Content

• Steps
• Advice
• Warning

There are many reasons why our self-perception is not consistent with the perception of others. We may lack self-awareness, as often forming habits without noticing. We can deceive ourselves to block out useless thoughts and feelings. Or we only have limited vision, as a particular behavior may be the result of many motivations. It's okay to judge yourself the way others see you; however, this takes courage and a deep understanding.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Increase understanding by giving feedback

1. 

   Ask a friend to participate in listening for feedback. Respondent listening is a method first developed by Carl Rogers. It involves conveying the speaker's tacit feelings or intentions. The purpose of expressing or restating what the listener thinks the speaker is saying is to provide an opportunity to clarify the speaker's intentions. This is beneficial for both the listener and the speaker. Hearing the message repeated over and over allows us to have the opportunity to listen to ourselves and decide if we are happy with the message we are sharing with others.
   • Your friends do not need to be trained by the therapist Rogerian; You just have to ask them to listen, interpret the message, and identify the underlying emotion, without judging or having an opinion on a particular topic.
   • If they don't seem to be able to capture your emotions, you will have plenty of opportunities to clarify your point. Continue talking until you are satisfied that you help them understand. You will be surprised that you understand yourself better by the end of the activity.

2. 

   
   
   Participate in systematic feedback to analyze the results of your behavior. Report the behavior in a particular situation, and then write down some of the consequences or outcomes. Making a list of behaviors and outcomes will help you organize your thoughts. Will the results or consequences be beneficial? If not, define your behavior to achieve the desired results.
   • This will help you better understand your behavioral patterns and provide a framework for changing harmful behavior.

3. 

   
   
   Taking personality tests is a fun way to explore yourself. You will find a lot of such activities out there. Although they are rarely valid or reliable, they do help to guide your inner intentions. Doing this activity with a friend is fun and gives the opportunity to give feedback on how others see you.
   • Taking quizzes with friends allows you to test whether your self-perception really matches other people's perceptions of you. Ask your friends to answer a few questions that may apply to you, while you do quizzes for yourself. You can then compare answers and discuss cases where your answers do not match.
   • Reflection only requires an inner focus of attention, but some people find this quite difficult. Quiet meditation alone can actually improve your sense of self and other people's cognitive understanding of you. If you don't have the habit of meditating on your behavior, you may find this ineffective and uncomfortable. Participating in organized exercise will help you feel better.

4. 

   
   
   Ask for frank feedback and take notes. People often refrain from criticism or highlight responses without regard to other people's feelings. That is why it can be difficult to understand how others view you. This means that you must allow others to share the truth without paying attention to your feelings. You could try explaining to them you are on a self-discovery journey, and you want to know the truth no matter how painful it is. Telling them this is part of the process for getting to know yourself better. Taking notes will allow you to compare answers from different friends over time. This will give you more insight into your behavior and help you track changes.
   • If the person giving feedback is still hesitant, direct him / her to respond. Ask them to identify your strengths. Then, ask them about your weaknesses. Take a constructive approach by asking for advice on how to fix your weakness.
   • It's best to practice with someone who knows you well and you believe they won't use this as an opportunity just to be mean.
   • Be prepared to listen to some unpleasant things before asking questions. If you become defensive, the exercise won't help.If you feel you are turning defensive, remember that this is your chance to grow.
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Method 2 of 3: Understand reflection

1. 

   Appreciate the value of reflection. We are actually biologically linked to reflect another person. Reflective neurons become excited when we connect with others. This sometimes leads to mimic physical manifestations and allows us to experience someone else's inner emotional state. This is the biological basis for empathy. We understand the feelings of others by how we feel them ourselves. This is due to the connection we feel when we share personal stories with each other. Empathy helps us to develop compassion and establish relationships.
   • The inner experience of reflection often happens spontaneously and out of control. This means it happens often, whether you like it or not, and can affect your outward behavior without your awareness.

2. 

   Know how your reflection is influencing your behavior. As you get to know yourself better, you will find that reflections affect posture, style, speech, feelings, and even breathing. This is basically fine, but in some cases you may find yourself adopting the negative emotions of others and the emotional experience intensifies as the people around you become increasingly agitated. If you find that thoughts or feelings about a particular person or problem become more negative after interacting with others, consider whether any changes have occurred in those situations, or You may be receiving too much negativity from the person.
   • Although the inner experience of reflection is often automatic, you can still control the outward manifestations. You can choose to react against the reflection.

3. 

   Ask a friend to watch you interact with others and take note of the exaggerated or awkward expressions of reflection. These important notes will help you and your friends become more aware of the particular behavior you're looking to change. Then make some cues, like pulling your ears, so your friends can warn you and make you more conscious when you're inappropriately imitating. Then you can actively change your behavior.
   • Determine when reflection is reinforcing specific reactions or perceptions of concealment. Since reflection occurs largely outside of perception, changes in the manifestations of reflection unintentionally affect other people's impressions of us. Those who fail to show signs of reflection may be viewed as cold and emotionless, while those who energetically reflect can be seen as being overly active, aggressive, or unstable. concentration or discomfort.
   • If you find your impressions are misleading because of incorrect types of reflection, you will either have to accept someone else's characterization of you, or consciously change the type of reflection. Perhaps you need to be active in order to increase or decrease your imitation of others. You can practice increasing or decreasing imitation with close friends.

4. 

   Reduce the type of backlash. Reflection can become cyclical for face-to-face interactions. When one person becomes agitated, so does the other. Then the interaction became more and more tense, typically the increased volume, more pressure on words, aggressive language, and more exaggerated hand gestures and facial expressions. If you get caught up in these kinds of intense interactions easily, you should consider whether such an interaction can represent your true feelings. Whether the other person witnessed your strong emotions or ran away to match the reflection. When you know your engagement is no longer showing true feelings, you can lower the tone of the conversation. The great thing about realizing a time when reflection represents bad thoughts and feelings is this: you can then use the same cyclical nature of reflection to change the way you interact. This is a way to control impressions and make sure others are judging you correctly.
   • If the discussion turns out more negative than you'd like, you can open up with a positive note. An occasional gentle smile will induce a similar reaction.
   • Gradually lower the volume and speak softly to ease the intensity of the emotions.
   • Laughter spreads the humor to others to lighten the mood.
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Method 3 of 3: Acknowledge projections

1. 

   Engage in responsive listening as the listener to make sure your perception of the speaker is correct. Tell the speaker that you want feedback to make sure you understand them. This will create many opportunities for you to clarify your ideas and verify your perceptions with others.
   • Your responses to others may be distorted due to certain personal biases or projections. Sigmund Freud introduced projection as a defense mechanism and was later extended by Anna Freud. To avoid dealing with our own unacceptable or undesirable thoughts and feelings, we attribute them to others. This then paints our impressions of others' behavior and shapes how we react to them. This also affects how others perceive you. To make sure you are feeling the other person correctly and responding appropriately, you should find ways to verify your perceptions.

2. 

   Be honest with yourself. We deceive ourselves to protect our sense of self. We all possess qualities and display behaviors that we are not proud of. Carl Jung called the set of unpleasant qualities and unacceptable thoughts and feelings dark. Assigning our darkness to others helps us to relieve the guilt and shame we experience when we admit it. Others will not intentionally ignore parts of your personality. So denying them will only limit your ability to see yourself as others see you. If the other person is critical of jealousy, intolerance, or any other trait most of you want to deny, find out if you actually own them and accept it.
   • If something in your personality makes you tired enough to choose to lie or hide it, take action to change it. You must first acknowledge the features in order to change them.

3. 

   Ask others to help you understand yourself better. As with any habit, projections happen subconsciously. Once you admit it, ask someone else to help you understand yourself better by talking about the behavior.
   • In addition to attaching our thoughts and feelings to others, we sometimes incorporate other people's projections into our perceptions of ourselves. Maybe someone in your life puts negative feelings and emotions on you, so you react to that negativity. And then that person uses your reaction to verify your perceptions about you. Ask outsiders to observe your interactions with that person and share their opinions on motivations.
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Advice

• Invite a trusted friend in the exploration process. They can help identify traits and habits you didn't recognize.
• Keep a diary to analyze your behavior over time.
• Get feedback and criticism without being defensive.
• Get the best results from your exploration activities with the help of a consultant.

Warning

• We don't always like what we see when we honestly and objectively explore ourselves. Avoid procrastinating too long at an undesirable trait, and focus instead on opportunities for growth.
• Traumatic past events can make self-discovery difficult or painful. A mental health professional can help you through your trauma.