Dealing with loss and grief

Video: When Someone You Love Dies,There Is No Such Thing as Moving On | Kelley Lynn | TEDxAdelphiUniversity

Content

To step
Part 1 of 2: Processing the grief
Part 2 of 2: Striving for happiness
Tips
Warnings
Necessities

When you lose a very precious person or thing, the grief can be intense. Sad memories, unanswered questions and the grief itself can haunt you. You may even feel like you will never be the same again - that you will never smile or feel complete. Be brave - even though there is no way to grieve painlessly, there are healthy ways to grieve that allow you to move on with your life positively. Don't settle for a life without joy - get through your loss and slowly but surely will you get better.

To step

Part 1 of 2: Processing the grief

Face the loss. To ease the pain after a severe loss, sometimes we want to do something - whatever - but submit to a harmful habit, such as drug use, alcohol abuse, oversleeping, excessive Internet, or willful promiscuity, threatens your health and leaves you vulnerable addiction and even more pain. You will never really heal until you face your loss. Ignoring the pain caused by the loss or numbing yourself with distractions will only work for a while until - in the end, no matter how hard you run away from it, your grief takes over. Therefore, face your loss. Allow yourself to cry or grieve in a way that feels natural and does not harm your health. You can't start beating your grief until you first acknowledge it.
- When a loss is fresh in your mind, your grief deserves your full attention. However, you must ensure that you prevent prolonged grieving. Give yourself a period of time - maybe a few days to a week - to feel deeply sad.Long-term wallowing in grief will eventually leave you in a sense of loss, paralyzed by self-pity and unable to move forward.
Express your grief. Let your tears flow. Never be afraid to cry, even if it's not something you normally do. Realize that there are no right or wrong ways to feel or express sadness. What's important is that you acknowledge the grief and try to get through it. How you do it is completely up to you and will vary from person to person.
- Find an outlet for your grief. When you are sad and feel like you have to do something, so do it (provided it does not involve hurting yourself or others). Crying, thrusting into a pillow, taking a long walk, throwing things outside, screaming very loudly in the woods or some other lonely place, sketching your memories are just some of the ways in which different people find an outlet for dealing with their grief. All are suitable for this.
Share your feelings with others. It is healthy to find people who will take care of you when you are in pain. If you can't find a friend, lean on a compassionate stranger or priest, counselor, or therapist. When you feel like you're wandering, confused, and insecure, talking to someone you trust is a form of allowing yourself to start dumping some of the pain you're experiencing. Think of talking as a form of it to sort of your emotions - your thoughts don't have to be coherent or grounded. They just need to be expressive.
- If you are concerned that you will confuse or shock those listening to you with what you are saying, a simple warning at the beginning of the conversation can alleviate this concern. Just let them know that you are sad, angry, confused, etc. and that although some of the words you say will not make sense, you appreciate someone listening. A caring friend or supporter won't mind.
Distance yourself from people who are not compassionate. Unfortunately, not everyone who talks to you will be helpful while you are grieving. Avoid people who say things like “get over it”, “don't be so sensitive”, “I got over it quickly when it happened to me ”, etc. They don't know how you feel, so don't pay any attention to their dismissive reactions. Just tell them, "You don't have to be around me if what I'm going through is too much for you, but I have to get through this no matter how you feel, so please give me space."
- Some people who are dismissive of your grief may even be friends with good (but misguided) intentions. Rejoin these people when you feel stronger. Step away from their impatience until you are strong enough - you cannot rush an emotional recovery.
Do not be sorry. After you lose someone, you can feel guilty. You can get preoccupied with thoughts like: I wish I had said goodbye one last time, I wish I had treated this person better. Don't allow yourself to feel guilty. You can Past not change by worrying about it over and over again. It is not your fault that you have lost a loved one. Instead of dwelling on what you had can do or what you had should do, focus on what you can do - process your emotions and get on with your life.
- If you feel guilty after a loss, talk to other people who knew the person or pet. They will almost always be able to help you convince yourself that the loss is not your fault.
Keep certain things that remind you of your loved one. Just because a person or pet has disappeared doesn't mean you shouldn't think about them. In fact, it can be comforting to know that when a person or pet is gone, the friendship, love, and personal ties you had with them will continue. No one will ever be able to take that away from you, and the relationship you had with them will always be a part of you. Some memories will always be worth keeping, as they remind you of your own courage, tenacity, and ability to envision a better future.
- Keep the souvenirs that remind you of the person or pet in a box somewhere out of the way. Bring them out if you need a tangible keepsake of your memories. It is usually not a good idea to leave your souvenirs lying around in the open, as it constantly reminds you that someone has disappeared and this makes it difficult to get on with your life.
Seek help. In our society, we have a huge detrimental stigma against people who seek help with emotional problems. Seeing a therapist or advisor makes you not weak or pathetic. On the contrary, it is a sign of strength. By seeking the help you need, you show an admirable urge to want to move on with your life and overcome your grief. Don't hesitate to make an appointment with a professional - in 2004, as much as a quarter of American adults had seen a therapist over a two-year period.

Part 2 of 2: Striving for happiness

Shift your attention to something other than the sadness. Try to remember the good times and greatest memories you shared with the deceased person or pet. Focusing on negative thoughts or regrets won't change what happened. It will only make you feel worse. Be convinced that someone who has ever brought you happiness would not want you to wallow in grief. Try to remember things like the way the person spoke, his / her little wayward mannerisms, the times you laughed together, and the things this person taught you about life and yourself.
- If you have lost a pet, remember the beautiful moments you spent together, the happy life you gave your pet and the special characteristics your pet had.
- Anytime you are tempted to feel even more sad, angry or self-pity, keep a journal and write down the good things you can remember about the person or pet you lost. You can refer to this journal in times of grief to remind you of the happiness you had.
Distract yourself. Give yourself a break from constantly worrying about the loss by keeping yourself busy and busy with tasks that require special attention. This also gives you the space to realize that there are still good things in your life.
- While the work or studies may provide you with some relief from constantly thinking about the loss, don't just rely on your routine to distract yourself or you run the risk of feeling that there is only work and grief and nothing in between. Help yourself become acquainted with happier activities by doing something that gives you peace of mind. There are all kinds of possibilities, such as gardening, cooking, fishing, listening to your favorite music, walking, drawing, painting, writing, etc. Choose what calms you down and gives you a sense of joyful achievement (not something that is an everyday work or study you can promise).
- Consider doing social work. Shift your attention from your own problems to those of others. Consider volunteering. If you love children, helping young children who laugh a lot and have spontaneity can also help ease your mind.
Find joy in beautiful days. A common symptom of grief is staying at home, neglecting your external life. When you get over your first grief, take the opportunity to embrace sunny days. Spend some time walking, just contemplate and take in the natural beauty around you. Don't try to stir up specific feelings - just let the warmth of the sun pass over you and the sounds of nature penetrate you. Admire the beauty of the trees and the architecture you see. Let the hustle and bustle of life remind you that the world is beautiful. Life goes on - you deserve to be a part of it and eventually rejoin the day to day business.
- There is some scientific evidence to suggest that sunlight has natural properties against morbid depression. Getting outside can help you overcome your emotional panic.
Reclaim the idea of what you have lost. When you lose someone, it is an unfortunate fact that you will never be able to enjoy their physical presence again. However, this does not mean that the person or pet you lost no longer exists as an idea or symbol in the world. Know that the person or pet you lost still lives on in your thoughts, words, and actions. When we say, do or think about something that has been influenced by the memory of someone who is gone, then he / she lives on.
- Many religions teach that a person's soul or essence persists after his or her physical body dies. Other religions teach that a person's essence is transformed into another form or reclassified into the earth. If you are a believer, take comfort in the fact that the person you lost still exists in a spiritual sense.
Spend time with good people. After a loss, it can be difficult to motivate yourself to go out and spend time with your friends. However, this can bring a known improvement in your mood. It is good to seek the company of friends who will understand your emotional state, even if you have not yet recovered 100%. Find friends or acquaintances who are fun, but also friendly and sensitive. They will help you get back into your normal social role, which will also keep you busy as you leave your loss behind and get on with your life.
- The first time you go out after losing a loved one or thing can be a bit sketchy or tricky as your friends are worried about how to approach the subject. Don't let this worry you - you had to at some point taking up your social life again. Be persistent - however, it can take weeks or months for things to turn full again normal Spending time with dear friends is almost always a good idea.
Don't pretend you're happy. When you get back to your normal routine, you may feel that certain career and social situations require you to be happier than you actually are. While you should try to avoid wallowing in grief, you should also try force of your own happiness. Forced happiness feels terrible - it's an absolute burden to show a smile when you don't really want to. Don't turn happiness into labor! It is okay to appear and act serious in your social life and work, provided you do not do anything that hinders the happiness of others. Save your smile for when you are really happy - it will be so much sweeter.
Take time to heal. Time heals all wounds. Your emotional recovery can take months or years - this is OK. When the time is right, you can eventually start honoring the person you lost by adopting a renewed determination to enjoy your life to the fullest.
- Don't worry - you will never forget the ones you loved. Nor will you misplace the internal force that prompted you to look for lost goals or accomplishments. What may change is the way you approach your life from this point - there may be increased concentration, a new sense of value, or a totally changed perspective on certain aspects of your life. However, this process will not be possible if you do not give yourself time to heal.
- While you must give yourself enough time to heal, at the same time it is important to remember that your life is precious and that you are responsible for making the most of your time here. The purpose of your life is to be happy, not sad. Don't walk away from grief, but don't be content with a partial recovery either. Your journey to recovery must be step by step. You owe it to yourself - keep going - no matter how long it takes.
Don't judge your luck. Don't feel bad about feeling good! There is no set time for a loss to heal. If you're happy again soon, don't feel guilty about it not to have mourned for long. If you feel like you've gotten over a loss, then you probably are. Don't set a deadline for dealing with loss, but don't delay your happiness either. Never force yourself to be more sad than you need to.

Tips

Release the feelings of but if do not take over. "If only I had been more fun." "If only I had made more time to visit him / her more often."
Music can be a very calming way to deal with pain and loss. However, try to move from sad music to more cheerful music, otherwise you will become even more sad just by listening to sad music for a long time.
Grief works in its own unique cycles and it varies from person to person. Not everyone will heal instantly, and on the other hand, not everyone will be sickly angry.
If someone tells you to “get over it,” don't argue with them. This will only make you feel worse because it will make you feel that you have a lower tolerance for emotions than anyone else. In other words, you will begin to believe that there really is a problem with the way you process your grief when there really is none. This is just how you feel. Just don't listen to them because they don't really know what kind of relationship you had with your lover. You will heal in your own way in your own time.
Remember that each person feels the loss differently. Don't be alarmed if you find yourself having a harder time healing than the other, even about the same loss. This usually shows how close you and your loved one actually were. Some people will not cry, while others may take months to stop.
You are free to think about other things. There is nothing that tells you to dwell on the loss to prove your grief or to show others how much the loss means to you. People already know you are devastated, you don't have to prove or explain anything.
Life is beautiful - it has many beautiful surprises in store for you. So go ahead and smile, visit new places and meet new people.
Don't regret anything. Don't judge yourself for not having a chance to say "Sorry" or "I love you" or "Goodbye." You can still say it.
Love yourself. If you fall, laugh at yourself, kick yourself in the butt and keep going.