Content

• Steps
• Advice

A true friendship is like a cherry on an ice cream: thanks to it, our lives are sweeter. However, a fake friend can drain your energy, depressing and exhausting you every time you meet them. If you suspect that there is a fake friend in your association, find out the person's truth by observing their behavior and communication habits. Then, try to distance yourself from them to make room for friendships that will truly bring you happiness in your life.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Observe the person's behavior

1. 

   Ask yourself if that friend has always let you down. Fake friends can often lie, swallow promises, or disappear at times when you need them most. Take a look at this friendship over the past weeks or months. Are you constantly feeling down by their actions? If that's the case, you're probably dealing with a fake friend.
   • If the person disappoints you over and over again, you will have to determine which option is best - lower your expectations for the friendship or end the friendship with them.

   

   
   

   Klare Heston, LCSW

   Klare Heston Medical Social Worker is a licensed independent clinical social worker in Ohio. She received her Master of Social Work from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983.

   

   Klare Heston, LCSW
   Medical social worker

   Getting to know real friends is equally important. Clare Heston, a social worker, explains, “A true friend is someone who accompanies you both happy and sad times. They accept you, encourage you, and trust you. They will give you honest feedback but also respect your decision. They also have to accept your other friends and relatives. ”

2. 

   
   
   Pay attention to your behavior always putting yourself first. Rethink how you felt during and after you were with this friend. Do you often feel overlooked or ignored because they want to overwhelm you in every conversation or decision? If that's the case, then this friend didn't think of your rights at all.
   • You should have felt better after meeting your friends, not exhausted, tired, or upset.
   • If that friend can't seem to care about anyone but themselves, they probably just need the audience, not a friend.
   • Note, however, that your friend may only need time to mature. Maybe they will absorb gentle constructive suggestions. For example, try saying “There are times when I get frustrated when I hang out with each other because you are all about your talk. I feel like you don't want to listen to me. ”

3. 

   
   
   Notice your careless attitude. Enthusiasm and compassion are at the core of true friendship. If the person is often cold-hearted towards you, you may need to reread the friendship.
   • For example, they might fight you and wait for you to apologize. Obviously this is not an equal and healthy friendship.
   • Your ex may also leave you for the times when you need them the most, such as when you just broke up with your partner and they're happily partying and leaving you alone.

4. 

   See if they support you and think about your interests. Does your friend care about who you are? If so, they should go see your band perform and ask how your cheerleading competition went. They must also remember your birthdays and important events.
   • If the person looks down on or laughs at the things you love - or never shows up in events that you value highly - then they obviously don't support you.

5. 

   Think this friend accepts your flaws, or does he always bring your flaws out to criticize? Everyone makes mistakes sometimes.A good friend will be ready to give you time to relax, not repeat your mistakes. If your conversation with this person is just an endless loop around your flaws and mistakes, you probably need to keep some distance from them.
   • It's hard to expect easy forgiveness if we have hurt someone. However, good friends should not torment each other forever. If not, you may feel uncomfortable around them.

6. 

   Think about whether the person often makes you feel guilty. True friends have to understand that sometimes you are busy and don't have time to spend with them. That way, if the person tries to make you feel guilty when you deny them something or just can't hang out, it's hard to say it's a real friend.
   • Everyone is busy at times, so you don't have to feel guilty about being available all the time.
   • Take special note if your friend always asks you to be there when he or she needs it, but he or she doesn't respond similarly to you.
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Method 2 of 3: Identify problems in communication

1. Notice if they are uncomfortable talking to you. This includes small gestures in a fake friend.
   • When your friends talk about you, they may feel unnatural in front of you.
   • Notice if they move, twist their hair, or sweat their hands around you. Not all of these signs mean they're fake; maybe it's just their habit. If your friend has nail biting, that is not a sign they are pretending.
   • If they seem worried or don't look you in the eye, they are probably feeling guilty about something.

2. 

   Notice if your friend is listening or is just asking the opposite. Active listening is an important factor in building strong relationships. If you try to listen to your friend all the time but they don't respond properly to you, then they may not be sincere friends.
   • Pay attention when you talk to the person: are they constantly interrupting you? Are they not interested in what you say and move on to another topic?
   • Suppose you reach out to your friend to talk about news that is important to you. A fake friend might not want to hear you talk about that news - they just kept on talking to themselves.

3. 

   Set boundaries and pay attention to see if they respect it. To test someone's sincerity, set some limits on how they react. A true friend will be willing to accept and respect your personal boundaries.
   • For example, you could say “Hey man, I can't go out on Thursday every week from now on. I have to spend more time learning chemistry. ” Or "Can we stop talking about sex? I don't like talking about that. ”
   • If the friend continues to cross the line or refuses to understand, they may not be good friends.

4. 

   Look for signs of jealousy or jealousy. There are friends who are good friends when everyone is in fairly equal circumstances. However, the moment you excel at something, this friend immediately opens his claws. If they get upset, make fun of them, or show off when they see you succeed, then you won't be able to call them friends.
   • One obvious clue is to notice if they gossip about you. This may be a sign that they envy you.
     • Someone who whispers to you about another person may talk badly about you. A good friend talks about the good side instead of the bad side of others. Don't gossip with them.
   • You can perceive jealousy by feeling they are always competing with you, never motivating you, and you must always include them in all of your activities so that they don't feel left out.
   • A jealous friend may show an possessive attitude when you spend time with others. A good friend will never separate you from your other friends or loved ones.

5. 

   Identify behaviors passive aggression. Did they agree to help you with something but never did it? Have you ever felt like they were undercover destroying you? If it's a picture that depicts your friend, then this person may have a tendency to be passive-aggressive, a habit that really hurts a true friendship.
   • You cannot change someone's tendency to be aggressive and passively aggressive, so don't even give it a try. Try to stay away from such fake friends instead, and if you have to communicate with them, speak in an assertive tone.

6. 

   Note if your secrets are not revealed. Think back to whether your secrets often get out. If so, don't you have that fake friend?
   • You can even test your friend's trustworthiness by telling them a little "secret" and telling them to keep it private. If you see this being talked about somewhere, then you already know exactly who the leak was.
   • In addition, if this friend often tells you bad things about their other "friends", chances are you are having their back gossip.

7. 

   Think about how often they talk to you. How often does this friend keep in touch with you? This can vary from relationship to relationship, but generally speaking, good friends keep in touch. Besides, friends call each other to ask about each other, not just to ask for help.
   • If this person only calls you every time he or she needs to ask you for something, they may not be a good friend.
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Method 3 of 3: Building true friendships

1. 

   Re-evaluate friendship with fake friends. Ask yourself if you'd like to keep playing with a fake friend. Reflect on how you feel about being with that friend, whether they have done anything good in your life. If not, it is probably best to let this person get out of your life.
   • You can also consult with people you trust. Ask a parent, sibling, or close friend if you should break up with a fake friend.

2. 

   Talk to that friend. Tell the fake friend what you noticed in their behavior, remembering how their actions influenced you. Then you can decide on their reaction.
   • For example, if your friend seems to know the error and tries to make a change, you can give them a chance. On the contrary, if they deny or show carelessness, perhaps this friendship should end.

3. 

   Lower your expectations of your friendship so that you don't get hurt. To avoid wasting too much time and energy on fake friendships, adjust your expectations for certain people. By lowering your standards of friendship, you will no longer be frustrated or feel ignored. You can keep in touch with the person, but don't spend a lot of time in the relationship.
   • For example, you could just put this friend in a new category, such as "acquaintance". Once you start treating them just as acquaintances, you won't be sad anymore if they don't call you happy birthday.

4. 

   Connect with people with similar interests and values ​​that you value. Meet new people who share your interests by volunteering, signing up for a new class or joining a club. When dealing with new people, pay attention to how they interact to see if they have the same perception of value as you.
   • For example, if you put your friend in priority, notice if the person values ​​the person you are in front of you more than the "virtual" friend - for example, they don't constantly talk on the phone.
   • If you value sincerity, pay attention to whether your new friend lays or hides any information about yourself.

5. 

   Be cautious when sharing personal information with new friends. Knowing relationships can develop into deeper friendships when you are open to each other. However, you should do this with caution and slowly. You don't want to take the risk of sharing things too privately with someone who isn't sure you really are.
   • For example, try telling them about your career goals first to see if they responded similarly. As you become more confident, you can reveal more personal things, such as your health.
   • Aside from protecting your own interests, gradual disclosure is also the healthiest way to build a new relationship. Rarely is someone able to know someone's deepest secrets within the first week of acquaintance.
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Advice

• If your friend apologizes, give them a chance. Maybe they really know the mistake, and it's always good to give someone another chance.