Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 2: Assess your friend's behavioral pattern
• Part 2 of 2: Discuss it with your friend
• Tips
• Warnings

It can be painful when friends have taken advantage of you. When people we love take advantage of us, we can feel lost, vulnerable, and confused. We can start to lose faith in those around us, given that we suddenly feel like we are in the dark. Sometimes friends are unaware of their own actions, but other times they are deliberately taking advantage of you. There are ways to find out if you're being used and help you decide if it's time to ditch that friend.

To step

Part 1 of 2: Assess your friend's behavioral pattern

1. Make sure your friend only contacts when he / she needs something. If your friend only wants to talk to you or spend time with you when there is a need for help or advice, or if it is always just about your friend's needs, then you may be used.
   • Does your "friend" ever call you to ask how your day was? Or does he or she only run when he / she needs something? This could be a lift to the store, cigarettes, some stuff, a place to spend the night; you act as someone to fall back on when a quick fix is ​​needed.
   • Notice if this is a recurring pattern of behavior. After all, friends help each other as part of the friendship; Sometimes people are unlucky and need help. But if this continues to occur, or if this is the only framework in which you interact with each other, then you may be being used.
2. Find out if your friend is trustworthy. A true friend won't tell you secrets, especially in a way that could harm you. To judge whether or not your friend can be trusted, think back to a time when your friend leaked personal information about you; especially if this is done for your own benefit. If so, you may be used.
   • Think about their relationship with other friends. Is your friend breaking the trust of his or her other friends who are being used in other ways? If so, that's a sign that they are using you too.
3. Find out if your friend is shutting you out. Does your boyfriend often exclude you from social events? A friend who is not using you should be warm and inviting, especially among friends who already know you both.
   • Keep in mind that friends don't have to invite each other to every social event they attend; but if your friend never invites you to anything, and only reaches out when he / she needs something, you may be used.
   • If your friend talks about plans with a group of friends you know too, but you weren't invited, ask if you can come too. Watch the reaction. If there aren't any real logistical reasons why you couldn't be there and your friend still doesn't invite you, or makes up a half-baked excuse why you couldn't go, then you may be being used and this isn't real friend.
   • An example of a legitimate logistical concern would be if your friends go camping, but there is no room left for you in the car.
4. Pay attention to your friend's actions. Actions speak louder than words; if your friend always says you have some credit from him / her, but doesn't follow up, then you may be used.
   • Here's an example where you might be used by a friend: You take your friend out to dinner a few times because he or she was upset about something. Your friend promises to do this for you too, but never follows up and keeps complaining about the same problem. If this goes on and on, your friend may be using you.
   • Ask yourself if your friend is grateful. Does your boyfriend seem to really appreciate when you help him or her? If so, it doesn't have to be that your friend is taking advantage of you, just really needs some kind help. If your friend doesn't seem to care when you help, it could be a sign that you are being benefited.
5. Watch for acting on your feelings of guilt. If your friend often tries to manipulate you with tactics, such as acting on your guilt into doing something you don't want to do, you may be being used.
   • Ask yourself if you would have helped if your friend hadn't tried to make you feel guilty or bad about the situation. If the answer is yes, then you may not be used, but just try to be helpful.
6. Find out if your friend is overbearing. If your friend is always trying to boss around and tell you what to do, especially if this is convenient for them or their friends, he or she may be taking advantage of you.
   • To judge if your friend is dominating you, consider the following: controlling people are often touchy and use that to get their way. They can also use other emotions, such as guilt or sadness, to make you do whatever they want. Watch for such signs of emotional manipulation, as it is a clear sign that someone is overbearing.
   • Your friend may try to isolate you so that you have less outside social support and are more likely to do what is asked of you. Your friend may try to accomplish this by criticizing your other friends and family, trying to get you to spend less time with them.
7. Trust your instincts. If you feel like your boyfriend is being insincere, especially if this is a repeating pattern, then you are probably right. To make sure of this, you can confront your friend with this. Ask if he / she really means the things that have been said.
   • Judge your friend's character. Be completely honest with yourself and ask yourself if deep down your friend is a good person who cares about you or if he or she seems to be motivated by selfish motives.
   • Character traits include things like honesty, integrity, sincerity, and trustworthiness. Think back to everything you remember about your friend and their interactions with you and others. Think about how your friend is behaving with regard to the above traits, as well as the kinds of things he or she says that relate to those traits.
   • For example, if your friend tells you how he or she says one thing to people they are with and then does something else, there is a chance that your friend will do the same to you, and you may be used .

Part 2 of 2: Discuss it with your friend

1. Prepare yourself. If your friend means something to you, then you need to make sure he or she is using you before you decide to cut all ties. You can do this by confronting your friend in a calm, rational way.
   • Keep in mind that if that person is a good friend deep down, he hasn't taken advantage of you, but is ignorant and likely willing to change. If your friend does use you and gets angry and you lose him or her as a friend as a result of the confrontation, this is probably just for the best.
2. Find a quiet place. When confronting your friend, do it in a quiet place so that he or she doesn't get agitated. Make sure you are in a place where both of you can speak freely, without being too timid. Avoid crowded areas such as crowded restaurants with tables close together.
   • Try to start a conversation with your friend while walking in a nice park.
3. Make sure you are alone with your friend. Don't involve other friends, even if they have the same complaint. Bringing in other friends can make the situation overwhelming and can scare or upset your friend.
   • If someone criticizes you about something, you may be willing to take the advice to heart and change it.If several people criticize you at the same time, you can feel threatened and insulted; After all, it means that all those people have sat together and spoken negatively about you, which can be frustrating.
4. Speak calmly but assertively. Explain why you suspect your friend is using you and what the answer is. Provide specific details so that your friend doesn't just dismiss it or call it a liar or someone who accuses others.
   • However, don't be too fussy in your examples; your friend can turn the tables and call you mean-spirited.
   • Make sure you speak about your friend's behavior and not his or her character. When you talk about specific actions, your friend is likely to get less angry; if you call your friend a profiteer, he or she may get angry and the conversation will soon be over.
   • For example, you could say something like, "I had no problem giving you a ride every now and then when your car was fixed last month. But when my car broke down this week and I asked you for a ride to work , you ignored my question. I realized that when I ask you for help, you tend to ignore me. "
5. Assume an apology. If your friend apologizes and is willing to change his or her behavior, and you notice that he or she is actually improving, there is a chance that your friend did not want to use you, but instead was simply unaware of their own selfish actions. Sometimes people get caught up in their own lives and worlds, unaware that their actions appear selfish.
6. Consider breaking up if you think it's just about being used and has nothing to do with true friendship. Explain why you no longer appreciate friendship with this person and stop talking to him or her. Don't let your former friend convince you that he / she will change, especially if you've already given that person multiple opportunities. This person will continue to benefit from you if you let him or her return to your life.

Tips

• Look your friend in the eye during the conversation.
• Don't joke while talking to your friend. You want your friend to know that you are serious.
• Look for classic signs of manipulation, such as blaming and blaming you.
• Before you start accusing people, make sure it's a real problem and you're not turning a mosquito into an elephant.
• Find out if your friend views you as a verbal dump and should only listen to their problems. You notice that this happens when you have listened and given a lot of feedback, but when you want to vent, he / she changes the topic or is not interested. You may even be told bluntly that they don't care and your feelings are ignored. This is a sign of a lack of empathy, which can turn into emotional abuse over time.
• Some friends have the problem of selective listening. They will ignore not only your problems, but anything that doesn't interest them. The topic of conversation must be about themselves or something entertaining for them to even get an answer. Sometimes they can just interrupt and interrupt you.
• Check if you receive a call. They won't call you when you move. Not very often. This means that they view you as a source of entertainment because they are not interested in how you are doing.
• If they put everything on your plate during a confrontation, it is a sign of betrayal. When you stand up for yourself and they get on the defensive and start playing victim, be on the lookout.
• When in doubt, ask for a second opinion! You can ask a close friend, family member, or friend of the person you think is using you. This will help you determine whether you are exaggerating or not.

Warnings

• If you're not sure if the friend is using you, wait a while, ask other people, and don't ask the person right away, as it may not be true; a false accusation can damage your friendship.
• Check for contempt. If they always hurt the people you care about, run over you, take advantage of you, act immature, or continue to do the same despite apologies, then it's time to step back.
• Notice if most of your friend's "jokes" are meant to put you down. Some false friends don't just use you, they also break down your self-esteem to appear superior themselves. If they make mean jokes that are obviously hurtful and say they're just joking to get away with it that way, then confront them.
• Beware of so-called friends who have "forgotten" the things they said or did in the past that were important appointments. Such selective memory serves their purpose, but certainly not yours. Don't let someone like that fool you.
• Do not bring another friend with you, otherwise the other person may feel surrounded. Make sure it is a private conversation in a pleasant environment.
• If they disagree with your accusations because they seem to think they are better than you, don't show your anger. They just love this and they don't care or laugh at you.