Author:
John Stephens
Date Of Creation:
1 January 2021
Update Date:
29 June 2024
Content
It's hard to heal when you find out that your boyfriend has been lying to you for a long time. In fact, many couples often make harmless lies or inflate the truth at first when people want to impress the other party. But if your boyfriend often lies, try to recognize when he's lying, think about why he's lying, and then react in a clear and straightforward manner. If your boyfriend continues the behavior even after you have been confronted with him, you may have to reflect on whether there is something more serious between the two of you than a little lie. are not.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Recognize when your boyfriend is lying
Pay attention to your body language. According to behavioral experts, people who are lying often exhibit certain signs of body language. Pay attention to these clues to guess if your boyfriend is lying. For example:- Maybe he kept scratching his nose all the time, making his nose red. This expression is called the "Pinocchio sign", because a lie causes the cells in the body to release histamine, which causes the nose to itch and swell.
- Your boyfriend may also show signs of denial, such as covering his mouth, touching his eyes, nose, or ears. He may also avoid looking you in the eye or turn away when talking to you.
Hear the voice. You may notice that his usual voice changes or goes astray while lying. Your boyfriend may also stutter, pause for a long time, or have unusual intonation. A sudden change in the way your boyfriend talks when he talks about a topic, person or event could be a sign that he is lying.
Pay attention to words and word usage. Similar to the "Pinocchio effect" shown on the body, your boyfriend can reveal the "Pinocchio effect" in his usage of words. Liars often use more words to cover up a lie or to distract the audience.- According to a study by Harvard Business School, liars tend to use more vulgar words, because when they focus on lying, they often forget to use proper language and polite language.
- Your boyfriend can also use the third person to avoid being responsible for a lie. He can also quickly change the subject after uttering a lie to avoid being noticed.
Part 2 of 2: Reacting to your boyfriend's lie
Remember the three reasons people lie. People may lie for many reasons, but in general, they lie to hide something from each other, to harm others, or to appear better than they are. Consider what might be your motivations for lying to you.
- If your boyfriend is lying to you to hide something, you can treat the lie as a way to find out the hidden truth.If the two of you have only been dating seriously for a while, maybe he did it just to show off to you and prove he deserves your attention. However, if you believe your boyfriend has an incentive to lie to hurt you, you may need to think about whether the behavior is a red flag that there are other issues that need to be addressed. in the relationship between two people is not.
Avoid blaming yourself when your boyfriend lied. If you have complained about your boyfriend's behavior in the past, you may feel like there is a part in him hiding his bad habits or behavior. However, keep in mind that your boyfriend's lies are not your fault, and he is solely responsible for the behavior. In a serious relationship, maturity comes from a willingness to take responsibility for your actions. Your boyfriend is responsible for his lies, and you don't have to feel guilty about that choice.
- No one is "forced" to lie; they can make choices and are held accountable for their choices. Keep this in mind when dealing with your boyfriend's lies.
Consider the context around your boyfriend's lies. If you find out that your boyfriend is lying or you notice signs of lying about him, recall what you two told each other about what caused the lie to pop or made him want to lie. Maybe you were talking about an event that you both should have attended but he missed at the last minute, or talking about a co-worker who worked with him.
- By thinking about the background of the lie, you can also identify why he feels he must lie to you. This way, when you are face to face with your boyfriend, you can explain why you think he is lying, and open up and openly express your feelings.
- There are many reasons why people lie to one another, and it can be helpful to consider common relationship scenarios where people might lie. For example, maybe you're nagging about certain bad habits of your boyfriend, like smoking or wasting money, and so he lied so as not to disappoint or listen to you. "Preach" again. Maybe he lied to avoid a conflict or because he didn't want to give up his bad habits.
Face off with your boyfriend to have a frank and open talk. When you find out your boyfriend is lying, you can't simply tell him not to. You cannot control if he wants to lie, you cannot prevent him from lying, but you have the power to decide whether to let him lie or not. Talking to your boyfriend clearly and calmly face-to-face can also help you stay in control of your conversation.
- Instead of saying, "I know you're lying" or "I'm a liar," give him the chance to be honest with you. Say, “I feel like you are worried about something or something you don't want me to know. I think now we should bring it together to work it out. "
- This will let your boyfriend know that you want both to be honest and open to each other, and that you are not trying to accuse him of lying, but rather giving him the opportunity to atone and explain.
Talk about his reasons for lying. You should let your boyfriend talk about his reasons for lying, but be wary of excuses. Maybe he is pressured to lie about his behavior because he knows that you won't accept or be angry when he finds out. Maybe he's hiding his addiction or personal problems that he doesn't want to let you know. Focus on how you can work together to help him cope so that your boyfriend doesn't feel like lying to you anymore.
- If your boyfriend lied about being addicted to addiction or having trouble with personal issues, you might advise him to see a detox counselor or consider a therapist. This will help him find other ways to solve the problem without having to lie to you or anyone else in life.
Make it clear that you don't like to hear lies. When you give your boyfriend the chance to justify it, give him time to think and answer. If he admits to lying to you and explains the reason, let him know that you don't feel good about you being cheated. This shows that you are uncomfortable and unhappy with your boyfriend's behavior, and you hope it won't happen again.
Consider how lies affect your relationship. At the end of the conversation with your boyfriend about his lying, perhaps take a step back and analyze your relationship. Maybe your boyfriend lied for a good reason, but if he does so often, consider whether it is a sign of deeper relationship problems between you two.
- Ask yourself a few questions, such as: Does he often lie to you? Do you find it difficult to trust him? You told him before, but does everything seem the same? If the answer is “yes” to all of the above questions, your boyfriend's lies are probably a ruining factor for your relationship, and you need to consider whether it is worth it. Hold it over and over again.
- Frequent and persistent lying behavior can also be a sign of a personality disorder that cannot be changed through a simple conversation. If this is the case, you may have to rethink if it is the right relationship for you right now.
