Content

• Steps
• Advice

Your girlfriend used to be eager to see you, but now she gets angry or doesn't even care if you are there. Maybe she no longer responds to your messages or parties all night and talks to everyone except you. Either way, if you find yourself being ignored by your girlfriend, you probably feel hurt, frustrated and angry. You really want to take revenge on her in the same way, make her jealous, or even break up, but the truth is that the best way to deal is to deal with the problem directly.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Thinking through

1. 

   Give her space. Chances are your girlfriend is mad at you, or she might be going through a tough time that has nothing to do with you. Either way, when you are being treated negatively by your girlfriend, don't force her to talk right away. Giving her time to calm down can also give her time to think deeply about your feelings.

2. 

   
   
   Ask yourself if she really wants to ignore you. Has your girlfriend's behavior towards you really changed? Are you depressed or anxious about something, or have you imagined her behavior out of the ordinary?
   • It is possible that she has been a bit cold towards you before, but since the relationship has gone through a long time, you no longer like that behavior.
   • Have you had anything difficult lately? You may be asking for more attention from your girlfriend lately but she is unable to fulfill that need, leading to your avoidance.

3. 

   
   
   Consider the possibility of your girlfriend being depressed. If ignoring happens when she is struggling with depression, she probably won't notice.
   • Signs of depression include difficulty concentrating and making decisions; tired; feeling helpless, hopeless and / or helpless; insomnia or sleeping too much; frustration; lose interest in relaxing activities like sex or dating; overeating or loss of appetite; concerned; has suicidal intentions and / or destructive behavior.
   • If you think your girlfriend is depressed there are some things you can do to help.

4. 

   
   
   Avoid retaliation by ignoring the opposite. Even if you really want to ignore or make her jealous, this approach isn't healthy and doesn't work either. Also, if your girlfriend is depressed or has a personal problem, ignoring it will only make things difficult for her and really ruin your relationship.
   • "Elastic theory" says that you can make someone like you by staying away from them. This may work for some people in the short term, but it is not a way to build a good relationship.
   • One positive piece of advice you take from "Elastic Theory" is that lovers need space for themselves, otherwise they will get bored and start not paying attention to each other. Spend more time with yourself and still treat your girlfriend with kindness and respect. Don't ignore her, but make sure you live a life outside of her world.

5. 

   Take care of yourself. Try not to think too much about how hurt / sad your girlfriend's behavior is. Remember, she really can't "make" you feel anything and you have a choice: you can admit that you are sad but not without enjoying life.
   • Do things that make me happier: go to a friend's house to play, go to the gym, or find a new hobby (like playing the guitar, editing a movie or going hiking).
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Part 2 of 3: Talking about the problem

1. 

   See you in person to talk. If your girlfriend is completely away from your face, you won't be able to contact her by phone or face-to-face. However, she can still receive text messages, so send her a message telling her how worried you are and invite her to talk.
   • For example: “Lately I haven't responded to your messages. So I am very sad and wonder if you are still happy to know me. Can we meet and talk? "
     • If you know her schedule, you can ask for a date and time when she's free, which makes it harder for her to refuse to see you.

2. 

   Send email or private messages. Skip this step if your girlfriend has already responded to you via text message. If you can't get in touch by calling or texting her, but you know she's okay (still hanging out with you, updating information on social media), you can send a message via facebook or inbox Electronic expresses his feelings and worries.
   • If you choose to send email / private messages, you should be wary of your voice. Draft and reread after a good night's sleep to make sure your tone is not selfish or disrespectful.
   • Be specific. Include specific examples of what she does and how you feel. You should avoid writing that accuses your girlfriend of mistakes:
     • “When we were at a party that Saturday, I spent the evening talking to everyone. We didn't have a chance to say a word to each other, and then I went home without saying goodbye, even though we sat across from the same room. You do that, I feel sad. I don't know what I did wrong. I worry about you and for us. I want us to meet to talk about this, but if you are not comfortable, you can also talk by email now. ”
   • Before you send your message, try to put yourself in her shoes and read it again. Think about how she feels about her voice and how she reacts, then revise it to make sure you're sharing her thoughts and feelings in the most effective way. If she understands what you mean and doesn't feel threatened, she is more likely to respond.

3. 

   Use body language to show empathy. If you have the opportunity to speak face-to-face, show your empathy through body language. This shows her that you really want to understand her problem, so she will be motivated to open up her problem.
   • Sympathetic body language means sitting in an open position (without crossing your arms, leaning over or turning your face), nodding and making eye contact to signal that you are listening to them. a reassuring sound to show that he understood the problem and was not interrupted.

4. 

   Express your thoughts and feelings by communicating calmly. When communicating calmly, you can focus on your thoughts and feelings instead of accusing the other person of doing something wrong.
   • Organize your speech in the following order: observations, feelings, needs, and requests.
   • Example: “I haven't answered your phone for a whole week and canceled our plan twice. I'm starting to worry you don't want to know me anymore. "

5. 

   Ask about her feelings. After showing your feelings, let her know that you are willing to listen to her feelings too.
   • Example: “I haven't answered your phone for a whole week and canceled our plan twice. I'm starting to worry you don't want to know me anymore. I want to know if we can talk about this relationship. If it's not for the two of us, can you tell me what's going on? ”

6. 

   Ask what she wants. If she admits she's unhappy about something, ask her what she needs and what you can do. Maybe they need more private space, or want you to do something you haven't done yet - maybe it's as simple as having to hug her more often or compliment her on her beauty.
   • Not surprisingly, the girlfriend needs her own space. This is purely her problem and has nothing to do with you.
     • Ask her if she knows how long she needs her own space. If she says she doesn't know, set a time when she feels okay, maybe a week. Show your willingness to support by asking if there is anything you can do about it, such as calling on the weekends to ask about the situation.
     • If you do decide to set aside space for each other, be sure to understand what it is. For some people, private space means only talking on the phone twice a week instead of every night, or it means being completely out of touch during the week. Clarifying the meaning of "private space" will help you get through that time more easily.
   • Understand that you are NOT for what she needs. If you don't feel good with your girlfriend's request, let her know. You can settle the matter. In the end, the two of you must respect each other's needs and limits.

7. 

   Be active listening person. When it is her turn to speak, take the initiative to listen. Listening shows sympathetic body language (open posture, nodding, making a reassuring sound) as well as showing you understand by repeating what she said and / or asking again. If you feel hurt by what your girlfriend said, let her know, but not in a confrontational manner.
   • Example: “Thank you for telling me. When you say I follow you too closely, I feel sad and a bit confusing. I like being with you, but I'm also happy doing my own thing. I want to know the specific things I do that make you think you are following you too closely. Maybe you will change those things. "
     • If she gives some specific examples, even if you are not satisfied, she will understand somewhat what she wants when she gets to know you. Knowing your girlfriend's wishes will help you to better understand if you are willing or able to respond.
   • Don't roll her eyes or block her words while she's speaking. Let her finish before you respond. What she says may upset or displease you, but let her finish it off before responding.
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Part 3 of 3: Find a solution

1. 

   Together we come up with some possible solutions. Once you both find out what the problem is, the next question is how to deal with it.
   • If your girlfriend says ignoring you is because she feels overwhelmed when you give her too much attention, please give her some concrete examples of what you do that makes her feel that way.
     • She probably doesn't like the fact that you call three times a day for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That way you may agree to just text "good morning" and make a short phone call after dinner every day.

2. 

   A solution is not required. Sometimes it's a good idea to take a break when your emotions get too hot and go back to the discussion later, especially if you've been arguing for hours.
   • If you feel like things are spinning around and not working out, it's best to take a break. Maybe you guys can't see each other again after two days and it's better to settle it now. That wish is completely normal, but it will not be of any use when you are so tired of arguing that you no longer think clearly.

3. 

   Understand that one solution might be a parting. Sometimes the anxiety that your girlfriend ignores comes from the thought of wanting to keep in a relationship. If it's not your cognitive problem and it's not her personal business, and if she's really ignoring it because she's angry at you, you should consider whether to continue the relationship. Someone likes to hurt you instead of telling them why they're upset. advertisement

Advice

• If you find that your girlfriend is constantly avoiding it and that the situation is not working, you should consider whether it is worth maintaining the relationship. There is a possibility that this person wants to control or manipulate you in a relationship.
• Remember, she may be going through a tough time that is completely unrelated to you. She shuns because she doesn't know how to tell you or anyone about her problem. Try not to get frustrated until you get to know the story.