Content

• Steps
• Advice

Boundary is the distance between you and others. Think of it as a fence or a gate. As a gatekeeper, you can decide how physically and emotionally how others approach you. By setting some boundaries, you allow others to demonstrate their level of trustworthiness before you let them step closer into your life.

Steps

Method 1 of 4: Understand the Boundary of Wellness

1. 

   Understand the purpose of a healthy boundary. They are your ways to protect yourself, give you the freedom to direct your life in ways that help you grow. People form boundaries based on what they have learned from some previous relationships - with parents, siblings, friends, and lovers.

2. 

   
   
   Compare the healthy and the unhealthy boundaries. Before you can set healthy boundaries, you need to realize what unhealthy boundaries are. Some unhealthy boundaries include:
   • Needs always want to live with lover.
   • Control your lover.
   • Inability to make friends with others.
   • Use alcohol and drugs to make yourself feel more comfortable in the relationship.
   • Want relationship to never change.
   • Jealousy or lack of commitment.

3. 

   
   
   Realize what emotional boundaries are. Healthy emotional boundaries mean that you can speak up about your wishes and interests. Emotional boundaries separate your emotions from everything else. They protect your self-esteem. They "include beliefs, attitudes, choices, a sense of responsibility and the ability to be intimate with others". Some examples of emotional healthy boundaries are:
   • Your own health and well-being are important, and you won't be forced to ignore your own needs.
   • You have the right to be treated with respect.
   • You will not be manipulated or forced to do something you don't want, even if others are working hard to make you feel guilty.
   • You won't allow others to yell at you, make you feel bad about who you are or what you do, or call your name directly.
   • You do not blame others for something that is your responsibility, and you do not allow others to blame you for things you were not responsible for.
   • You should keep your feelings separate from others, even though you sympathize with the person you care about.
   • You convey your own needs assertively, and work towards cooperation where possible. This helps to maintain mutual respect.

4. 

   
   
   Realize boundaries set by body gestures. Another aspect of the boundary set by body gestures is the physical distance between us and others. There is little physical distance between good friends or family members when they interact with each other.
   • When someone encounters physical distance, we feel it from within. This makes us feel uncomfortable and unnatural.
   • When you are in a relationship with someone, make sure you are comfortable with the way you present yourself with that person. Talk about what makes you feel safe and loved.
   • Nordic and North American people focus on the largest personal space possible.
   • People in the countries of the Middle East, South America and southern Europe have the smallest personal space distance, and it's normal to touch each other.
   • Eastern cultures consider touching or patting the back to be taboo and insulting.

5. 

   Realize physical boundaries for assets. Physical boundaries are often described as personal space. It includes physical assets like houses, bedrooms, furniture, cars, and more. It is also in the interest to set boundaries with others about respect for privacy and property.
   • Using another person's belongings without permission is a violation of physical boundaries. Even if you are concerned about their safety or suspect something is wrong, a healthy and respectful way is to meet and talk to them. Surely others who know this have crossed the line and this is not respectable behavior.

6. 

   Set emotional boundaries to improve your sense of self. As you learn to hold your own emotional boundaries, you can achieve certain results that help you better understand who you are. These include:
   • Feeling healthy about yourself, independent of anyone.
   • Know that you have the right to choose how you want to feel and be able to do it.
   • Can track how much you share about yourself so you can respect yourself.
   • You can sometimes say "no" when you need to be assertive and honest with yourself.
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Method 2 of 4: Set Healthy Boundaries

1. 

   Decide to set boundaries. The first step is to realize that you need to set boundaries or improve on them. Boundaries are an extension of love and respect for oneself and others, rather than a reaction of fear or rejection. They are the way out of situations needed to please others and to be loved and accepted.
   • For example, roommates often borrow your car. She never refills the tank or gives you gas money. You cannot keep paying off gas costs forever.

2. 

   Define boundaries. Ask yourself what your hopes are for reaching a certain boundary. You will want to define each type of boundary, physically and emotionally, for different settings such as at home, at work and with friends.
   • For example, you may decide that you will not let others take advantage of you and disrespect your time or personal space.
   • For example, say you want your roommate to share gas bills as she drives your car.

3. 

   Set boundaries. Share boundaries with the people in your life. This way, they will understand some of the wants and needs that you have.
   • For example, talk calmly and politely with your roommate that you need her to help with the maintenance of your car with gas money. If she doesn't want that, then she can't ride your car anymore.
   • For example, if your friend has a habit of coming to you unexpectedly without notice and this bothers you, tell them you want them to phone before you arrive. happening at the moment (eg, someone borrows something without asking), you can point it out and let that person know this is unacceptable. Speak calmly and politely. Talk to your roommate that you want her to ask you questions before you borrow your car.

4. 

   Maintain boundaries. For many, this is the most challenging part of setting boundaries. Not only will you help others to respect their limits, but you also train yourself.
   • For example, if your roommate forgot to give you gas money, gently but firmly reminded.
   • You can ignore and ignore, but don't forget: this is the process. Re-establish your resolve and hold the line.
   • At first, you may find other people fighting against your boundaries. If they respect you, they'll be willing to adapt to them.
   • Remember, you are not trying to change other people or manipulate them. You just need to focus on how you want to be treated. You will communicate this with words and actions. For example, a friend arrives without calling first. To maintain boundaries, you could say, “I'm sorry you came at the moment but I'm busy working on a project for work and I can't see you right now. I hope you will call next time before you come. ” This strategy will politely reinforce your boundaries of respect for personal time and space.

5. 

   Be frank. Being straight and short is a respectful way to let others know what your boundaries are. On the contrary, if you speak indirectly, lament or long explanation will mess with the message. Here's an example of how to communicate directly:
   • Friend: “Hey man, we've been playing video games for a few hours. Now I am tired and want to sleep ”.
   • Man: “Oh, come on, today is Friday night. Watch the movie next or order a pizza ”.
   • Friend: "Sorry, Nam. You'd best go home. I need to go to bed now ”.

6. 

   Take care of yourself. One of the most difficult parts of setting and maintaining boundaries is the fear of being rude or selfish. Prioritize yourself first to recognize and respect your own feelings. This doesn't mean you are dismissing others or their feelings. Your duty to the boundary is around a willingness to take care of yourself that you can be there for others.
   • Allow yourself to recognize and respect the boundaries that you need to work successfully.
   • When you live within your boundaries, others can choose to respect or not. When they choose not to respect your boundaries, you have the opportunity to reinforce them in a self-affirming way.

7. 

   Get rid of the poisonous people from your life. You have the right to do this against people who will control and exploit you. Learning how to set healthy boundaries takes time, but you will be successful if you are always with people who support and respect you and what you choose.
   • You don't allow anxiety or low self-esteem to prevent you from taking care of yourself.
   • You are not responsible for how others treat you when you maintain your healthy boundaries.

8. 

   Small start. Begin to control a boundary so you can learn this new skill. Choose something that's not threatening.
   • For example, there may always be someone who stays too close to you or looks over your shoulder while you are reading an email. This is a great opportunity to practice asking others to give you more personal space.
   • As you define and set clear and healthy boundaries, you will find it easy to maintain. At the same time, you will find yourself gaining confidence and your relationship improving.

9. 

   Be patient when building a relationship. Setting boundaries is a great step towards developing a healthy relationship. Deep friendships are built up over time. They cannot come out of a sudden by crossing social boundaries or sharing more than appropriate.
   • You can still feel connected to others even if you have healthy boundaries. But you will be able to respect yourself, your time, and your own needs without being entangled with others.
   • Feel free to feel free to hang out with other people. A healthy relationship does not require you to ask permission to do something. If your boyfriend / girlfriend seems jealous when you go out with other friends, talk to set a line on your activities.
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Method 3 of 4: Setting Boundaries at the Workplace

1. 

   Talk to your coworkers about the boundaries. It's too easy to use yourself if you don't set or maintain boundaries. Make sure your coworkers understand your boundaries by telling them clearly.
   • For example, some colleagues may think that you will respond to email messages for hours. If you just want to save email tests during business hours, you need to communicate that. If a colleague says, "I'll send you a sketch of the project tonight," you might reply, "I'll be sure to see your sketch when I get to the office."

2. 

   Ask for help when you need it. If your workload is getting too much, ask the manager to let them appoint someone to help. You can also provide suggestions for rearranging workloads that respond to the task immediately and prioritize other tasks.

3. 

   Set appropriate boundaries between individuals. It's important to keep certain boundaries in order for the workplace to be professional and productive. Companies may have some appropriate policies for setting certain boundaries, specifically about respect for work, use of technology, and more.
   • If you are in a managerial position, you can help develop some policy to ensure proper boundary.

4. 

   Has scheduled working days. Set boundaries with your time by planning your day. Bring things to do to the meeting so that the conversation will be helpful for everyone. If you spend a lot of time replying to messages, limit yourself to checking messages for about 15 minutes each time for a day.

5. 

   Strategize for how you will react to breaches. It is inevitable that someone will cross the line you have set. Consider how you react. Making an exception is acceptable in one go, but remember that some disproportionate boundaries will not be respected. advertisement

Method 4 of 4: Avoid Abusive and Controlling Relationships

1. 

   Recognize abuse and control. Some behavior is not just a bad boundary. They can be violent and controlling. The following are warning signs of violent or controlling behavior:
   • Physical violence: This can include hitting, slapping, punching or other forms of bodily harm.
   • Threats of violence: According to the Northwest Women's University Center, "healthy relationships do not include threats."
   • Disruptive Subject: This is used to intimidate others and it can be a precursor to violence.
   • Using force in an argument: Someone might try to restrain you with physical gestures or block the way so you can't flee to safety.
   • Jealousy: A jealous person may question or supervise their partner about certain activities.
   • Behavioral control: Someone may be involved in some of your moves until they begin to take control of your appearance and activity. Control is evident in asking a person where she is, what she is doing, who she is staying with, or why she comes home late.
   • Get involved quickly: An abuser can put pressure on you in a relationship before time passes enough to develop emotional and a desire for commitment.
   • Isolation: This may include some attempts to eliminate your contact with friends and family.
   • Cruelty to Animals and Children: An abuser will use this as a way to force you to do what he wants, regardless of the pain or emotions of the pet or the child.

2. 

   Give up the relationship. If you notice an abusive or controlling attitude in your relationship, it may be time to talk to the problem. Even with good boundary setting, the abuser's behavior may not lead to a conversation. If you are unable to safely end the relationship, then slow down as soon as possible.

3. 

   Build a support system. If it's not safe to give up on the relationship, build a support system of people who take your safety seriously. They can be friends or family, whom you trust.
   • Come up with a keyword or phrase that will signal the support person that you need immediate help. This can be difficult to do if the abuser strictly controls every action and never allows you to be alone.
   • Use phone or the Internet to connect with external contacts. Have secure passwords to keep your communications private.
   • Have a good list of the phone numbers of some places and people who can help you.
   • Know where the emergency room to go if you are injured and get help from local resources.

4. 

   Plan your escape and get ready to act right away. Plan a route by which you can go safely. Prepare to be able to leave behind almost anything, like clothing and possessions. Get only what you need.

5. 

   Phone security and desktop settings. Make sure you keep your phone and computer safe so that the abuser cannot track or discover your whereabouts.

6. 

   Know the location of the place where you can reside locally. Some cities have accommodations for victims of domestic violence. Here are some places where you can find shelter and safety from the abuser, and your identity kept secret. Most are designed for temporary accommodation and can help you move to temporary accommodation.
   • Refer to the Domestic Shelters website to determine the location of the nearest peaceful home to you in America. In Vietnam, you can look to the Center for Women and Development - Vietnam Women's Union for support.

7. 

   There is a restraining order or no communication order. If your relationship is very frightening, you can also use the legitimate system to help you set up a restraining order or communication restraining order if necessary. advertisement

Advice

• Some boundaries also include your personal information. Consider whether you feel comfortable sharing the personal information in a relationship. You don't need to share your bank account information, email passwords, and other confidential information with your boyfriend or girlfriend.