Content

• Steps
• Advice
• Warning

Being a good listener will help you feel the world through the eyes of others. This quality enhances understanding and broadens your empathy. It also helps you connect closely with the outside world by improving your communication skills. Good listening skills help you understand the other person's situation more deeply and help you know what to say or avoid. Listening (and feeling) seems simple enough, but doing it well, especially when disagreements arise, requires sincere effort and a lot of practice. If you want to know how to listen effectively, read on to get ready !!

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Listening with an open mind

1. 

   Put yourself in other people's shoes. It's easy to immerse yourself in yourself and only consider the impact of how others "say" about you. It is your inner thoughts that prevent active listening. Instead, you need to open up and see the problem from the other's point of view: and assume if you were them, you would be able to come to terms with it much more quickly. Listening also helps you become a better friend, by getting to know your friend better.
   • Remember that you have two ears and one mouth for a reason. This means that you should listen more than you talk. It is more beneficial to listen than to talk. When you hear others speak, engage in conversation and make eye contact so they know that you care about what the person is saying (even if you're not paying attention, it's still polite) . A listener is a person who is better at observing and therefore is also more attentive and understanding. Make sure you're really listening, not doing anything else. Try to make sure that you fully pay attention to the person who is speaking and that you are not distracted.
   • Instead of immediately judging the person talking or coming up with an immediate "solution", take time to listen and consider the story from the person's point of view. Think about how you would feel if someone was quietly evaluating you. This will help you truly listen to others, instead of shaping your own opinion before really understanding the situation ahead.

2. 

   
   
   Avoid comparing other people's experiences with your own. While you may think that in order to really listen, it's best to compare the other person's experience with your own, but this is completely wrong. If people are telling stories of mourning, you can share a little bit, but avoid saying things like, "That's exactly what happened to me ..." Could this be considered insulting? emotionless, especially when you compare a really serious issue with your shallow experience, like comparing someone else's divorce with your three-month relationship, that is. will make the speaker feel uncomfortable.
   • You may think this is the best way to grasp the situation and be helpful, but this approach is somewhat rude and can make the speaker feel like you're not listening at all.
   • Avoid using the pronoun "I" over and over. This is a clear sign that you are paying more attention to yourself than on someone else's situation.
   • Of course, if the other person knows that you have encountered a similar problem, they may actively ask for your opinion. In this case, you can offer your personal opinion, but be careful not to behave as though your experiences and people are the same. Doing so will make you look like you're trying to make it seem useful.

3. 

   
   
   Don't try to help right away. Some people think that while they are listening, they should also be willing to find a quick and easy solution to the other person's problem. However, instead of having that attitude, you should accept their story as it is, and while listening, you can slowly think about "solutions" - but only do so when the person asks for your help. this way. If you only think about temporary solutions to people's problems, then you will not really listen.
   • Focus on accepting everything that is said to you. Only by doing that, you can really find a way to help.

4. 

   
   
   Please sympathize. Show your partner you care by nodding slightly at appropriate times, letting them know that you are listening. Also say short sentences like "Yes / Yes" when the person is talking about something they want you to agree to (notice their tone of voice to know) or "Wow" when they're talking about a bad or sad story. happened to them. Saying these words will show them that you are not only listening but also paying attention. Respond at the appropriate times, gently, so you don't appear overbearing and annoying. If people are sad, try to be as sympathetic as possible and comfort them. However, on the other hand, most people do not like being pitied by others. Therefore, when comforting others, do not appear superior to them.

5. 

   Remember what you are told. A key part of effective listening is actually absorbing the information the other person is telling you. For example, if the person talks about your problem to your best friend, Jake, and you've never met this Jake, at least you should at least remember the name to call him later - as if you're familiar with story. If you do not remember any names, details or important events, it is likely that you are not listening.
   • It's okay if you don't have a sharp memory. However, if you keep pausing to ask for clarification or to forget who is who you are, it is clear that you will not feel like you are a good listener. You don't have to remember every little detail, but you shouldn't let the person you're talking to feel like they've had to repeat themselves a million times.

6. 

   Stay tuned for the story. Another important point of a good listener is to not just listen to people talking and then stop thinking about it next time, do more than that. If you really want to show that you care, the next time you and the person are alone, ask them about the last time, or even take the initiative to text or call to see how things are going.If it's a serious case like getting divorced, looking for a job, or even a health complication, it's fine to show that you are interested by asking, even if not asked. However, do not be offended if the other person does not want to, accept their decision, but also tell them that you are always there to help them.
   • The person you talk to may be touched if you really think about them even if you haven't met and even ask how they're doing. This takes your listening skills to the next level.
   • Of course, there is a difference between grasping the situation and nagging people. If someone tells you she's about to quit her job, don't send a text every day asking if she's gone, because you're giving people unnecessary pressure and making things go wrong. stress, instead of helping.

7. 

   Know your limits. To be a good listener, knowing what you need to avoid is just as helpful as knowing what to do. If you want the speaker to take you seriously and think you are respecting them, here are some common things to avoid:
   • Don't interrupt when someone else is talking.
   • Don't question the speaker. Instead, gently ask questions as needed (i.e. in between gaps or pauses when the other person doesn't say anything).
   • Don't try to change the subject, even if it's a bit uncomfortable.
   • Avoid saying "It's not that bad" or "You'll feel better tomorrow morning." This only trivializes the person's problem and makes them feel bad. Make eye contact with the person so they realize that you are interested and listening.
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Part 2 of 3: Know what to say

1. 

   First, don't say anything. This may sound obvious and boring, but one of the biggest obstacles to listening is resisting the urge to say unexpected thoughts. Similarly, many people show false sympathy by sharing their own similar experiences. These two "blunt" responses both seem helpful, but are often overused and eventually overused.
   • Set aside your needs, and Wait patiently until the other person confides in their own way, at their own pace.

2. 

   Assure your partner that you will keep it completely secret. If they tell you something quite personal or important, make it clear that you are a trustworthy, quiet person. Tell them they can trust you, that they tell you only two people know, and you guarantee your words. If your partner is not sure whether to trust you or not, the chances of them opening up are quite low. Also, don't force anyone to fall in love with you, it just makes them upset or angry.
   • Of course, when you say you will keep someone's affairs absolutely secret, do so, unless situations arise where you cannot keep your word, such as the person attempting to commit suicide and that makes you deep concern. In general, however, if you are unreliable, you will never be a good listener.

3. 

   When you open wordsPlease encourage the other person. It is important to use empathetic sounds to respond at appropriate times in the conversation, so that the speaker does not feel that you are not listening. You should "summarize and reiterate" or "repeat and support" the main points. Doing so will help smooth the conversation and make the other person less shy about talking. Here are the things you should do:
   • Repeat and motivate: Repeat what the other person said, and at the same time, provide positive feedback that encourages you. For example, you could say something like: "I can see that you don't want to blame me. Me neither." However, do not abuse this technique. It's a good idea to use sympathetic response signals every once in a while to encourage conversation, because if you do it too much, you will appear noble.
   • Summarize and repeat: It is extremely helpful to summarize your understanding of the problem the "narrator" has said and repeat it in your own words. By doing this, you assure the other person that you are truly listening and "understanding". This also gives them the opportunity to correct any assumptions or misconceptions you have made.
   • Make sure the chances are open to you with statements like "Maybe I'm wrong, but ..." or "... If I'm wrong, correct it." This is especially helpful when you find yourself getting discouraged or have a feeling that the subject you're listening to is wavering.

4. 

   Ask meaningful and encouraging questions. Don't probe or put people on the defensive. Instead, use questions as a means to help the speaker come to his or her own conclusions about the issues posed. This will help the other person to make their own decisions without looking too judgmental or forced. Here are a few things to keep in mind:
   • After you show your partner that you listen sympathetically, it's time to move on to the next step, listening with encouragement: Repeat what you asked. For example, "You don't want to be held responsible. But I don't understand why you feel guilty, you should have just told people not to do that."
   • Expressing the question in this way makes the speaker feel the need to respond directly to the missing understanding your. In the process, the other person will begin to turn answers from emotional to more rational and constructive.

5. 

   Wait for the person to speak. To encourage a positive response, an active listener needs great patience and allows the speaker to create his own complete flow of thoughts, feelings, and ideas. Chances are, at first they are just like a small stream of water, but a full stream of emotions takes time to form. If you pressure too soon or ask too many private and tentative questions, the desired effect will actually be reversed at first, the other person will feel shy and reluctant to share the problem. any information period.
   • Keep patient and put yourself in the shoes of the "speaker". Sometimes, it helps you to imagine why they might be in that situation.

6. 

   Don't interrupt and state your feelings or thoughts about the "story." Instead, wait for the other person to ask for advice before interrupting their conversation. When actively listening, listeners must temporarily put aside their opinions and wait patiently for reasonable pauses in the conversation. At that time, recap what the other person said or give sympathetic approval.
   • If you interrupt the person too soon, they will get frustrated and will not fully accept what you say. People are willing to end the conversation, because you annoyed and distracted them.
   • Avoid giving direct advice (unless you're asked to). Instead, let the other person tell all of the situation and find solutions for themselves. This is convenient for both sides. This process will lead to beneficial changes and help to understand yourself for the speaker and you as well.

7. 

   Please reassure the speaker. Whatever the conclusion of the conversation, let the speaker know that you are happy to hear and be a counselor. Make it clear that you are willing to discuss further if necessary, but that you will never put pressure on the other person. Additionally, be sure to tell the speaker that you definitely won't say a half word about the discussion. Even if people are in a bad situation and saying something like "It's all going to be fine" doesn't sound completely appropriate, you can reassure them by saying that you're here to settle. listen and help.
   • You can even tap the opponent's hand or knee, wrap your arm around them, or gently touch the reassuring way. Do whatever is appropriate for the situation. However, when it comes to touch, don't go too far.
   • Offer to help with any possible solution if you have the ability, time and expertise. However, don't create false hopes. If the only support you can offer is to continue acting as an active listener, make that clear. This is, in itself, a very valuable help.

8. 

   When giving advice, keep in mind that your advice should be neutral and not influenced too much by your personal experience. Think about what is best for the speaker, don't lean on the experience you have even if it can be helpful. advertisement

Part 3 of 3: Using Right Body Language

1. 

   Make eye contact. Eye contact is especially important when you are listening. If you give your friend the impression that you don't care and don't care, they may never open up to you again. When someone talks to you, keep eyeing them in their eyes and they'll know for sure that you are swallowing every word. Even if the subject of a conversation isn't interesting to you, at least respect the other person and really listen to what they say.
   • Just focus your eyes, ears and thoughts on the speaker, and become a good listener. Don't try to think about what you will say next, but pay attention to what the other person is saying. (Remember, this is their business, not yours.)

2. 

   Pay attention to the speaker completely. If you want to be a good listener, it is important that you create a space that is both physically and mentally beneficial. Remove all distractions and pay full attention to the person who has something to tell you. Switch off communication devices (including phones) and arrange to talk in a quiet place. Once the two of you have faced each other, stop thinking and pay attention to what the other person is saying. Show them you can help them.
   • Choose a place where the two of you won't be disturbed or have someone else distract you. If you go to the coffee shop, make sure you are attentive to the person you talk to, not the interesting people entering and leaving the store.
   • If you are talking in a public place such as a restaurant or a coffee shop, avoid sitting near a television broadcast. Even if you've decided to give your opponents wholehearted attention, it's hard to avoid giving a single glance at the television, especially when your favorite sports team is playing.

3. 

   Use body language to encourage the speaker. Nodding shows you understand what the other person is saying, and this gesture will encourage them to continue. Adjusting the person's posture, position, and body movements to match the speaker (imitating) will help them relax and open up more. Try looking them in the eye. Not only does this show you are listening, it also shows that you really care about what they are saying.
   • Another way to use encouraging body language is to direct your body toward the speaker. The act of averting your face makes you appear anxious to leave. For example, if you cross your legs, keep your feet facing the speaker instead of moving away.
   • Don't fold your arms across your chest. This will make you appear distant and skeptical, even if you don't really feel that way.

4. 

   Actively listen to show that you care. Active listening requires participation from both your body and your face - both yourself and the speaker. You can be quiet while making it clear that you are following each other's word. Here's how you can make the most of the situation by being an active listener:
   • Language: You don't have to say "Um", "I see" or "Yes" every 5 seconds - as it gets annoying over time, but sometimes you can say a few encouraging words to shows that I am paying attention. If the person you are talking to is really important to you, you will definitely take notice and help them figure out how to solve the problem if any.
   • Emotion: Show concern and take the speaker's eye from time to time. Don't overwhelm them by staring, but respond in a friendly and open way to what you hear.
   • Realize the implications: Always be on the lookout for things that are not being said as well as for cues that can help you assess the speaker's true feelings. Observe the facial and body expressions of the "teller" to try to gather all the information you need, not just in terms of words. Imagine what mental state would produce such expressions, movements, and volume.
   • Please tell with the approximate energy level of the opponent. This way, they will know that the message has been conveyed, without needing to be repeated.

5. 

   Don't assume that the other person will open up immediately. Be patient and willing to listen without giving any advice.
   • Try to repeat what the other person is saying to confirm exactly what they mean. Sometimes, the same word is used but the meaning is opposite. The best way to confirm and avoid misunderstandings is to repeat what the other person is saying, so that they know if you are listening and that the two of you are on the same page.
   • Consider the other person's situation. If they are sensitive, don't behave like "whip."
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Advice

• People don't listen to understand but listen to answer. Please consider that.
• Listening is one of the most important skills if you want to advance in your career and build meaningful relationships with others.
• Never give "great" advice yourself (unless asked). People just want to be heard, not to class.
• Other people telling you their problem doesn't necessarily mean what they want or need you to fix. Sometimes they just need one person to talk to.
• When the other person is speaking, if you think about what to say next, you are not listening. Your ability to help people is very small.
• From now on, listen to the person talking to you and the surroundings, you will be impressed by what you hear. Just watch and listen to see what they say and do. You will learn a lot just by listening.
• Don't impose your advice on others.
• While others are talking, don't interrupt by asking questions or telling your life story.
• Make eye contact with your partner and nod once more to show that you are particularly interested and want to hear more.
• Let the other person want to say as much as they want before "attack" them with questions. Before trying to say anything, get permission from the other person.

Warning

• Do not exercise great when the other person is telling you something very important to them. Telling you sacred things means that people have a feeling that they can trust you. So if you disrespect them in any way or appear disinterested (even if you didn't do it on purpose), they'll think they can't tell you anything. more. This will deactivate the friendship between the two of you or decrease the chances of the two becoming friends. If the topic is very important to your partner, you may want to make certain opinions based on their facial expressions and try to agree with them.
• Must make eye contact. If you don't make eye contact with the other person, they will get the feeling that you're not listening.
• Even if you find that the story the other person is sharing is "too long", and it is difficult for you to pay attention any longer, do your best to shake off this thought and listen to what they're saying. You may not know it, but chances are you will be greatly appreciated for having heard what people have to say. Listening helps strengthen the relationship between you two.
• Try to clear your mind and pay attention to the other person fully; Try to focus as if your life depended on it
• If the other person has not finished speaking and you have already given a clear response, then you have not been really listening for a while. Try to wait until people finish speaking before expressing their views or speaking up. Clear your mind: Leave it blank and start over.
• Don't just say "Yep", "Yes" or nod because people will think that you are not paying attention, not paying attention and not really listening.