Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: The preparation
• Part 2 of 3: Breaking the relationship
• Part 3 of 3: Getting back to your life after the breakup
• Tips
• Warnings

Losing a relationship is never easy. While some people think otherwise, breaking up can be just as emotionally moving as getting dumped. Before you make the decision to end it, you need to consider your reasons carefully. When you are sure, it is important to remember that your expectant ex was once your lover. You have to be honest without getting mean, and show your compassion without giving the other person hope. With a little tact and thoughtfulness, you can end the relationship without too much emotional damage. Be careful because it can hurt you too.

To step

Part 1 of 3: The preparation

1. Make sure you want to end the relationship. Don't threaten to break up to get your way when you argue. If you do, you have to stick to it or you shouldn't even say it. Discuss issues with your partner openly and honestly before making your decision. Many men and women first suffer for years and do not discuss their problems with their partner, which leads to many divorces.
   • If you really want to end the relationship, make a list of all the things you're not happy about - and all the reasons why those issues can't be resolved.
2. Make the decision when your head is clear. Don't decide to quit when the battle is on, or when you've had a shitty week and blame everything on your relationship. Before making such an important decision, take the time to ask the opinions of close friends, or your parents, who can help you understand relationship problems.
   • Once you've decided to break up, don't tell friends, or anyone else, as that could end up with your partner. You can ask for advice, but once you've made your decision, be mature enough to be the first to tell your partner.
   EXPERT TIP

   Choose the time and place wisely. Pick a time and place where you and the person you're about to dump have enough privacy. Don't matter just before he / she has an interest test, or right before he / she goes to work. A Friday is a suitable choice, because your future ex then has the weekend to relax.

   • Don't break up in your favorite restaurant, bar or park. Choose a neutral place that has no special meaning for either of you.
   • Choose a time when you are relatively calm. Don't care if you know you'll have another stressful meeting at work first.
3. Make it personal (in most cases). To give your partner the respect he / she deserves, you need to make the relationship personal, no matter how much you dread it.
   • The only reason you can break up on the phone is if you live very far apart and know you won't be seeing each other for a while, or if your partner is a dominant or manipulative person. If your ex is quick to anger, is violent, or manipulative, you better keep your distance when you break up.

Part 2 of 3: Breaking the relationship

1. Be clear when you break up. Be clear in what you say - if you act a little vague in the hope that it will hit less hard, it will only hurt more in the end. A divorce doesn't have to be dramatic or get out of hand. Make your point and say you want to end the relationship, that it won't work for you anymore. If you do it differently, you give room for discussion.
   • Avoid any comment that suggests this is some sort of trial divorce, and that it might turn out okay.
   • You may think it hurts less if you tell your partner that "you are not ready now," or "that you may have a chance later," but if you don't really mean it, your partner will only more pain.
2. Be honest without being mean. You don't want your partner to feel insecure about why the relationship is over, but you also don't need to give him / her a list of the 20 things you don't like about him / her. Just be honest about why you want to break up, whether it's because you feel suffocated, because he / she is manipulating you or not respecting you enough. Don't waste your time circling it.
   • The hardest reason to break up is if you just aren't in love anymore, because the other person can't help it. In that case, you still have to be honest, but bring it as kindly as possible.
   • Once you've given the main reason, you don't have to go into all the details or pull old cows out of the ditch unless the other person really doesn't understand at all. You don't have to stir up old arguments and hurt the other person even more by insulting them.
   • Do not belittle the other person or make them feel insecure or worthless. Don't say "I just need a real man", but rather "I think you need to work on your confidence."
   • Whatever the reason, it shouldn't come as a complete surprise to the other. If you've always communicated well, it won't just come out of the blue.
   • Don't make a long list of reasons why you break up. Focus on the gist of the problem: “We don't fit together well enough on important points,” “I don't feel supported in my career,” “I want kids and you don't,” or similar specific details.
3. Prepare for a bad response. The person being dumped is often angry, surprised, shocked or panicked. If he / she gets angry, try to stay calm and calm him / her. Keep your voice calm even if he / she yells. If things get out of hand, leave and let him / her cool down - but make it clear that you are willing to continue talking when he / she settles down. Don't say, "Never mind, I'm gone".
   • Comfort him / her if necessary, but don't go too far. If you think it is uncomfortable or inappropriate, be honest. You don't want it going back in the same direction as before. Show compassion, but be clear and keep your distance when things start to get out of hand.
   • If you're worried about leaving your ex alone, call a friend and explain what happened, where he / she is, what you're worried about, and what you want the friend to do . Apologize for the trouble you caused and thank the friend for his / her help.
   • If your ex is so angry that nothing gets through to him / her, say, "It's no use yelling at each other. I've made my decision and I'm not going to change my mind, but I do want to talk to you if you are calm. Let it sink in for a moment and then give me a call - we can talk about it again ". When your ex calls, keep your word. Record. If he / she has questions, be honest and kind, but keep the conversation short and civil so you don't unnecessarily exacerbate the grief.
4. Make concrete agreements about how you will interact with each other in the future. Once the first step is taken, be nice but clear about the boundaries you have set, and make it clear that they are non-negotiable. If you have to, you can correct him / her without discussion. Try to make the stranded relationship as valuable as possible by learning lessons from it to grow and by learning which types to avoid in the future.
   • If you have mutual friends and don't want to see each other for now, make a "shared custody plan" to see your friends without running into each other.
   • If you have the same favorite café or go to the same gym, make a schedule that allows you to avoid each other. You don't have to be very rigid or strict, but it can help to avoid painful situations.
   • If you share other things, or even live together, make a plan to divide your belongings as soon as possible so you don't have to see each other over and over again.
5. Know when to run away. One of the biggest mistakes in breaking up is letting it drag on. Figuring out your joint costs and sharing common property is one thing, but endlessly pulling a dead horse is quite another.
   • If the conversations keep spinning in circles - that is, if you keep coming to the same point without reaching a solution - stop it. Now is the time to say, "I think we should talk about this later or not," and then leave.
   • If the other person doesn't understand why you're breaking up, you can try to clarify it in a letter or email. Say what you have to say, let the other person explain in a letter or email how he / she feels so that he / she has been heard, and leave it at that. It may be easier to break free if you do both of these separately.

Part 3 of 3: Getting back to your life after the breakup

1. Don't try to stay friends right away. If you try to stay friends, the pain may last longer. Usually it is better to keep your distance and do things separately. After a while, maybe a month or three, maybe a year or more, seeing your ex stops hurting you so you can start with a clean slate as friends. Even then, you need to feel good and respect how your ex is feeling - he / she may need more time than you. If so, don't push yourself in an effort to make friends.
   • If your ex asks, "Can we stay friends?", Say, "No, we're friends stay can not. I think it's better if we're nothing at all right now. "If you're being pressured, say," Look, we started out as friends, and it's gotten more. And to be honest, I don't want to go back. We have to look ahead now. And that means there has to be a little bit of space between our broken relationship and whatever else can ever arise between us. Let's take a break, let's pass some time, and let's give each other the space we need to process everything and move on with our lives. Maybe one day, when we meet again, we can put our anger aside and become friends. We'll see. "Just make sure this is the last contact between the two of you. Separate final and do not contact us anymore.
   • If you have mutual friends, tell them about your divorce and tell them that you won't be attending any occasions your ex visits, and if that means taking sides, then so be it.
2. Take time to deal with your grief. Sure, you're the one who broke up, but in most cases that doesn't mean you feel like going into town right away to enjoy your freedom. People often don't understand that the person who broke up has just as much grief as the person who got dumped. In some cases, that person has even more grief because he / she also feels guilty, even if it was the right thing to do.
   • After the breakup, take time to rethink your life and think about what can make you happy in the future.
   • You can cry, write in your journal, or just crawl into bed for a week or two. But after that it is time to go out again and slowly resume your life.
   • Calling a friend in times of need can do you good. Getting drunk at a club the night after you break up probably doesn't really make you feel any better.
3. Enjoy your life after the relationship. After a few weeks or months, you will slowly start enjoying life again. By this time, your ex and you will have divided things up and found a way to avoid each other, kicking off the healing process. When you get back to normal, you can start enjoying your friendships and the relationship with your family, and pick up on old hobbies or start something new.
   • If you want to feel like yourself again, stop doing things you did with your ex for now, be it going for a walk in the woods or going to your favorite cafe.
   • Change some things. To feel new, you can rearrange your furniture, clean your car or start a new hobby such as volleyball or drawing class.
   • Slowly start dating others again. When you're ready, you can start looking for a new relationship. But it is definitely not that you are ready just because you were the one who broke up.

Tips

• Be straightforward and honest so that your partner doesn't cling to you and think you'll come back.
• If possible, avoid arguments and confrontations. If that doesn't work, wait with the farewell meeting until everything is calm again.
• Don't play games or ignore your partner before breaking up. If you want to stop, you have to take the bull by the horns.
• Do things without each other for a while; and really give the other a little time to process everything before seeing you with another. At least a week is a nice guideline, but it depends on how intense your relationship was and how long it lasted. If you've been together for more than a year, or if the breakup felt really bad, you should definitely do your best not to be too confrontational. That also means that you meet with your new flame in other places than where you often went with your ex. Be the wisest, and allow your ex to stay the same as much as possible. You are the one who left, and since you had already prepared for it, it is a little easier for you. If you make sure that your ex can keep a solid foundation, you are doing well and your ex can maintain his / her dignity.
• Don't wait until you've slept together before you break up. That's hurtful and selfish.

Warnings

• Don't say "it's not you, it's me". That is insulting and corny, even if it is true. Everyone immediately understands that it is the secret language for "I'm not telling you what's really going on, it's about you, but I don't dare to say it."
• Don't give up hope that everything can turn out okay. If you have decided that you want to get out, tell it as clearly as possible. If there is still something to be saved, you shouldn't break up. Then you can better think about how you can save the relationship together. Breaking up is not something to be threatened or blackmailed with.
• Don't back down if he / she starts crying. Remember why you are doing this!
• Never make the other person feel that the breakup is entirely his / her fault.