Content

• Steps
• Advice
• Warning

When your love life is a one-way street, chances are you fell in love with the wrong person at the wrong time. It can be easy to lose yourself in feelings of self-pity and sadness. In order for your life to be better, you need to stop self-pity, and start practicing self-care skills. Avoid returning to the same mistake by taking specific steps to understand your feelings of being attracted to the wrong person.

Steps

Method 1 of 4: Situational assessment

1. 

   Be aware of how you feel when you are around the person. No matter how sure your ex is right for you, if you always feel like something is wrong, your feelings probably aren't wrong.Not every love story is perfect, but the first step in a healthy relationship is sincere evaluation.
   • If your relationship doesn't stand up to scrutiny, you are trying to avoid facing the truth.
   • Chatting with your friends can also be quite helpful in the process. Often times, a friend will be able to help you spot a problem in your relationship that you are avoiding.

2. 

   
   
   Pay attention to the thoughts of your friends and loved ones. If you find that your family is always shy about talking about the person you love, and your friends keep some distance from you, this is a sign that you have fallen in love with the wrong person. They are the people who care about you and your well-being. You should talk about their concerns.
   • Try to listen without making excuses for yourself or the person you love. It is best to listen to them, so be quiet and listen as they speak.
   • Your friends and family will notice when the person you love doesn't treat you with respect.

3. 

   
   
   Try to envision a future with that person. If you are having trouble envisioning your actual future, surely you realize that it's time to walk. If you don't think you will be living together for 5 to 10 years, you may have fallen in love with the wrong person.
   • Sometimes, being around someone is a pleasure to you in the present moment, but that doesn't mean you need to live with that person for life. Sometimes, it's simply not the right time for a long-term relationship.
   • Another sign may be that you are constantly daydreaming about your life without your partner. In this case, maybe it is time to make your dream come true.

4. 

   
   
   Know the signs of rejection. Sometimes, the person you love will not return your feelings, and you are the only one who can choose to accept this or not. It's easier to accept when you realize that the person's emotional deficiencies are due to them and their lives, not you. Perhaps the person you love drinking and taking drugs has, is having problems with depression, is upset, or just cares about yourself. The person may realize they don't love you, and they may have told you about it.
   • If the person you love constantly breaks promises, doesn't show your needs, or leaves you alone to think about what you've done wrong, this is a sign of rejection.
   • Understand that there is nothing else you can do about it.
   advertisement

Method 2 of 4: Overcoming feelings of self-pity

1. 

   Start accepting the situation. If you allow yourself to focus on revenge, you will carry the pain this situation brought you for many years. Instead, accept that pain is the inevitable outcome of your present situation.
   • When you give up, you will be able to learn from your own experiences, and develop yourself.
   • Make an effort to be sympathetic towards the person who has let you down. Although you may not understand the other person's decisions, you can try to accept them.

2. 

   Remind yourself of your values. If possible, use a daily self-affirmation, or stick a reminder in a prominent place. Just because you've ever fallen in love with the wrong person, or felt frustrated that the moment wasn't right for a relationship, doesn't mean you're not valuable. Remember that your life is made up of a series of experiences you experience, not just this problem alone.
   • For another, you're the right person and show up at the right time.
   • You will find that you can use your rejection experience as a lesson in finding someone for you.

3. 

   Stop pitying yourself. When you fall in love with the wrong person, it can be easy to pity yourself. These are sad situations, and feeling self-pity can provide temporary comfort. The first step is to decide if you should not tolerate feelings of self-pity in your life.
   • If a sense of self-pity creeps in you, remind yourself of something you feel good about.
   • You may begin to pity yourself when you try to stop it, because the pattern of thinking is ingrained in your mind. Don't be angry with yourself; it is only necessary to recognize when this situation occurs, and turn your attention to something more positive.
   • When you begin to realize that self-pity is not the solution to the problem, you will be ready to try new things.

4. 

   Write a gratitude diary. Forcing yourself to pay attention to the good things in your life that you have taken for granted will help you combat your feelings of sadness. The best way to keep a gratitude journal is to write about specific people you are grateful for in detail, and to keep a note of surprising and unexpected events.
   • Write without worrying about the quality of your writing style in a gratitude diary. You can write down a complete sentence, or just jot down a few words, ideas, or pictures.
   • When you feel overwhelmed by negative feelings, writing a list of all the things you are grateful for will help you redirect your attention to something more positive.
   • You can read through your gratitude journal to find motivation at all times. Anyway, no matter how tough life is in the present, there are things that you should be happy about.
   advertisement

Method 3 of 4: Practice self-care skills

1. 

   Consider chatting with an expert. Therapists, counselors, clergy, pastors or other professionals are all experienced in helping others deal with unpleasant experiences in love. Sharing with someone who is not involved in the situation is helpful, who can chat with you without regard to faction selection. Self-pity can be traced back to a history of many bad relationships, starting in childhood. You will need to address these issues in order to improve your relationship. You should not try to do this yourself. Seek support from a health professional who can guide you through this process.
   • You should also see a therapist to see if they can help you evaluate your past feelings. Some therapists often focus on the present rather than digging into past problems.
   • Keep in mind that this process can be quite painful and takes time to complete.
   • Don't worry, the expert won't share your personal information with others.
   • Visiting a specialist can be expensive, but insurance will help cover the costs. In addition, some clinics also offer free or low-cost counseling for low-income people.

2. 

   Learn to love yourself. When you experience an unhappy relationship, you will conclude that no one wants to fall in love with you. However, this is the result of refusing and / or entering into an unhealthy relationship. Instead, take this opportunity to remind yourself of your positive qualities.
   • Practicing self-love helps with the healing of your broken heart, as it helps to confirm your values ​​and self-esteem.
   • If you are talking to yourself negatively, check with yourself. Would you say these words to someone you love? If not, you should reconsider this.

3. 

   Share with people you trust. There are many good reasons to share your feelings with others. Talking about your disappointment will help you see the relationship in a new way, and in turn, can form a solution you haven't thought of.
   • Talking to trusted friends is a great way to relieve repressed emotions, and will help you feel better.
   • You will find that your friend has had a similar experience, and this will help if you are feeling lonely.

4. 

   Start building self-esteem. Low self-esteem is an unrealistic way of evaluating yourself. People with low self-esteem often become emotionally unhappy. As you develop the ability to take care of yourself, you will feel less compassion for yourself.
   • Perhaps this is a good time for you to try something new, join a self-help group or volunteer to help someone less fortunate than you.
   • Paying attention to your own feelings will help you develop your self-esteem. When you don't respect your feelings, you will believe everything others say you should feel.

5. 

   Become more active. Being physically active is a great way to stop self-pity. When you force yourself to exercise and increase your heart rate, you feel better about yourself. Endorphins released from exercise will work, improve your mood.
   • You should keep in mind the old saying, "Move a muscle, change a thought".
   • Exercise will greatly help your life: you will sleep better, become healthier and more balanced, and less stressful.

6. 

   Be kind to yourself. When you find your inner voice (or self-talk) repeating negativity, find ways to see things in a new direction. For example, if you say to yourself, "I'm stupid!" Remind yourself, "It's okay, it's just a small mistake." If you made a serious mistake, remind yourself that you will learn from the experience. You can say, “As a human, you must make mistakes. I love myself anyway, and I don't have to be perfect ”.
   • Empathy for yourself when you make a mistake will help heal the pain of dealing with unrequited love.
   • When you fall in love with the wrong person, you need to show kindness to yourself.

7. 

   Living with purpose. That means you must prioritize your wants, feelings, and thoughts. The wrong lover often spends more time living off of what other people want for them than what they want for themselves. If you're trying to cope with unpleasant experiences in love, you can restore your balance by paying attention to yourself.
   • Consider what really makes you happy. When do you feel like "being yourself" the most? Do more of them.
   • When you find yourself taking actions that make you feel awkward, stupid, or unimportant, you can work to minimize them in your life.
   advertisement

Method 4 of 4: Understanding your own feelings

1. 

   Take responsibility for your own choices. Even if it can be difficult, making the decision to be responsible for your own decisions will help you learn and grow. After all, becoming responsible for your choices is the exact opposite of being victimized; The victim role is helpless. Taking responsibility for your own life is very powerful.
   • By being accountable, you will put yourself in a better position to learn from your choices.
   • Even if someone else acted badly, you may have played a part in the process.
   • Talking to a therapist, counselor, or trusted friend will help you organize your options in a new way.

2. 

   Look for a pattern in your love life. If you feel insecure in your relationship or don't want to be too close to another person, chances are you have been in a bad relationship many times. A good friend or therapist can be a great resource in identifying the patterns in which you are looking for a bad relationship.
   • Try to learn more about engagement issues to see if you can define your own experience.
   • Seeing your behavior as a series of frameworks, rather than moral failures, will help you build non-judgmental views.

3. 

   Evaluate your feelings about being single. There is a lot of stigma based on rumors surrounding singleship. Your fear of being single will distort your priorities, allowing you to enter (and maintain) an inappropriate relationship.
   • Someone in a bad relationship is just as lonely as someone who is afraid of being single.
   • If you are afraid of being single, you will ignore the warning signs of a bad relationship.

4. 

   Protect yourself. Remember to make sure you are wise when choosing who is allowed to enter your life. If you find that some of your friends are feeling gloomy about your discomfort and unhappiness, consider removing them from your life.
   • Nurturing a friendship helps you feel loved and protected. Your friend should be someone who feels good when things are going well for you.
   • Surrounding yourself with someone who loves and respects you will be able to love and respect yourself.

5. 

   Forgive your past mistakes. If you make a mistake by falling in love with someone who doesn't have feelings for you, you're just a human being. It will take a little practice to become less strict with yourself, but eventually, learning to forgive yourself will lead you to a more resilient life.
   • Mistakes are just mistakes, and there are endless opportunities to learn from them. You should see all mistakes as lessons for you.
   • Without pain, you will have less chance to develop and learn new things. Mistakes, even the most painful ones, are only part of the learning process.
   advertisement

Advice

• If you are unsure where to look for a counselor or therapist, you can call the switchboard 1080 for more information.

Warning

• Don't expect others to change.
• Do not suppress your own emotions. Finding ways to share your feelings with others is important for your mental health.