Content

• Steps

Narcissists are people who consider themselves "the navel of the universe", they are overly self-centered, always in need of attention and admiration but lack empathy. They are very narcissistic and vulnerable to criticism. If you marry an overly narcissistic husband, hopefully this article can help you handle or control his behavior.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Knowing how a relationship is toxic

1. 

   Determine if your husband is selfish. Narcissists are often extremely selfish, thinking only for themselves. Their egos are too big; They always crave attention and admiration. They are very arrogant and are always looking for ways to be top or get what they want. For that reason, a narcissist husband may not love you as much as he loves himself. He is only concerned with his own needs and interests and does not take into account your own needs and interests.
   • People who love themselves too much are also lacking empathy, they don't know how to put themselves in other people's shoes or understand and care about other people's feelings.

2. 

   
   
   See if your husband is overly jealous. Narcissists are often obsessed with the idea of ​​always taking the lead and being praised, so they often get jealous when they see others succeed. This personality can lead to possessive and even mistreatment behaviors.

3. 

   
   
   Ask yourself if your husband is controlling or manipulative. Narcissistic husbands can find ways to manipulate their wives by isolating them from friends and family, thereby forcing their wives to depend on them. The husband may also try to control and control his wife by not showing affection or concern for his wife.
   • Some narcissistic husbands may use tricks of verbal and emotional abuse of their wives. They will make you suffer or torment to dominate you.
   • They can also resort to rage to manipulate and manipulate you.

4. 

   
   
   Think if your husband is a liar. Narcissists often use lies to manipulate their spouse. They only tell half the truth or make up a completely different version of the truth so that they do not have to be held responsible for anything. Sometimes the wife is blamed. This adversely affects the wife, because in the end the wife must bear all the responsibilities, mistakes and guilt. advertisement

Part 2 of 3: Dealing with a narcissistic husband

1. 

   Talk to your husband. As husband and wife, you can talk openly and frankly about problems that arise. You need to keep your cool when you talk to him. Be sure to use a persuasive voice and a gentle demeanor to express that you are upset that your relationship is going on like this. Avoid using accusing tone and words. Narcissists often do not handle criticism well.
   • Tell your husband how selfish he feels. Try saying things like "I need to talk to you about how you behave. I feel very sad because ..." If you suspect that he's cheating on you or spending too much time with other women, Try saying, "You occupy a very important position in my heart. I often hear you talking to her and I'm afraid I'm not enough for you." If your husband says things that hurt you, you Please say "I take your opinion very seriously; when I hear you say that, I feel petty and worthless in your eyes." Try not to shout out angry with her husband. Your feelings of hurt and fears are a much more effective way to communicate.
   • Consider your husband's reactions and moods on a scale of 1-10. If his anger or frustration is 3 or higher, wait a while before suggesting a solution. It is counterproductive if you bring up the issue when your husband is agitated.

2. 

   Ask questions to find out why your husband behaves like this. Asking questions is a good way to please the narcissist, as the conversation will revolve around him.
   • Repeat what your husband said to you to show that you are listening. This will put him in the center of the game, and this may help when you talk about your concerns later.
   • Adapted from what your husband said. If he says, "I don't see anyone who appreciates what I've done," respond, "I understand that feeling. Probably annoying and very upset "

3. 

   Use pronouns we instead of brother. When pointing out your husband's wrongdoing or asking him to see a marriage and family counselor, use the pronoun "we" instead of "you". This creates a sense of shared responsibility and mistakes between the two of you without implying that it's all his fault, which can lead to a negative reaction in narcissists.
   • Instead of saying "I suffer because of your selfishness", say "We hurt each other because sometimes we think more for ourselves than we think for each other."

4. 

   Choose words to make things seem for his sake. Self-indulgent people rarely care for the needs of others. To get what you want, you need to do it all for him. ”
   • If you want to go to your friends' house for dinner, do not say "I want to go to Thanh and Huong's house for dinner". Say, "They like you very much; They want to invite you to dinner ”.
   • Convince your husband that what he does for you creates a good image. Say things like "If you help me clean the garage, people will see how considerate you are to me."

5. 

   Approach your counselor with caution. Many narcissists react very strongly to the idea of ​​therapy, so be careful when proposing this solution. How does he see this as a common problem for the couple and there are problems that both of them can overcome. At that time, you can persuade him to agree with you to see a counselor. You should accept responsibility for your actions instead of pushing it all off.
   • For example, say, "I want to see a counselor to see how we can communicate better and happier together. I want to find a way to improve the relationship between my husband and wife. so that you both get what you want. ”That kind of expression sounded good.
   • Willing to go to therapy sessions together. This is important, as one session is often not enough. You should try to go 3-4 sessions. A therapist will help you decide this.

6. 

   Advise a trusted relative or friend. The advice of a loved one or friend can help you deal with an overly loved husband. They can also tell you how long the problem has been going on. Has he been like this since childhood, or has this phenomenon just happened recently?
   • Talk to family members or your husband about his past. Is there anything that you and your wife can overcome together to alleviate the problem?
   • Ask friends and family what they have done to deal with him in the past. Maybe they have more experience than you.

7. 

   Try to find the root of the problem. Men also feel insecure, and they sometimes hide their insecurities in unacceptable ways. If your husband's narcissistic tendencies just happened recently, try to find out what happened to cause him to start behaving like that. Put yourself in your husband's shoes to find out what is causing him to hurt.
   • For example, if your husband is injured, or if you have just found a job, he may feel he is unworthy of you. Perhaps your husband is trying to turn his attention to him.
   • If your husband says, "My life is not what I wanted you to be." You might reply, "Maybe you're right, but we still have many other good things. I will try to improve things that make you unhappy. ” Then, point out the positive aspects of your life and the relationship between you and your spouse, helping him list things that you can both make positive changes together.
   • If your husband has been injured lately, tell him "Brother, I know you are not well right now, but that is not why you are less valuable", or "Even if you have a new job, you will not change Change your outlook on him. You gave me many other precious things, not just money. "

8. 

   Check to see if your husband will change. If your husband is willing to change, there may be a way for you two to deal with the problem together, otherwise it will be hard to hope to improve your relationship.
   • Talk to your husband about his behavior and wait to see his reaction. You might start out frankly, such as “I feel like you don't like me, and our relationship is for you rather than me”. However, this may not work for people with severe narcissism. Instead, talk with caresses and put him in the center. You can say “You are the backbone of the house and a very important role in the family relationship,” then deftly talk about your concerns.

9. 

   Reward him with little things. Sometimes it takes a little effort to get the narcissist to do something. Try using reward tactics to encourage your husband to help you.This way will make him change his way of thinking from "what you want" to "reciprocity".
   • If you want your husband to mow the lawn in your yard, promise to do something after he's done. Example “If you cut the lawn for me on the weekend then next Tuesday I'll make chicken wings and a cake for you to gather your friends to play poker.” Remember that only rewards after Your husband has finished his duty. That way, he will begin to understand that he must help you before you get the reward.

10. 

    Interested in him. Your husband is your partner and deserves to be loved. However, you care about your husband are not it means you nourish his ego. Spend time with your husband, say affectionate words, come up with activities for the couple and work together after work hours or on weekends. Regularly send messages to each other. Narcissists will be very interested in this kind of care, because they have a sense of attention.
    • Spend half an hour or 45 minutes each night talking to each other and talking about the events of the day. In order for him to listen to you, say, "You and I can each spend half an hour telling each other our day's story", or suggest changing roles of speaker and listener between stories.
    • When choosing your weekend activities, organize it in such a way that your husband feels he is the center of attention. If you want to see a movie, say “I know you want to see a new movie. Why don't we go see? " If you want to go on a picnic, you can say “Looks like I need to relieve stress; Let's have a picnic. "

11. 

    Please be patient. Remember that big change always need time. Don't expect the other person to change immediately. Continue to be gentle, kind, understanding, and loving.
    • Demonstrate humility to set an example against your husband's narcissism. Don't make sarcasm or false humility.
    • Be honest when assessing his progress. Is your husband really trying to change? Does he continue to treat you badly? Is this relationship worth the sacrifices you make?
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Part 3 of 3: Take care of yourself

1. 

   Establish your foothold in marriage. You must have your place in married life. Take control of a number of things, whether it's finances, housing, sex or anything else. Narcissists often consider themselves the most important person in a relationship; So you need to let your husband know that you are just as important as him.
   • Use humor in some situations. If your husband thinks he is perfect, use humor to get rid of that illusion. Help your husband realize that he is imperfect, not number one or the center of the universe. Let him know that he is important and that you love him, but others are equally important.

2. 

   Remember that you have value. Most narcissists feel they have a right to favors; maybe he thinks "I deserve special treatment because I'm the one who makes money and pays for the family activities". However, nothing will allow him to treat you or anyone else disrespectfully.
   • Note that problems may arise when you face off with your husband. Let's set some basic principles and stick to it. Always prepare the plan to pause; you may both need time to calm down before you continue to talk. If this doesn't work, seek advice before the situation worsens.

   

   Adam Dorsay, PsyD

   TEDx Psychologist & Speaker Dr. Adam Dorsay is a psychologist working for a private company in San Jose, CA. He specializes in helping people who are successful but struggling in love, reduce stress and anxiety, and help them be happier in life. In 2016, he gave a speech on TED about men and men's feelings. He is the co-founder of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook headquarters, and is currently consulting Digital Ocean to support their Safety Team. He received his doctorate in clinical psychology in 2008.

   

   Adam Dorsay, PsyD
   Psychologist & TEDx Speaker

   Children whose parents are narcissists will also choose a narcissist partner. Adam Dorsay, a psychologist, said: “Unfortunately, many people with narcissistic parents also choose a narcissist spouse. that's all they know. They feel must imitate Parent's relationship and has another outcome. They often think they can marry, love and Salvation a narcissist spouse. Unfortunately, they won't be able to find love in the narcissist. ”

3. 

   Regain confidence. A relationship with a narcissist can have a negative impact on your self-confidence. You need to start rebuilding your confidence. Use your confidence to handle the situation your husband pushed you in and stay calm when he reacts badly to your conversation efforts.
   • Find a hobby. Feeling like you are valuable will help you regain your confidence. You can practice sewing, learn to dance, start jogging or writing. Do something fun for yourself.

4. 

   Learn how to move away. When your husband gets angry that something goes wrong, remember that it's just a way for him to control you. Turn away, leave the room, leave the house or roll your eyes. This will reduce his power over you and make you stronger.

5. 

   Establish a support system. You will need a support network because your husband won't give you that. This system may include friends, family or a mental health professional. They can help you maintain your confidence, strength, and feelings of worth.

6. 

   Consider getting a divorce. If the relationship has gone to the point of being violent, beyond your ability to handle, or hurting your mental and emotional health, then it may be time to separate or divorce.
   • Be assertive if you want a divorce. When talking to a legal counselor, keep your emotions in check. Usually, the narcissist won't hold back your emotions, so you need to be calm and collected. You should provide evidence when narrating your husband's behavior without being angry or shy. Be straightforward and tell the truth.
   • Describe his narcissistic behavior. However, you should be cautious about calling your husband a narcissist, as the legal professional may not understand what that means. Instead, report his outrageous acts of narcissism.
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