Content

• Steps
• Advice

People talk about themselves 30-40% of the time. This number is very large. Research has shown that self-talk is strongly associated with increased activity in the dopamine mesolimbic system of the brain, the part of the brain that experiences a feeling of pleasure like food, sex, and money. . The good news is knowing how the brain works and how it responds means you're halfway done. Once you understand why, how can you begin to answer the question.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Recognize your behavior

1. 

   Observe your vocabulary. If you use the word me or mine in the story, you are not in possession of a real conversation. You are just talking about yourself. You should actively pay attention to this when chatting with others. In the end, the only way to stop a behavior is by realizing it.
   • However, there are some exceptions, such as the saying "I agree", or "I hear what you say", or "I think we should approach the problem this way." Proper use of "me" starting statements will show that you are attentive, interested, and that a conversation is a two-way process.
   • A great way to remember this is to tie a rubber band around your wrist. Whenever you find yourself using these words, snap the elastic in your hand. It will hurt a bit, but this is a certified psychological remedy.
   • Start with these steps while chatting with friends. Ask them to let you know when you've skipped a step, as friends provide the most support.

2. 

   
   
   Pay attention to the whole story. If the person is telling you a story about them, remember that this is their story, not yours. Remember, the person is sharing something important to them.

3. 

   Resist the urge to turn your attention away from you. This transition to the next stage is entirely natural. After learning how to use the words "I", "mine", and replacing them with "you" and "your", you should try to improve the transitions in the conversation. It can be easy to fall into the trap of turning your focus on yourself.
   • If your friend is telling you about their new SUV and how safe it is giving them, don't start saying that you prefer a luxury vehicle and talk about your Mercedes right away. ie.
   • Instead, you should say something like, "That's good. I really like the safety, style, and elegance of the sedan. Do you think SUVs are safer than sedans?". This statement will show that you are attentive and curious to know the other person's point of view.

4. 

   
   
   Don't talk about yourself too much. Sometimes, in conversation, it can be difficult not to talk about yourself. This is normal, however, you should not talk about yourself 100% of the time, but listen 100%. When you encounter this, try to divert the conversation away from you and go back to discussing the other person.
   • For example, if your friend asks about the car you use, you could say something like: "I drive a hybrid. It is very fuel efficient and has many other advantages such as being cheaper and not charged. meter parking. Would you like to buy one? ".
   • This response will keep you brief about yourself and redirect the question to your friend. In this way, you are turning the person into the controller of the story.

5. 

   
   
   Find a more helpful way to present your thoughts and opinions. You have to be a good, positive listener, but you also need to present your own thoughts and opinions. If you are trying not to talk much about yourself, you should try some measures such as journaling, joining an open mic event (an event for any person who loves the feeling of chatting in public) , and submit your report or essay, as it may provide you with opportunities. At the same time, this will also encourage you to focus carefully on what you want to say, rather than just speaking for the sake of being told in the short term. advertisement

Method 2 of 3: Change your approach to the story

1. 

   Forge cooperation instead of competition. Conversation should not become a struggle to see who is allowed to talk about you and who talks the most. You should think of it this way: when you're a kid, you take turns playing toys or video games. The dialogue process is similar. If it's your opponent's turn, let them speak. Take your turn slowly, as the conversation is a two-way process, but allow the other person the same amount of time as you to talk about yourself, and fully pay attention to the person.
   • Do not approach this process as if you were trying to convince the person that your idea or way of seeing / working is completely correct. Instead, learn and develop from the person's opinion.
   • Do not manipulate the story for your own plan and only rely on your own opinion.
   • Consider this approach: both are teammates, and are trying to find the answer. Conversation is like a sport, it would be more fun to interact with each other, rather than against each other.

2. 

   Find something you can learn from. The old saying goes "you cannot learn anything new while you are speaking". You already know your point of view. To extend, change, or validate it, you need to allow others to state their opinion.
   • For example, when discussing dinner, you might say, "I want to order an appetizer, because I will be able to taste the many flavors prepared by the chef. What do you think?". (After that, wait for them to answer). "That's interesting; why do you think that?".
   • Certainly your response will depend on what the other person said, but you can keep polling the person so you can better understand why they think and feel. , and so believe.

3. 

   Ask questions. You cannot talk about yourself if you ask a well-established question. It requires the opponent to be on the spot. This method will take the saying "looking for something you can learn, not say" to a new level.
   • This not only turns the person you're talking to, but allows them to dig deeper into their knowledge / feelings / beliefs, and in turn, strengthen their connection.
   • Pay attention to the present moment and listen as the person answers your question. Usually, this involves an open mindset with more questions, and results in a positive experience for everyone involved.

4. 

   Tell your partner about the world through your own gaze. This may sound the opposite of what you are trying to learn, but talking about yourself and your worldview are two completely different things.
   • You should try to state your views, such as, "I see a two-party system as a limitation in choosing, and narrow down my ability to speak up and express my own views in the political system. ". Then you can continue, "What do you think about this in our state system?"
   • Once you have presented your unique point of view, you should use the lessons you learned from the conversation to get the other person to talk more about their opinion. Then, poll their perspectives with questions aimed at finding out more. This is the way to talk about your ideas to a higher level.
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Method 3 of 3: Use a chat-specific tool

1. 

   Take note of the person's point of view. Think of it as a credit card. How happy do you think the person you're talking to if you pay for their guidance and opinion? They will definitely feel very good about themselves. They will have a similarly great feeling when you take note of their opinion.
   • Thank the person for the suggestions or advice. If your friend recommends a restaurant, you should say to the person you're traveling with, "X said we should come here. Isn't it great?".
   • Always note success when it happened. If you do well on a project in your company, you can say something like, "I have a wonderful team working with me; they have made this success."

2. 

   Praise others. You have to possess altruism and the ability to perceive the strengths of others in order to do this. This will pay more attention to the person you're talking to and feel pretty good about communicating with you, because they know you'll say good things about them, too. Some examples of compliments include:
   • "Doesn't Giang look pretty in that dress? It's amazing. And, actually it's not worth anything compared to her witty!"
   • "I think An's thoughts on the earth are heating up deeply and contain many potential solutions. Why don't we join her? I think you'll find her real. attractive".

3. 

   Pay attention to the art of listening. Listen, really listen, is an art. It requires you to let go of yourself and your thoughts, and focus only on what others are saying. This effort will allow you to truly immerse yourself in the conversation. Your need to talk about yourself will fade and disappear.
   • Make a pact with yourself that you won't speak unless the other person turns their attention to you. Then, make another treaty: you'll reverse the process and return to listening to the person speak.

4. 

   Use active listening techniques. This means being fully focused on the other person's words and you must respond to the person by either interpreting or restating their main point.
   • You can also add a few sentences when you finish the interpretation using another phrase: meaning; so; this will require; so you will; etc., and state your thoughts about what will happen next.
   • Nonverbal cues such as nodding, smiling, and facial / physical expressions will let the other person know that you are paying attention and feeling what the person is saying.

5. 

   Ask questions. It is also important to ask questions to give the other person more time to talk about their topic, and there are many different types of questions, including:
   • Closed question. They are usually a "yes or no" question type. They will be answered one way or the other, and the series of questions will end here.
   • Open question. They will give your partner plenty of room to talk more about what they're talking about and give you a clearer understanding of their topic. This question usually begins with phrases like: "How did you see ... how?", Or "What do you think / Why do you think that way about ..."

6. 

   Confirm everything the person says. Depending on the situation and the topic you are talking about. You should treat it as a personal or general claim.
   • • Friend (Personal): "Well, it takes a lot of courage to see yourself openly and admit it like that".
     • You (General): "This is one of the most insightful analysis of a problem I have ever known".
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Advice

• The key to not talking about yourself is empathy. You need to understand how others will react to what you say.
• Count the number of times that you use the word "I" in the story. You'll notice how badly the problem is and can minimize it.