Content

• Steps
• Advice
• Warning
• What you need

Domestic violence is a very serious problem. The abuser can manipulate your emotions and bodies, making it difficult for you to adjust to a complex array of existing emotions. Whether you are being abused in a relationship or by a family member, you need to make a plan to stop it and seek help. The most important thing to do is to ensure your safety immediately; Then, properly plan recovery.

In the United States, if you are concerned that you may be controlled while using the internet, call The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). In Vietnam, contact the Vietnam Women's Union at http://hoilhpn.org.vn/ to get instant help with domestic violence.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Act immediately

1. 

   
   
   Protect yourself. If you are in danger run away from home and get somewhere safe. If you are in immediate danger, call the authorities immediately, or contact the domestic violence center where you live. To find a local center, contact the Vietnam Women's Union at http://hoilhpn.org.vn/ for domestic violence help and information, or call the emergency number 1-1-3.
   • Depending on your physical, mental or emotional state, you may need to go to a hospital or a safety house, a place for people who have escaped domestic violence, to assess the situation. and plan your next step. The location of a safe home is often kept secret, and they may send a car to pick you up if you cannot get there on your own.They will provide food, donated clothing, rooms, beds, and services to help you, such as receiving pensions and rebuilding, and also receiving counseling.
   • You also have the option of going to your local police station, going to a trusted friend's or relative's house, or going to any safe public place like a shopping mall, major store, or restaurant. Make sure you don't tell the abuser your location, or he may be spying on you.
   • If you don't have a means of transportation, find somewhere safe to hide in your neighborhood. Go to a neighbor's house, climb a tree, hide behind the trash can, or sit nestled in the gutter. Do whatever is necessary to best protect yourself.

2. 

   
   
   Avoid aggravating the situation. Although there is a false belief that the victim was the first to provoke domestic violence, if the abuser still wants to cause a conflict, you should try to avoid fighting them. At this point, react sensibly, but it is best to give in temporarily to avoid a more violent counterattack. Try to keep things private until you plan on leaving forever.
   • For example, if the abuser hits you and says that you did not wash your clothes properly, try to do what he wants, that would be better than trying to resist the problem. Instead, focus on keeping it safe and planning your escape.

3. 

   
   
   Carry a pepper spray with you. Hide the spray bottle in your wallet and keep in mind its location in the house. If things get out of control, spray and run for safety. Don't look back or criticize your decisions. Remember that protecting yourself and your children (if any) should be your top priority.
   • Practice how to use the pepper spray to know what to do immediately if you need it in practice.

4. 

   Make appropriate plans to terminate the relationship immediately. It can often be difficult to end an abusive relationship. The matter can be complicated due to child care, finances, religion, family, and other cultural considerations. However, the first thing to do is to think of the basic steps for yourself to escape and hide your tracks, then worry about these troubles.
   • Even so, it is important to always ensure the safety of children before leaving the relationship.
   • Don't let the other person know that you are planning a divorce and don't wait until the worst happens before you leave. Any legal problems resulting from your departure may have to be resolved before you seek help from the Domestic Violence and police networks.
   • Leaving your partner does not mean that you no longer love that person, or that you are abandoning someone who is in need of help with substance abuse, personality disorder, or other mental health issues. . However, again, your safety comes first. You can also solve complex problems later.

5. 

   Make a plan for your child's safety. If you have children, make sure you develop an appropriate safety plan for them. This includes many important steps that can help keep children safe in situations of domestic violence:
   • Teach children how to dial 9-1-1 (in the US) and 1-1-3 (in Vietnam) emergency numbers and explain when they should (for example, when they feel threatened or otherwise). when you get hit).
   • Agree with a neighbor to take care of the children when they leave their home and stay in their home when the situation becomes severe.
   • Make sure the person the child will be with during the emergency knows that they will not give the abuser under any circumstances.
   • In a situation where the child is unable to escape (eg, the violent husband left the door behind), only let the children know where they can escape until everything has subsided. This could be under the bed or in the closet, or anywhere where children can stay out of sight and avoid dangerous weapons as far as possible (for example, not just for children somewhere in the kitchen. have many knives).

6. 

   Open a separate account. Try to protect your PO Box and safe, where you can hide money away from home, not in an account in your name because the abuser has access.
   • Do not tell anyone in advance about your departure plan unless the abuser, doctor, or longtime best friend has no ties to the abuser, and the person Be careful not to disclose any information about you to the abuser.

7. 

   Keep or collect evidence of violence. To help prosecute and end the abuser's ability to hurt, it is important that you take the necessary steps to ensure the person's conviction. Always carry a small recorder with you. You should buy it at the "surveillance device" store and learn how to use it from the salesperson. Turn on the tape recorder whenever you have a feeling the other person is changing moods. Fully charge the battery. Be sure to take a few pictures of your wound and the object that was broken during the outbreak of the violence.
   • Keep copies of some legal / financial documents in the safe. Do the same with any evidence gathered about the abuse: photos, diaries, letters of apology from the abuser.

8. 

   Set up a bag "ready to go". Find a small bag that you can stuff everything you need for a few nights, but bring only essentials, and place it where it's easiest to get, so you can grab it and go right away. ie. It should not make the abuser feel like a suitcase: a small, cheap handbag is better. Pack for multiple days, including clothes, medicine, enough to pay for a few nights motel, phone, as well as important phone numbers and addresses.
   • If you have children, or pets, it is essential to bring them with you. All portable items should be the lightest and most portable. Again, if you don't take the time to do this, don't wait and waste your precious time. Leave immediately and worry about other details later. Move to a nearby domestic violence center and they can help you organize your belongings once you are safe.
   • If you have children, depending on the circumstances, it's better to put them in a safe position before leaving home. Consider taking your child to a friend or relative's home if you have this option and if the abuser does not check out the places.

9. 

   Practice escape. Know exactly how you can get rid of the abuser. Can you get through the bathroom door? How many seconds does it take for you to open the front door? Make sure you prepare to leave quickly in an emergency threatening situation.
   • Only practice leaving strategies when the abuser is not present.

10. 

    Develop your plan. Choose the right time to leave. Don't choose a time when you might face each other and risk further violence. If possible, leave quietly and take notes to let the abuser know that you have left home forever. Make sure you have all the necessary personal belongings, such as a Social Security Number, ID, medicine, birth certificates for all family members, school and Child immunization records, house keys, car keys, rental contracts, passports or study permits or work permits if abroad, and anything else you deem necessary.
    • If you feel guilty about leaving at night, remember that the abuser is causing you a lot of emotional and physical harm and of course, you have nothing to feel guilty about.
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Part 2 of 3: Stay safe

1. 

   Contact the competent authority. As soon as safety for yourself and your children is ensured (if any), it is important to report it to the competent authority and take the next step to ending the violence. Consider finding a reliable lawyer to tell your story and get legal advice on how to initiate a lawsuit.
   • Contact and make an appointment with a domestic violence counselor, to make sure they will keep a record of your consultation on file. Ask for a copy to keep with other documents.A domestic violence specialist can help keep your new home safe, even if your tenancy or work history changes.

2. 

   File a quarantine. Once you are free, do not turn around, try to contact, or make peace with the other person. Let the abuser get a message with the papers regarding the restraining order. Don't try to argue with the abuser as it won't work.
   • Although each country will have different rules, in general, to file quarantine, you should go to the family court and ask for the necessary documents. You need to find a courthouse, go to the page if you live in the US: www.attorneygeneral.jus.gov.on.ca/english/courts/Court_Addresses/
   • Decide if your case needs urgent attention. If you are in serious physical danger, or you think you need a restraining order right away, you can file a motion. Essentially, a court can order quarantine right after (as opposed to a normal process that can take several weeks).
   • If possible, get help from an attorney while you are working on this process. The lawyer can let someone else give copies of the papers to the abuser. The submission of copies is required; in other words, the court must make sure the abuser is notified of the restraining order. If you can't find a lawyer, the court will appoint an officer who can give you copies of the papers. You then need to provide proof that you have given those documents.
   • Go to court when there is an order; The court can summon you more than once, just follow the family court's instructions and make sure you don't miss any summons!

3. 

   Avoid any contact with the abuser. The abuser governs your emotions and your body, so successfully escaping the person means you have to break all ties and start ignoring him right away. Don't embrace the idea of ​​change just because of an apology, a promise, or a warning.
   • The other person may make threats and try to get you home. Cut off all communications and make sure he doesn't know where you are. Your physical safety is your top priority. If they threaten via text or email, keep it as proof you need it for legal reasons.
   • If the other party has children or financial resources so that you cannot leave, you can arrange custody or a bank account in legal proceedings. Don't be intimidated by the abuser.
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Part 3 of 3: Emotional Treatment

1. 

   Do not stand in silence. Talk to a licensed mental health professional. Domestic violence is not a simple challenge. Usually, there are many reasons why people experience domestic violence, many of whom suffer abuse from a young age. The way to stop the cycle of violence is to get expert help right away. Find or ask your doctor to help you find a local domestic violence support group and join the group as early as possible to start your treatment.
   • In the US, to find a psychologist in your area, visit: http://locator.apa.org/
   • Seek support that can help you recover your emotions and plan for your future. Both of these are very important in building happiness and self-worth.
   • Surround yourself with positive people, make friends with supportive people, and take the time to build a network of good friends.

2. 

   Try to build your self-esteem again. Tell yourself that you are important, even if you don't believe it now. Stop believing what the abuser says about you. You deserve respect, you have rights, and your well-being is important. If you can't believe them, make a list of your strengths as proof of your worth. Ask a loved one or doctor to add this list.
   • One way to build your values ​​is to pursue a new hobby that allows you to showcase yourself and master new skills. Try new things, like dance classes, art classes, poetry, painting, or photography.
   • You can do even simpler things to boost your self-esteem, like wearing new clothes to help you feel better, taking care of your personal hygiene, or making a list of strengths and successes. outstanding achievements.
   • If it feels as though your self-esteem is low and can't be lifted, remember that improving your self-worth can be a long and arduous process. After all, you will be down for a long time and it will take some time for yourself to feel valued and regain control.
   • Just make sure you truly become a member of the group and continue to receive help from people who have been through domestic violence. It is important to spend a lot of time with people who will support you.

3. 

   Control your anger. Even though you may not have felt the anger before, there is still a rage that exists under fear. To accelerate recovery and lead a better life, it is important that you know how to effectively handle and manage anger. Try to release anger into productive energy, not into self-destructive or risky actions.
   • Anger often drives revenge, and while it may be effective in the short term, try to avoid retaliation as it only makes the problem more serious in the long run.
   • Instead, if you find yourself starting to get angry, release that rage into productive activity or at least let it go away while limiting your destruction. For example, you can journal about what's upsetting you or write poetry to keep your emotions under control. Or you can replace it with hard work; go to the gym and hit sandbags, or run long distances. Many practical studies show that exercise helps to alleviate anger.

4. 

   Spend time with loved ones. Friends and family are there to support, protect and protect you from the abuser's influence. Spending time with loved ones can help reduce stress and help in the treatment process. Be with people you can trust and let your treatment begin. advertisement

Advice

• Escape can be very dangerous. If you decide to leave, talk to a domestic violence counselor and ask them to help you do it safely.
• Tell yourself every day that you deserve a new and better life.
• Remember, the abuser's action is not your fault.
• Be patient with yourself. You will not fully understand the violence right away, you will need a little time to recover and revert to being friends with you before.
• If the abuser leaves the house, replace all locks immediately.
• If the children are involved, write down what you want (how to contact, etc.) before any appointment or court date, as the abuser may try to threaten the commitment beyond your control. and you don't expect that.

Warning

• A restraining order may be effective and necessary for some people, but it can be dangerous if the abuser has a background of disrespect or disregard for the law and the authorities. Talk to someone who understands the advantages and disadvantages of a quarantine order, and decide for yourself if this is the safest solution.
• Do not return to the abuser under any circumstances. The situation will not improve.

What you need

• Some money; Start saving all the money you can.
• Social support from trusted friends and family.
• A possible plan can be leaned on, so you know what to do in a fearful situation.