Content

• Steps

Co-dependency is a behavior that people learn from each other, and often happens in the family.Once deeply ingrained, it can be passed down through generations. In essence, co-dependence is a behavioral issue that affects a person's ability to build healthy and mutually beneficial relationships. If a loved one in your family is co-dependent, you may feel overwhelmed or manipulated. Breaking this vicious circle can be quite difficult. You can overcome it, though, as long as you recognize and detach yourself from co-dependent behaviors.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Interacting with family members

1. 

   Recognize co-dependent behavior through books. To realize co-dependence, you need to know what it looks like. Not only does self-study about this issue help you realize if your family member fits the description, it also helps you understand their xinxing. Only a mental health professional can diagnose co-dependence, but some prominent symptoms include:
   • Poor self-esteem
   • Always try to make others happy
   • Little or no individual boundaries
   • Use care as an instrument of control
   • Misery emotion

2. 

   
   
   Understand that you cannot cure a family member's codependency. Co-dependence is a psychological condition. Like any other psychological illness, you cannot cure it or eliminate it completely. Your family member may not even realize that the problem is; instead, they assume that they are getting along well with you and the rest of the family.
   • Don't expect the person to see their behavior as co-dependent unless they make the same conclusion about themselves. Trying them to see your way of thinking might only make things worse.
   • This condition can now be improved with psychotherapy. However, your family member may not seek treatment on their own until they realize they have no other options.

3. 

   
   
   Consider the source of co-dependence. Usually, you won't feel like you have to endure emotional manipulation in any way. However, be aware that the codependent person may not know that they are manipulating you. In their mind, they always assume that they are supportive and do what's best for you. When you find out whether the person is manipulating you intentionally or unintentionally, it will be easier to imagine how you would like to interact with them.
   • Don't take this to try and correct their behavior in your mind. You just need to remember that a codependent person does not operate the mind the same way you do. Their actions are affected by psychological problems.

4. 

   
   
   Consider whether you influence co-dependency behavior. In some cases, codependency can be an attempt to atone for the error of someone else's behavior, with even more negative consequences. Honestly think about whether you were involved in any activity or behavior that worsened the person's co-dependence.
   • Co-dependency, for example, often occurs in addicted parents and spouses. Co-dependents may feel an obligation to take care of the addict, since they fear what might happen if they do not.
   • Think honestly about what behaviors and tendencies you have that are making that person's co-dependency worse. If so, you may be part of a co-dependency relationship.

5. 

   Stay away from your family. Separating doesn't mean you will never see or talk to the person again. Instead, this means separating the family from their manipulative behaviors. Respond selectively only what is part of their personality, and ignore the things of codependency.
   • For example, if your mother asks for your opinion about fashionable footwear, this is a normal and healthy interaction. If she comes to your house to change all your shoes because she believes they are not supporting her feet well, this is co-dependency.

6. 

   Set personal boundaries. You can tell your family about these boundaries, or not. However, you should take time to set boundaries that you are comfortable with. Take into consideration your personal health and ask yourself what you need to be physically and mentally healthy every day. Set your boundaries based on those things.
   • For example, if you really need every evening of the week to relax and be alone, set the line that you won't answer phone calls, text messages, or use social media after a certain hour during a time. day.
   • If you want to let your family member know about your boundaries, state them as a fact. You don't have to figure out how to rationalize those things. You just have to tell them, "I decided I won't use the phone and the computer after 7pm." Then, stick to this rule whether they agree or not.
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Method 2 of 3: Getting out of co-dependency situations yourself

1. 

   Find the right way to say no. Part of co-dependency relationships is familiarity and "agitation". So, in some situations, you should refuse and stay away from co-dependents in the home, at least temporarily. The right way to say no will depend on the situation, but when things get uncomfortable, walk away.
   • In some cases, when co-dependent behaviors are not threatening or directed at yourself, you can respond calmly. For example, you could say: "Sorry but I'm not comfortable doing that", or "Yes, I see you disagree with me, we will stop the discussion".
   • In case you feel the need to exit quickly, a simple "No" or "I can't do it" is enough. You don't owe anyone an explanation. Your family member may react very urgently, but you are not obligated to satisfy their feelings.

2. 

   Practice non-violent communication. Violent communication is harmful communication, often through oppressive or manipulative language. You can get out of codependency by practicing non-violent communication. This can inactivate violent communication, and you will avoid the control of codependency.
   • Non-violent communication depends on expressing your feelings without blaming or blaming others, but also on expressing your needs in a sympathetic and shared way.
   • For example, instead of saying "I want to control you all the time! Stop it!", You could say "When I hear you say that, I feel like I'm not free at all. Making this decision is very important to me. Can you let me do that? " Using statements that begin with "I / I ..." will help you to make your point better without blaming or making your family member feel defensive.

3. 

   Separate for a longer period of time. If your family member's co-dependency is controlling or choking your life, you may want to selectively separate from them in some ways. However, it's better for you if you detach from them completely for a longer period of time. It could be a day or a year, depending on their behavior and your needs.
   • In these situations, you might consider how detached you want to be. For example, you might specify that you don't want to be with the person without other people, or you simply feel like you don't want to be around them at all.
   • Always leave if you feel you might be in danger.
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Method 3 of 3: Maintain healthy relationships

1. 

   Determine that changes will be slow. Changing co-dependent behavior will be slow, but believe that your attitude can encourage change. However, keep in mind that this change will often involve coping with extreme emotions and overcoming great fears. This is not easy and takes time.
   • At first, co-dependent people may respond with anger or anger.Do your best not to react to those emotional outbursts. These are fear-derived reactions and you should not let them influence you.
   • If there are times when you feel confused, try not to get angry. Instead, take a deep breath and think carefully about what you intend to say. If necessary, you can ask for permission to go outside for a minute until you are calm enough to return to your current situation.

2. 

   Focus on your own health and well-being. When dealing with a family member who is co-dependent, sometimes you will forget about your health. Don't let their actions distract you from everyday tasks like work and study. In addition to the daily tasks, choose one every day for yourself and stick to them.
   • For example, you could go for a jog and go home in the hot tub at night. Find things that both prioritize your own health and help you relax and get rid of the stress that your family member brings.
   • These will become a form of self-care, and it is very important to face and free yourself from codependency.

3. 

   Treat the rest of your home as if they are emotionally mature. Just because one family member is co-dependent does not mean that other people are. Don't let the behavior of the co-dependent influence how you interact with the rest of your family. Treat them as if they are emotionally mature, unless they give you a reason not to.
   • For example, you might want to ask someone to help you frankly instead of going through a separate process to avoid being manipulated.
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