Content

• Steps
• Advice
• Warning

The first month after breaking up, don't get in touch with the person, and focus on yourself instead. Find out if they still care about you, then meet them as friends. If all goes well, you can invite the person to chat with you directly. Apologize and discuss getting back together.

Steps

Part 1 of 6: Breakup assessment

1. 

   Understand the breakup. What did you two do to contribute to the breakup? Almost every relationship problem does not arise unexpectedly and accumulates over time. Most likely this is not a one-way issue and there are already signs that it is imminent. Take a moment to consult your conscience before trying to get your ex back.You still have to make sure you don't waste your time or energy in vain.
   • According to research, the leading cause of love breakdown is failure in communication. If your relationship is quite happy, this problem is often fixed by setting clear expectations and openly discussing disappointment before it turns into a fight. Other problems can be quite difficult to overcome, such as treachery or jealousy; but with effort and advice, even this kind of problem can be solved.

2. 

   
   
   Recall who initiated the breakup. Are you or not? If so, did you do it after thinking it through, or did it just happen through a moment of anger and regret now? Or is it your ex, and they have a specific reason or not? Is this a mutual decision of both?
   • It is important to understand who controlled the breakup and why it happened in the first place. If it was you, and your ex was opposed to the breakup, getting back together may be easier than it was when it was initiated by your ex in the first place.

3. 

   
   
   Interpret your feelings. In the pain and chaos of a breakup, where it can be easy to confuse your feelings, you may interpret feelings of loneliness and pain as proof that you need your partner to return. live your life. In fact, at first, most people who have experienced a breakup will regret their lost love, accompanied by feelings of anxiety, guilt, depression, and loneliness. In general, the more serious a relationship is, the more severe these emotions will be; Married or cohabiting couples tend to have the worst breakup, while people who regularly date are more likely to overcome the consequences of the breakup. But the severity of your feelings doesn't automatically mean you need to get back into your ex.
   • Try to answer the following questions. Do you miss your ex, or do you remember the feeling of having a lover? Does he or she make you feel better about yourself, more secure in the world, and happier? Can you picture yourself with this person for a long time, even when the excitement in love is off and you get stuck in the daily routines of life? If you only remember feeling safe with someone around and the excitement of a dramatic relationship, you can find these elements from others in a healthier, more stable relationship. .
   • It's important to take your time after breaking up and before trying to get your ex back to determine your feelings, and decide if you really should be with that person. Healed relationships often lack trust and are likely to turn into "sunny and rainy days" with repeated breakups. If you are not 100% sure that you want to be with this person for the long term, you need to avoid causing yourself more pain by doing your best to forget about your ex instead of chasing them again. .

Part 2 of 6: Spend time alone

1. 

   
   
   Avoid contact during the first month after a breakup. They will call you if they want to chat. Otherwise, whatever you say or wear won't change the situation. Sometimes, ignoring your ex will make them feel you're okay without them and you're moving forward, and it's the exact opposite of what they want.
   • Avoiding contact is not a method of passive aggression to get your ex to miss you. It gives you the time to do what you need to do to prepare yourself for a new relationship (whether it's with an old person or a new person!). Take time this month to get to know yourself and to improve areas that you may have overlooked during your relationship with your ex. If you do contribute to the breakup, now is the time to identify a weak point in your relationship and do your best to improve it.
   • The time spent apart will also help you to define between the common grief after the breakup and your true passion for being with your ex. Almost everyone will feel sad after a breakup, even if their ex is a bad guy and just doesn't suit them at all. Time alone will help you deal with these feelings.

2. 

   Focus on yourself. Friend meeting. Immerse yourself in work and other extracurricular activities. You don't have to look needy or look like you're waiting for your ex to contact you.
   • Research has shown that people who are able to regain a sense of well-being after a breakup recover more quickly from emotional pain.

3. 

   Don't go after the person during this time. This means not calling, texting, or asking around about them. More importantly: don't ask the person about the reason for the breakup or if he or she is dating someone else. This will make you look like you're desperate ..
   • While it is important not to chase your ex for about a month, you can respond if he or she pursues you. In other words, if they call you, don't hang up or refuse to chat. You don't have to try to play a game of wits or act like you're not the easygoing person, this can make them increasingly distant from you, and it's the complete opposite of your destination in this moment.
   • If you happen to know a rumor that your ex is meeting new people, don't jump to conclusions or let jealousy take over you. You must not take any action to try to stop a new relationship. Allow the person time to determine if you are the right person; You don't have to force someone to be with you when they really want to be with others.

4. 

   Determine if they are still interested. Before you try to win back your ex's heart, you need to know if they still care. Knowing that your ex is still interested in you is the first and most important clue that tells you that things can still be mended.
   • You do not need to determine it immediately, and you should not ask a friend to do the investigation for you. Don't go after the person for at least a month after the breakup; instead, look for subtle cues when you stumble across the person at school, work, social media posts, or voluntary comments from friends you both know.
   • Keep in mind that a third of live couples and a quarter of married couples experience the breakup at some point, so if the person is still interested, this is a good chance. shows that you can get the person back.

Part 3 of 6: Getting your ex back

1. 

   Strengthen your self-esteem. If you're having trouble feeling deprived, you may have a lack of self-esteem. Maybe you're looking for an ex to make yourself feel better, but the truth is you are the only one who can. You shouldn't build your happiness on others. It makes them feel guilty, forced, and ultimately resentful of you.
   • Self-esteem is about believing you are worthwhile and worthy. When it comes to relationships, it's more important to feel complete and complete with yourself than to find someone who can complement you or make your life worthwhile.
   • To improve your self-esteem, focus on your strengths in all areas: emotional, social, talents, skills, looks, and any other factors that are important to you. For example, you may have a compassionate nature, an ability to make others feel understood, a talent for baking, and beautiful hair. Focusing on the positives and ignoring the negatives will help you feel relevant and worthwhile, especially when you connect the best part of yourself to helping others.If you feel useless, make yourself useful! Take advantage of your compassionate nature and baking skills and bake some delicious cookies for the elderly neighbors.

2. 

   Become the person that the person used to love. Try to think about your new time together. What does that person like about you? Is it your quirky prank, or a great understanding of style. Whatever it is, you should try to light the fire the way it started before.
   • Your ex is attracted to you because it feels good to be with you and that you satisfy their emotional needs. How have you changed (if any)? Adjust bad habits and mistakes, if any. Become active around them. Smile and laugh. Always stay positive to feel better about yourself and make yourself more attractive to others.

3. 

   Improved appearance. Find some new clothes, change your hairstyle, go to the gym, or get a manicure. Make yourself stand out and fresh as the ex remembers you.
   • While you shouldn't change yourself to get the person back (because they will continue to leave you eventually, as your true nature will return at some point), it's best you should be the best version of ourselves. Your ex was attracted to you and you can regain that attraction.

4. 

   Spend time with others. You don't have to sleep with them, but spending time with others will let your ex know that you are open to finding a new relationship. If they are still interested, they may decide that the time comes when they need to take action and stop you from looking for someone else.
   • If you don't want to date other people or make them misunderstand them, go to the movies with a group of friends or spend time with a friend of the opposite sex. Just being around another single person is enough to make that person jealous.

5. 

   Go out normally with your ex. Do something non-binding, like going for a drink with a friend or playing a minigolf with your crush and a few other friends. Do something that both friends and first date can do. And whatever it is, at this point keep the humor going and skip the serious conversation.
   • Every relationship needs to be built on a solid foundation of friendship, so it's important to make sure your friendship is intact before attempting to enter romance territory. cold.
   • If your ex has entered the 'friends zone' (for example, if the person says "I don't love you anymore"), you need to be able to recreate the experience of love. by building an intimacy with the person. In one study, researchers had two people stare into each other's eyes and then answer individual questions (like "What is your greatest fear?" And "Your best memories in What is childhood? "). They have the ability to establish intimate bonds between strangers, shape attraction and even a feeling of love. Try to take the time to make eye contact with the ex, and ask insightful questions to see if it will help bring your relationship back together.

Part 4 of 6: Discussing relationships

1. 

   Invite the person to chat with you. After you've spent time together as friends, it's time to have an honest conversation about your time together and see if it could shape a romantic future.
   • Although texting and chatting via computer is a common method for communicating in an established relationship, this kind of informal discussion should take place in person. You should invite your ex over to dinner or to your favorite coffee shop.

2. 

   Use the past to your advantage. If the person really likes something about you, put it on again. Share light-hearted memories you both had together. Meet at a familiar place that the two of you have been to.
   • If the person buys any special jewelry for you, you can wear it when you need to see him or her to talk. This will send a clear message that you still have feelings for them.

3. 

   Have your words ready. The first thing you say to your ex is especially important. If you say the wrong words, you will lose your chance to get them back. Understand that even if you are no longer together, there is a chance that your ex will still harbor strong feelings for you.
   • There are a number of ways you can approach this conversation, but it's safe to say something like "I wanted to talk to you about our relationship and ask about you. / how are you ". Express your regret that things weren't going well between you two and ask if you can have a conversation now that you have some clear opinion about it.
   • Let the story progress naturally. If your ex is doing well and says they are seeing someone else, don't waste your time trying to convince them to return to you. But if your ex seems to be nurturing you, you can slowly discuss the possibility of giving things more chance.

4. 

   Sorry. Think carefully about everything you did and did that could have contributed to the breakdown of the relationship, and refreshed things by making an appropriate apology. Take full responsibility for the insult, without blaming the person, making excuses, or expecting an apology (or even forgiveness) in return. The person may have contributed to the situation, but you cannot apologize for someone else; you can just apologize for yourself. Don't get them into this process and maybe your apology will be reciprocated.
   • Avoid using the word "but". "I'm sorry, but…", because that means "I'm not sorry". Also, don't say "I'm sorry for making you feel that way" or "I'm sorry if you feel offended". This will look like you are blaming the person, and not a real apology.
   • A sincere apology should have the following structure: regret, responsibility, and corrective action. The first step shows that you are sorry for the action you have taken. The second step will be to accept responsibility for yourself without making excuses or blaming others. The final step is an offer to correct things or change your behavior in the future. For example: "I just want to apologize for not being present when you want to spend time with me. You must feel like I've been abandoned. From now on, I'll do my best to work together with you a lot. act more so you don't feel the same way. I'm glad you gave me the point to help me realize this. "

Part 5 of 6: Building healthy relationships

1. 

   
   
   Conversation. Since communication problems are the main cause of the breakup, the two of you need to do your best together to always maintain openness for the communication process. When you get back together, you need to take the time to set expectations, especially in areas that have been hard before.
   • Develop a plan to deal with unsatisfied expectations. For example, if you break up with your ex because he or she spends too much time with friends, talk openly about the right amount of time and how you will negotiate with each other if you need a lot of time. space for your friends.

2. 

   
   
   Need to remember the cause of the breakup. The "sunny and rainy" relationship tends to be volatile and emotionally unstable. Keeping in mind the original causes of your breakup, and dealing with these issues will help prevent the same problem from recurring.
   • Gently ignore the area in which you have been in disagreement. Whatever the breakup problem, it might still be a sensitive aspect to both. If you have trouble with jealousy, family problems, control problems, or other specific aspects, you should be aware that they will persist when the newness of the relationship is renewed. setting over.

3. 

   
   
   Treat your relationship like a new one. Remember that your first relationship was not successful; it ends with broken heart. You should look at the second time as a new love affair, building a new rule of engagement.
   • Take it slowly. Don't assume you need to continue at the end of your previous relationship, for example, don't sleep together and say, "I love you" until you've built up trust.
   • Get to know each other. Especially if it's been a while since you were together, your nature and your ex might have changed during this time. Don't assume you know everything about the person. Take time to get to know each other again.

4. 

   Consider consulting. Especially if you are married or in a very serious relationship and want to continue it, you will need couple therapy to be able to uncover the root of the problem and make sure you can overcome it. .
   • Remember that saved relationships (those who broke up and get back together) tend to have a higher rate of dissatisfaction, lack of trust, and ultimately failure, thus, You need to prepare to put more effort into your new relationship.

Part 6 of 6: Deciding to move forward

1. 

   Watch for signs that your relationship is not working. While you may have strong feelings towards this person, sometimes, the two of you simply don't get along. If your relationship is toxic, you may need to move forward instead of trying to get your ex back. Some signs that your relationship is in irreparable trouble include:
   • violence of any kind. If your ex has assaulted you, or forced you to have sex or do something you don't feel comfortable with, this person is abusive and you should not try to get them back.
   • lack of respect on both sides. If you or your ex calls each other by bad names, despises each other's achievements, or says disrespectful things to family or friends, the relationship is disrespectful. These are all characteristics of an emotionally abusive relationship. Find someone who gives you the respect you deserve, and commit to treating that person with the same respect.
   • have been unfaithful. While some relationships can overcome betrayal, broken trust is difficult to restore, and even if you can rebuild it, it will be easily destroyed again. . A relationship that has experienced a betrayal needs more support in the form of counseling to repair damaged trust.

2. 

   Listen to your friends and family. Although you may want to be defensive, someone who is close to you and knows you well often have insight into your relationship. If someone you know and trust has a bad feeling about the relationship, you need to take this as a sign that a problem might arise.
   • If you know a friend or relative doesn't like your ex, ask them to sit down and discuss why. Find out if it's based on the person's treatment of you or others, refer to information your friend knows but you don't, or other evidence that might make sense.

3. 

   Accept the breakup and move forward. If the steps above have not worked for you, and / or you have assessed the situation and decided that continuing to try to get your ex back is not healthy or intelligent, make time for yourself. emotionally to recover from a broken heart.
   • According to research, you need to focus on the best parts of your relationship, especially how they help you develop yourself, and allow yourself to forget the negative experiences. One strategy to help you do this is to spend 15-30 minutes a day for three consecutive days writing about the positive aspects of the breakup.
   • After three days, try to forget about the relationship. Allow yourself time to be alone, spend time with family and friends, and do things you love. When you are in a healthy state, you can start looking for love again.

Advice

• Certainly getting your ex back to your side is difficult. Keep in mind that it is likely to be ineffective and not work as you wish to maintain your control and your dignity.
• Be yourself! Don't become someone else just to pull him in again; In the first place, your ex loves you because you are yourself, don't change yourself just for someone.
• Some relationships should not go on. Don't try to keep it going if the person is clearly not interested.
• Remember that it will take time, don't lose faith.
• Getting back together is a risk. You may have moved into growth and felt independent from the two of you, but your loved one will probably set you back to the way you were if you agree to return.
• Recall an old memory or a joke you both know to make the person feel like they have been before.
• Let your ex know that you are okay without them. It will help your ex understand that you are not the type of obsessive lover, but also let them know that you are having fun without them, and in turn, makes them miss you more.

Warning

• Stay away from any behavior that could be viewed as harassment, stalking, illegal or immoral. In many parts of the world, a restraining order can be given to you, or even going to prison if your behavior goes beyond the pursuit of affection and becomes stalking.