Author:
Robert Simon
Date Of Creation:
17 June 2021
Update Date:
1 July 2024
Content
Sometimes the actions of others can hurt you. If a guy hurts you, you might be struggling with how to tell him how you feel. You can make that happen by taking the time to think about your suffering and decide to express your feelings.After that, plan to chat together. Follow a few important strategies to keep moving forward and reduce your vulnerability later.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Decide how to act
Take the time to try to understand your feelings. Before rushing to confront the guy who hurt you, consider the situation that happened and how you feel about it. Has a similar situation ever happened? Are you overreacting or not? Take some time to reflect on your situation and your feelings.
- It is more effective if you are journaling or freelance writing. Set a time to about 10 minutes and make a mental note of the situation.
- While it's wise to procrastinate until you have control of your emotions, don't let it go too long so that the other person will remember the offensive situation.
- Journaling as often as possible will help uncover ambiguous relationship problems.
Consider his attitude. Take some time to reflect on his attitude and why he is acting like this. Sometimes people intentionally or unintentionally hurt you. They can be influenced by the stresses of life, so take some time to think about what your guy is up to.- Considering his attitude doesn't mean it's an excuse for his behavior. This simply helps you to fully understand the situation that happened.
Pay attention to your emotional needs. If you feel hurt right now, take time to ease the pain first. By doing this, you will maintain a calm and clear mind when interacting with him. Therefore, practice taking care of yourself.- This may include relaxing in the bath, enjoying nutritious dishes, journaling, spending time with friends, or simply lying comfortably on the sofa at night.
See more comments. If you want to separate and forget that trauma, get advice from a few trusted close friends or loved ones. Tell them what happened. Then listen to their advice.- How do they view the situation? Did they react the same way as you? They can help you confirm whether you are offended or not, or help you see the problem in a new direction.
- Seek advice from people who are not biased or opposed to a guy who is hurting you.
Reasonable expectation of the guy's reaction. Think about how he reacts when you say he hurt you. You can use past scenarios to determine which of these possibilities is most likely to happen.
- For example, does he often play the role of victim or deny this push the job to hurt you? Did he say sorry but not sincerely? Use what you know to set reasonable expectations for the upcoming confrontation.
- It is really helpful to think about what you want to get out of the confrontation. How you approach the conversation can change if you're expecting an apology and a change in behavior. Set reasonable expectations for the results you want to get.
Determine if the effort is worth it. Consider what you would like to receive from the interactive conversation, and then compare how you would expect the person to react. Have you felt satisfied after confronting him? Did sharing your feelings with him really help or were those feelings completely suppressed?
- Whether the effort is worth it or not depends on how important the relationship is to you. If the person who hurts you is a spouse, friend, or relative, hiding your emotions is not possible. If it's just a random acquaintance, instead of facing him, you just need to separate yourself from him later.
Method 2 of 3: Chat
Make a list. Make a list of what you want to say. Write down the situations in which you are hurt as well as specific examples. During the climax of a debate or a sudden increase in adrenaline due to extreme stress, you will have difficulty remembering everything, or may go wrong or lose focus. The list will save you.
- It can be extremely helpful to tell him what you need or want to keep moving forward.
Practice yourself first. Rehearse what you'll say in advance. You can write and read these aloud in front of the mirror. Or you could have friends who gave you advice to practice dialogue with you.
Be honest and straightforward. When dealing with the person, show a firm and honest attitude. Don't try to downplay the traumatic fact that he made you feel. Of course, there's no reason to go round and round - let's get to the heart of it.
- For example, you could say, “I was really sad when I forgot my birthday last week. That makes me feel like I'm nothing to you. "
Keep your voice light and steady. You don't want to be impressed by an overly offensive or emotional tone. It will be difficult to take people seriously with this tone. Instead, stay calm and the discussion will become easier.
Use a statement with the subject "I / Em". For effective conversations with others, you won't want to put the listener on the defensive. Do this by changing your language, allowing you to share your feelings without complaining. Saying “I / I” can help you with that.
- This expression allows you to take control of your emotions: "I was really sad when I forgot your birthday last week."
- On the other hand, a saying with the subject "I" increases the likelihood of others feeling attacked: "I don't care about you! It's my birthday that I still forgot! "
Use specific examples. Don't be general about him hurting you. This makes it difficult for people to understand and empathize with you, especially when they are offended. Instead, use concrete proof.
- For example, instead of expressing "I always let you solve problems by myself", say "I feel unhappy when you leave it alone and let me deal with Binh this morning. I did the same thing." like that last week. "
Give him a chance to explain. Once you've expressed how you feel about the situation, give him a chance to respond. Allow him to clearly explain his attitude, even if you disagree.
- Practice active listening, that is, trying to understand what others are saying. What he says at this point will provide insight into how you want to move forward.
- For example, he will say sorry and ask you how he should improve his behavior in the future. Or he can defend himself by putting on a busy or stressful schedule as an excuse for forgetting your birthday.
Ask him to change. If you want to continue the relationship, you can express your desire to change. Tell him, as detailed as possible, what he should do to ease the problem and what you need from him to move on.
- For example, you could say, “Any special event has meaning to me and I want you to respect that. From now on, I would really appreciate it if you save your important birthdays and anniversaries in your calendar to avoid forgetting them. "
- This is actually more effective than complaining about your feelings. Give examples of what you want him to do and how to do them.
Method 3 of 3: Move forward
Be aware of your role in the situation that happened. The wise approach to any conflict or injury is to find a way to change your behavior in the future to prevent a similar situation.Reflect on the situation and determine if there is something else you can do to ease the consequences.
- For example, if a guy hurts you because he doesn't confess to you that you're in a different relationship, you can change the outcome by asking for information first, not by speculating. (especially as open relationships are becoming more commonplace).
- In the future, you can clarify to your audience by asking, "Are you single?" or "Are you flirting with girls other than me?"
Set personal boundaries. If you are surrounded by many people, they will definitely hurt you. However, you can reduce vulnerability by setting healthy personal boundaries. This boundary can be understood as your limit, that is, the things that you are not satisfied with.
- Make personal limit lists and be sure to share them with the people in your life.
Fight for the truth without feeling guilty. Deny feeling bad or apologizing for trying to fulfill your wishes or apologizing for setting boundaries in your relationship. Some people will feel offended or shocked when you criticize them for hurting and violating your boundaries.
- If this happens, don't feel guilty and let it discourage you too. You deserve to stand up for yourself and your emotional state.
Give up if he doesn't want to respect you. If a man does not dare admit that he hurts you, or if he continues to cross your boundaries, then it's best to keep some distance from him. Explain clearly to the person that if he doesn't respect you, he is no longer allowed to be in your life.
- This step is really difficult to take, but you need to do it to set your boundaries and maintain your self-esteem.
- Talk to a counselor if you're having trouble letting go of someone who doesn't respect your boundaries.
