your child when he is behaving appropriately. Paying enough attention to him before he gets naughty will reduce the number of whims that are designed to win your attention.
   • If the child wants revenge, it is important to sit down and talk to him about how best to deal with his anger. For example, you might say, “I know you’re upset and I’m sorry your brother pissed you off. However, you shouldn't hit anyone. It is better to express your condition in words and, if you want, talk to me or to dad. "
4. 4 Determine if natural consequences are needed. Natural consequences are the natural result of a child's behavior. Such consequences may be a direct result of his actions, and not punishment from his parents. For example, a natural consequence of a son not putting his dirty jersey in the laundry basket will be a dirty jersey on the day of the next game. If it is acceptable to use natural consequences, allow the child to face them. Sometimes these consequences are the best teacher.
   • Natural effects should ONLY be used in cases where they cannot harm the child. For example, a two-year-old should not be allowed to touch a hot stove. A natural consequence of such an act can be a severe burn, and this is unacceptable.
   • After the natural consequences occur, talk to your child about why this happened. For example, say: “Andrey, you didn’t put your clothes in the laundry basket, so today you don’t have a clean uniform for the game”.
5. 5 Consider the logical implications. If natural consequences are unacceptable, then logical ones can be used as the next step. The logical consequence also occurs as a result of the child's behavior, but it is created by his parents or mentors. Logical consequences are effective when they are directly related to the child's behavior. Consequences should not be too severe on behavior, but not too mild for the child to feel the impact.
   • A good example of logical consequences: if you constantly encounter the fact that your son does not remove his bike from the driveway, you can say: “Misha, when your bike is in the driveway, I cannot enter the yard after work. Worse, I might not notice it and accidentally run over. The next time I see a bike at this place, I will take it to the garage, and you will not be able to ride it for 2 days. " This is better than a non-behavioral punishment: “You won't watch TV for 2 days”, too strict “You won't visit friends for a month” or too soft “You will go out into the yard and clean it when I honk.”
   • Always show respect and avoid judgment in the moment of punishment. For example, it might be better to say, “I know you are looking forward to traveling with your friend, but your room must be cleaned before you leave. If the room is not clean, you will not be able to go "than to say:" You are such a slob, I am not your cleaning lady. Clean up the room immediately, otherwise you won't go anywhere. "
   • Sometimes it is helpful to let the child choose the consequences. For example, you might say, “You flew into the house and broke the mirror.How are you going to fix it? " Or say: “Ivan, if you go out for a walk in the yard, you must wear walking shoes. If you want to go to school, stay at home. The choice is yours".
6. 6 Implement the consequences consistently. Don't let your child bargain with you about the consequences. As soon as the rule is violated, the previously announced punishment must be immediately put into effect. Once you have given your child a choice about punishment, he should not change his mind. It is very important to follow your own agreements about the consequences that you have promised to set in motion for bad behavior.

Part 4 of 4: Using break with preschoolers

1. 1 Give your preschooler a warning. If your little one is unable to control himself - and this happens from time to time with all young children - start with a warning. Make sure the warning is clear and in a language they understand. For example, say: "Grisha, if you hit your friend again, you will have to take a break from the game."
2. 2 Take him to where he should be during the break. If he continues to misbehave, take him to a separate area. The ideal place to take a break would be a quiet place where nothing distracts - no TV, no toys, no other children.
   • It is helpful to have a prearranged place to take a break, both at home and in other places where you often visit. This way you can avoid the stress of finding the right place.
   • Be sure to explain to your child why he or she is on hiatus. For example, you can say: "You can't beat Dima," but you shouldn't say: "You are bad because you beat Dima."
3. 3 Require the child to take a break for exactly as long as you indicated. Most experts agree that the most appropriate amount of time is determined at the rate of one minute per one year of age. Accordingly, a three-year-old child can be removed for a break for three minutes, a four-year-old for four, and so on.
   • The child may resist being removed for a break, and this is completely normal behavior for preschool age. If he resists, gently but firmly hold him in place by the shoulders. You can also sit him on your lap during the break.
   • Some parents, in case of child resistance, prefer to take a break from communication with him. This means that you tell the child that you are taking a break from communication with him, and then stay with him in the same room, but do not react to him in any way.
4. 4 Return to your normal activities. After the recommended break, bring the child back to positive activities. If he continues to be agitated or inappropriate, it may be necessary to take him out of class again for extra time so he can calm down. Make it clear to him that he will be able to return to his studies only after he stops being capricious or doing other inadmissible acts.

Tips

• Remember to be a good example for your children yourself. Children learn best by observing their parents.
• Never punish for casual misconduct. Children should boldly show independence and should not be afraid of condemnation for random inevitable incidents.
• Always try to explain to your child why his actions produce certain consequences.
• Don't be afraid to spoil your child's pleasure with punishment. Remember that children benefit from being constrained and taught to deal with the consequences.
• It is best to wait until the child grows up so that he understands what a break is. A good age to introduce this method is about 3 years. In addition, breaks should only be used in extreme cases: when the child kicks, bites, fights, and so on.

Warnings

• Most experts agree that whipping is not the healthiest parenting method.In fact, there is evidence that spanking induces negative behaviors and disrupts brain development. Flogging should only be used on very rare occasions, for example to prevent situations in which the child could be harmed.
• In some countries, physical punishment such as flogging is prohibited by law. Spanking is illegal in Albania, Austria, Benin, Brazil, Bolivia, Bulgaria, Cape Verde, Congo, Costa Rica, Croatia, Cyprus, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, Germany, Greece, Greenland, Hungary, Iceland, Israel, Kenya , Latvia, Liechtenstein, Luxembourg, Moldova, Holland, New Zealand, Norway, Peru, Poland, Portugal, Republic of Ireland, Republic of Moldova, Romania, San Marino, South Sudan, Spain, Sweden, Togo, Tunisia, Ukraine, Uruguay and Venezuela ...
• Whipping is not illegal in Canada, but certain restrictions are imposed on it. Section 43 of the Canadian Penal Code recommends avoiding (1) whipping a child under 24 months of age, (2) whipping a child over 12 years old, (3) whipping with an object - a belt, belt, slipper, etc. - regardless of the child's age. , (4) spanking of a child of whom you are not a parent; and (5) spanking of "bare buttocks," regardless of the age of the child.

Sources and resources

1. ↑ http://gauss.unh.edu/~mas2/CP67%20Children%20Should%20Never%20be%20Spanked.pdf
2. ↑ http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Parenting_discipline
3. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/parenting/family-health-12/how-to-child-discipline
4. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/parenting/family-health-12/how-to-child-discipline?page=1
5. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/parenting/family-health-12/how-to-child-discipline
6. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/parenting/family-health-12/how-to-child-discipline
7. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/parenting/tc/effective-parenting-and-disciplining-children-topic-overview
8. ↑ http://www.extension.umn.edu/family/partnering-for-school-success/structure/using-natural-and-logical-consequences/
9. ↑ http://www.extension.umn.edu/family/partnering-for-school-success/structure/using-natural-and-logical-consequences/
10. ↑ http://www.extension.umn.edu/family/partnering-for-school-success/structure/using-natural-and-logical-consequences/
11. ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/infant-and-toddler-health/in-depth/parenting-tips-for-toddlers/art-20044684?pg=2
12. ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/infant-and-toddler-health/in-depth/parenting-tips-for-toddlers/art-20044684?pg=2
13. ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/infant-and-toddler-health/in-depth/parenting-tips-for-toddlers/art-20044684?pg=2
14. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/parenting/tc/effective-parenting-and-disciplining-children-topic-overview
15. ↑ http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/101/4/723.full
16. ↑ http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2013/07/is-it-ever-okay-to-spank-a-child/278174/
17. ↑ http://www.parl.gc.ca/content/LOP/ResearchPublications/prb0510-e.htm