Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 2: Understanding your doubts
• Part 2 of 2: Letting go of your doubts
• Tips

Doubts can cause us many problems. They can cause a whole wagonload of feelings, including insecurity, less self-esteem, frustration, depression and despair. Don't forget that doubts are normal and it affects everyone at some point. In order to be able to get rid of your doubts you will have to understand them and convert them into something positive. A fulfilling life is one that does not fall prey to doubts. Rather, by exploring your doubts and letting them go, you can eventually find more inner peace.

To step

Part 1 of 2: Understanding your doubts

1. Acknowledge your doubts. You will never be able to overcome something if you do not first recognize that it exists and influence your decisions. Doubt does not just occur to you. It is not an enemy or a sign of inferiority.
2. If you have any doubts, ask questions. What do you have doubts about? Where do those concerns come from? Asking questions is an important aspect of understanding your actions, so never be afraid to ask them, including yourself. By focusing on what is holding you back, you can better understand which doubts are important. You may find that after poking some, your concerns are not that serious.
3. Recognize and challenge common cognitive disturbances. Nobody always sees the world around them in a clear perspective. Sometimes we let ourselves be guided by our emotions that cloud our judgment and convince us that certain things are right when they are not. Ask yourself if you are doing any of the following:
   • Filter or omit positive details and focus only on the negative. You may find that you are focused on one unpleasant detail, which makes you view the task at hand in a negative way. Don't ignore that detail, but look at all the others instead. Many situations have positive aspects that you can also look at.
   • Generalizing, that way of thinking where we take a piece of evidence to draw bigger conclusions. When we see something negative, we suddenly expect that it will always repeat itself. Sometimes these generalizations can lead to hasty conclusions, where we immediately feel that we understand a bigger problem based on a small piece of data, instead of trying to find more information. Never be afraid to look for more information, more data, especially those that can challenge our generalizations.
   • Doom thinking, focusing on the worst possible outcome. You may be asking yourself, "What if something terrible happens to me?" This worst-case scenario way of thinking can lead people to emphasize small mistakes, or minimize certain positive events that can also be important. Make yourself more confident by thinking about the best case scenarios and what you want to achieve. None of these events need to come true, but by thinking about the best possible outcome, you may be able to ease some of the doubts that come from the fear of the worst.
   • Emotional reasoning, that in which we take our feelings as true. You might say something like, "I feel something, it must be true." Remember that your point of view is limited and your feelings can only tell part of the story.
4. Distinguish between reasonable and unreasonable doubts. As you examine your doubts, you may discover that some of them are unreasonable. Reasonable doubts are based on the likelihood that you are trying to do something that is beyond your control.
   • Ask yourself if your job is similar to something you've done before, especially if that last job required you to grow. If so, then you have no reason to question your ability.
   • Unreasonable doubts tend to come from cognitive biases, and if you find them in your thinking, your doubts may be unreasonable.
   • You may want to write down your feelings, either in a journal or journal. This can help you keep track of and sort out your thoughts and feelings.
5. Avoid seeking confirmation. When you often ask others to confirm your ideas, you implicitly convey the message that you are not sure of yourself.
   • Seeking confirmation is not the same as asking for advice. Sometimes a perspective from a different angle can help you gain a clearer picture of your concern. If your doubts are related to a skill or expertise, then by talking to someone who has been considered successful in that area, you can help yourself find the right next step. However, remember that you are the one who will ultimately have to make this decision.

Part 2 of 2: Letting go of your doubts

1. Make use of mindfulness techniques. Mindfulness is based on a teaching of Buddhism, and is concerned with meditating on the present, focusing on the world around you, without thinking about the future. By focusing only on the here and now and what is around you, you can give your worries about the future a break. UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center has several relatively easy mindfulness exercises you can do to get you started.
   • Mindful breathing. Get into a comfortable position (sitting, standing, or lying down) and breathe slowly and controlled. Breathe naturally and notice how your body feels and reacts when you breathe. If your mind starts to drift and think about other things, take note and then turn your attention back to your breath. Do this for several minutes in a row.
   • Take a break for self-compassion. Think about the situation that is causing you stress or doubts, and see if you can feel the physical tension in your body. Acknowledge the pain and the stress (the GGSC suggests saying something like, "this is a moment of suffering"). Tell yourself that suffering is part of life, a reminder that others have the same problems. Finally put your hand on your heart and say a self-affirmation (The GGSC suggests something like, "that I can be nice to myself," or "that I can accept myself as I am"). You can adapt the phrases you use to your specific doubts or concerns.
   • Do a walking meditation. Find a path where you can walk back and forth for 10-15 steps, either indoors or out. Walk consciously, pause and watch your breathing, then turn and walk back. With each step, pay attention to the different things your body does as you take that step. Take note of what you feel as your body moves, including your breathing, the feeling of your feet against the ground, or the sounds caused by your movements.
2. Change the way you view failure. This can help you avoid doubting your skills because you could fail. That remains possible, but does not have to be something bad. Nothing always succeeds. Rather than seeing failure as a step back, consider it a lesson for the future. Redefine failure as an "experience," as feedback that clarifies areas in which you need to improve. Don't be afraid to try again, focusing more on those areas this time to get better.
   • For example, think about those times when you've failed, even at a simple task, and what you've done to improve it. This could be something as simple as learning a motor skill, such as learning to ride a bike or throwing a basketball. When you first tried this, you made changes and then tried again.
3. Give yourself the credit you deserve for the things you have done well. Don't forget that you also got things done in the past. Look at the experiences from your past where you have achieved a goal, no matter how small. Use that experience to give yourself the confidence that by achieving that, you can do even more. Some of these accomplishments may even have gotten you to overcome your current fears.
   • Your life is filled with achievements, big and small. It could be something big, like finishing a project at work or losing weight on a new diet. Sometimes it can be something as simple as the time you showed yourself a good friend or were nice to someone.
   • It can help to talk to yourself as you would to a friend who is in the same position. If they were in your shoes, you would be supportive and compassionate. Don't submit yourself to an unnecessarily high standard.
4. Avoid perfectionism. If you are determined not only to be successful, but to be perfect, chances are you will not be able to achieve that goal. This determination leads to fear of failure and making mistakes. Be realistic about your goals and your expectations. You may soon find that failure to meet these "perfect" goals will not evoke the disappointment and disapproval you expected.
   • As with doubts, you will need to recognize and acknowledge that you are trying to be a perfectionist. If you regularly procrastinate, easily give up tasks that don't go well right away, or worry about the smallest details, then you are probably a perfectionist.
   • Think about how someone else would view your situation. Do you expect the same level of commitment or performance from that person? There may be other ways of viewing what you are doing.
   • Think about the big picture. This is a great way to avoid getting bogged down with small details. Ask yourself questions about the worst case scenario. Would you survive that scenario? Does it matter if it happens today, next week or next year?
   • Accept acceptable levels of imperfection. Make a compromise with yourself on what really doesn't have to be perfect. It can help to list what it will cost you and what it will bring you to want to be perfect.
   • Confront yourself with the fear of inadequacy. Expose yourself to this by deliberately making minor mistakes, such as sending an email without checking for typos, or deliberately leaving a visible part of your home cluttered. Exposing yourself to these mistakes (which aren't really flaws) can make you more comfortable with the idea that you're not perfect.
5. Learn to deal with uncertainties. Doubt can sometimes arise because we are not quite sure what the future holds for us. Since no one is able to see into the future, there will always be uncertainty about how things will turn out. Some people become paralyzed by their inability to accept that uncertainty, which prevents them from taking positive actions in their lives.
   • List your behaviors when dealing with or having doubts about certain tasks. If you regularly seek confirmation (not advice) from others, often procrastinate, or regularly double or triple check your work, notice which tasks are causing this behavior. Ask yourself how you handle these situations, especially if they don't turn out as well as you hoped. You may find that your worst-case scenario won't happen, and that the things that don't go well are easy to fix.
6. Take small steps towards your goal. Rather than focusing on how big your task is, you divide it into smaller sub-tasks. Instead of worrying about getting it done, celebrate the progress you've made.
   • Don't be afraid to limit your work. This can help you determine which tasks are most important and which require extra effort, in addition to avoiding spending too much time on a particular task. Make sure to stick to those time limits. The work will fill the time you have allotted anyway.

Tips

• Sometimes ignoring what's going wrong can help. However, don't ignore anything that you can or must do constructively about, such as paying your bills or repairing your relationship.